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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jakers-reviews
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12 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Entranced  
Review by Jakers
Rated: E | (4.0)
It's nice to have a nice little encounter in a place where you never hear about them. You almost forget some people got to a club to actually try and meet people.

And that's all I feel that needs to be said. It's a story about two people meeting at a club, and having a nice conversation.
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Review of Tag, you're it  
Review by Jakers
Rated: E | (3.5)
A Nice little story that does a shift in tone pretty well. Honestly, I don't think there's much to say. I'm not here to claim perfection, but I'm here to say it was well done.

I say this a bit, but try to test out different spacing options. Adding some space here and there can make any piece of work look a little more attractive.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Breathing Words  
Review by Jakers
Rated: E | (5.0)
As someone who respects the power of writing, I respect what this posts.

I get the feeling of immortality from this. While people pass on, Ideals can live on long after we do.

We can live in the worlds we create through pen and paper, even if it's without pictures.

Words alone can paint more than any markers.

Words allow us to enter another persons world.

All the while the man remembers that he is just a man, and what writing can accomplish.

What else can I ask for?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by Jakers
Rated: E | (3.5)
Somber...
Nice job, when it's all said and done.

It does do a good job causing you to wonder what the intended context is. Is it for someone who had a break-up? Some who died? Just someone being a bit over dramatic?

And I honestly think this is a strong aspect of poetry.

However, while that's a good thing for poetry, it all doesn't make it. While I stand by that this is a good poem, I would like to give you some advice:

1.) This poem could really benefit from either another stanza, or another line for each stanza. Considering the basic premise, giving it a bit more detail helps.

2.) This goes for this poem, along with anything else you may do: Give your words a little more kick. Aim to say what you need to say without repeating words. (Take note that if you have more than one character/perspective, you can get away with this).

3.) For the Future, consider the idea of showing more than one perspective. It could simply be having the character look at it in a different perspective, or you could show another person reacting to the same situation, and how it contrasts to another.

Either way, it was a nice little poem.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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