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3,092 Public Reviews Given
3,093 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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476
476
Review of Framing  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You've done an excellent job of laying out the backstory without resorting to telling as many writers do.

The segment of the story also leaves us with plenty of brewing conflict and the potential for other drama.

This is nicely done for a first draft and could make a super story, once you've edited out the wordiness and tightened it a bit.
477
477
Review of Meaning of Life  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
The train runs through the station from your pen,
revealing things that we've all seen before.
Yet painted with strong and hearty ken,
to keep us reading on for even more.

Our clueless search of happiness begins
when hope and grim reality set in.
We shiver, watching others score the win,
and try to give our lives an upbeat spin.

Now, forward through the tunnel past the snow,
imagining the green of promised land.
At last, we see a light and think we know
the time when nature takes us by the hand.

You've made us wonder, will this be the year?
And shows us how our outlook checks our fear.

Nicely done,
Norbanus
478
478
Review of His Forever Love  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
I could not bear the thought of going on,
not in the state of mind when we last spoke.
So, thoughts turned quickly to my being gone
to shuffle off the pain and mortal cloak.

When darkness veiled the bright and shining light
and caused this shift within my love of life
My nature should have saved me with its fright.
I pray that I can somehow end this strife

As agony caroused within my mind
And issues went from thoughts to something more,
the nerve I thought had but could not find;
defies the joy of lying on the floor.

Why have I failed to answer my own cry?
Oh, God, I can not even say good-bye.
479
479
Review of Man-Spell  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
In search of truth— we damn (and doubt) ourselves
With insecurities we've never solved,
So we consult the self-improvement shelves
To learn how such dilemmas can be resolved.

In search of where we are— we look behind
To find the keepers we did not collect,
And in the rearview, where a spot is blind,
We rip our backs with whips of retrospect.

In search of certainty— we plan tomorrow
with higher aspirations than today.
And so we spend the now to beg and borrow,
And treat today as if it’s in the way.

In search of peace— we rarely look inside.
We look behind, ahead, or maybe not;
But try to find someone who'll match our stride
Sometimes that does not work with who we've got
480
480
Review of High Hopes  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
To keep things to one's self is not so bad.
The feet avoid that holding to the fire.
We see ourselves, now grieving what we had
and tell ourselves it's ours. (what we desire)

With logic now, she tries to find a way,
but, all those losses are still much too young.
She grabs the chance and promptly ruins her day
and finds her foot upon hell's bottom rung.

With sadness and regret, she's flunked the test.
Determination holds the higher ground.
She knows now that she's done her very best.'
We'll sneak a peek and see just what she's found
481
481
Review of Last days  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
In search of truth— we damn (and doubt) ourselves
With insecurities we have never solved,
So we consult the self-improvement shelves
To learn how such dilemmas are resolved.

In search of truth— we wheel and look behind
To find the keepers we did not collect,
And in the rearview, where a spot was blind,
We rip our backs with whips of retrospect.

In search of truth— we're certain that tomorrow
Holds higher aspirations than today,
And so we spend the now to beg and borrow,
And treat today as if it’s in the way.

In search of love— we rarely look beside.
We look within, behind, ahead, or not;
But with a glance at those who match your stride—
MissRena stirs our memories a lot.
482
482
Review of The Fall of Gods  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (4.0)
Gods in decline, but also on the rise.
Can on defy what is not truly known?
We hear the truth revealed, but is that wise?
Let's turn our headphones up. (Now we're alone.)

This yarn could go 'most anywhere from here.
Potential for a series could be found.
What is that rumbling sound? Is it a cheer?
Tsidia draws in readers all around.

In truth, the tales of Gods and all such stuff
can turn yarn from good to something great.
Then maybe left alone, is just enough
to show there's more to come, it's nor too late.

This yarn does not quite take us where you said.
Thoughts of mankind's rise still fill my head
483
483
Review of Circle: Chapter 1  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (4.0)
You might have the beginning of a story here. But, who knows. It hasn't gone anywhere yet.

Here are a few suggestions for editing SPAG:

A hall of(cut 'first use of 'of') full of people wants(want) to take a last look of mine(use 'me' instead of 'mine') as if I won't be there tomorrow, yeah hall of(cut 'of') full of people,(insert space)I was famous at my Village,(insert space)or still I(cut 'I') am for 14 more days (insert ',') as far as(cut 'as'--insert 'in the future as') I can guarantee. Looking at those faces, I can assure one thing which is that they completely believed that(cut 'that') I must be having fun after death and as by now, (insert 'have')seen the heaven. One thing which let me down,(insert space)is(insert 'that') no one is crying her heart out. I know, I was 71, will be 71, still my charm is irresistible. Lets focus on me for one time, can you all (remove space)! Where(Capitalize 'Where') to start to describe the world which I am in right now, Its(use 'It' instead of 'its') looks kind of (insert 'the')same or If I say exactly same. One good part of being dead is that you are back to being the boss of your life, I mean death or life, as it is a new life after death, like whatever who cares! so no responsibility of any kind, just one thing don't scare people. I haven't tried myself yet cuz it just been a while here, it is advisory for people who will do it, you may get caught, I have seen we are getting caught by idiotic tantriks ,common(use 'come on' instead of 'common') guys we can do better. So(cut 'so') be responsible here. While I screamed this words out ,I got surrounded by many like me ,not exactly like me, but look descent enough for their age, I mean seriously eyes still working in skeletons are decently fancy looking, isn't it. One of them came ahead ,told me something like Who are You? cuz I am smart man and can read lips. I thought god will come to receive me after death but ... these people ain't bad either, I can see my future in them.
484
484
Review by Norbanus
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The Lupine POV, not cheer nor glum.
It gives us things to feel that we've not known.
We see the path, but we'll not sound the drum,
just turn our headphones up. We're not alone.

This yarn could go 'most anywhere from here.
Potential for a series could be found.
What is that rumbling sound? Is it a cheer?
The Snowpaw draws in readers all around.

In truth, the tales of dragons and such stuff
can turn yarn from good to something great.
Then maybe left alone, is just enough
to show there's more to come, but it's too late.

This yarn does not quite take us where you said.
How he became a wolf still fills my head
485
485
Review of exhaustion  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
exhaustion tells us all we need to hear
but then you paint what we've not seen before.
At sixteen digging bone, you plant the fear
and let us hope there won't be something more

But we, sad optimists, cannot derive
the horror waiting in those middle lines.
It grasps its hold, and then we scrape and strive
to make ourselves see grief as it defines.

We're breathless at the things you let us know
and think 'we'll need some help to understand.'
A whiff of rotting soul invades the air
and screams a silent plea across the land.

Perhaps now that you've given us a peek
you'll find the lost forgetfulness you seek.
486
486
Review by Norbanus
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A verse to ponder Shadowlands and stuff.
I peek beneath the form and see the glow,
Where verse is simple, logic is enough
To give the reader all he needs to know.

What should that rip and tear leave in its wake?
a body; is it lacking couth and grace?.
I sniff the lines for just a clue to make
this tale to tell us more than is the case.

Ah, there! In graceful free-verse at the end
we see the logic shine before it leaves.
Eureka! There’s the answer, now we know.
There’s more to meet the eye and no one grieves.

A kiss resolves, when in the final stand
the verse comes around at last to shake your hand
487
487
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (3.0)
Eight deadly sins, as dainty as a bull,
awaits determination in the end.
We know no other thoughts and it is we
who turn our scattered notions to a trend.

You promise strong ideas on a roll,
and show that thoughts can move those restless feet.
But, knowing all will never pay the toll
Pig-headedness will only bring defeat.

When reading of persistence in this way,
we know illusion makes us think it's true.
But claiming 'we are right' with naught to say,
is tantamount to nothing left to do.

We hear how great it is to hold one's ground,
but knowing all is where despair is found.
488
488
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
KidAwesome grabs my pride and turns it red
with questions thick and fast for all to see.
But are the doubts much better once they've fled?
Now, let us fill the blank, so we can flee.

Advice from those who know all things is fine.
It fills our heads with notions, slow yet fleet.
We swear we have the guts to walk the line
with heads down in the sand, our last retreat.
489
489
Review by Norbanus
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
When recognizing strength and thought as one
this wordsmith shows a plan of some renown.
Some pray, then learn that they have jumped the gun.
We wait. Religion builds divine meltdown

This plan could take us anywhere from here
but underneath madrasas lead the prayer.
What is that rumbling feeling? Is it fear?
It is. The glue which holds both Earth and air

When reading of jihad all such stuff,
we wonder how a bit of it is true.
But then we see good sense is we are not enough
to shake destruction from the things we do.

Perhaps someone will gain from what you said,
if 'God' thoughts don't erupt in some fool's head.
490
490
Review of WHAT YOU SCATTER  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
You've left us with a delightful, meaningful story, sindbad. I wish there was a better way to reward this story. The tale certainly exemplifies your observation ITS NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED.

Super job, sindbad,

Norbanus
491
491
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
Tim Chiu's rhyming couplets he’s deposed,
leave little doubt determination’s root,
is powered by a need left unexposed.

Beneath the automatic aim, which we all know,
are pinned a star upon this solid tread,
but better logic here will clearly show
futility of plunging on ahead.

This gem inspires us in so many ways.
It can not be shoved underneath the rug.
We rant and rave, “Why can’t we win some days?
Why not step back and fill the holes we’ve dug.

When searching for our completions hard and fast
and lose sight of the fact our house is glass.
492
492
Review by Norbanus
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
It's surprising how facing that moment of truth clarifies so many issues. Some of us who have experienced the situation will see ourselves in your story.

If this is fiction, I'd like to congratulate you on capturing the emotions (or lack of emotions) exposed in rehashing old notions, which seemed important from that previous perspective. The segment of the doe makes me think that it is probably fiction.

If this is a personal experience, You deserve even more credit for finding a way to put the issues onto the page.

All the best,

Norbanus
493
493
Review of Sacred Silence  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)

The nowhere path to nothing that we see
is shown here in a verse that's clear and sound.
We know the world of poetry would be
so different if such poems weren’t around

You point to silence, foolishness, and glee,
as we trudge on, unable now to cope.
We hold our place with no thought where we'll be
Forever's sad embrace, our last retreat.

Some claim these games are squandering our time.
But don’t believe a bit of that is true.
For all the bleary eyes (not worth a dime)
we're fending questions of what else to do?

The answers lie in doubt, despite what’s said.
Destination stays the same until we're dead.
494
494
Review of He Sits  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)

The lonely man appears and we all hear
a story like none that we have heard before.
The surface cracks but there is naught to fear
The sitting man shows hope but nothing more

We, clueless optimists, find thoughts alive
and send forth notions green for catching root.
they grasp hold and seems they’re gonna thrive.
But does the sitting man yet give a hoot?

New thoughts appear and that is quite a show.
The crowd moves in and tries to give a hand.
By wiping up the soda, they all know
they're doing deeds magnificent and grand.

Delightful how you’ve shown this cautious peek
into a search for something we all seek.
495
495
Review of The Memory Girl  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (4.0)
If this is that summary line (A story about a girl and she can recall memories from everyone and say them exactly.) we all search for when trying to boil our novel down to a single line, you've done an outstanding job.

The rest of that stuff where Miranda calls Solie for dinner is just a waste of keystroke. But then, it doesn't matter if this is, as it appears, just random thoughts trying to organize themselves into a plotline. That's the way most appear. Just a few thoughts trying to find a pattern to make a story.

I'd sure like to see the summary (or the completed story) when you get it together.

Cheers,

Norbanus
496
496
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nice job of showing how the internet can help a struggling education system and at the same time providing the community with opportunities to exchange material items as well.

In all likelihood, you have shown us a glimpse of future, education standards.

Nicely done,

Norbanus
497
497
Review of changes  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
One day aboard the site, this hearty soul,
has grabbed the oars and given quite a tug
To show a new perspective on the role,
of shining light into the holes we’ve dug.

But buried ‘mongst the tidbits where they fall,
are little truths that we have seen before.
They shine there, just like beacons on the wall,
of artifacts which we've been searching for.

In truth, the frozen darkness clings so deep,
we leap forth when we grasp that moment’s gem.
It's left there, giving us the chance to reap
the joy of finding truth in each of them.

Perhaps the verse that floated from your mind,
contains one more, which I have yet to find.
498
498
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
The jagged glare of truth comes shining through
as we peek underneath the shining prose.
your words reveal the mud and rotting too
and turns us to the breeze to clear our nose.

Can knowing truly bring us to the light?
The nearly perfect essay makes us think,
that wisdom may yet fit, to our delight
instead of righteousness, where it would stink.

Now, reaching for the parchment’s purist page
we touch upon the facts and final truth.
If left alone to ponder just the rage,
we might deprive ourselves of the uncouth.

To know all things, will show us but the trim
and leaves what’s underneath remote and dim.
499
499
Review of Genesis 6:9  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
The windswept claims of dry eyes fill the air,
it keeps me reading on to find the why.
But on I go, with nothing much to fare.
I see my wet-eyed self and start to sigh.

The middle lines turn pondering to fun
and lets me conjure up those random fears.
No longer there, that urge to cut and run.
We look again at feelings through the years.

The crisis comes, and all is lost, we say.
It raises doubts, those ups and downs we know
A tear descends and I can't save the day
My dry eyes fail, and I don't end the show.

A gasp erupts upon the closing lines.
Your writing skills here shows what that defines.
500
500
Review by Norbanus
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It took a hundred years to find a way
to slow the raging poison of the smoke.
On this red flag, you've found a lot to say.
But will they listen or rebel and choke?

Then from the middle lines there comes the fun
and lets us conjure all those random fears.
We want to urge the vapers, cut and run
but they're naive as we've been all those years.

He makes a choice and 'all is lost', we say.
It raises all those ups and downs we know
A chill claims us. We cannot save the day.
The vaper takes a puff to close the show.

We gasp, as one, to see the ending woe.
Poor vaper could have simply just said ‘No!’
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