*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hopes
Review Requests: ON
222 Public Reviews Given
223 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style is informal and encouraging of writer's development.
Favorite Genres
I enjoy Realistic Fiction, Thrillers and love a good plot twist.
Least Favorite Genres
R rated
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Essays, Scripts, Letters
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... Next
1
1
for entry "drip
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Spring in my Sox ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024 challenge.
*Hook* Your Hook
You begin with a simile that time is like a river. This immediately creates an image in your reader's mind, which leads us on with its flow, while I was interested to see how the 'drip' (of your title) fits into the larger body of water?

*BookOpen* Prose

You have done away with capitalisation for your poem, which for me, meant it reads like a single sentence but with spaces at each line break (though I found myself imagining punctuation for myself)

You have a gentle and steady tempo, bringing images into the reader's mind in a peaceful and enjoyable pace. You have used a very non-cliche thought of how time (in its river form) dampens our experiences, and sadly I can't disagree - even though I wish it was not true.

Ultimately, it's quite a sad poem.

*HeartBl* Tale Highlight
we wish to pause
to savor the moments
as they drip by


I'd been looking forward to the 'drip' from your poem's title, and was satisfied when it came into view. I completely agree with the quest to cherish each moment - although ultimately you are right that they inevitably flow right past.

*Hammer* My Recommendations
There are a couple of places that I paused uncertain, for instance

time like a river
flowing beneath the bridges of life

I wonder about tweaking:

time is like a river
flowing beneath the bridges of life

or
time like a river
flows beneath the bridges of life


Just a thought.

And
the fact is the flow
until the day we die


I think there is a typo, 'the' should be 'they'

the fact is they flow
until the day we die


*Check* Overall
It is a powerful close, though in a sadly inevitable way. Poetry ought to inspire emotion, and so I think your have been a success.


Thank you for sharing your work,
*Butterfly2W*
Hope



2
2
for entry "~ Our Worth ~
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ruwth ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024 challenge.
*Hook* Your Hook
Your piece begins with the clear question, the hook is your viewpoint on it. You have been brave to state a controversial viewpoint, and I was interested to read your justification of it.

*HeartBl* Tale Highlight
My favourite part was your citation of the American document (as a non american I am not au fait with the text, and so this was the first time I have read that complete paragraph). I found the paragraph, uplifting and with an ideal that I could agree with.

The Declaration of Independence says, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Enjoying this quote, I found it surprising that your post is not in agreement. However I dont see a review as time to disagree with someone, and so shall focus upon your input.

*BookOpen* Prose

You have a good pace in the flow of thoughts, and you introduce new points at well timed intervals, so as to keep your reader interested and mentally alert.

You have a pleasant conversational style, and your points are clear nd understandable.

Your piece reads as very fresh and with efficient use of words, you dont labour points but say just enough to trigger the readers own further thoughts.

*Hammer* My Recommendations
I think there is one typo, 'what' should be 'that'

The truth is, no matter what every person deserves to be treated with respect

*Check* Overall
I understand your pespective, so I think you have been successful in putting your point across!


Thank you for sharing your work
*Butterfly2W*
Hope





3
3
for entry "The Tide Came In...
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a beautiful moment, a tribute to a cherished person missed, and more poignant because the physical absence is tangible with the empty chair shifting.
*Butterfly2W*
Heartbreakingly beautiful
4
4
Review of Spider Ironic  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

*Web1**Web2*

Aw, I don't like spiders, but I really like this little guy *Heart*

He's really had a rough life, but he still manages to sound upbeat. He's the sort of spider other spiders might go out of their way to try help (I hope!), his personality is just endearing.

A really clever subject and well-composed, and witty .

It was this line here that stirred my empathy
today I have zero and feel like a fool
Too sad! *Sob*

And this was just funny
Leg six had gangrene
I can't even remember the last time I read about a gangrenous spider leg (because it was never!) *Laugh*.

Good luck with the competition
Hope
5
5
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Naw, make me tear up why don't you.
*HeartP*
6
6
Review of The Lost Coin  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hi Amethyst Angel🌸📝🪽 ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024 challenge.

*Hook* Your Hook
Your opening is a focus on a sunny day outdoors enjoying nature, and meeting the star of the tale, Penny. It's a gentle idillic setting.
The tale doesn't get to the drama until the coin is accidentally found.

*People* The Characters
The children's relationship is quintessential, with hints of competitiveness underscored with affection. This is especially plain when they come to a deal on who gets to keep the coin, though I was hoping Penny would claim older-sister rights! (as an older sister myself *Wink* ) )

*HeartBl* Tale Highlight
I loved the part where you had Peter telling the mother about his missiing coin and then you cut back to the kids...

Andy and Penny were listening to the conversation from the kitchen. They exchanged glances. Andy and Penny were listening to the conversation from the kitchen. They exchanged glances.

I felt like I was sitting there with them as they learned this information, and were faced with a moral dilemma! I could picture their eyes again as wide as the owl on the coin!

*Hammer* My Recommendations

I wonder if this is more of a 'story about children' rather than a 'childrens story'. To add a bit more of a children's story wonder, I'd have liked the kids to have had some wild imaginations as to where the coin came from and what it could be used for. I was a little bit disappointed when it went into the pocket so quickly.

You have a good strong moral in the ending, of good things returning upon people who do the right thing. This was a pleasurable read, and brought a smile to my face.

Thank you for sharing your work!

Best wishes
*Butterfly2W*


7
7
Review of Read Voraciously  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Created for an activity


Hi flyfishercacher ,

In celebration of your account anniversary, and as part of the "Game of Thrones challenge, I have the pleasure of reviewing your item.

*Hook* Your Hook
The main title itself is strong, but it is your subtitle that truly attracted me to read. You have created a series of grandfatherly advice essays for your grandson; this is plainly loaded with love as much as it is with experience.

Into the work itself, you have begun with an excellent quote from the author of Game Of Thrones (none other than the theme of the challenge Im currently on!). This is a good move I think, for a young man will no doubt see you are up with the times to be abreast of such literature/writers.

*Mic* Tone
In an overarching caring and helpful tone, you have written in a clear manner, which is easy to understand and potentially apply.

I like the way that you mention books in the house(stopping short of telling him which shelf on the book case they are on!), that you had brought for his presumably older brothers, perhaps when they were at his age? It was like stepping into his world through the page, and a nice touch.

*HeartBl* Favourite Part

A well-read person is a more interesting person. You will gravitate to educated interesting people while being shunned by the dull and ignorant. This is a good thing in your professional and social life, probably in romance also.

From the start of your essay, I had been reminded of 'The Letters of Lord Chesterfield to his Son', where he sent regular letters offering advice upon a range os subjects during his European tour. He hoped his son would go into politics, and was diligent to assist the rounding out of his education. I haev loved reading a letter now and then, relishing the historic flavor, the care and concern, and the honesty.

Your offerings to your grandson reminded me of his letters, and this quoted section especially does that. The admission of learning out of self interest really strikes my fancy, and is very 'Lord Chesterfield'.

*Hammer* My Recommendations
... I have no recommendations of edits. However I did notice, while looking through your port, that there is little written recently. Or if there is, I could not easily find it.

I truly hope you are still busy writing!

If there are new writing getting added, it would be great if you could create a 2024 folder to make it easier for footloose and fancy-free readers like me to find them.

*Check* Overall
I wonder how these were received by your Grandson, you have created a truly beautiful gift for him.


Thank you for sharing your work!


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Clip art for contest

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister




8
8
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Created for an activity


Hi 🐦GeminiGem🌷 ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones c-notes review challenge, & how could I resist visiting the shop of my fellow Lannister team member,

*Hook* Your Hook
Ooh.... golden c-notes. We all know that gold is the colour of first place, so this is surely a very enticing lure to interest C-Note shoppers through your doors.

*HeartBl* Highlights
And Golden isn't only the cover image, but all the offerings in here sparkle and dazzle in a very show-biz Oscars night fashion, totally dressed up and glitzy, ready for someone who would delight in a great big fuss arriving in their inbox!

I like this audaciousness.

So many of us are raised to be understated, modest and unassuming - but even so, we crave pizzazz and bling. Your c-notes on offer here will satisfy the Liz Taylor within us all and would make great celebration rewards for special times & achievements for our Fellow Writers.

It's not all fanfare, though. I appreciated that mood rich condolences heart of candles in a dark pool. Though I pray that it's one that none of us shall need any time soon. It is very tasteful for the intended instance.


Thank you for your CNote shop


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Clip art for contest

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister




9
9
Review of Trees In Fall  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Created for an activity


Hi Freziie ,

I have the pleasure of an anniversary review for your item as part of the "Game of Thrones challenge. Congratulations upon another year at WDC!

*Hook* Your Hook
Your title is clear, while your subtitle is charming, with a hint of your personality peeking through. You do not assume but say that this is how you see it. This is an endearing opening; and an invitation for readers to come to know you little through reading of your perception.

*BookOpen* Prose
Your poetic style is gentle and descriptive, with good use of metaphor, but not over done of forced. You take us into the memory, and we can feel the fondness, enjoyment, the colours and the variety, and how it affects on so many senses, even spiritually. This is a lively and full-bodied poem.

*HeartBl* Favourite line

these aspen trees are rainbows of warm colors

Although plucking them out of the context of your poem doesn't serve them as well; this phrase felt a beautiful highlight; I could feel the sunlight sparkling down through the leaves as I read this. Just beautiful.

*Hammer* My Recommendations
I would love to see you break this poem up into lines of one sentence each eg.

The trees in fall, they surround me.
Weeping their leaves into the ongoing sea below them.
I look around but can't help but wonder, how many leaves have fallen.


Formatting it this way would allow your readers a moment to digest each line and to more fully appreciate your impressions of this lovely scene.

*Check* Overall
I enjoyed this love affair with autumn leaves and being transported to sharing the moment there with you.

Thank you for sharing your work!


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Clip art for contest

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister




10
10
Review by H❀pe
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Created for an activity


Hi R.S. Cooper ,

I have the pleasure of an anniversary review of your entry as part of the "Game of Thrones challenge.
*Hook* Your Hook
The title of your piece didn't particularly grip me, it was the subtitle that made me pulled me in. I have heard of Gnosticism but have scant idea of what that means, and so I thought your work might be a learning opportunity for the ever-curious mind.

Your opening is good and direct, and rather biblical to have a dream vision to reveal your story. Felt apt.

*People* The Characters
There is not much detail to the characters in the tale, yourself being relayed in a somewhat generic manner. This is possibly deliberate so that the reader can picture themselves in the dreamer's role. There are, in fact, very few visual details in the story at all; it is focused primarily on relaying concepts.

*Mic* Dialogue
The dialogue flows well, and with old-fashioned archaic terms used to assist your olde worlde vibe. The God figures are undefined, while their dialogue is also impersonal, which makes sense when we later discover their feelings about people.

*HeartBl* Tale Highlight
I perceived that even should the Archons triumph in this great conflict, they held no affection for the denizens of the Earth. Man was not greatly loved by them, nor was his submission to their path a guarantor of his liberation.

I found this oddly satisfying, god figures that don't really like us is non-cliche and yet very believable too. It's a very interesting point of difference to your story. And what made me want to hear more.

*Hammer* My Recommendations

I wonder if a little more description would benefit readers, particularly in regard to all the senses; utilizing the senses might help pull the reader in closer to the story and help it come alive more.

*Check* Overall
You concluded your tale, as all dreams do, by waking up. It felt right that your state the distressed sensation the protagonist is left with. While I became involved enough with the tale overall that I am now left wondering more about those God Figures... where did they go? What did they do next? And even, why did they bother doing this?

A very interesting story that I hope there might be more future instalments on. P)lease tag me in if there are.

Thank you for sharing your work!


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Clip art for contest

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister




11
11
for entry "Cardinal
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi KingsSideCastle

I get to review your poem entry as part of the "I Write in 2024 year long challenge.

I love the 8 lines of verse challenge that you enter, it's one I enjoy doing also. And it's always amazing how much variety we can get out of one prompt.

Todays prompt lead your mind to thinking about a favorite bird.

I appreciated that you included an image with your poem entry, because I'm not unfamiliar with the cardinal myself. Also your descriptions match the image so perfectly, enhanced the image even. I love how you called the black markings a mask. This little critter suddenly took on superhero connotations!

You've gone for a very clipped and short sentences Style, so that your poem feels like a concentration of thought.

There was one line:
"Glimpse quick"
When I feel like an extra word could have been included:
"glimpse him quick"

As I thought of why you didn't do that, I appreciated that you wanted to pare down your words into a minimalism.

I liked how your two sections covered daytime and nighttime, that was a nice angle adding a little bit of structure in form that those of us who enjoy such things appreciate!

Thank you for sharing this succinct poem about a cardinal, I learnt and enjoyed from it's presentation.

Best wishes
Hope




12
12
Review of The Jewel Thief  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Created for an activity


Hi Dave Ryan ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones anniversary reviews challenge.

*BookOpen* Prose
This is a very fun poem in an English bawdy humour syle.

You've created a fantastic rhyming pattern, with that repeating final line adding to the musical lilt: an anticipated cymbal clash at thecend of each verse.

The line that you put in between each set of rhymed verses doesn't seem to have a rule, being of different lengths. Those lines read sort of like an authors commentary, like a whispered aside, privileged information. These additions definitely enrich the poem overall.

*HeartBl* Favourite libe
And as I scratched my left big toe, right testicle and chin

Cause that was just darned funny and unexpected: and wot, no washing of hands?!

*Hammer* My Recommendations
Now that the competition is over (and you aced it) I'd love you to drop that prompt out of bright blue (perhaps italics instead), because it is quite distracting when we now read it to just enjoy.

*Check* Overall
This is a really fun read, and I like that there is dry humour to offset the ribald.

Thank you for sharing your work!


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Clip art for contest

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister




13
13
Review of Lie to Me  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Created for an activity


Hi Gwilym John ,

I have the pleasure of an anniversary review for your item as part of the "Game of Thrones challenge.

*BookOpen* Prose
I love that you've taken a different angle here, that of not wanting to know all the truth.

You started strongly, leaping directly into metaphor, it was intriguing and I wondered where you would take it. That unusualness of it was exciting, in major poem feel alive and fresh.

The next set of vs was on different metaphor focus: of cooking. The cooking didn't resonate with me is well, but I'm sure it's covering all the different bases of personality types that will enjoy what you've got to say here.

But you got me back on board with the spinning metaphor, very cool! In such strong words, sounds like a cry for a noose! Quite bizarre really, but shows the desperateness of love.

It's wild and intense.


*HeartBl* My Favourite

You should’ve bent the truth, blacksmith!


I can't help it but I just like that first line so much, I really can't get past it.


*Hammer* My Recommendations
I would have liked it if that final set + 5 lines as well in matched your previous rhyming pattern. I didn't quite see a reason why you'd want to break that, and having one line left out made me feel like I was missing something.

*Check* Overall

This is powerful and strong poetry, you have real energy in your expression. Fabulous.

Thank you for sharing your work!
Hope


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Image #2316708 over display limit. -?-

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister




14
14
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Created for an activity


Hi Schnujo is Late to Lannister ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your c-note shop as part of the "Game of Thrones challenge.

I hadn't realised you haf a cnote shop until I was just looking around to review one. But it was hardly even a surprise when I saw that you are donating over proceeds to another group entirely. And the Nanowrimo is a very worthy case too. This is the sort of generosity I've gotten used to seeing from you - even though it's still astounds me.

I like the range of C-otes you have and there's some quirky little fun ones in there. Do you want about "imagine how your characters feel" is proper funny! I'm not quite sure we're not get to use it but it is a must-have.

I'd say that your style of C-note is about the text more than the image which just serves to complement the written message. While you have covered the basics of encouragement, cheering, condolences and friendship.

If I recommend anything it might be to add in one that would be good for WDC anniversaries, because that's a great C-note opp. (For more c-note sales!)


Thank you for sharing your work *Heart*


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Image #2316708 over display limit. -?-

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister




15
15
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A well spent 4.5 minutes ;)
16
16
Review of Envious  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Created for an activity


Hi elisabeth ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones challenge.
*Hook* Your Hook

This entry in your port caught my eye because of its title; clear and plain, the word 'Envious' broadcasts itself like a sinful tabloid.

Envious; that word reeks of judgment.

While your subtitle reveals that, in this case, you are judging yourself (harshly!) Yep, the title is definitely the 'hook'. I just had to press it, open and read.

*BookOpen* Prose
You begin with the beautifully dark metaphors of poison, which pairs very nicely with the sinful state of envy left unchecked. Defiling your body. I liked how you broke the sentence into three lines, which paces the reader through the thought to fully appreciate it better.

Well-constructed free verse, without extraneous words, succinct and pithy.

You capture an ominous mood and cleverly use the passage of that poison to the fingertips, which you then transfer to the finale, a poetic simile. The Thorns.

I don't know why, but my mind was taken to the tumble of thorns that surrounded the captured (envied?) princess in her tower above. I suppose the thorns were reminiscent of Grimm's fairytale darkness. Ack, but that was just my own mental tangent!

*HeartBl* Tale Highlight
'because I hate gently'
The incongruity of a gentle hatred is perfect in this instance, and the darkness in my own soul understands it.

*Hammer* My Recommendations

You chose 'womens' as one of your genres - ouch!
Surely Envious can relate to men also?
I'd love to see you swap that genre out for something unisex *Wink*.

*Check* Overall

You leave the reader thinking about pulling out thorns, which is an unexpected, while very visual, ending.

I enjoyed reading and re-reading this poem multiple times; it is very thoughtful and captivating.


Thank you for sharing your work
Hope


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Image #2316708 over display limit. -?-

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister



17
17
Review by H❀pe
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Created for an activity


Hi G.D. Evans ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones challenge.
*Hook* Your Hook
I liked the title of your poem. I didn't actually realise it was a poem until I clicked on it, the title is not at all romantic, which was actually the appeal (to me.)

The first line, 'One day I woke up', gives me a sense of moment, a pause in life, a stock-taking, perchance a change in direction.

*BookOpen* Prose
The descriptions are clear, while the collections around the room are described in a cryptic sort of manner that gives the reader something to think about. To digest. To understand the greater story behind each grouping.

You create a strong mood with the decay of the surroundings - it's very unappealing, though that only adds to the strength of the moment in time. As I read, I would remember the first line 'One day I woke up", and I began to wonder if the moment captured in your poem would lead to a transformation?

There is a lot that I do not understand in this poem, especially in the last two paragraphs, where it reads more like a rap song. (My personal definition of rap: It sounds catchy, and I liked it, but don't know what it was actually saying!)

*Check* You are showing rather than telling

*HeartBl* Favourite line

'One day I woke up with a brain dead head'

*Hammer* My Recommendations

Your rhyming structure is mixed up. That first line (that I love) doesn't rhyme with the next. Then you have paired rhymes for a time, and then lines that don't rhyme again, shifting finally into groups of 4 lines rhyming.

Also, sentence lengths vary greatly. You might like to experiment with a syllable counter, you can find one online easily enough, and they are a great tool when you are getting into writing poetry.

*Check* Overall
I enjoyed discovering this scene, this moment in time when you Woke Up. While I also hope that this stocktaking was transformative.


Thank you for sharing your work!


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Image #2316708 over display limit. -?-

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister



18
18
Review of The Real COJCOLDS  
for entry "Eternity
Review by H❀pe
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Created for an activity


Hi Scary spuds don't run ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones challenge.

For me, this is quite a different piece, but I was attracted to this concept and title of your blog and was curious as to how you would go about this ambitious task.

From the start, I was struck by the appealing tone of your writing.

Your style here is conversational but not preachy, you take care and thought with your words and I can feel the empathy in your placement. By this, I mean that I see that you are thinking about how the words will be understood, and the message 'felt' by someone who does not know the things you are explaining. It would be very easy to come off as condescending in that instance, but you do not.

You had a good pace for your writing, and the rate of revelations is comfortable. Not too quick to bamboozle, nor too slow to bore.

Story Arc:
The entry kicks off with speaking about Easter, which prompts you to go into an arc of detail. As I read this I felt aware that this was a tangent you were taking us on, and I was waiting for the point in which we reconnect with the original concept. Easter.

When the article did come back to Easter, I felt like I needed a little bit more of a fuss made of that fact - perhaps some details about how the Resurrection is celebrated in your faith.

Technically:
You've got great spelling, well proofed. The only question mark I have is the use of parenthesis on a complete sentence here:
...and its ordinances. (Which will be discussed in another entry.)

I am not a grammar expert, but I think it would read more smoothly as:
and its ordinances, (which will be discussed in another entry.)

Overall:
I had numerous surprises when reading this entry, with details about your faith that I had no idea about previously. From the viewpoint of a curious mind wanting to understand others' belief systems, this is a valuable insight.

It would be interesting to he a question and answer session afterward - but then I suppose that is the beauty of a blog book, there is the option of writing such into the comments function. Yes, a blog is definitely the correct format for this post.

Thank you for sharing your faith

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Image #2316708 over display limit. -?-

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister




19
19
Review of Jesus Vs. Santa  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.5)
Created for an activity


Hi Leslie Loo ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones challenge.
*Hook* Your Hook
The title is an interest grabber! It hooked me at least, when I visited your port today *Smile*

*People* The Characters
You have two well known characters here, so it makes fine sense that you don't need to detail their appearances, rather you have dived straight into their conversation.

It's written sort of like a play, and the Christmas-sy red and green to differentiate the speakers helps a great deal with the readability.

You have introduced competitive natures upon both Santa and Jesus here, which leads to a lively bantering between them, and many a chuckle for readers.

Both of your characters are 'good guys', but there are times when their competitiveness seems to go a bit too far! But this reminds me of how comedy is supposed to push boundaries, and I think you are doing that well here.

While reading, I didn't really feel I had a favorite to back in this two-horse race, although I felt aware throughout that Santa was fictional, so it felt like Jesus was going to 'win' no matter what. ;)

*Mic* Dialogue
You dont use " " marks, since this is presented in the style of a play, and I agree that punctuation marks in this instance would just make it look messy.

The conversation flows well, there aren't any forced twists, and you have managed to move from topic to topic well. The use of tornadoes and slow are used well in this!

As is consistent with the play style, there isn't any internal dialogue and we get a good sense of how the characters are feeling through spoken words.

e:HeartBl} Favourite linet
"Alright, listen beard man-

You have a beard too."


I just laughed out loud at that exchange, I'd been thinking Santa was the pot calling the kettle black as I was reading, so then when Jesus pointed this out I just cracked up!

*Hammer* My Recommendations
The only typo I spotted was 'Iam' needs to be 'I am' in the part where they are arguing who is the King of Christmas.

Otherwise, it is word-perfect, well-presented, and correctly tagged. You have been meticulous!

*Check* Overall
The end of the story, the unthinkable happens, and jolly old Santa is rendered speechless. Thus we discover the winner of this verbal jousting match.

Geep, but I for one am ready for a rematch!



The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Image #2316708 over display limit. -?-

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister




20
20
Review of Colonoscopy  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Created for an activity


Hi BeeJay ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones challenge.

*Hook* Your Hook
The title is succinct and will attract readers who need your information - while your sub-title sets a pleasant and reassuring tone. It provided me with a sense that this would be personable and helpful, and not like reading a dry or factual medical text.

For my part, My mother had her colonoscopy about a month ago, and so I was a little informed, while also interested to see if her experience differed at all? (We are in New Zealand)


*People* The Characters
You launched directly into the timeline for the prep leading up to the procedure itself, so at first, I was not sure whose experience we were learning this information from.

Later on in the piece, you mention yourself, and some of your sense of humour is (welcomely) revealed. This is after all an invasive and scary situation - so your cheeky comments are appreciated!

Your humour is also reassuring, and it was good to learn that the article was a personal experience and not hearsay.

You became a real person, I felt invested and was then pleased that you revealed your results. Thank you.

Your final comment to then go buy food brings a smile to the face. Wel timed humour again.


*HeartBl* Tale Highlight
"If you can't fart then, don't worry...".

Mum didn't tell me that part! I liked your candor, and the 'don't worry' comment! This is exactly the level of detail that makes a personal experience anecdote valuable.

*Hammer* My Recommendations
I didnt spot any spelling mistakes in your work.

I did notice that you have only used one of the possible 3 genres. Medical is definately the correct main genre, but perhaps tag in personal experience and advice also? This will help promote your article to more readers.

*Check* Overall
I saw a few differences to my mother's own experience of this, but overall it is much the same. My mother actually got to watch the screen with the camera finding, and unfortunately in her case, it was not good news. But she is 4 days out of the removal surgery today, and keeping up her spirits.

Meanwhile, I very much appreciate your sincerity in writing this piece.


Thank you for sharing your experience with us


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Image #2316708 over display limit. -?-

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister




21
21
Review of Unanchored.  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
A beautifully written, heart wrenching story. Your dear Gracie was very blessed to have you *Heart*
22
22
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Goodmorning Rhyssa *Heart*

As an occasional knitter myself, I enjoyed this personal experience about higher-level knitting.

It is really well described so that even my novice brain could work out what the focus was. I really identified with the struggling pupil, and found myself wishing that I had a teacher like you to reassure and cheer me on to keep trying.

I find myself nodding at your conclusion, every new thing (or advanced level of a thing we already know), could apply to this setting.

"Don't get frustrated. Just relax and keep that for later."


Good words to remember.

Thanks for sharing yet another moving personal experience, in your Wonderland Challenge.

You are doing great!
*Butterfly2W*
23
23
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Goodness p.b.sandwixh

This is truly beautiful.

I am not usually grabbed by free verse poetry. This however, really radiates, really drew me in.

The opening lines were sweet and made me smile as the narrator muddled along about how long it had actually been, sort of trying to be chill but then amending to . That charm made me want to keep reading.

I did not anticipate discovering this lifting and falling of emotions that you took me through.

I loved that sudden interjection of the joy of being together again.

The sadness, in reflection, that then followed, was all the more profound.

I just loved this; you touched my heart.

Thankyou.
*Butterfly2W*
24
24
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi jackiesmuse ,
I came by your story through the Read and Review button - this intrigued me right from the start because enjoying a quiet moment alone is a pleasure dear to me (with or without wine!).

*Hook* Opening paragraph
You begin with a soft but steady pace, and with the garage door opening, I as reader, had a 'hold my breath' moment waiting to see who had arrived. Cool.

*People* Characters
Oh John.

I have a husband who is a Jon and prone to being moody at times.

This poor John was especially angry at the world. I like how you had him saying he hated everything, venting on things he actually liked.

*HeartBl* What I liked best
I chuckled hearing the good wife calmly commenting how dinner was nearly ready. She was calm and level headed in a way I really appreciated, and I dare say that John with an h knows she's a keeper too.

*Hammer* Recommendations
The only recommendation I can find to make this great story, is to adjust your categories. People use these categories to search for a story in various genres but then never search for a 'contest entry' of a 'short story' - so even while that is accurate, it won't get you new readers. Be a bit more specific.

Perhaps try Relationship, Romance/Love, Personal or perhaps Experience?

*Check* Overall
I really enjoyed this story, the empathy, and the solidness fo their relationship that will see through anything. It is uplifting. Thankyou for sharing your work.

P.S I have a trinket for you!


*Cat2*
25
25
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Rhyssa
Thank you for the invitation to visit your "Slipping into Madness. I, like Alice, am having fun exploring through the discoveries and adventures here.

I especially love this poem, which any writer/poet can relate to, when the words do not sit quite right they cause anxiety. Mental pacing more often than physical, but restlessness indeed! Pacing and polishing, until our perceived perfection. (Ack, so hard to achieve when we are our own worst critics!)

A great contribution to your wonder-full growing body of work!

*Butterfly2W*


158 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 7 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hopes