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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nequam95
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43 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Memorial Day  
Review by Anthony
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like your style, you have realistic characters. These bugs are scary and unstoppable, this is good to have in a horror story. Although I enjoyed your story, I think that it should have ended a page earlier, after this line "There’s something on your leg…" The bugs were scary and unknown, and they were spreading. However, you started to explain it afterwards which took away from the horror. In the last scene you make even more explanation, and then you end the story by showing us that the infestation is spreading. It serves well as an ending, but the previous part did the same thing, and it was a lot more horrifying due to the bugs' unknown nature.

I hope I could help with your story, write on!
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2
Review by Anthony
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Great short story!

I like your style, you did an excellent job with the characters. I thought Soleil would beat Jude or at least find a way to escape her. I'm glad that she didn't, it surprised me since I rarely read a story with a bad ending.
I could use some insight behind the actions of these characters. I know that you had to keep it short, but it feels a bit shallow.

Thank you for the story, write on!
3
3
Review of Apocalyptic Roach  
Review by Anthony
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I never thought I would feel sympathy for a roach. I have to admit, we can be very scary for them since we are big and careless - we can easily step on them by accident. Although we could kill them deliberately, and that is even more terrifying for roaches, since they can't comprehend the reason behind our actions.

I didn't find any mistakes. Good job :)
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Review by Anthony
Rated: E | (4.0)
I generally like this story. It is well written, although I found it a bit messy due to the different perspectives and the song that was placed between the lines. I'm glad you choose The Sound of Silence, it gave a sad tone to the text.

Thank you for the story, I hope I could help with it :)
5
5
Review of Fired  
Review by Anthony
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
It's a great idea to make the reader a part of the story. I'm glad about the cure, it's good to know humanity has some chance to cure the disease. The "protagonist" will be safe as well, although I don't believe that releasing the virus was an acceptable option. What if it would have stricken decades later? Or maybe it wouldn't have occurred in the first place? The protagonist became an antagonist by the end. It's a good twist, although it erased my attachment to the character.

I hope i could help with your story, write on! :)
6
6
Review of Matthew's Road  
Review by Anthony
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

The story surprised me in the end. I really thought Matthew died, and he got to this strange form of afterlife. Although it looks like he was in come, dreaming about the entire thing.
The story is carried out well, although I found strange sentence:
"Most everyone I knew from the firm to my brother acted like high schoolers until the bells rang and the rice flew" I think the "most" is not necessary in here.

Great story, write on! :)
7
7
Review by Anthony
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting short story. You didn't use any kind of narration, yet I was able to understand the most of it. Smoking can indeed have bad side effects, although it has its own uses as well. I think balance is the key :)

As I said, I was able to understand the most of it. This is the line that gave me some trouble:
“Before you were Death, what were you?” I see what you are trying to do, but I don't understand how this question arose. An actual person wouldn't ask this in this situation, at least I don't see the thought process that lead to this question. In here it would be nice to use some narration to explain the thought process of your protagonist.

Great story, I'm glad I've read it! I hope my review helpful! Write on :)
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Review by Anthony
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting! I was surprised when the old man jumped ott the cliff, and then I was surprised again that he actually started to fly. Although I have to admit, the story would have more impact, if the old man jumped into his death. It would have been shocking.

I found a lot of expressions in brackets. I think you should remove them from the story, because it makes it difficult to read. Otherwise I could have read it fluently from the beginning to the end.

I hope I could help with your story. Write on! :)
9
9
Review by Anthony
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Very nice short story! Even though I'm a foreigner, I thought a lot about that day. The world could have been very different place if Kennedy survives that day, and who knows, maybe a line in the newspaper would have been enough to convince him to change his plans for today. Or it might not have been, we will neve know.

Thank you for the story! Write on!
10
10
Review of Sole Survivor  
Review by Anthony
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Amazing short story! It made me think for a while, there are a lot of deep thoughts in it. You didn't have too much space to show us how the world ended, but you did an excellent job doing so. I couldn't find any mistake in the text either.

Good job! :)
11
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Review by Anthony
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Awesome short story!

I think it was very well written. Being alone is not the best thing, especially not in adult life, when it is much easier to work things out together, as a team.
The ending is quite absurd, but I like it that way. I thought the protagonist is someone around 25, maybe 28 looking for a husband, but it turns out it's an old lady who is alone, and I suppose, she doesn't want to die alone. It's sad, but that's life, you know, it's just not fair.

Thank you for the story!
12
12
Review by Anthony
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting, sad story. The tone works fine in here, and the situation seems realistic to me. In the end I feel like there could be more into this, I think a large twist at the end would work really well in here.
Also, you are using the name of your characters way too much in the dialogues, I think you should get rid of the most of them.

I hope I could help with your work, write on! :)
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Review by Anthony
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Interesting short story. It starts out as a casual, slow going story, the man in the mask appeared just in the right time. Tho robbery itself was realistic, these kind of situations really make me think about certain things.

Thank you for the story! :)
14
14
Review of A Rogue No More  
Review by Anthony
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting short story. I like your style, it's easy to read the story. I have to admit, I don't really understand the end, I think you should work on it a little.

I hope I could help with your story, write on!
15
15
Review by Anthony
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I like this story. The characters are interesting, I like your style, the narration works fine in my opinion. I'm not an expert in terms of English, but I had no trouble here with new words.
The world in interesting, I read many science-fiction books, I've seen some similar things, but I ultimately think there is enough unique things in here. Although you should work on getting new information to the readers, in the beginning, I felt I am lost in this world.

Good job :)
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