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166 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Mike Day
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a truly wonderful piece of writing. It brings home both the inhumanity and humanity of war and peace. It will stay with me for a long time.

Thank you for this wonderfully written history.

Mike


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Mike Day
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A wonderful story.

The pace reminded me of a cat stalking along the sidewalk, hunter and prey in one and the same moment.

I particularly liked the ending, getting a glimps of an inner life where it would be too easy just to write off a character like this as two dimensional. Bravo!

I will be back to read more, count me as a fan.

Mike


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of A Moving Day  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this piece, with a small reservation; it is a great idea and an interesting situation.

I feel, and please remember this is just one dumb Brit's opinion so only worth what you want to attach to it, that it feels a little stilted in places. For instance would he really say "I'm from the moving company and I have an appointment with your mom? Is she available?" it seam's a little long winded, perhaps open with "Hi, is you're Mom in?" then have the little girl begin to interrogate him, "and you are?" she asked crossing her arms, etc.

That aside the writing is good, clear and well constructed. Perhaps think about the flashback section it ran too quickly for me.

Overall a very interesting piece that, as all great flash fiction should leaves a vivid picture and a question in the readers mind..."what happened next?"

I hope this is of help, it is the second of you're awarded reviews from the holding pond. Bravo.

Mike

PS if you ever want to bounce ideas and so forth off another fellow scribbler don't hesitate to ask.
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Review of The Ice Storm  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
Beautiful, I particularly liked the implied relationship between father and son.

I have only two small suggestions, I might have taken a little more time to describe the world around the frozen tree (unless the word count was a limit) and perhaps reworded the last sentence along the lines of:
The sunlight reflected blindingly from the snow to match the smile on the boys face..

Well something along that line anyway.

This review is part of your award from Arakun and the holding pond competition.

Bravo, nice work.

Mike
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Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)

A Beyond the waters edge review

Ref No: #219

Title: The Red Eye
Rating: 18+



*Star*
Please remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.



*Star* word count maximum 2000. 1179

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not A well executed and restrained piece of writing. Nicely done 
You write with a real feel for the old man and his culture.

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace.
I was right there with you up to the last section.

*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell.
Your descriptions are vivid and well crafted, bravo.

*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-
Other Judges are far better on this area than I so I will leave this to there skills.

*Star* Conclusion-.

I liked this story a lot; the only thing that let it down to my mind was the slightly over preachy finale. Whilst I and many others would have a lot of sympathy with your characters thoughts at the end, I think (and it is only my humble opinion) that it is more powerful to just suggest rather than state any conclusions. But hey what do I know? *Wink*


{/:times} Mike Day {/size:5}

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Review by Mike Day
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

A Beyond the waters edge review

Ref No: #218

Title: A soundtrack to eternity
Rating: 18+



*Star*
Please remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.



*Star* word count maximum 2000. 1970

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not A great piece of writing, It captured my attention and never let it go until the end, Bravo.

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace. Plot, logic and flow were fine, pace was superb.

*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell.
You took me for a journey into a place that I have never seen and gave me time to look around.

*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-
Other Judges are far better on this area than I so I will leave this to there skills.

*Star* Conclusion-.
Genuinely one of the best pieces of writing that I have read in quite a while, nice one.


{/:times} Mike Day {/size:5}
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Review of Freedom In Death  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

A Beyond the waters edge review

Ref No: #209

Title: Freedom in Death
Rating: ASR


This review is part of the Beyond the waters edge flash fiction competition for August.
The prompt for August was to use the following words: windmill, crow, siren, nobody, grouch, sunflower.

*Star*
Please remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.



*Star* word count maximum 2000. 855

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not
This is an interesting piece that takes a thoughtful look at the plight of an elderly man. I would suggest that some areas need a little work to raise the quality of the story. For example: “looking at him as though he was trying to picture him younger.” It would be difficult for anyone to guess what he was thinking to that extent. Or. “such as a hang-gliding accident or a fall of the cliff of a mountain” I guess it might be better as “such as a hang-gliding accident or a fall from a cliff or mountainside.”

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace.

In a couple of places you contradict yourself and this causes the reader to step out of the story to try to work out what you intended. Example: “there must be at least a hundred different varieties, all of which he hated.” Then, “He did not hate the flowers or the fresh air, but rather the institution itself.”

*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell. How they fit into the setting of the piece.
Some of your descriptions are really good, others, I think, need more thought. I sincerely doubt that anyone, even someone desperate, would consider a fiery death as sweet, choking is horrifying and burning is agony.

*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-

Here I bow to the other judges as this is not my strong field.
*Star* Conclusion-.

You have some real flashes of talent, if I may give some advice, try writing in a simpler style and concentrating on making the whole piece more coherent within itself.

I enjoyed reading your work, good luck
{/:times} Mike Day {/size:5}
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Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (5.0)

A Beyond the waters edge review

Ref No: #206

Title: Just-In-TIme-Jitesh
Rating: E


This review is part of the Beyond the waters edge flash fiction competition for August.
The prompt for August was to use the following words: windmill, crow, siren, nobody, grouch, sunflower.

*Star*
Please remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.



*Star* word count maximum 2000. 759

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not First of all may I just say Thank you. This was a wonderful piece of writing; I recommend it to everyone who loves good writing. I regret that I cannot offer much by way of advice. All I can suggest is that the first paragraph could perhaps give a stronger indication of place.

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace.
Beautifully paced, not overblown or obtuse a truly great piece of writing.

*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell. How they fit into the setting of the piece. To me this was the best bit of the work, I could almost taste the wonderful food.

*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-

I am not the right person to comment on this area, other judges will be more qualified.

*Star* Conclusion-.
A great piece of writing that left me smiling and determined to find the time to read more of your work. The best compliment I can give is this, if I had purchased a book of short stories and this was amongst them I would think it money well spent.

{/:times} Mike Day {/size:5}
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Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.0)

A Beyond the waters edge review

Ref No: #205

Title: The old man and the Crow
Rating: ASR


This review is part of the Beyond the waters edge flash fiction competition for August.
The prompt for August was to use the following words: windmill, crow, siren, nobody, grouch, sunflower.

*Star*
Please remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.



*Star* word count maximum 2000. 684 (Count not on the piece)

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not
There are some very poetic patches in this story that suggest that you may well have talent. It is told in the first person and would, I think, be better off in the third person. If you show rather than tell people will feel more drawn into your story.

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace.
There is not a very strong plot, and no significant ending. A story should have some significant event or conclusion to leave the reader with a feeling of completion. I’m sorry to say that if there was one I must have missed it.


*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell. How they fit into the setting of the piece.
The piece really did have a feeling of poetry about it; the first paragraph in particular had a taste of real quality.
*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-

I’m not the best person to judge this, I will leave that to my fellow judges who won’t lead you astray.

*Star* Conclusion-.
Poetry is a very useful adjunct to writing short stories but only after the basic tools have been applied. I look forward to reading more of your work.

PS I think you might want another word, rather than waylaying, it means to stop or grab hold of something.

{/:times} Mike Day {/size:5}
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Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)

There is a place on Cricket Lake that is my favorite place on earth. It’s up near the old WINDMILL and it is like no other place in the world.
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Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great idea and an interesting challenge, thanks.

Mike
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Review of Paid In Full  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

*Star*
{c:}redPlease remember these are only my personal thoughts; if any opinion causes offence then please accept my apologies, as none was intended.
{/c:red}


I have been asked by Arakun to review this story as part of your prize from beyond the waters edge. I have to say how delighted I was to read this wonderful story.

*Star* Initial impression- An overall look at the piece, what’s good and what’s not
This is, as I have already said, a wonderful story, told with real skill and polish. You use a style of voice that is particularly dear to me, the crisp dry direct statement of facts interspersed with telling minutiae that paint an impression straight onto the minds eye. The only passage that broke out for me was the section about the casserole gene. One of the constant threats to great writing is the bright idea. By that I mean that a clever description or perfect phrase is so appealing to the writer that it makes it onto the page despite adding little or nothing to the work. One of the best pieces of advice that I ever received was this : If you really like a particular section then you probably need to cut it out. Sounds counter intuitive however I find as I slowly improve that it feels truer each day.

*Star* Plot- Flow, logic and pace.
The plot is relatively straight forward, nice twist at the end that is not over played, bravo. The pace is excellent and the whole hangs together with a coherent logic.


*Star* Setting- Sight, Taste, Sound, Feel and Smell. How they fit into the setting of the piece.
The piece is light on sensory input, however to my personal taste it is seasoned just right. The story carries the reader without filling details that are not pertinent.

*Star* Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation-
Here I admit, you could probably give me lessons. Not my strong point but I could detect no errors.

*Star* Conclusion-

The story is well written, you obviously have real talent. I intend to read more of your work. Once again may I say that this story was quite wonderful, bravo.


{/:times}Mike Day{/c:blue}{/size:5}
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Review of Tommy Turtle  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I really liked this piece, it worked really well. The only question I have is the last paragraph, I am probably being a bit thick but how is he catapulted forward? Is it the truck wheel?

Nice writing,

Mike
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Review of Science Quiz  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Nice quiz, perhaps a few more questions might be good.

Thanks

Mike
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Review of The Caretaker  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (5.0)
I use the word beautiful very rarely in reviews. If a third party is reading this review then I thoroughly recommend this beautiful piece of work. The writer has a deft touch and a deep understanding of how it feels to come home from a hospital and all that it entails.

Mike
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Review of Budget Crunch  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like this it has a lovely ironic twist in the tail.

Mike
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Review of 99 Word Contest  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this it has a lot of charm. A worthy competitor, good luck and defiantly keep writing.

Mike

Here’s 500 Gift points to help you on your way.
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Review of Face  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Beautifully written, it sets the feelings of the young girl in a clear and sensitive frame work. I knew a girl when I was a child who accidentally set fire to her nightdress; some of the kids had a name for her, to me and my friends she was Tracy, but to a bunch of them she was know simply as "Burnt Sausage".
Three decades on your story made me think of her and the sympathy and support that I hope she received.

You wrote with great insight, nicely done.

Mike
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Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
A really good site for advice. Thank you so much.

Mike
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Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you so much; I have received quite a few 'kind rejections' and had not realised that they differed from the other standard rejections. I will just keep plugging away.

Thanks again

Mike Day
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Review by Mike Day
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, as always beautifully written, I smiled the whole way through. This one gave me hope as my daughter and her husband just told me i'm going to be a grandad... I thought that only happened to "old" people.

Mike
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Review of Starship Sentry  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sometimes amongst the gravel you find a diamond. Bravo!
I thought this was a truly great piece of work, sorry if this comes over as a bit gushy but you really nailed it for me. The re read is a great idea it really helps to show the depth and quality of your work. I'm going to add you to my favourites list and I guarantee that I will be back to read more.

Sci-Fi has always interested me right from the days of reading John Wyndam and Ray Bradbury and I think either would have been proud of this story.

Once again Bravo!

Mike Day
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Review of The Blue Grain  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really liked this work, it had passion and focus, a truly well writen piece.

My only advice is to revise the last three paragraphs. You need to look at the ending because it wraps up too neatly; there would be a court case and interviews with the authorities etc. Your story is so good it deserves the time to end well.

Keep writting, you have real talent.

Mike
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Review of Average  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I loved this story, however it threw me for a moment that you wrote "exiting" when, I assume, you meant exciting.

Other than that spot on, well done.

Mike
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Review of There is Hope  
Review by Mike Day
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your piece has an honesty and clarity that is quiet wonderful. Keep writing as you say more you will find you have still more to say.

All the best

Mike
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