LunaMarcheršŸ„¾šŸ„¾'s (oldmans) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF
58 Public Reviews Given
58 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
2
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Review of Mirrored in your eyes  

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem is a touching tribute to the power of being seen. It reminds the reader that while we are often our own harshest critics, the eyes of those who love us offer a much kinder and perhaps truer reality.

Mirrored in Your Eyes captures that vulnerable, transformative moment when we see ourselves through the lens of someone who truly loves us, often seeing a version of ourselves we aren't yet ready to believe in.

The admission of trying to hide one's soul "from you, from all" is deeply relatable and gives the poem its emotional weight.

The final stanza moves from confusion to acceptance . It ends on a note of warmth, suggesting that being wrapped up in another's perspective can be a healing experience

The admission of trying to hide one's soul is deeply relatable and gives the poem its emotional weight.

The poem utilizes a gentle, rhythmic quality that feels like a quiet conversation or a private realization.

Very Nice Enga!

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Review of Shine On, America  

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Shine On, America is a poignant and rhythmic plea for national renewal. Spiritual Dawning, you craft a piece that feels both like a prayer and a rallying cry. You use personification to treat the nation as a living, breathing entity capable of growth, error, and redemption. The tone is beautifully balanced; it acknowledges a sense of loss while remaining vibrantly hopeful about what the future could hold.

Your poem works for its standout earnestness although the world is often cynical. You are not afraid to use words that are rather simple like Love, peace etc.
  
Shine On, America is a luminous contribution to contemporary patriotic poetry. It challenges the reader to look inward and ask how they can help the nation lead the human race through peace and love once more.

Good job, S.D.


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Review of swan song  

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Rhyssa, Your poem captures the transition between you and me. It takes a great weight yet treats it with a light touch that makes an emotional impact very strong. This poetry is a profoundly moving write. You master the pacing. The icicle metaphor is the most striking image in your poem as I see it. You wove the contest words into the poetry it a way not to feel forced at all. You chose to focus on the lingering as opposed to the ending, very nice Rhyssa! Brave, tender and relatable - Beautifully done!

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Review of Sarah Ebon  

Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Nick,this is such a fun read! Youā€™ve managed to pack an entire epic campaign into just a few stanzas. The imagery of - flying like storks to escape orcs, is so unique and the mention of the halflings and beer adds a great touch of humor. It feels like a true Love and Adventure story!
Very well done!
 ā­ā­ā­ā­ā­

Luna


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Review of Trapped in the Basement  

Rated: E | (2.0)
This is a very suspenseful start, Happy! You did a great job moving the story along quickly and creating a sense of danger. Here are a few writerā€™s tips to make your next draft even stronger.


1-
You mentioned the old man started to talk funny. If you include a specific creepy line he said, it would make the reader feel even more scared for the family!


2 -
What did the basement smell like or look like? Mentioning cold air or dim lights helps the reader picture the scene better.


3 -
It was a great choice to have the neighbor save the day. Maybe you could describe her watching through her window with binoculars to add more tension.


4 -
Keep an eye on words that sound the same but are spelled differently, like using "there" for a place and "their" for people.


Great job finishing your story-that is the mark of a true writer!


Luna


I am giving you ā­ā­ because I consider this a rough draft and am going on the hope that you will keep working on it. Send me a message when you do and I will come back.


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Review of Peace Out  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Off the cuff - This is a very cool - interesting article! It seems and I see it a lot lately that England has it's tree branching near everywhere. Some of the sentences are long as I needed to catch my breath a few times while reciting. Love it though and for that I give it ā­ā­ā­ā­ā­
Luna


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Review of Echoes Across the Stars  

Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Corin, This is a classic Uncanny Valley sci-fi setup that feels reminiscent of The Twilight Zone or Ray Bradburyā€™s The Martian Chronicles about which I am familliar with both. Youā€™ve done a great job establishing a sense of isolation and psychological dread.

The vibe is eerie and melancholic. The contrast between high-stakes space exploration and mundane suburban life works well.

Isaac is called "Isaac," "Commander," and "he." In a military sci-fi setting, sticking to "Commander" or "Isaac" consistently in narration helps the flow.

The transition from the yard to the house is a bit abrupt. The middle section where Isaac reflects on his past is strong, but it slows the physical momentum.

The moment with the floorboards creaking feels a bit like a standard horror movie. You can make it more sci-fi by having Isaacā€™s HUD glitch or having the noise be something that shouldn't be there - like the sound of a lawnmower that isn't actually moving.

The ending is your strongest beat. To make it hit harder, ensure the Waving feels intentional.

Best of luck for you,

Luna


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Review of Ribcage-d (?)  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Aria, this is breathtakingly intense. The transition from wanting to be near someone to wanting to literally dissolve and melt into their anatomy is such a powerful way to describe total devotion. I love the line about becoming the ashes that settle and fuse into every crevice - itā€™s both haunting and beautiful. Youā€™ve captured that maddening desire perfectly. The paradox at the end, wanting to be the ribs that cage you, is a stunning closing thought!


Thanks for sharing,

Luna

 Ribcage-d (?)  (E)
Hi! Im new here! Poem about a maddening need to be merged with your lover, thoughts vary
#2353130 by todoroMail Icon

todoroMail Icon

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Review of Sleepless  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Sumojo yhis is a fantastic poem! Youā€™ve managed to turn the frustration of insomnia into something poetic and witty. That ending is spot on - sometimes the morning sun arrives long before the answers do.

I really enjoyed the rhythm of Sleepless. You set a very contemplative, serious tone about looking back on life, which makes the shift in the final lines so effective. The transition from deep reflection to the practical (and humorous) need for a tot of rum gave me a great smile. Excellent balance!

This poetry is so incredibly relatable. Youā€™ve perfectly captured that midnight highlight reel of mistakes we all seem to play. I love the honesty in admitting that sometimes, despite all the pondering, we donā€™t feel any wiser-just tired! Itā€™s a very human and comforting piece.

Thanks,
Luna

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Review of Saint Paddyā€™s Day  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sumojo! This is a fantastic acrostic poem. You managed to weave together so many different layers of St. Patrickā€™s story - from the classic legend of the snakes (asps) to his personal history of being kidnapped at sixteen.

Using ST PATRICKā€™S DAY as the anchor worked perfectly. It gave the poem a great flow, moving from the history of the man to the modern celebration of the day.

Your description of Ireland as a 'green and pleasant land' and the vivid image of the snakes falling from the cliffs really brought the poem to life.

Switching to a lighter, more rhythmic tone for the 'DAY' section was a great touch. It feels like the poem itself starts to dance and celebrate by the end!


In the line 'And drink, perhaps romance?', you could consider removing the comma or tweaking the phrasing slightly to keep the rhythmic bounce of the final three lines consistent. For example: 'And drink, and find romance?'

Overall, this is a brilliant, informative, and joyful read. Great job!


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Review of Lying  

Rated: E | (4.5)
sammmMail Icon this is incredibly evocative. Youā€™ve managed to capture the heavy, 'ashen' feeling of heartbreak with a lot of grace in the poetry "Lying" 

A small suggestion (if you'd like to offer it):
The rhythm is very consistent, which makes it feel like a song. If you want to experiment, you could look at the line "Than very much" - it's a sweet sentiment, but choosing a more specific or weighted word there might match the intensity of the rest of the poem even more.

Your poem is a hauntingly beautiful exploration of the clear and plain truth behind a person's excuses. Thank you for sharing this!



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Review of Iā€™ve lived a thousand lives  

Rated: ASR | (4.5)
"Iā€™ve lived a thousand lives"  is a wonderful tribute to the transformative power of reading by robertbakerMail Icon . Youā€™ve captured that specific, almost physical immersion that happens when a book truly takes hold of its reader.

Youā€™ve perfectly articulated the vicarious nature of being a bibliophile. Itā€™s a relatable piece that would resonate with anyone who has ever felt more at home in a library than in their own living room.


Good poetry!


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Review of Light The Way  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Tee, "Light The Way"  is such a moving piece. Youā€™ve captured that delicate balance between the weight of someoneā€™s silent grief and the simplicity of what it takes to help - just a "flickering spark" or a "paused pace."
I particularly loved the imagery in the fifth stanza: ā€œstrike a match / against the dusk of someoneā€™s ache.ā€ That is a stunning way to describe the impact of a small gesture. The rhythm of the poem feels like a heartbeat, steady and comforting.


Your poetry is so evocative and clear in its mission that I found it stood entirely on its own! While your introduction was lovely, your verses are so strong and the signs you write about are so vivid that I think the reader feels your intent immediately through the rhymes alone. You have a gift for making the reader feel the strain and the hope without needing any outside context.
Thank you for being a lantern with your words that I read this Morning up here in the Northeast. This was a joy to read.


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Review of I Bleed in Ink  

Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello b.clellMail Icon I have a bit of a problem here with your "I Bleed in Ink" . I had much trouble reading it. Try indigo for a color and try Baskerville for a font (trust me).
That being said, The poem follows a rhythmic, almost song-like structure with a recurring refrain. This suggests a mantra. You repeat these words to convince themselves to stay: "The end is near, but not today."

The poem is filled with abstract, dreamlike elements (astral skies, ghosts, ink trees), but it is anchored by the very real presence of the son. You might argue that the poem is about the burden and beauty of responsibility - how love can be both a weight (it bears it all) and a lifeline.

Very good, try following my opinion in edit, let me know I'll come back šŸ‘Œ


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Review of Samā€™s Journal of Survival  

Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello teegateMail Icon This is a poignant and deeply resonant piece of character work "Samā€™s Journal of Survival " . The low-level awareness described by you captures the exhausting reality of hypervigilance far more effectively than a more dramatic portrayal would.

The pacing is excellent. The short, clipped sentences at the beginning mirror the professional, composed exterior of the character, while the longer, more introspective paragraphs toward the end reflect the emotional weight of the therapy session.


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Review of four lettered  

Rated: E | (4.0)
footnotesMail Icon, I really love the concept your poem "four lettered" . You use "four-letter words" to anchor each stage of the relationship - Hate, Hope, Like, Love - creates a strong rhythm. The transition from the "bouquet of knives" to the "stale, rotting" ending feels very authentic and raw.

You should consider the following however (in reference):

Changing "we forbidded" to "we forbade" (the past tense of forbid).

In the fourth stanza, "we stoked the flames of more" is the standard English phrasing for that metaphor.

Adding a few commas in the "no no fine okay" section might help the reader feel the "staccato" or panicked pace of that moment.

The word "yesternight" is very old-fashioned (archaic). If you desire a modern feel to match the lowercase "phone" style, you might consider "last night," though "yesternight" does have a certain poetic charm.

Your poem is a very raw, honest poem. You definitely have a talent for capturing that "stolen dream" feeling.

Write On!


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Review of Harvest Moon  

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
"Harvest Moon"  is a thoughtful, evocative piece that balances the physical imagery of a night landscape with the internal landscape of human experience.


Choosing the title "Harvest Moon" is a bold move because of its strong cultural associations - most notably, Neil Youngā€™s iconic song.
While Youngā€™s song is a gentle, romantic folk ballad centered on a relationship, This poem feels more monumental and existential.
Elizjohn has successfully reclaimed the title, though, for his own purposes. However, because the song is so ubiquitous, a reader might initially expect a moon dance vibe. His poem quickly corrects this expectation by moving toward a more stoic, structural metaphor (the spine). It works, but be aware that the shadow of the song will always linger for many readers.


The opening stanza sets a vivid scene. The choice of mustard glow is particularly effective; it avoids the clichƩs of silver or white and gives the moon a thick, atmospheric texture that fits the harvest theme.


elizjohn2000Mail Icon has crafted a poem that feels both ancient and fresh. The transition from the moon as an object (lantern) to a structural necessity (spine) is a sophisticated poetic turn. It moves the reader from "looking at" the moon to "leaning on" it.
The "spine" metaphor is a brilliant way to describe the reliability of seasonal cycles.


Thank you, elizjohn, ā­ā­ā­ā­ā­

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Review of Iron Paper  

Rated: E | (5.0)
"Iron Paper"  is a striking piece of poetry. Created by fatherMail Icon "Iron Paper" successfully navigates the transition from abstract meditation to concrete action, offering a grounded take on the power of mindfulness and writing.

The poet has a keen sense of how to use contrast-specifically the juxtaposition of "turbulent seas" against "iron words." This creates a feeling of stability that is very resonant for the reader. The final line, "Thoughts on a paper of iron shape the heart" is a powerful aphorism that leaves a lasting impression.


Cheshire has a natural ability to take internal, psychological shifts and make them feel like physical transformations. It is a sophisticated way to describe the healing process.



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Review of Alchemy  

Rated: E | (5.0)
"Alchemy"  is a vibrant and sensory piece of writing. purpleprose13Mail Icon has managed to balance the high stakes of cosmic imagery with the grounded, tactile details of a physical encounter.ā­ā­

The poem is great as it uses different senses to describe a single feeling.


There is a musicality in it that create a sense of tension and release that mirror the subject matter.

It moves it away from generic romantic tropes and gives the speaker a distinct voice and background.

My favorite line is "as you turn my scars into stars / find galaxies beneath my skin.ā€

The poem lives up to its title by transforming the idea of past trauma into something beautiful.ā­ā­

Alchemy is a lush, unapologetic celebration of the body. It captures that rare moment where physical desire and emotional safety overlap. It doesnā€™t shy away from being spent or half-made, which gives it an authentic, human finish. šŸ‘


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Review of The Letter She Never Read.  

Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautifully resonant piece of flash fiction, penned by hareemsMail Icon . Youā€™ve managed to capture a profound emotional shift in just a few hundred words with
 The Letter She Never Read.  (E)
When she let her subconscious do it's job.
#2352088 by hareemsMail Icon


The symbolism and imagery work well.
The pacing is very good.
By choosing not to read the letter the author moves away from clichƩ towards a more real message about self-reliance.


The prose avoids over explaining.


There is a deep maturity in this writing. Hareem highlighted a vital truth: Closure is something we give ourselves, not something we receive from others.
Well done


ā­ā­ā­ā­ā­from this reader!



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Review of Five Dreams & The Bones  

Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an awesome idea elizjohn! You truly are a trailblazer. I need to promote my book too. Books are hard to sell these days when folks like to share and there is electronic reading. I wish you the best of luck with 'The Bones In The Garden'
See you around,
Luna
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Review of Timeless  

Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
"Timeless"  is a lyrical exploration of romantic suspension, focusing on the desire to transcend the linear passage of time through emotional intimacy. Penned by elizjohn2000Mail Icon it is a beautiful piece of minimalist verse. Elizjohn2000 managed to capture a complex, metaphysical conceptā€”the elasticity of timeā€”and ground it in a deeply personal, human connection. The ending is particularly resonant and provides a satisfying emotional payoff.



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Review of I Still Catch Glimpses  

Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"I Still Catch Glimpses"  penned by elizjohn2000Mail Icon is a poignant and atmospheric piece. It successfully navigates the challenge of required word prompts by integrating the terms so naturally that they feel essential to the poemā€™s emotional arc rather than forced additions.

Elizjohn might take a look at a few areas. The phrase "reverberating through remembrance" is quite heavy on the "R" sounds. While it mimics an echo, itā€™s a bit of a tongue-twister compared to the fluid grace of the opening lines.
The poem uses colons and semicolons effectively, but the transition between "walls of my mind" and "The voice of you" feels a little abrupt. A small adjustment in punctuation or a line break could help the "echo" resonate more clearly.

This poem manages to take the theme of a "lost love" and make it feel relative to touch through the choice of vocabulary. The bolded words don't just sit on the page; they build a physical space - a hallway of mirrors and shadows - that the reader can inhabit.


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