Stephanie Grace has started a wonderful contest called Trick AND Treat where participants review like crazy! You are either on the list from October 24th to the 30th or I have decided to review you before/after those dates. Please remember that the following review is simply my opinion. No one understands your work like you and it is your choice to believe anything I say. With that regard, I hope you find something useful in my review.
Item Name: Trick or Treat
What I Liked/Favorite Parts...
pace flow wording storyline simple description
Confusions/Questions...
---none
Editing/Suggestions...
---none
Overall Opinion...
For a dialouge piece that was really good! i usually don't read them since I like descriptions and what not, but I thought you presented it in a really great way that definitly held my attention adn gave me chills! great job!
Stephanie Grace has started a wonderful contest called Trick AND Treat where participants review like crazy! You are either on the list from October 24th to the 30th or I have decided to review you before/after those dates. Please remember that the following review is simply my opinion. No one understands your work like you and it is your choice to believe anything I say. With that regard, I hope you find something useful in my review.
Item Name: BEWITCHED
What I Liked/Favorite Parts...
My favorite line:Black cat screaming with delight
On this dark and moonless night. Great pace Rhyming was cute good wording nice theme
Confusions/Questions...
---none
Editing/Suggestions...
You wrote:--none
Overall Opinion...
please note poetry is not my forte.
I really enjoyed this poem. It was enjoyable to read, cute, and definitly fit the theme well. Great job!
Stephanie Grace has started a wonderful contest called Trick AND Treat where participants review like crazy! You are either on the list from October 24th to the 30th or I have decided to review you before/after those dates. Please remember that the following review is simply my opinion. No one understands your work like you and it is your choice to believe anything I say. With that regard, I hope you find something useful in my review.
Item Name: Halloween on a budget
What I Liked/Favorite Parts...
step by step process easy directions good ideas
Confusions/Questions...
---none
Editing/Suggestions...
You wrote: "... the bad and you..." bad-->bag You wrote:"No, we have ghosts..." no-->now
Overall Opinion...
Awesome ideas and I love that you are recyling items as well as it being super cheap. Especially with today. I really liked the idea of the ghosts--I'll have to try it.
Overall a really great idea and job!
I love reading songs that people have written. The only problem is that you cannot HEAR how it is supposed to sound.
What I love about this song is that it creates great images (show don't tell), captures the beauty of Autumn very simply. You wrote it very well, choosing simple words and phrases that describe Autumn perfectly and also paints a picture.
My favorite part:
"In the autumn of life love can still shine bright,
Together we stand in the fading light,
Our wedding rings glow
And to the world show
Autumn love, matured, is a wonderful sight."
I really think that it's poetic and captures the love of two people joined in marriage.
Great job!! =) Write on!! Really, this was great and I only wish I coudl HEAR it (besides reading it outloud to myself lol)
Please, please, please remember that what follows is MY opinion. You don't have to listen to it. You asked for a review via my Review Request page so here I am.
Your Work's Title: The Promise
What I Liked...
The very first line is my favorite: "its mere utterance piercing the clouds of despair like a ray of sunlight on a dreary day." Great imagery Great flow/pace Great wording Great story idea and title
Questions/Confusions...
If I understood right, this piece refrences the Holocaust?
Editing...
If I understood the story right, it's about the Holocaust...so I don't really see the description fitting.
Overall Impression...
I really liked it--until the ending. It saddened me. As soon as I red the paragraph about the new job, I was like "Uh-oh this can't be good..." lol
I thought you did a great job at showing this from a child's view but also explaining it so we all could understand.
Great, great, great job!
Another great job.
My favorite part was this line : "It is nothing but mental torture
Like suicide"
It was simple but powerful!
You did a great job on delievering the horrible life homeless people have. You should do another poem about a homeless person rising above poverty...be interesting to see your take on it!
=) I thought you did a great job! It flowed well, rhymed a little here and there, and depicted a great story. Although poetry is far from being my forte, I thought you did an amazingly wonderful job! Keep it up and write on!
Please, please, please remember that what follows is MY opinion. You don't have to listen to it.
Your Work's Title:A Christmas Memory
What I Liked...
Great description under the title. Good, simple topic Nice details Simple wording for an 8 year old
Questions/Confusions...
--none--
Editing...
You Wrote: "Crash!" Maybe italize it or something to give it more...meaning. Could even change its font or size too..
Overall Impression...
A very cute story about a tiem that I think everyone can relate to having done at some point in their lives. You had a good plot; kept the words and emotions perfectly simple for an 8 year old. Overall great job!
Please, please, please remember that what follows is MY opinion. You don't have to listen to it.
Your Work's Title:Gary in Gary
What I Liked...
Good topic Good flow Good wording Great ending :D
Questions/Confusions...
--none--
Editing...
You Wrote: "the Front Lines." Capitalize the--you wrote it the first time as The Front Lines
Overall Impression...
Once again, scripts/plays are something I don't dabble in but I liked the topic and flow of this one. I loved the surprise of the wife calling in at the end! That was so sweet.
Please, please, please remember that what follows is MY opinion. You don't have to listen to it.
Your Work's Title: The Door
What I Liked...
good flow good writing/word choice real situations good pace
Editing...
You Wrote: "...hair is done and dresses very well." comma after done
You Wrote: "...on the ceiling, from when.." no comma
You Wrote: "...we get paid, whenever that is." comma into semicolon
You Wrote: "...livingroom..." two words i believe
Overall Impression...
I thought you did very well on taking a simple/common problem and makign it your own. I have never read script before, mostly beacuse they speak and the action is written at the same time so it distracts me, but i liked this a lot.
Please, please, please remember that what follows is MY opinion. You don't have to listen to it. You asked for a review via my Review Request page so here I am.
Your Work's Title: Mothers and Sons
What I Liked...
haha loved the part about women and age in the first paragraph! *GASP* the injuries in the second paragraph and their ages is scary!! You made me feel whihc is a great talent Kept me interested...wondering, oh no, what did Eli do now? lol
Questions/Confusions...
---NONE
Editing...
---NONE
Overall Impression...
Great topic. You wrote beautifully. I felt like I was there with you, when they fell and you hurt, so did I. Everytime you went to hospital my heart raced just like yours.
Awesome write and I'm glad I got to read your items!Keep it up and write on!
Please, please, please remember that what follows is MY opinion. You don't have to listen to it. You asked for a review via my Review Request page so here I am.
Your Work's Title:Amy's Birthday
What I Liked...
Again good title/description--made me want to know what it was she didn't expect. Good flow/pace wording was good and easy to understand but not overly simple and dull Awesome ending--I loved it!
Questions/Confusions...
---NONE----
Editing...
---NONE---
Overall Impression...
Once again, a heartfelt and emotinal peice. I recall the same kind of memory wiht the kitchen, except with my grandmother. It made me feel like a little girl waking up and wandering into the kitchen where my grandmother made breakfast or whatever meal it was.
Awesome job especially since I was able to relate to it!
Please, please, please remember that what follows is MY opinion. You don't have to listen to it. You asked for a review via my Review Request page so here I am.
Your Work's Title: The Thin Line
What I Liked...
Awesome title/description. Had me immediatly! Great topic Great flow Great wording Great emotions--make the reader feel and you did that!
Questions/Confusions...
----NONE!---
Editing...
You Wrote: "They never had enough to eat, they were always hungry." Make the comma a semicolon
Overall Impression...
I thought this was a very good, sad, and emotional piece that makes the reader "touch" you or you touch them. It was sad, heartfelt. I can recall tiems when I said the same thing about my father; my father acts the same way, trust me. And it was difficult to grow up with that. BUT, you did an amazing job and it's very well writen!
Please, please, please remember that what follows is MY opinion. You don't have to listen to it. Having entered my contest, The Lucky Ducky Contest, you will recieve a review of your piece.
Your Work's Title: Lucky Ducky Identity Crisis
What I Liked...
I like the title good imagery good wording entertaining funny
{e:thumbsup: My fave part was the last line.
Questions/Confusions...{e:frown}
if it's long distance/out of state number, how does it take only a half hour to get there? pretty close huh?
Editing...
You Wrote: ".., at which point it immediately begins to laps hungrily at the fake cheese coating my hairy fingers." beings to laps hungirly? reword...
You Wrote:"It's snoutish nose tuns towards..." tuns-->turns
Overall Impression...
It was a very enjoyable piece that I liked a lot! You took the prompt somewhere I didn't expect it to go. Over all you did an awesome job that was entertaining, fun, chilling, and enthralling! Good job!
Please, please, please remember that what follows is MY opinion. You don't have to listen to it.
Your Work's Title: The Hitchhiker
What I Liked...
Amazingly well written. I love how you show the thought process of your narrator. Great details, SHOW don't tell was really well done here. FEEL was great here as well, you made me feel as I was reading it. I felt the excitment, the hate, the sadness, the regret. Great job!
Editing...
You Wrote: "I run up to the shinny car..." shinny-->shiny
You Wrote: "My best fun loving easy smile is the..." comma after best, loving. hyphen fun and loving
You Wrote: "...sensual desires, this will be so easy." change your coma to a semicolon
You Wrote: "...a jolt though me..." through
You Wrote: "...as I approuch the point.." approach
You Wrote: "...all the pain, I have caused, right back.." remove the commas
Overall Impression...
You did an awesome job with this! It's a well written, slightly sad/disturbing tale but a good one at that! Great job!
Here are my GPs! Somebody on this site obviously loves me enough to give me an anonymous gift that was more than enough to cover my expenses for this contest!
Please remember the following is soely my opinion. I am not here to offend or hurt you in anyway, just to share with you my thoughts on your piece.
Your piece title: At the Mall
What I Liked...
Good story idea, easy flow. You did well on the "show don't tell" can created feelings that the reader, aka me, could feel and actually placed myself in Brandy's position. I liked this line, it provided a good visual: "...she ran twisting and turning between the kiosks like a wild rabbit trying to elude a hungry hound."
What I Didn't Like Or Corrections...
You wrote:"Oh, yes, and believe me, I'm going to be watching for him too. As she walked through the parking lot beside the guard, she thought, I'm going to be a lot more aware of whoever is, or isn't, around.
My suggestion: Add a quotation behind "too" and a comma before it.
I felt the ending came too soon or that it was rushed.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. I really enjoyed it. Please remember these were just my opinions and you can ignore them if you choose so!
I like it very much. You started off with a real attention grabber and the rest is too. You did a good job on visuals, showing not tellling, and keeping it real, relatable.
All in all a heart racing, action packed, good write! keep it up!
You did a really good job of showing Allion's excitement--I found myself getting more excited every time she did! It flowed really well and you wrote it well too!
Good write!
Haha great job on the waking up after having a good dream before it can go anywhere really good!
The only part that bugs me is the "turning off the alarm clock" I don't know why...seems like it was just thrown on there...No effence! It's just my opinion and please feel free to ignore it!
A really sweet and romantic piece that clearly shows your love for that woman...
My favorite line is: "The stars, guiding our evening passage
Amid dark, moonlit skies and cool, wispy air;
Our purpose to spend the night holding hands..."
It's really easily and beautfully written.
Keep up the great writing!
A very sad and emotional piece. Although it can bring much healing in knowing that your mother and aunt are in heaven and happy instead of suffering here. As much as you miss them, you'll see them agan someday and that can be very helpful in healing.
I like the contrast of being in the dream and feeling your mother and aeverythign to waking up inher absence.
Good write!
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A really emotional, sad, and hopeful piece. It's always interesting to see a writer use their most emotional times in writing. You've done it really well.
Two things I wondered about in your poem:
"Please put and end to my anguish filled sorrow"
-->should it be put AN end?
"Why is our home seem like the last place you want to see?"
--->should it be Why does? I didn't like this line for some reason..
Otherwise a great write!
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