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Review Requests: OFF
459 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to give a fair honest review on anything. I believe in giving every review a custom review and not a cookie cutter. I will point out all the mistakes as well as offer or show help to fix it.
I'm good at...
In depth reviews. I check flow, some grammar if it pulls the reader out of the story. I also check consistency, characters are they real, believable, or fake. I check your plot, theme, and look for flaws. I enjoy both tell and show having grown up reading tell all my life. I will help with ideas on what could make the story or chapter better.
Favorite Genres
I love comedy, sci-fi, fantasy, mysteries, and horror.
Least Favorite Genres
poetry
Favorite Item Types
Short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
poetry
I will not review...
Bad poetry because I really don't know enough to help them fix it. Besides I really wouldn't know good poetry from bad. With all the different styles and structures what might not be bad at all. To me would be so rather then stick foot in mouth and chew vigorously. I would tell you the truth and say I suck at poetry and not disappoint one of the great people here on WDC.
Public Reviews
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Review of Laura's Unicorns  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I enjoyed your story very much if there were any errors they didn't effect the flow as I read it. It reminded me of the memories when my mom died it was hard mostly because she didn't want to be kept alive as a vegetable. Me and my brothers and dad all agreed on this for mom but the nurses and doctors all had problems with it. Mostly because she used to work there and it really is hard to let people you love go. My mom was a short bundle of fun and always quick to crack a joke or share something funny. Thank you for allowing me to remember her again.
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Review of Lest We Forget  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You know I enjoyed that story it reminded me of a lot of other professional short stories I have read in my time from John Campbell to Robert H. Hienlen. I enjoyed your story I felt like I was reading something written by one of my favorite authors. You did a great Job on this Story. I had to finish it then when it came to reviewing it I did a double take because I couldn't find any mistakes in it I had reread it three times now The only thing I would have changed was the ending it seemed kind of like a let down but it was funny and very different it still wasn't that bad. It is just me so you can ignore the ending part of this review it is an excellent story well written and I loved your dictionary at the end I learned I will have to create one for my NANOWRIMO story. Thank you for that bit of pleasure in a bad day.
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203
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi I'm fairly new here and all and I'm looking to help out with what little I know. In these two sentences when your reading them as a reader not as an editor. I got lost on who Christie was I had to go back and see that Laura is meeting with Christie.

She gave up trying to tame it down as she hurried towards the building that housed The Detroit News. Christie had something to tell her about their Halloween get-a-way.

If I may make a suggestion I would suggest you fix it this way: She gave up trying to tame it down as she hurried towards the building that housed The Detroit News. Her friend Christie had something to tell her about their Halloween get-a-way.

This next segment can use a little editing it was a tip I learned from an online source: Now, impatient for the vacation to begin, she packed tee shirts, shorts, jeans, a sweater and a jacket and put the suitcase by the door.

The example was when your listing items that go in a purse, suit case, sack, backpack, or wallet only name the things that your plot will use. Because every ones purse has the common things in it and the same for packing. We never saw the tee shirts or the jacket and the jeans but everyone normally packs one. I got called on this same thing myself is why I understand it better now. I was listing everything including the kitchen sink in my characters back pack. The truth is we only need to show what brings the plot forward in my case a flash light and a box of batteries for the flash light.

Simultaneously, Laura and Christie reached for their sweatshirts <---- (You didn't pack it so where did it come from?) My point was it is a small inconsistency it is harmless but editors look for this stuff to shoot us all down with.

She dug her own camera out of her satchel to do just that. Where did the satchel come from I thought they packed suitcases only. Now a phone camera in a purse is a better choice. Every one knows ladies don't leave home without their purses and some ladies have a purse as big if not bigger than a satchel. Another idea is: She dug her own camera out of her satchel like purse to do just that. I want to help I do hope I'm not picking on you that really is not my intention I'm just trying to show in our writing we need to be consistent even with luggage. You know the rest of it was good but I as a reader felt the trip to the submarine was a fill in for more word count. It would have had a lot more meaning if they first meet Gary there so it would tie up better why he would allow them to take the swan home. He could have been filling in for the normal tour guide etc... All in all it was an interesting story I thank you for taking the time to write it.







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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204
Review of Festival Denied  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi I'm very new to this site but I loved your story it was amusing. I enjoyed reading it it reminded me of my children in their younger days and how we had to run puberty patrol. I liked the way you describe your worlds Satyr using four arms. I am in WOW always fighting two armed ones so it surprised me that you did it that way. It did make me stop the story and think is that right. But hey it's your world and in your world anything is possible. I like the way the story flowed it reminded me of my two daughters and how they get stubborn on getting their way at times. The only mistake I found or think I found was "bathed their blood". I would have said "bathed in their blood" it makes more sense when you read it. I had to go back over it several times because my mind automatically added the "in" for me. I am not sure that the "in" belongs there it was just an observation. I found the way you did your speech parts fascinating it made me realize I have it all wrong in my books. It was an eye opener to me and very good to know when I go back and do my re-editing. Thank you for taking the time to write this great story it made my day.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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