This review is intended to be helpful. It is also just one person's opinion
Title
Very appropriate.
Content
I found the subject to be very interesting. Being a political person myself, I found it interesting how you brought out a situation often overlooked by most
Americans as well as the media. We have very real threats very close to home.
I feel you made your point with a passionate, well-reasoned argument. In making a persuasive presentation, this is what you want.
Technical
I did not see any overt errors or mis-spelled words.
Overall impression
I thoroughly enjoyed your essay. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
This review is intended to be helpful. It is also just one person's opinion.
Title
Your title identifies one of the major "characters" in your story. The fall of the blade and the rising death count almost seem to mark the passage of time as the events progress.
Content
This is an interesting story and I did not expect the twist at the end, so well done! There is enough left open to wonder about. Why does the king want the prince dead? How did these men become involved? Exactly what let up to their capture? This would make an interesting longer story, if you so choose.
Technical
The only items I really noticed were a comma where it didn't seem to belong:
"me on my quest to save the prince, are all" I don't believe you need the comma here.
And a mis-spelling:
"an arrow in my stomache The word is spelled "stomach"
Overall Impression
A very good read. Thank you for sharing.
This review is intended to be helpful. It is also just one person's opinion.
Title
I like the title as a chapter title, perhaps something more of the overall story would work better if you were to continue this into a larger writing.
Content
I enjoyed your descriptions of their environments, whether indoors or outdoors. It was enough to paint the picture without being overly descriptive. I was allowed to use my imagination to create the scenes.
Technical
I noticed very little technical concerns. The only one which stands out to me only does so because I use the word way too much. This would be the word "that".
Might I make a couple of suggestions?
"The blanket that had been covering" Perhaps change this to:
"The blanket which had been covering"
"That need set their" Perhaps change this to:
"This need set their"
Anyway, just something to think about.
Overall Impression
I was drawn into your story. You gave enough hints at the history between Rais and Jasper to make me want to know more. I hope you develop this out some more. I would enjoy reading more of this story.
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