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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lady_hamdan
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6 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by lady_hamdan
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this . Escpecially the ending. Love is more than a feeling. IT is all encompassing. it is a an action, a feeling, an emotion, a thing personified, and way of life realy...we choose love when we choose to overcome hate. we can find love in everything and its not just about boy meets girl, boy marries girl, they have lots of babies...
love is found daily with our choices and that's where god comes in to the equation because god gives us our choices and hopes we choose love .
thank you for this inspiring prose.
keep writing.
2
2
Review of Those Three Words  
Review by lady_hamdan
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This poem brings a up a good point.
What is the point of saying anything back if you can't say I love you?
It could be anything nice to appease the person, make him feel less rejected but he is still rejected so why say anything to him at that point. He would have all the answers he needs if you just say nothing.
I like the poem.
my only criticism is that it needs to flow better. I would try reworking it so that all the sentence have the same rhythem. same number of syllables or close to it. that would put the effect more strong. but its good as is...that would just make it better.
and build up to the I love you part.
from the point of view of the author tell the reader all the lovely way he/she loves this person be dramatic!
Do not be as narrative. be more dramatic with a beginning something like
Sweet lips, and soft spoken voice
I need to have more in my life
can't get enough
thinking I could one day make you my wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend
.....blah blah...and so on
I hope this helps you make your writing even better

take care
and happy writing
lisa
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