I enjoyed this piece, its power and naked vulnerability. Have you considered saying ‘I want my love to sit on your throne’. Since everything else is so direct I think it would add even more impact. And I love the last line :) Thank you for sharing!
I love everything about this poem. Its structure, its cadence its vivid imagery but mostly it simplistic complexity. They are all spectacular but I think the stanza about rain is my favorite. Very nicely done, keep writing!
Turbo, I really liked this. Very clever and more importantly, very TRUE. Thought provoking and inspirational, I had to chuckle at myself for counting out the letters to some words and am impressed at your ability to find words with opposite meanings of the same letter count! Thank you for this and keep writing :)
What are we indeed! I love how you have managed to say so much with an efficient use of words, tapping into that universal experience all endured in the maddening, confusing and glorious pursuit of the object of our affections. More please!
I came across this via Read and Review and I’m so glad I did! I am a complete hack of a writer knowing nothing about forms etc so I found this fascinating. I so appreciate your detailed explanation on the Villanelle form. What an impressive piece, adhering to this tricky form. Great imagery throughout. What city next to test your poetic prowess? Thank you for this, I look forward to reading more of your work!
What a pleasant and very positive piece, much needed right now and a very welcome read. having a positive mindset is so powerful and it’s refreshing to see someone view the world through love and positivity. These words danced off the tongue and they added to the overall air of joy. Smile and write on!
OK at the risk of sounding completely egotistical, I 100% feel like you wrote this for and through me I know you’ve said once that you don’t particularly care for free verse but this is a job verywell done. Are you perhaps in lapsed catholic? That imagery is so appropriate and sharp as a knife contributing to the overall power and nuance of this poem.
You created a vivid scene (I could practically hear the cell phone‘s ringing in the baby crying!) for the reader about an ordinary errand and made it interesting while also helping us learn more about you. You talk about having cerebral palsy so are you using talk to type software? I ask only because I noticed some word/spelling/grammar errors but enjoy reading your pieces.
I read this because the name Gina caught my attention. What a loving tribute to such a dear friend. I’m elated to hear of your special bond and how she saw past your disability to get to know and love you. I’m sorry that your forever sister is gone. May her memory be a blessing.
What a fascinating and inspirational glimpse into your journey as a writer. You clearly have a gift with words, Web Witch and I look forward to consuming more. Congratulations on getting back to your roots and finally finishing your novel! Now, how does a lowly reader such as myself get to enjoy said novel? Cheers!
You are definitely philosophizing and inviting the reader to contemplate the same questions and ones path on life that leads them to a particular moment of reflection. As always your rhythm is impeccable and this was a thoroughly enjoyable read. And of course that last line grabs you!
Oh the sorrow of the unfulfilled dream. I like how you started with what must be every young girl’s universal dream of a handsome husband, beautiful wedding day and blissful life together. Your piece captures the sadness, melancholy, bitterness, and indeed, resignation very well. Nicely done, write on!
So much fun! I could hear Jimmy Buffet songs in the background. Loved it all: “no one fears the mention of our names” (which made this reader think of the Dread Pirate Roberts”). Swaggering buccaneers was brilliant. Love how they set sail with romanticized, high hopes of a pirate’s life only to have to succumb to its strife!
This for me is at once sadly nostalgic as it is woefully optimistic. I love how you reminisce about the folly of youth (“learned some bitter truths” “lived lives on the run”)and then temper it with the sage perspective of a bow mature man who’s loved and lost before but is ready to go all in with a new love. And the last line was brilliant!
Wow very powerful and moving. I like how you used a medieval fairytale vibe to create and maintain a catchy rhythm and cadence to an otherwise quite sad tale. Interesting as well how you began and ended with the same line, neatly and tightly and yet oh what a path was travelled. Loved “ One life was taken, no need for more…” and the ending was unexpected but so fitting.
What a thoroughly enjoyable read. I like how you slowly built the story giving the reader an initial glimpse into your boyhood without spoiling revealing its true depth and significance until the end. You created nice descriptions that made me feel the heat, visualize the treasures etc. I wish the description of your transformation wasn’t so short and straightforward. I think especially there, and in other places, you could for more showing than telling to make this even more compelling. Thank you for sharing and keep writing!
So I’m intrigued and want to read, experience and understand more. I’m not entirely sure what exactly you’ve experience and are trying to describe but also appreciate the you’re not overly literal with the details; like I said it makes me want to read more in the hopes that it becomes clearer. Keep going!
Also I think I need to read your poem of the same title since you mention this is related to that!
I am swaying to the rhythm you create in this piece. Short but sweet and evoking a relatable feeling/experience in the reader. And isn’t it true how water can so soothe and heal mind, body, spirit AND heart ❤️ ?
This grabs the reader from the very first line and treats her to a feast of rich, delicious language that is at once subtle but also like a sledgehammer. You create vivid imagery to the point I actually FEEL the darkness and I love all the alliterations.
This stanza in particular grabbed me:
Silhouettes of corvus caw and cry
Stark black absences of a deepening blue
Stand sentinel atop the claws of trees
As they scratch their signature in the sky.
As a mother this really resonated as it utterly encapsulated the often violent-yet-joyous process that is childbirth subsequently veiled by all the joys and sorrows and aspirations we hold for our children. A very powerful piece. I appreciate the explanation of this form. I am an absolute neophyte re poetic forms and look forward to leap more and consuming additional pieces of yours.
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