|love the story. it is something out of the twilight zone. If I were to offer any advice, I'd add a bit more description of what the different characters looked like, particularly the main characters. Are they white/black/hispanic? are they tall, short or medium? and of the characters in the saloon are they all white or are they mixed race?
Your story reminds me of a true story. I visited the town of Wagontire Oregon in 1974 and in 2016. In 1974 the town still existed. there was a restaurant/gas station and motel. For 100 miles there were Burma shave signs counting down the miles to Wagontire, Oregon. I was on a trip with my father. We stopped there for the night because the next gas station was 150 miles away. I had imagined that wagontire would be a giant truck stop in the middle of nowhere, and was disappointed to find there was this run down motel and gas station. We were the only customers for the night. Coming into town we saw a sign "Welcome to Wagontire population 2 and 1/2 people, 25,000 sheep.
In the morning we met the owner who was also the police chief,the fire chief and the mayor of Wagon tire.
I asked him who was the 1/2 person. he responded, "My idiot son."
in 2016 my wife and I drove across the country and we passed through Wagontire. there was nothing left the cafe/motel had been abadoned and there were no services. the burma shave signs were all gone as well.
i wrote this poem down and it is available on my web page, the world according to cosmos.com if you like I can send it to you
thanks again enjoyed the story