Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kittynadem/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
For five hundred and eleven words, this is really a big hit! I loved reading it! Everything is perfect! 100% no errors that I could find, characters... well maintained. I can't find anything wrong with it. You are an excellent writer!
This is a pretty good story that I enjoyed reading. However there were some errors that were over looked, you should go over this story again with a fine toothed comb. It's a good story and I think that you could bring it up to it's potential with a little bit of work. 4.0 stars. It's above the average that a piece of work is, this is a good story. Work a little bit more on the characters and the few grammatical errors and you'll be well on your way to 5.0 stars! Excellent work with this one. I can really see it becoming more! I really enjoyed the easy-going tone that it has to it. This makes it easy to read, right on!
Overall Impression
This is a nice story that I really enjoyed reading. Plot:
This story has an excellent plot to it, excellent work! Characters:
The characters were surprisingly strong for a short story, they developed quickly and you kept it real. Setting:
I think that the setting could have been described a bit more at the starting, even though this is a short story there could have been a few more words to make the difference. Although, it is fine how it is. Spelling/Grammar:
None that I could find, you did a really great job with this one! WRITE ON!
This is sweet! Gotta love the stars background, and the neat design of the words. It has a gothic touch while keeps the "writing.comness" in it! I love it!
This is a good piece Fezzik, I think that something could be done to modify this and make it better though. Perhaps some synonyms? Another word for evil. I noticed that this word has been used many time throughout this little paragraph. Maybe a few more words, and a few breaks in the paragraph.
What is good?
What is evil?
When I do evil
I want to believe
I did not.
Something like this. It would give it more of a poetry feel and it would be easier to read! I know you are probably wondering right about now "What in the hell did she do to my work!" But, this is only a suggestion. And you probably won't end up listening to me anyway, for there are probably many others out there who would strongly object to this. I'm only telling you my suggestions, and you should not listen to them, unless you feel that it is the right thing to do, or someone else suggests the same thing.
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
This is an amusing poll... but, I personally don't like the actual quiz that it is based on... I mean it is amusing... but it was a LONG way off my personality. Sensitive? Judging? Sensative maybe, Judging? HELL NAW!
Anyway... it is a good idea for a poll. I have ot had it to you there!
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
When I saw that this was about archary I knew that I had to read this. I'm a huge fan of archery, and was pleased to read this. Excellent work, you've captured the beauty excellently. I like the eighth stanza best. There is absolutly nothing that I would change here. And there are no errors that I can see. Well done fellow archer!
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
Love this Wiggy! Very creative! I love the way you decided to write this, it defenitly brought out the meaning and made this much more noticable to those reading it. And I love the basic meaning of this piece. I see no errors, and there is NOTHING that I would CHANGE!
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
Well written Wiggy! This is an excellent piece, and the group must have been (or should have been) proud to add it. I saw no errors, and there is nothing that I would change. I love how you twisted the end of this part. This was defenitly worth my time reading!
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
This is somewhat sad, but very clever. I love the legnth of this poem. I can tell a lot of thought was poured into this piece. I love the meaning, as well as the realness. I actually don't see anything wrong with it... at all...
I love how this part went through Chasity life. It's a very amusing story, and everything is more realistic in this part than the last one. I came across a missing word in a sentence, and you might want to go through this with a fine toothed comb. Excellent job!
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
Hello hueloovoo,
I enjoyed reading this story, it has an excellent plot and well created characters. I loved all of the imagery you used here. But, some of the words coming from the characters were unrealistic, making this story really "Fiction". I didn't see any errors of any sort, which is a plus in my book. There is some room for improvement. Although, I fully intend to read the second part to find out what will happen next!
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
Oh, wow. This sight is so amazing it makes me wonder if someone painted it, or - It's just hard to believe that something so beautiful could actually exsist. A sight so full of innocence, and grace!
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
What a beautiful sight! The green trees and the velvety blue lake. It's just wonderful! Wow! I'd love to be there seeing this. It's beautiful! Compeltely stunning! Make it into a postcard!
I've always wanted to go to Alaska, and this poem, I'm sure describes it perfectly! Even with the bugs! Wait a second.... there are bugs? I thought it was too cold for them! MOVING ONTO ANTARTICA! Anyway, I loved this poem, it only makes me want to visit here even more!
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
I see the pain, I hear her cries... This is a very meaningful poem, and it sounds like some of my work that I have created before. This is really good, and can really make the reader "feel".
Favorite part: She looks for light but all she sees is darkness.
This is very meaningful. You have talent. It really captures the feeling of being alone and hurt, and looking, seeking, trying so hard to find help, but no one cares all too busy to hear her pain.
Nice one. Pointing out, all i are capital when used standing alone or are followed by a ' such as I'm or I'll... "I" am just pointing this out... I guess I'll just go now!
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KitttyNadem
Very heart felt. Genital should be gental. With this, I'm going to be picky, and I'm going to say that I think it would flow better with punctuation. It's really up to you though... You should take out some of the ands in the second part...
Take your time. I don't neex pressure; and you don't need it.
I care, and I don't just think about you, but what we are.
My love runs like a river, and your (pointing out your should be you're, you're representing you are.) on it. (>And<) I grow gental for you
and my friends and family. But my mind and heart is open to you.
By now you are probably thinking: What in the hell did she do to my work! Suggesting to better your work is what I offer you. No critisism, only the constructive kind! Hope this helps make your work better! And remeber, you don't have to use what I have suggested! When someone reviews my works with a bunch of suggestions, I wait until someone else suggests the same thing before I change it. This way I know that many others are probably going to say the same thing... except when it comes to spelling errors!
Anway,
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
Wonderful lines, such thought provoking pieces you conjur. Again... I believe tell should be till. or until...
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kittynadem/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 12:10am on Apr 26, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
It's above the average that a piece of work is, this is a good story. 
Work a little bit more on the characters and the few grammatical errors and you'll be well on your way to 5.0 stars! 
I'd love to be there seeing this. It's beautiful! Compeltely stunning! Make it into a postcard!