I liked this haiku. the words are evocative. i like the words Crystal balls, target lace, and cool misty morning. If I were to write this I would replace the word target lace with target face to make it a bit more icky since you are writing about a spider after all
like both poems. the images are clear and vivid and conveys the emotional intensity of the writer as she surveys her all too perfectly clean kitchen. I liked the first one a bit more - liked the line about it being to sterile for yogurt.
good beginning draws you into the story. You want to read more of the story. I liked how it flows. Some interesting concepts explored. Good first draft.
loved it. I am a writer of romantic love poems and I can appreciate this poem very well, almost as if I wrote it myself.
The taste of her fine and excellent cooking,
And the sharing of her dreams, passions, and desires with me –
A deep, unwavering concern for my health and well-being,
And a triumphant legacy of love.
the first line might work better if you gave an example of her cooking evoking the flavors the smells and the taste
the second line could be expanded a bit to explore her dreams, passions and desires
I am not at all religious, actually pretty much an atheist but I get the command to be "be still and know that I am God". the first part speaks to calming one's mind, the second to trusting in God and that God is there. I have had a few experiences in my life where I felt in touch with the divine so I don't dismiss the possibility that there may be a God. In any event, good to focus on the lesser commands in the Bible.
well done. I am not a big fan of formal verse, but you did a pretty good job sustaining the form, and telling the story. I liked the last verse the best. Not sure I got the reference to ash breeze. is that a nautical term?
When your arms grow heavy
And tired from rowing;
If its been winter for years,
But still it keeps snowing,
When the waves rise around you,
Terrible demons of dreams,
You must stay by the oars,
And sail by ash breeze.
liked this stanza the best. LIke the phrase, terrible demons of dreams fits the overall mood of the poem.
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