This looks like a good contest. The prizes are smaller than many contests... but so are the items, so it balances out.
I did notice something (still) missing:
the end date (and time)
You state that this will run for a week, but don't state when that would mean it ends. Just to clarify things for everyone, it would probably be a good idea to add that.
Also, you may want to state what you're judging based on (if you know up front)
Other than that, things look good... and I wish you lots of luck with it!
Oh - one more question: did you know Bandit's Mama??
Why I Am Reading This: I am judging the entires to "Invalid Item" [] by A Guest Visitor . Good luck.
Before Reading: You have this set-up nicely. Your brief description makes me wonder what this will be about! Consider using one more genre for this to get more exposure. After reading, I will try to suggest some for you.
During/After Reading:
You wrote Of their very first child any day.
Consider removing the word 'very'. I know you have it for the number of syllables, but it makes the line sound awkward.
You wrote And she did have a great feel for fun.
The verb tense you chose 'did have' is weak. Consider 'She had...'
Other than that, this was a fun poem, an interesting story. I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it.
Genre Suggestions (Alphabetically Listed): Biographical, Experience, Medical, Personal
Why I Am Reading This:
I am judging the entries to "Invalid Item" [] by A Guest Visitor . Good luck.
Before Reading:
I see you linked this using a URL. Do you know how to use WritingML tags?
Great to see you used 3 genres for this. Maybe instead of having the first (main) genre be 'Contest', though, you can make it be something about the subject/feel of the poem.
During/After Reading: You start this with I would so like to have
Consider removing the word 'so'. While it is in the poem, it detracts from it.
You do not need punctuation at the end of every line. Here's a spot where it can be removed (but there are others as well): Your laughter is,
A small typo in: Mere word cannot say this,
word should be words
This is cute and touching. I wish I had more words for you right now, but I don't. (Sorry.)
Why I Am Reading This:
I am judging the entires to "Invalid Item" . Good luck!
Before Reading: Skimming this before I read, I find that your line breaks are a bit distracting. Consider using more traditional paragraphs.
During/After Reading:
You wrote: I felt myself more member of this site than I had ever felt anywhere else!
This sounds strange.
After a little thought, I see you left out the word "a" before "member."
You end this with I will enjoy and use it from today!
Considering changing it to "starting today" or "from today on"
Your piece shows something so uniquely yours. I believe you told your story completely... thank you for that... but you still could have pulled your reader in more. Try to find words and phrases that are a little more exciting or attention-getting. Good luck.
If you change anything, let me know so I can look it over again.
Thank you for sharing your struggles to find your courage to write with all who cares to read. May your recent fear be a reminder to you in the future if you ever go through a similar experience!
Why I Am Reading This:
I am judging the entries from "Invalid Item"
Before Reading:
For more exposure, put some genres on this. After reading, I will try to give you some suggestions about which ones to use.
You really don't need a link to your portfolio at the end as at the top of your item, there is a link like this: shearmus.
During/After Reading: Great job at making this a rhyming poem without making the rhyming seemed forced. Many people have difficulty with that, but you seem to have it down!
You wrote: Swells my throat’s lump; anticipate.
This line feels strange to me. I think it is because you seem to switch tenses: swells; anticipate.
You wrote The wench does scold me yet once again,
This would be much stronger without the word 'does'. Consider changing it to: scolds.
(Reading through my work, especially my older stuff, I find that I fell into that trap many many times... but really it takes away from the poem.)
You wrote: Why does she not see, she keeps paling me in?
I don't quite understand what you mean by "paling me in." Are you sure you have the right word/phrase here?
You wrote: The mind’s eye of the wench, has made her grand,
In her own pretence, she won’t understand.
Great job having rhyme not only at the end, but also in the middle of these lines. Just noticed: pretence should be pretense.
Why I Am Reading This:
Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am judging now. Prizes should be awarded by the end of today.
Before Reading: I love the name "Xiao Ling". It is fun to say.
Congrats on the awardicon.
During/After Reading: On page one, you wrote But eventhough she and her family were poor
'even though' should be two words. In the next paragraph, you wrote But one day, Xiao Ling father fell terribly ill.
Ling should be Ling's. The next line begins Little Xiao Ling and her mother was very
was should be were. (as your subject is plural) I love the message of Xiao Ling being grateful for her life. That is so important to happiness.
On page 3, you wrote If she could find the dragon and asked for a few
You change tense a little here. Asked should be ask to keep it uniform. Your dragon drawings are great!
I love the illustration on page 5. The background is really well-done.
The image on page 6 was definitely unexpected. Bit darker than I expected to find in this story.
What a treat to have another colored picture on page 7! On that page, you wrote But there was no one at sight...
Usually (at least where I live) the phrase is 'in sight'. (Maybe, though, this is a cultural difference...) You wrote After a brief pause, she decided that saving the old man's life was of more importance.
Woah! This just doesn't seem to fit in with the character. What would make family not as important as stranger so suddenly?
After reading page 8, I wonder why they don't just try to get another scale... and also wonder why Xiao Ling didn't tell her mother that she was going to the dragon.
On page 9, you wrote: Xiao Ling, and especially her mother, was utterly speechless.
Your grammar here isn't quite right. Maybe try this: Both Xiao Ling and her mother were utterly speechless. I like what happens in the story at this point!
Even with the suggestions above and the fact that this felt like it ended abruptly, you have written a good story here. Keep it up!
I found this piece because it was in the Sponsored Items column.
Thanks for sharing this story of plagiarism with all of us on Writing.Com. For me right now, it is a reminder to mark my words as viewable for Members and higher (or more restrictive, depending on the piece.)
Now, you say the friend's essay was signed "Rasputin". Do you mean that you signed it?? Or was that the teacher's last name? Or further more, was that teacher a W.C member? Thanks in advance for the clarification.
This is funny. I found this on the Shameless Plug Page (which wasn't the correct page becuase you state that it is an 'activity'.) I'm not really sure why I checked it out... but I'm glad I did.
I do have one question -- in each post does it have to be about the SAME hill? LOL!! Or, can someone be non-competitive and stake out a different hill to claim as their own?
Why I Am Reading This: This is a small way for me to welcome you to the site! If you need help finding your way around, just ask.
Before Reading: I really like your title.
Choose a couple more genres for this to get even more exposure. After reading, I'll give you a few suggestions.
During/After Reading: You have a strong message here... but your delivery could be put in a more-powerful way. Find more ways to say your thoughts - diversify this, for one.
Also, maybe add a few stanza breaks.
Keep up the writing, though. It seems you have many things to say!
Why I Am Reading This: I'm talking to you in Chat... figured I should send you a review.
I chose this piece because I liked the brief description.
Before Reading: This is shorter than I expected. I hope it doesn't feel like it just stops!
During/After Reading: You wrote Gloria tucked the newly note into her pocket,
newly should be new, I believe (or newest?) Also, why is that line indented extra?
In the next line, you wrote: She always left a note for Parker, everyday
every day should be two words.
You really captivated me... but I can envision this being so much longer... hearing more about Parker... and also hearing why/how he isn't... having an explanation.
If you change anything (or lengthen this!!) please let me know so I can look it over again.
Enjoy! I love participating this this. I will run a fundraiser for it shortly. Just need to finish organizing my port so I am back below my item limit and can add another item again.
Are you going to keep the 'dead links' still on here as a rememberance of individuals who are no longer on the site? Or is it not intentional?
Why I Am Reading This: I enjoyed the last thing I read, so I went searching for more. I chose this one because I really liked the title of the folder this was in, so I checked it out... and then you intrigued me by your title/brief description combination.
Before Reading: Congrats on winning the Writer's Cramp that day.
During/After Reading: I love these lines: Let's be done with mending fences
and journey without borders.
Love the message, love the poem. Keep up the writing.
Why I Am Reading This: This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight, whom you were so kind as to have reviewed recently, and is in connection with "Invalid Item" .
I am reading this specific item because I like the idea of "urban fairies"
Before Reading: Your set-up of this is nice.
During/After Reading: This was a light, fun poem. I really enjoyed it. The ending made me chucke a bit.
I'll look through your port for something else I may enjoy as well.
Why I Am Reading This: I am reading this because it is plugged in Sage's bioblock and I love his work.
Before Reading: It looks like everything is set up nicely.
During/After Reading: These two lines both sound strange: Grant the weak may be made strong
and And when I silenced be at last
Other than that, everything looks great. I can see why Sage likes this so much. You have a peaceful, sad, strong, interesting, and thought-provoking poem. I'm happy to have finally taken a peek at it.
Let me know if you change anything, so I can re-read/re-review.
I have read over your whole entry. In a few places, the pictures didn't seem to fit exactly... but with what you were working with, I'm sure that would be difficult to do.
Other than that, everything looked great. Are you going to make this an actual hard-copy book?
I'm just left with one other question: Are you in any of these pictures? I didn't recognize you...
I'll look this over again at the beginning of March.
Why I Am Reading This: This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight, whom you were so kind as to have reviewed recently, and is in connection with "Invalid Item" .
I found this particular piece because I was really impressed by the folder title and brief description... and then the brief description of this specific item.
My Thoughts (During and After Reading): After reading just the first two lines, I am already impressed by this - great intro!
And you continued strongly right on through to the end. I love what you had to say about words, in so many different circumstances.
These are the only lines that I felt were weak: and can sting as much as a smack.
and when sung, they might groove.
I also was impressed at your rhyming - when not done quite as good as this, rhyming can take away from the piece; here it is an asset.
All in all, great job! Keep it up... and let me know if you change anything so I can re-rate/re-review.
Why I Am Reading This: This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight, whom you were so kind as to have reviewed recently, and is in connection with "Invalid Item" .
Before Reading: This one almost didn't get looked at by me because it is on the second page of the folder. I often forget to go to other pages. Consider making another folder.
During/After Reading: To help your reader get the meaning and rhythm, consider adding punctuation. (It is sometimes hard to know which lines are supposed to be read together and which are starting separte thoughts.)
I really liked what you wrote. I love your descriptions and the beauty that shows through.
Why I Am Reading This: This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight, whom you were so kind as to have reviewed recently, and is in connection with "Invalid Item" .
I chose this piece because the title made me curious.
Before Reading: Great job with your title.
During/After Reading: You did a great job, although if someone stopped short while reading this, it is quite 'suggestive.' I love that you wrote something so innocent in such a manner.
Why I Am Reading This: This is the second of three reviews you won in "The Melting Pot"
I chose this because the brief description sounded really neat. I hope the poem lives up to the high expectations created by some of your previous work and your BD.
Before Reading: Congrats on winning the contest.
Again, I will give you genre suggestions after reading this.
During/After Reading: In your first line, you (already) switch tenses (searched and search) - Pick one and stick with it for a more-correct, easier-to-follow read (though, I do realize that 'stream of consciousness isn't always 'easy to follow''
by jeep.
Might want to capitalize Jeep.
This was very much all over the place... but I enjoyed it. My favorite part was the whole last two stanzas. They were unique and had a fun flow to them.
If you change anything, let me know so I can re-rate or re-review.
Keep up your writing! I feel I'm finding a bit of treasure when reading your things.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 12:33pm on Jun 17, 2024 via server web1.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Consider using a couple more genres for this to get a little more exposure. I will give some genre suggestions after reading.
If you change anything, let me know so I can re-read. 
You wrote: Why does she not see, she keeps paling me in?
You wrote After a brief pause, she decided that saving the old man's life was of more importance.
This is a reciprocal review on behalf of 