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Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting poem. I can only proffer suggestions as I had written this work

Hearts travel countless
Disparaging miles
To confront an all-knowing
Arch-nemesis.

A needed change of scenery,
And Then the resolve to face
A tested realm:
Is life worth nothing
Should paranoia rule?
The stark history of disease
Leads one to believe
In a simple, structured truth -
Allow medicine


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2
2
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Thank you for sharing this poem. I might do some things differently.

The Bequest

Time lay upon him-a gray shroud-
as he bent working the earth.
Though years pressed him, he dug unbowed,
and his eyes glowed with hidden mirth.

Time weathered hands moved with care
as he set out the fledgling tree.
He bent his furrowed head in prayer,
but he moved with certainty.


By varying the syllable count, you can avoid the sing-songy effect that sometimes afflicts rhymed poetry. I recast the seventh line to remove the word bowed since you already used unbowed in the third line. It's a good idea to avoid repeating words unless going for a deliberate effect.


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3
3
Review of Questions  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the conceit of this poem. May I suggest that it be titled When was and let the last times begin the lines:


When was

the last time you touched wind...sand...snow
the last time your hand woke up wrinkly and numb
the last time you felt someone's tears on your hand

What was

the softest thing you ever touched


4
4
Review of Monster Pops  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I found your choices for rhyme interesting, especially rhyming affliction with addiction.
5
5
Review of Pathways  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Pithy. I like this. I wouldn't use an ellipsis and just finish with A pathway home


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