damania this is awesome! what a great idea for newbies and what great way to teach them how to navigate this site. this is a great idea that i hope many many newbies has found their way to. have you been posting this in scroll, etc? i know most newbies take a while to get into scroll but its a good idea you've got here. i'm going to bookmark this and add it to my list of places to include when i pass out the site if you don't mind. (let me know if you do.)
i'm assuming this is about your ex-husband or an ex-boyfriend. a powerful poem about something that was obviously a trying and emotional time in your life. i think you've got an awesome start here, this is a great way to start the healing of what was obviously a harrowing time in your life. since your life seems to have improved, i would suggest writing a companion peice about the changes in your life now. once again no grammatical comments.
Overall comments on the poem: very sad and moving, wonderful word usage.
What I liked: the strength of your poem seems to be the sadness of the person waiting for her eternal love (i just got the feeling this was a woman speaking). this is lovely. just please remember that all poetry doesn't have to be sad. this is a good example of a death poem though.
What I disliked: some of the lines seemed a bit chopped. to be discussed more in format.
Comments on the format of the poem: some of the lines seemed a bit short. i'm not sure the single word lines worked, in most places they would have read better as part of the line above. remember that most people read line breaks as pauses in the poem.
Editing comments: go back and look at your single word lines.
Did the poem work and why? the poem worked very well, it was a lovely peice of work.
Closing comments: other than looking at the single word lines, this was a lovely poem. it read well and was easily understood. i like the imagry presented.
Overall comments on the poem: very sweet poem. i know that might sound odd considering this topic but it seemed very angsty to me and yet there was an undercurrent of sweetness. i can't explain why i feel that way but i do.
What I liked: the whole sadness of the poem but at the same time longing for something that can't be renewed.
What I disliked: nothing really, although this was a little short. it doesn't need to be longer but i liked it so much i was sorry when it ended.
Comments on the format of the poem: nice job, format is awesome for this poem.
Editing comments: none
Did the poem work and why? yes this poem works very well and is a beautiful work.
Closing comments: very nice job, can't wait to read the others.
Overall comments on the poem: This was incredibly funny, especailly the end.
What I liked: I like that you've considered all the different types of men. Its rather a good view. Its really funny with the ending though.
What I disliked: Nothing really.
Comments on the format of the poem: The way each stanza takes a type and describes attibutes and the words all sound similar is very good.
Editing comments: None
Did the poem work and why? Yes the poem worked well, you took what was normally a serious consideration and made a joke out of it, something not may people do.
Closing comments: Nice job and quite amusing. Thanks for sharing.
Overall comments on the story: Well written, well structured. Story follows a journey which is really neat. Reminds me in a way of the old fashioned fantasy journey stories. This worked very well the way it was put together.
What I liked: I like how Usansa meets people in his life as he makes his way to the goddess. You did a nice job with adding some background. The descriptions really made it easy to picture what was happening and I really liked the picture at the end.
What I disliked: Some of the references were a bit off—needed a little more explanation—such as The Plane. Also I would have liked a little more explanation for the battle.
Characterization: The characters were well-written and well rounded. There wasn’t an over abundance of description but that worked well with this story. Your people fit in well with their reality.
Editing comments:
tell you mother—comma after you
Did the story work and why? Yes the story worked well. It kept the reader’s attention with descriptions and had a logical conclusion.
Closing comments: Very nice work. Good job with this. Keep up the good work.
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