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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/magatoby
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11 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review by ZION
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's encouraging to read a summary of this tragedy that DOESN'T appear to be aimed at stirring up racial and class hatreds. Thank you.
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Review by ZION
Rated: E | (5.0)
Magnificent! You've put in words what my heart's been hungering for - thank you. I see no errors of any kind in this writing. It's powerful, clear, and portrays a picture of Christmas that is so much needed in this nutty mess we've made out of the Season. For me, this was a personal 'upper' that I needed to hear today - and perhaps everyday, to remind me what it's really all about.
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Review of Tark's First Hunt  
Review by ZION
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked this chapter, and the picture it paints of both the land and the people living in it. The second sentence is difficult to follow- might work better if it were broken into two, just to clarify where the Hunter's lived.

grammatically, I saw only two problems: there's a tense change in the sentence talking about a light haired child "is" born -- think it should be 'was' in order to stay consistent. Then, when you're talking about the birds landing on Tark, you say "when they stopped moving" - I assume you mean Tark and his father, but it reads as if you mean Tark's 'head and shoulders'

Only spelling error is the word 'bareing' which, should be bearing, as in child-bearing

I hope to continue reading the story tomorrow- it's interesting.
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Review of Dandelions  
Review by ZION
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Funniest thing I've read in -forever! I particularly liked the ending, but the shredded wheat is a close second.

I didn't see any distracting grammatical mistakes or even so much as a period out of place, so I don't even have a suggestion to make (how's that for a woman?)

Thanks so much for lightening my day with this chuckler. Now I believe I'll just swallow my arthritis medication, remind my spouse of his chores for tomorrow, play a few hands on the net and then head of to a good night's sleep. Who knows what the dawn will bring?
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