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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ehl0214
Review Requests: OFF
7 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Child Bride  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I want to know what happened!!! Good story! I wished you used some Syrian expressions in the conversation - instead of honey or sweetie. I would like to feel more of the culture. Please let me know if you finish the story. I would like to read it!
-Hope
2
2
Rated: E | (3.5)
I really enjoyed reading your story. I used to go with my husband surf fishing and he also would set up several poles and holders. He would let me cast out a few and I would then set up my chair and sit and watch the lines. I like your bell idea better.

I found the first paragraph a little choppy.

"It was marked posted and no trespassing." This doesn't sound right to me.

I would just recommend reading your story aloud to yourself to see how it sounds.That's what I try to do with mine. I will do it over and over until I get it the way I want it. Overall, I think you have something very nice here and a great memory for your daughter. :)
-Hope

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3
Review of Longing  
Rated: E | (3.5)
When we love someone - we do see them as beautiful, attractive to us - even if they aren't physically perfect. I liked your words - but just feel there has to be more to love than just the outside. I would have liked a little more depth into the love interest than just their physical attributes.
Keep writing!
-Hope
4
4
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Overall, I liked your short story. Back in the day, I met people on-line (which is actually how I met my husband 23 years ago - there were no apps back then)
I remember one particular guy who told too much too soon. I think he said up front that he was a recovering drug addict. Hmmm how do you respond to that? When I didn't respond to his email right away, he got angry and belligerent. When I wrote back, I told him I wouldn't be writing to him anymore, not because of the drugs, but because of his attitude. I don't know if I would have pursued anything knowing about the drug issue but I didn't get to know anything good about the person - only negative behavior.
It's kind of a slippery slope - how much do you tell up front? And so your story prompted this memory and gave me something to think about.
On the critical side, I felt some of the sentences ran a little too long - particularly in the last paragraph. I had to read it a couple of times because the thoughts were all mashed together. I think it can be improved a little, but I liked it and anything that makes me think definitely has something to it!
5
5
Review of The Suit  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Overall, I liked this little story. It was simple and a common event many of us may have experienced (or at least something similar) and told well. Nice job!
6
6
Review of Froggy  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great short story! Different, personal. In my mind I was transported to the cell pod and I met Froggy. We are all so much more than what we see from the outside. We are many different things.
It's like the old saying we learn when we are children -
Never judge a book by it's cover.
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