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146 Public Reviews Given
146 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest but not cruel. My aim isn't to completely destroy your will to live and write... but equally if something isn't right I'll tell you. My reviews are often very rambly, but in great detail.
I'm good at...
Grammar... if you need a proof reader I'm the person for you!! A range of writing styles... poetry, short stories, scripts... I love reading all of these! Highlighting the positives as well as the negatives! It's important to know what you do well and what works in a piece (often it's hard to see it yourself).
Favorite Genres
Confessional writing, exploring personal experiences and emotions. But anything really, I'm not fussy...
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica and romance (purely because I don't read any in order to give a knowledgeable opinion on it for reviews)
Favorite Item Types
Poems, short stories. character summaries or plans etc. - the bare bones of an idea. I also really love reading scripts! As a scriptwriter myself I'm always keen to see other people's styles.
Least Favorite Item Types
Longer stories because I don't have enough patience for them unless they're really gritty.
I will not review...
Erotica Anything racist/homophobic/ prejudiced... you get the idea. This includes any satire mocking these topics.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Letter From Home  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is so sad! I love it! I love the refrain, and how it jars completely with the other stanza's form and rhyme etc.
Small thing, and it could just be me; that final line for me felt odd. I can't exactly say why but I find that reading it as "AND they have for 80 years" rather than "as" ????
Then again, that might just be me reading it funny. Apart from that line, this really struck deep and was a very emotive poem.
Keep Writing :)
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52
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this poem, it's really inspirational.
The only line I disliked was "To Fulfill it soon" perhaps it might read better in a another way; I understand that as they are haikus you need to reach a certain word count, but maybe play around with the line a little?
Overall, great poem with a great message - if only it were as simple and wonderful as you make it seem
Keep Writing :)
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53
Review by
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I love this!
I especially loved the stanza with "Buy this buy that" because it really summed up the whole poem excellently and communicated your feelings.
One suggestion: perhaps you could add in a second "the" in the line "The innocence and empathy" to become "the innocent and the empathy". For me this would make the line much more rhythmic. I also think it will highlight these two words more by giving them their own qualifiers (? ? Is that what a "the" is?)
Overall, incredibly sarcastic and brilliant
Keep Writing :)
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54
Review by
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I love that you've written this with the rhyming scheme almost like a fable or a nursery rhyme. It makes the fantasy story seem much more real and threatening by making it a warning. I love the imagery and the way you've smoothly created rhymes (none of the words sound forced or unnatural in order to rhyme with the previous line)
One thing, in your penultimate line: "With those who love you more" both sounds more natural and makes more sense
Keep Writing :)
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55
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really love this and the structure is quite clever (I don't know what the statues of Pele look like but the idea is great)
One issue with your formatting (and this could just be me) I think you need to either unbold the rest of your text or underline your title as I mistakenly read it as part of the poem.
Keep Writing :)
56
56
Review of Open  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is incredibly uplifting. I love the repetition and your progression across musical instruments and I also love that you didn't maintain that form so it made the poem intriguing, not boring.
I do have one suggestion:
Perhaps, "the song speeds up" might work better as "the song crescendos" or some other word as "speeds up" seems very clunky when compared to the very smooth and sharp previous lines.
Overall, incredible poem full of joy and hope!
Keep Writing :)
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Review of Anger  
Review by
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this poem so much! I love the shift from sadness and tension into hope. I can't even really give any constructive criticism, and I'm normally excellent at unpicking writing to find flaws.
Well done!
Keep Writing :)
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58
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
this is adorable! I love it!
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59
Review by
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I really love the emotions and the imagery in this piece! You have brought to life the emotions of the character excellently!
However, I do feel that you need to go back over and look at your grammar. I feel like you have not gone back and edited this, and this is just a first or second draft, as there are several grammatical mistakes. Watch how you use your commas and make sure to use participles along with a main clause rather than just as a stand alone sentence as it doesn't make sense.
Keep Writing :)
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Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very clever!
I love that you haven't used punctuation or capitalisation, as it makes the whole poem flow in a way that is hard to achieve, especially with such a small word limit!
I also really like how you made zest italic, it changed my tone of voice from just calm and loving and into passion and intoxication, very cleverly already set up by the choice of word.
Assuming that there is no rule about form of the poem: might it be an idea to separate "my lover" as a separate stanza? I personally read it and then paused for a beat before going on (no clue why) and found that the lack of space made me read it a bit awkwardly. Try it out, it could just be me being weird.
Keep Writing :)
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Review of Free Will  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really loved this poem! I thought yours summaries of what time means really resonated with me, and I could comply empathise with the emotions in the poem.
Although I myself don't believe there is a God, your poem still created a beautiful piece of imagery and made me feel hopeful for my future by simplifying it down to something so aesthetic and containable.
Keep Writing :)
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Review of For Debbie  
Review by
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is incredibly romantic and beautiful! As someone who values friendship over romance, I would not naturally see from your point of you, but how you write about your wife completely resonates with me as how I feel for my closest friends and family - the fact that this still impacted me despite that difference shows how amazing you wrote it!
Incredibly wonderful!
Keep Writing :)
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63
Review of The Creature  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a really sweet story, and really full of hope and makes me feel calm.
Thank you for sharing!
Keep Writing :)
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64
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really love this poem, it's absolutely incredible.
I like that you have kept the lines short, giving the poem the disjointed feeling of thoughts flowing (you know how one thought flows into the next and the next and often thoughts end up unfinished)
I also love the repetition of "Focus" and how you have made it bold; I read it just as I would tell myself to Focus, so well done for achieving my inner voice!
I also love the imagery of being upside down on your bed. It's something very mundane and very relatable and you have ingeniously made it seem much more important and personal than it is. Every little moment in this poem is important, hence the stress on focusing on these moments, on each word on the page, on each moment in life.
Keep Writing :)
65
65
Review of Interpretation  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really love this piece! It's really clever and doesn't give anything away! I love your use of dialogue as it is very natural, not forced or trying to ram in plot points or context to explain things (did that make sense??)
However, I personally found the last few lines to be a bit of an anticlimax. Perhaps you could build up to an explanation something like "And then it all began to click into place..." and you could always do a sequel or something or just lengthen it. I especially think the final line seems random and unrelated to the previous feelings and emotions; if you want to keep that as a final line, perhaps introduce some internal monologue to show her thought process to get to the conclusion that she wants to become a psychiatrist.
Sorry that rambled on.
Anyway... I really did love the piece, especially the first half for its comedy but also its creepiness (a great balance between the two, something which I often struggle to find)
Keep Writing :)
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66
Review of In The Rain  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really love this! It's romantic and funny without being cliche plus I really love the rain imagery especially near the beginning.
I do have a few pointers:
- in your opening paragraph, I think the sentence "Every time I turn my head..." should perhaps start as a new paragraph, as it doesn't flow very well following the previous sentence as it is
- the sentence "When I turned back to the woman, she still stood gaping at me, wide-eyed, in a state of shock, I guessed" seems very overcomplicated. You could make it much cleaner either by splitting them into lots of ickle sentences or cutting the "I guessed" at the end and adding in a "she WAS still stood"
Overall the piece is really amazing :) I especially love, having gone back and reread it since the beginning of this comment, the imagery of her blue eyes and how that begins and ends the piece. It really leaves me with strong imagery of the woman and of the man's mindset as well.
Keep Writing :)
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Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an incredibly moving poem. The anaphora is, if a little in your face, emphatic and emotional. I love that you end-stopped the entirety of the second half of the poem, creating this disjointed feeling to an otherwise rhythmic poem. I interpreted this as physically alone, those abandoned or in poverty or in other terrible scenarios however I could also interpret this as emotional alone. I found it interesting that you used the pronoun "He"; specifying the gender of the child helped bring forward a stronger image of a child - a boy - alone in the dark, however also disrupted by train of thought as before that I had been visualising a girl. it in no way ruined the poem, but perhaps is is something to think about?
Keep Writing :)
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Review of The Bird  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really love this poem; it's incredibly calming and hopeful, helped by the genius rhyme scheme and regular stanzas. It's a beautiful story in itself, well thought up!
Keep Writing :)
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Review of Winter Feelings  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really love the poem and this is often how I feel about winter (although, then again, I do really love it). I love the half-rhyming scheme which gives it a lovely rhythm and enables me to easily read the poem without making it boring. I also really love the adjectives you use, especially "dark, dank weather"; "Dank" is a word a very rarely see used, so I especially loved that you didn't just stick to the stereotypical adjectives.
However, I do have a few suggestions:
In the final stanza (unfortunately, my least favourite section of the poem) I feel that you could have phrased things a bit better. "O winter will you last so long" might sound better as "Oh, winter why do you last so long?" or "Oh, winter, you who lasts so long,". Also, the final line "And spring would put on me it's kiss" might work better as "And spring would gift me it's sweet kiss" or something of those lines. Those lines feel clunky when compared to the elegance of the rest of the poem (perhaps you were so amazing for the rest that the mediocracy of the final lines stands out terribly)

Overall, a really wonderful poem with tones of humour and of sadness - a bittersweet mix which I really love! I could really put myself in the emotions of the speaker and really sympathised with them.
Keep Writing :)
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70
Review by
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like this poem, especially the rhyming scheme which mostly feels completely natural to the story. I also love the "silliness" of the second stanza, and I personally interpreted it quite creepily, like a nursery rhyme gone wrong kind of thing. I also really loved that each stanza wasn't quite the same, although there was still a familiarly to each of them due to the rhyming scheme, because it kept me as a reader on my toes, keeping me intrigued and thoughtful rather than just chanting out words.
Keep Writing :)
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71
Review of Mirror, Mirror  
Review by
Rated: E | (3.5)
Wow this is really creepy!!! I really loved the twist at the end, the shift in perspective and the confusion of evil and goodness.
I do have a few suggestions; it's mostly nitpicky stuff so I'll give you a few things and then if you want me to go over alllll of it I can do that too (I don't want to impose on your writing too much)
The phrase near the beginning of your piece - "I was off in a jiffy" - doesn't sit with me too well. "Jiffy" seems too much a casual term and breaks the tension of the moment that you so excellently built in the lines previous. I suggest instead maybe try "I was out like a light" or "I was off in seconds" or something.
Also, in the line "but nothing, nobody was there" the grammar doesn't quite work. Try instead "I looked outside but nothing - nobody - was there" for a better flow for the reader.
Finally, the specificity of "for two minutes I just sat there frozen" again disrupted the flow of the piece. Perhaps just simplify it to "I sat there, frozen in fear" or something similar.
(I do have tonnes more suggestions so feel free to reply)

HOWEVER the piece in its entirety was amazing!
I really loved the repetition of "everything was alright" at the end, making the phrase seem really ominous and foreboding; clearly the horror will not end here, giving the reader a creepy feeling even when the piece itself is over.
I also really loved the continuous short paragraphs, often only one sentence long, in the second half of the piece. This was of course partly due to the imposing thoughts and speech but even beyond that, the way you structured the paragraphs was really disjointed (in a good way) and added to the horror of the scenario.

Overall a really amazing piece.
Keep writing :)
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Review of The Last  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an absolutely incredible piece of poetry and fantasy! I love that you have maintained the rhyming scheme throughout so effortlessly; at no point did any of the rhymes feel awkward, as if you'd fitted a sentence in just for the rhyme, at all.
I have a few suggestions:
The one "They had hunted him fast, like an eagle a lark" The "eagle a lark" doesn't make much sense to me - perhaps you need a comma? Also, could you use other creatures, perhaps some that are more famous for being hunted to extinction? I appreciate the flying similarities and that eagles, especially in America, are symbols of power so I do see where you are coming from.
"began to search out" for me could be better phrased as "were searching about" but then again that means you are using the same rhyme for the word.
"They out numbered him well, and he gave all his might" "and" would be better as "but"
"would sure be his last" seems clunky but I can't think of another way of putting it so maybe just rethink it (sorry that probably wasn't a very helpful suggestion, was it?)
You don't need the comma between "tonight is the night" and the rest of the sentence. This is the case in a few sentences so maybe look over the sentences for incorrect comma placement.

Overall though, absolutely incredible! I love the story, it really felt like I was in some medieval realm, part of the action! I also love the rhythmical feeling of the poem which made it feel like a fable or nursery rhyme, only adding to that medieval effect.
Keep Writing :)
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Review of Good Gold!  
Review by
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is genius! I really love the opening paragraph and how you question all the physics of the realm with your side notes. The story is so inventive and the way its written has really maximised the comedic effect!
I also really love the circular narrative; opening the story like that created tension for us and created an ominous feeling throughout the comedic exchange between the speaker and the leprechaun - whilst it was funny, we also knew from the opening that it wasn't going to end well.
However I found the sentence "I was contemplating whether I could take this leprecaun" a bit difficult to read. I initially read it as 'steal' the leprechaun rather than 'fight' the leprechaun, which was (obviously, just a bit) confusing. That could just have been my weird brain though!
Keep Writing :)
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Review of Never, I Say!  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really funny and clever! I really love that you directly address the typewriter as if it were living - it really creates a hilarious sense of drama and emotion.
Suggestion: would the opening line be more impactful with an exclamation mark or a colon? Maybe it's just the way I read it but I found that the dash felt a bit clunky for an opening line, especially as the following lines are so comedically dramatic.
Keep Writing :)
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Review of My conduit  
Review by
Rated: E | (4.5)
Although I'm not religious (and I believe I am correct in saying that this is a poem praising your deity) this poem was incredible beautiful and really provided me with some breathtaking imagery. It spoke of peacefulness and happiness but not necessarily in the present but in the hope of the future, in the anticipation of the future (does that make sense?)
I really loved the lack of end-stops (save for the question mark) to create a really clever flow throughout the poem - where do the lines end and begin? where do the spiritual and hope and emotion all end and begin? And again, I love that the question mark breaks that pattern, reflecting the doubt and fear we feel in everyday life.
That fact that I am atheist and this still evoked such emotions and imagery shows how excellently you have written this poem.
Keep Writing :)
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