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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jacksonk
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3 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Tears For Two  
Review by Jackson Kinkead
Rated: E | (2.5)
I have thought about your story for a while and I still don't know how I feel about it. I think this piece, as a concept, may not be that strong. I do not know if this is intentional but it seems like you are making fun of how serious people are about death. If you intended it to be that way, you are doing fine. However, if you did not, I would believe the piece needs reworking.
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Review of Take a Break  
Review by Jackson Kinkead
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think this piece is a very strong idea but I think the opening could be worked on. I think the first 3 paragraphs is a little to heavy on exotic adjectives and could use some brevity would also allow you to develop a strong underlying message. The last paragraphs are nice and create a nice call to action. Also the last few sentences almost sound like they are from a zine and I would be very interested if you took this idea and made it into a zine.
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