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166 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Mike Day
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a truly wonderful piece of writing. It brings home both the inhumanity and humanity of war and peace. It will stay with me for a long time.

Thank you for this wonderfully written history.

Mike


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Mike Day
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A wonderful story.

The pace reminded me of a cat stalking along the sidewalk, hunter and prey in one and the same moment.

I particularly liked the ending, getting a glimps of an inner life where it would be too easy just to write off a character like this as two dimensional. Bravo!

I will be back to read more, count me as a fan.

Mike


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of A Moving Day  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this piece, with a small reservation; it is a great idea and an interesting situation.

I feel, and please remember this is just one dumb Brit's opinion so only worth what you want to attach to it, that it feels a little stilted in places. For instance would he really say "I'm from the moving company and I have an appointment with your mom? Is she available?" it seam's a little long winded, perhaps open with "Hi, is you're Mom in?" then have the little girl begin to interrogate him, "and you are?" she asked crossing her arms, etc.

That aside the writing is good, clear and well constructed. Perhaps think about the flashback section it ran too quickly for me.

Overall a very interesting piece that, as all great flash fiction should leaves a vivid picture and a question in the readers mind..."what happened next?"

I hope this is of help, it is the second of you're awarded reviews from the holding pond. Bravo.

Mike

PS if you ever want to bounce ideas and so forth off another fellow scribbler don't hesitate to ask.
4
4
Review of The Ice Storm  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
Beautiful, I particularly liked the implied relationship between father and son.

I have only two small suggestions, I might have taken a little more time to describe the world around the frozen tree (unless the word count was a limit) and perhaps reworded the last sentence along the lines of:
The sunlight reflected blindingly from the snow to match the smile on the boys face..

Well something along that line anyway.

This review is part of your award from Arakun and the holding pond competition.

Bravo, nice work.

Mike
5
5
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)

A Beyond the waters edge review

Ref No: #219

Title: The Red Eye
Rating: 18+



*Star*
Please remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.



*Star* word count maximum 2000. 1179

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not A well executed and restrained piece of writing. Nicely done 
You write with a real feel for the old man and his culture.

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace.
I was right there with you up to the last section.

*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell.
Your descriptions are vivid and well crafted, bravo.

*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-
Other Judges are far better on this area than I so I will leave this to there skills.

*Star* Conclusion-.

I liked this story a lot; the only thing that let it down to my mind was the slightly over preachy finale. Whilst I and many others would have a lot of sympathy with your characters thoughts at the end, I think (and it is only my humble opinion) that it is more powerful to just suggest rather than state any conclusions. But hey what do I know? *Wink*


{/:times} Mike Day {/size:5}

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6
Review by Mike Day
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

A Beyond the waters edge review

Ref No: #218

Title: A soundtrack to eternity
Rating: 18+



*Star*
Please remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.



*Star* word count maximum 2000. 1970

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not A great piece of writing, It captured my attention and never let it go until the end, Bravo.

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace. Plot, logic and flow were fine, pace was superb.

*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell.
You took me for a journey into a place that I have never seen and gave me time to look around.

*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-
Other Judges are far better on this area than I so I will leave this to there skills.

*Star* Conclusion-.
Genuinely one of the best pieces of writing that I have read in quite a while, nice one.


{/:times} Mike Day {/size:5}
7
7
Review of Freedom In Death  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

A Beyond the waters edge review

Ref No: #209

Title: Freedom in Death
Rating: ASR


This review is part of the Beyond the waters edge flash fiction competition for August.
The prompt for August was to use the following words: windmill, crow, siren, nobody, grouch, sunflower.

*Star*
Please remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.



*Star* word count maximum 2000. 855

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not
This is an interesting piece that takes a thoughtful look at the plight of an elderly man. I would suggest that some areas need a little work to raise the quality of the story. For example: “looking at him as though he was trying to picture him younger.” It would be difficult for anyone to guess what he was thinking to that extent. Or. “such as a hang-gliding accident or a fall of the cliff of a mountain” I guess it might be better as “such as a hang-gliding accident or a fall from a cliff or mountainside.”

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace.

In a couple of places you contradict yourself and this causes the reader to step out of the story to try to work out what you intended. Example: “there must be at least a hundred different varieties, all of which he hated.” Then, “He did not hate the flowers or the fresh air, but rather the institution itself.”

*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell. How they fit into the setting of the piece.
Some of your descriptions are really good, others, I think, need more thought. I sincerely doubt that anyone, even someone desperate, would consider a fiery death as sweet, choking is horrifying and burning is agony.

*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-

Here I bow to the other judges as this is not my strong field.
*Star* Conclusion-.

You have some real flashes of talent, if I may give some advice, try writing in a simpler style and concentrating on making the whole piece more coherent within itself.

I enjoyed reading your work, good luck
{/:times} Mike Day {/size:5}
8
8
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (5.0)

A Beyond the waters edge review

Ref No: #206

Title: Just-In-TIme-Jitesh
Rating: E


This review is part of the Beyond the waters edge flash fiction competition for August.
The prompt for August was to use the following words: windmill, crow, siren, nobody, grouch, sunflower.

*Star*
Please remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.



*Star* word count maximum 2000. 759

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not First of all may I just say Thank you. This was a wonderful piece of writing; I recommend it to everyone who loves good writing. I regret that I cannot offer much by way of advice. All I can suggest is that the first paragraph could perhaps give a stronger indication of place.

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace.
Beautifully paced, not overblown or obtuse a truly great piece of writing.

*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell. How they fit into the setting of the piece. To me this was the best bit of the work, I could almost taste the wonderful food.

*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-

I am not the right person to comment on this area, other judges will be more qualified.

*Star* Conclusion-.
A great piece of writing that left me smiling and determined to find the time to read more of your work. The best compliment I can give is this, if I had purchased a book of short stories and this was amongst them I would think it money well spent.

{/:times} Mike Day {/size:5}
9
9
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.0)

A Beyond the waters edge review

Ref No: #205

Title: The old man and the Crow
Rating: ASR


This review is part of the Beyond the waters edge flash fiction competition for August.
The prompt for August was to use the following words: windmill, crow, siren, nobody, grouch, sunflower.

*Star*
Please remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.



*Star* word count maximum 2000. 684 (Count not on the piece)

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not
There are some very poetic patches in this story that suggest that you may well have talent. It is told in the first person and would, I think, be better off in the third person. If you show rather than tell people will feel more drawn into your story.

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace.
There is not a very strong plot, and no significant ending. A story should have some significant event or conclusion to leave the reader with a feeling of completion. I’m sorry to say that if there was one I must have missed it.


*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell. How they fit into the setting of the piece.
The piece really did have a feeling of poetry about it; the first paragraph in particular had a taste of real quality.
*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-

I’m not the best person to judge this, I will leave that to my fellow judges who won’t lead you astray.

*Star* Conclusion-.
Poetry is a very useful adjunct to writing short stories but only after the basic tools have been applied. I look forward to reading more of your work.

PS I think you might want another word, rather than waylaying, it means to stop or grab hold of something.

{/:times} Mike Day {/size:5}
10
10
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)

There is a place on Cricket Lake that is my favorite place on earth. It’s up near the old WINDMILL and it is like no other place in the world.
11
11
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great idea and an interesting challenge, thanks.

Mike
12
12
Review of Paid In Full  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

*Star*
{c:}redPlease remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.
{/c:red}


I have been asked by Arakun to review this story as part of your prize from beyond the waters edge. I have to say how delighted I was to read this wonderful story.

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not
This is, as I have already said, a wonderful story, told with real skill and polish. You use a style of voice that is particularly dear to me, the crisp dry direct statement of facts interspersed with telling minutiae that paint an impression straight onto the minds eye. The only passage that broke out for me was the section about the casserole gene. One of the constant threats to great writing is the bright idea. By that I mean that a clever description or perfect phrase is so appealing to the writer that it makes it onto the page despite adding little or nothing to the work. One of the best pieces of advice that I ever received was this : If you really like a particular section then you probably need to cut it out. Sounds counter intuitive however I find as I slowly improve that it feels truer each day.

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace.
The plot is relatively straight forward, nice twist at the end that is not over played, bravo. The pace is excellent and the whole hangs together with a coherent logic.


*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell. How they fit into the setting of the piece.
The piece is light on sensory input, however to my personal taste it is seasoned just right. The story carries the reader without filling details that are not pertinent.

*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-
Here I admit, you could probably give me lessons. Not my strong point but I could detect no errors.

*Star* Conclusion-

The story is well written, you obviously have real talent. I intend to read more of your work. Once again may I say that this story was quite wonderful, bravo.


{/:times}Mike Day{/c:blue}{/size:5}
13
13
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, as a snap shot this tells the story really well. I think that you have real talent. I would suggest that you consider dropping 'he replies quite sardonically' it isn't really necesarry and defuses the punch of the last line. Remember sometimes less is more.

Please remember these are just my thoughts and you should feel free to ignore them as you see fit.

all the best

Mike

"Writers write, right? So Write Writer Write."
14
14
Review of Tommy Turtle  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I really liked this piece, it worked really well. The only question I have is the last paragraph, I am probably being a bit thick but how is he catapulted forward? Is it the truck wheel?

Nice writing,

Mike
15
15
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I thought this was a really great piece of writing. I have gone through the whole piece and put some suggestions in brackets for you. If anything causes offence please accept my apologies as none was intended. I don’t normally go into detail in a review like this however I really think you have a real talent and picking up a few of the tricks of the trade will only serve to help. Anyway if you disagree with anything just ignore it, after all I just a forty year old Englishman and what do I know. Here goes.


I am a direct descendant of Mary Boleyn (through the Carey line); she was the sister of Queen Anne Boleyn, the mistress of King Henry VIII, and more recently--the main character in the novel “The other Boleyn Girl.” But, if you’re anything like my childhood peers, you should also know that I have read every Dr.Seuss book ever written--you can even ask my mom! (Nice link, it makes the reader comfortable that you are not setting yourself on a pedestal. You might consider changing “But” to However.)

Even though my family had been rooted in the US since the 1700's, as a young girl—I was always proud to comment on my royal connection to England. I'm sure, more than once, I backed up my Superiority/inferiority/Whatever complex on the playground with an "Oh yeah...well I can LEGALLY use an English Royal Coat of Arms, You can (to speed up the writing, remember that most readers have the attention span of a gnat, drop the “You can”) imagine how this comment was received by a group of second graders in Southern California; I’m almost positive that( again for speed drop “I’m almost positive”) if my ancestral lines had squiggled their way to Dr. Seuss I would have had a lot more clout amongst my shrewd peers.

It was a winter day when I discovered that my bloodline was blue'ish; (,) (where possible it is best not to repeat words, other than THE, AND Etc, in any adjoining sentence. It makes a piece jar for some reason. Perhaps replace “I distinctly remember it was winter” with “I remember,” --not because (lose this “because” so that you can use it in the next sentence and replace it with “that”) there was ever any differentiation (difference, perhaps in stead of differentiation. Your word is actually more correct however it doesn’t flow as well) in the Southern California season's, but because it was the time of year when the holidays were all smushed (nice word)together. I had walked directly home from school in eager pursuit of my (would you say “in eager pursuit of my” if your target is stationary? Perhaps say “eager to find”) mom--and found her seated in our kitchen gingerly spooning gooey food (swop food for stuff so that you can reuse it in your quote) from a jar labeled "BABY FOOD" into my sister Katie's mouth (perhaps choose a word to describe her mouth, although it is good as it stands). (A convention commonly used is that when a new person begins to speak or is discussed, you should start a new paragraph) My mother greeted me with the usual "Hi sweetheart, how was your day at school?" (Para) "It was good, (use a full stop to clarify that the next statement is talking about the text following it.)" I excitedly continued, " and for my homework, I get to make a tree for our family!" (para)She stopped feeding Katie's plump face and looked at me intently--"A tree?" she said(you don’t need to say “she said” because the sentence before tells us who is speaking). “My teacher said it’s not s’posed to be a real tree—just one on paper.” I then carefully opened my beloved Pee Chee folder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pee_Chee_folder


(Nice use of an inserted link) and produced the entirety of its contents--a single piece of paper, and proudly handed it to my mom. (I see the gag but it might be phrased sharper, something like, “and removed the sum total of its content, a single sheet, which I offered proudly to Mom.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Parents,

First, I want to thank all the parents that purchased Pee Chee
folders at our last book drive. With the proceeds we were able
to buy a beautiful bouquet of flowers for our (? ' )Principal's,
Ms. Walker,(/?)unfortunate stay at StoneyFace Asylum. (cute, perhaps make it more oblique; something like “as she begins her long road to recovery at the secure care centre.)

Second, I'm excited to introduce a Historical/Spatial Thinking
Skills project to our 2nd Grade curriculum this year.
The objective of this project is for your child to gain a better
understanding of the terms: Past, Present, and Future.

You will need to assist your child in:
- Making a Family Tree
- Creating a Family Timeline

Additional resources to further assist your child might include:
- Old and Recent Family Photographs
- Family Recipes, Customs, or Traditions
- Family Artifacts

Thank you,
Miss T. Chur (nice letter, it carried just the right tone)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After reading my teacher’s note, my mother started mopping up Katie’s face while she told me “you’re very lucky, because many people have already written about our family’s history. Grandpa Carey’s Family Tree is connected to Kings and Queens in a country called England, and you my little princess can use an English Royal (unfortunately its not royal if it comes from Mary, sorry it’s the pedant in me coming out) Coat of Arms from that tree.” She bent over and kissed Katie on the nose and said “and you can use it too my little pumpkin-princess.” I asked “Can Billy use it too?” “Yes, even Billy can use it.”

Just then, we heard a thud from the front door being flung open and connecting with the entry-way wall. My brother Billy ran past the kitchen in a beeline for his bedroom, shouting—“Hey Mom! Dwayne’s got a new Erector set http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erector_Set


and we’re gonna build something and blow it up!” (para)My mother shouted back “What are you going to blow it up with?”( perhaps add a description i.e. “a worried look flickering across her face.) (para)“Don’t worry, we’re just gonna use our hands.”

They continued to shout between Billy’s room and the kitchen. My mother asked “How was your day at school?”(para) “Boring! same as yesterday...same as tomorrow…,” (Para)and then she reminded him—(Perhaps remove “and then she reminded him” and put “she reminded him” at the end of the sentence.) “please do not forget to put your school clothes in the hamper!”

As I sat at the table watching my mom struggle with the release latch on Katie’s eating-throne--Billy entered the kitchen wearing his not-so-tough Toughskins http://www.searsarchives.com/brands/toughskins.htm...


; they lost their original toughness when my mom had to reinforce the knees with iron-on patches. (? re-write)( It is pretty good, just see if you can shorten it, keep the essence though it’s a nice idea) Billy (You have used his name already so replace with “He”) quickly walked to the refrigerator--and with one hand on the door handle and the other used for leverage on the countertop, he was able to break into the extra-vacuum sealed capsule and continue (This is a bit wordy, perhaps replace with something like “he broke the doors seal and in so doing continued”)the ongoing close relationship between the backside of our refrigerator door and our stove.(/?) (Para)“William!” my mother scolded, “can you please be more careful!” (Para) “Sorry Mom, but I can’t…or I’ll starve to death.”
He plucked out two slices of American cheese from a package labeled “CHEESE SLICES” and plopped them between two slices of bread, and then ran out of the house leaving the refrigerator door wide open. (I think you need to take out one reference to labelled, perhaps remove this section “from a package labeled “CHEESE SLICES”” and change the second reference to slice with pieces of bread)

By then, Katie had been freed from her throne and was tugging at her bib, “Off! Mama! Off!” (para)When my mother began to untie Katie’s bib (replace “Katie’s bib” with “it”, she looked at me and said, “Sweetie, can you close the refrigerator door for your brother, please?”(Para) I reacted with a loud sigh—as I (Change “-As I” for “and”) rolled my eyes, and (delete and) then limply got up and closed the door. (para)My mother responded to my lethargy with, “I’ll tell you what, after I change Katie’s diaper, put her down for a nap, and get dinner prepared--we can get started on your Family Tree homework (personally I would lose the word homework as it is already established). So, why don’t you go outside and play until I call you?”

As I got up to change into my play clothes (Your character has already got up, she may have sat down again but it will cause a little confusion in the readers eye), I asked, “Did Billy get to do family tree homework when he was in second grade?(insert “) (para) “Nope, you’re the first one in our family (lose “in our family” perhaps)to do family tree homework.” (para)Delighted with her answer, I planted a big kiss on Katie’s chubby cheek and skipped to my bedroom with a huge grin on my face.

I quickly changed out of my school clothes and placed them in the hamper. Just as I was about to walk out of my bedroom, my mother came in with my wailing sister and handed me a miniature boot, (para)“Here, Katie had this in her mouth. Honey, we need to be careful with small objects now that she’s scooting around.” (para)“Ughh! Mom, I really think my Barbie’s shoes are starting to walk away on their own."(is this sentence a bit grown up?) (para) As she left the room, she added, “Just remember to be more careful…” I reached into my closet and wheeled out my Barbie Country Camper http://vintage-toys.blogspot.com/2007/12/vintage-1...


. (much as I like your links it might distract the reader from the story, especially if it is for something that requires little explanation) I then extracted the bathing suit clad Barbie, who was sitting dutifully in the driver's seat, and(I would drop this “and” as it reoccurs later) pushed the white plastic lace-up boot onto her rigid foot--and drove her back to Closet Campland. I closed my bedroom door, as a preventative stray-shoe measure, on my way outside. (Nice phrase)

First, I went next-door to Old Lady Rose’s house and tugged an orange off one of her trees (don't worry--she encouraged us to do so). I sat on the curb and enjoyed my juicy snack as I watched (you could shorten this by dropping “I watched”) Billy and his friend, Dwayne, play (becomes “played”) in Dwayne’s yard across the street. And then, I went to the other-next-door, the Bourg’s house, and broke off a fat piece of their Ice Plant http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carpobrotus_edulis


(ref my earlier comment about interrupting the flow)
(shhh--cross your heart you won't tell em). Using the Ice Plant as a disposable pencil, I scrawled across the sidewalk.
m y f a m l y c o a t t r e


I was just about to go and break off another piece when the Bourg’s car pulled into their driveway—so (to keep the momentum I would drop the “so”, it’s often a word that can be done away with) I froze, dropped my worn plant pencil, and walked (is there a more descriptive word you could use here? I.e. skipped, scurried, etc.) over to where Billy and Dwayne were. (Again I would drop “where Billy and Dwayne were” and replace it with “the boys.

I approached Dwayne's yard and heard Billy say, "Okay Dwayne(people rarely use each others name when there are just two of them), let ‘er rip!” I took a seat in the grass next to a G.I. Joe doll http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G.I._Joe


(Link ?) and watched the show; (to help the flow I would swap the semi colon for a full stop. And remove the “the”) the a gyro-powered motorcycle carrying an Evel Knievel doll http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x45/DrDeath_pic...


(You have got me thinking about these links, they are usefull to a reader who has few cultural references but overall I do think that they detract from your wonderful story), climbed a 2ft. ( perhaps lose the comma) plywood ramp, jumped over a flower pot, and landed smack in the middle of a brick wall. "Oh man! that was the best one yet!" shouted Billy.(para) I picked up the G.I. Joe and asked (you don’t need to say “and asked”)"can I play dolls with you guys?"(para) "They're not DOLLS--they're ACTION FIGURES!" the boys barked in unison(nicely observed by the way). (para)"Can I play action figures with you then?" (para)"No, they're only for fourth grade boys," Billy scoffed. (para)I looked behind me and saw a bazillion (great word, I might borrow that one if I may?) little metal parts and an instruction booklet with a lot of words on it scattered across the grass. I asked—(I would lose the “I asked” the reader knows who is speaking and the question is self explanatory) "Billy, did you already blow-up the defector set?"(Para) “It’s an EEE-rek-tor set…and NO!...it was too hard to build. Go away!" (you have the boys voices just right)

"I don't have to go away." I straightened G.I. Joe's shirt and continued, "Did you know that Grandpa Carey has a tree in his yard?"

Billy snatched Joe out of my hands, and with a confused look on his face said "So, a lot of people have trees in their yards."

"I know, but Grandpa Carey has a tree that grows coats with arms, and we get to use them."

"That's so stupid!" Billy snapped. "First of all, coats don't grow on trees. And second of all, ALL coats have arms. If a coat dosn't have arms...then it's a vest."

I abruptly ( just a taste thing, but I would take out the “abruptly” as you then go on to say “indignant” the second word sets the scene really well on its own.)turned and walked indignantly towards my (our instead of my as one character is the brother) house, and when I reached my (the/ my) front yard, I shouted back across the street--"Nuh uh! Ponchos don't have arms either."



~I'm slowly workin on the rest of it~

Remaining outline:
1. Family History
2. Dinner
3. Cleanup
4. Why?
5. My completed homework

I hope my comments haven’t caused any offence. It is rare for me to go through a piece line by line like this, please take it as the compliment that it genuinely is. If I didn’t think you had it within you to be an outstanding writer I would not have bothered. There is a lot more that writers of far greater competence than I can teach you here on this wonderful site. Can I recommend a group called the Holding Pond if you do a search on WDC you will find it. I am a member and the team there are really great. If you decide to join just tell them that I think you are very much worth supporting.

Do please keep writing, and if you need help just ask.

Mike

16
16
Review of The Porch  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I liked this. It takes a lot of skill to use misdirection in just 55 words. Bravo.

Mike
17
17
Review of Science Quiz  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Nice quiz, perhaps a few more questions might be good.

Thanks

Mike
18
18
Review of The Caretaker  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (5.0)
I use the word beautiful very rarely in reviews. If a third party is reading this review then I thoroughly recommend this beautiful piece of work. The writer has a deft touch and a deep understanding of how it feels to come home from a hospital and all that it entails.

Mike
19
19
Review of Budget Crunch  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like this it has a lovely ironic twist in the tail.

Mike
20
20
Review of 99 Word Contest  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this it has a lot of charm. A worthy competitor, good luck and defiantly keep writing.

Mike

Here’s 500 Gift points to help you on your way.
21
21
Review of Face  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Beautifully written, it sets the feelings of the young girl in a clear and sensitive frame work. I knew a girl when I was a child who accidentally set fire to her nightdress; some of the kids had a name for her, to me and my friends she was Tracy, but to a bunch of them she was know simply as "Burnt Sausage".
Three decades on your story made me think of her and the sympathy and support that I hope she received.

You wrote with great insight, nicely done.

Mike
22
22
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
A really good site for advice. Thank you so much.

Mike
23
23
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you so much; I have received quite a few 'kind rejections' and had not realised that they differed from the other standard rejections. I will just keep plugging away.

Thanks again

Mike Day
24
24
Review by Mike Day
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, as always beautifully written, I smiled the whole way through. This one gave me hope as my daughter and her husband just told me i'm going to be a grandad... I thought that only happened to "old" people.

Mike
25
25
Review of Starship Sentry  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sometimes amongst the gravel you find a diamond. Bravo!
I thought this was a truly great piece of work, sorry if this comes over as a bit gushy but you really nailed it for me. The re read is a great idea it really helps to show the depth and quality of your work. I'm going to add you to my favourites list and I guarantee that I will be back to read more.

Sci-Fi has always interested me right from the days of reading John Wyndam and Ray Bradbury and I think either would have been proud of this story.

Once again Bravo!

Mike Day
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