Nick,this is such a fun read! You’ve managed to pack an entire epic campaign into just a few stanzas. The imagery of - flying like storks to escape orcs, is so unique and the mention of the halflings and beer adds a great touch of humor. It feels like a true Love and Adventure story!
Very well done!
This is a very suspenseful start, Happy! You did a great job moving the story along quickly and creating a sense of danger. Here are a few writer’s tips to make your next draft even stronger.
1-
You mentioned the old man started to talk funny. If you include a specific creepy line he said, it would make the reader feel even more scared for the family!
2 -
What did the basement smell like or look like? Mentioning cold air or dim lights helps the reader picture the scene better.
3 -
It was a great choice to have the neighbor save the day. Maybe you could describe her watching through her window with binoculars to add more tension.
4 - Keep an eye on words that sound the same but are spelled differently, like using "there" for a place and "their" for people.
Great job finishing your story-that is the mark of a true writer!
Luna
I am giving you ⭐⭐ because I consider this a rough draft and am going on the hope that you will keep working on it. Send me a message when you do and I will come back.
Off the cuff - This is a very cool - interesting article! It seems and I see it a lot lately that England has it's tree branching near everywhere. Some of the sentences are long as I needed to catch my breath a few times while reciting. Love it though and for that I give it ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Corin, This is a classic Uncanny Valley sci-fi setup that feels reminiscent of The Twilight Zone or Ray Bradbury’s The Martian Chronicles about which I am familliar with both. You’ve done a great job establishing a sense of isolation and psychological dread.
The vibe is eerie and melancholic. The contrast between high-stakes space exploration and mundane suburban life works well.
Isaac is called "Isaac," "Commander," and "he." In a military sci-fi setting, sticking to "Commander" or "Isaac" consistently in narration helps the flow.
The transition from the yard to the house is a bit abrupt. The middle section where Isaac reflects on his past is strong, but it slows the physical momentum.
The moment with the floorboards creaking feels a bit like a standard horror movie. You can make it more sci-fi by having Isaac’s HUD glitch or having the noise be something that shouldn't be there - like the sound of a lawnmower that isn't actually moving.
The ending is your strongest beat. To make it hit harder, ensure the Waving feels intentional.
Aria, this is breathtakingly intense. The transition from wanting to be near someone to wanting to literally dissolve and melt into their anatomy is such a powerful way to describe total devotion. I love the line about becoming the ashes that settle and fuse into every crevice - it’s both haunting and beautiful. You’ve captured that maddening desire perfectly. The paradox at the end, wanting to be the ribs that cage you, is a stunning closing thought!
Sumojo yhis is a fantastic poem! You’ve managed to turn the frustration of insomnia into something poetic and witty. That ending is spot on - sometimes the morning sun arrives long before the answers do.
I really enjoyed the rhythm of Sleepless. You set a very contemplative, serious tone about looking back on life, which makes the shift in the final lines so effective. The transition from deep reflection to the practical (and humorous) need for a tot of rum gave me a great smile. Excellent balance!
This poetry is so incredibly relatable. You’ve perfectly captured that midnight highlight reel of mistakes we all seem to play. I love the honesty in admitting that sometimes, despite all the pondering, we don’t feel any wiser-just tired! It’s a very human and comforting piece.
Hi Sumojo! This is a fantastic acrostic poem. You managed to weave together so many different layers of St. Patrick’s story - from the classic legend of the snakes (asps) to his personal history of being kidnapped at sixteen.
Using ST PATRICK’S DAY as the anchor worked perfectly. It gave the poem a great flow, moving from the history of the man to the modern celebration of the day.
Your description of Ireland as a 'green and pleasant land' and the vivid image of the snakes falling from the cliffs really brought the poem to life.
Switching to a lighter, more rhythmic tone for the 'DAY' section was a great touch. It feels like the poem itself starts to dance and celebrate by the end!
In the line 'And drink, perhaps romance?', you could consider removing the comma or tweaking the phrasing slightly to keep the rhythmic bounce of the final three lines consistent. For example: 'And drink, and find romance?'
Overall, this is a brilliant, informative, and joyful read. Great job!
Samm this is incredibly evocative. You’ve managed to capture the heavy, 'ashen' feeling of heartbreak with a lot of grace in the poetry "Lying"
A small suggestion (if you'd like to offer it):
The rhythm is very consistent, which makes it feel like a song. If you want to experiment, you could look at the line "Than very much" - it's a sweet sentiment, but choosing a more specific or weighted word there might match the intensity of the rest of the poem even more.
Your poem is a hauntingly beautiful exploration of the clear and plain truth behind a person's excuses. Thank you for sharing this!
"I’ve lived a thousand lives" is a wonderful tribute to the transformative power of reading by Christopher Roy Denton . You’ve captured that specific, almost physical immersion that happens when a book truly takes hold of its reader.
You’ve perfectly articulated the vicarious nature of being a bibliophile. It’s a relatable piece that would resonate with anyone who has ever felt more at home in a library than in their own living room.
Tee, "Light The Way" is such a moving piece. You’ve captured that delicate balance between the weight of someone’s silent grief and the simplicity of what it takes to help - just a "flickering spark" or a "paused pace."
I particularly loved the imagery in the fifth stanza: “strike a match / against the dusk of someone’s ache.” That is a stunning way to describe the impact of a small gesture. The rhythm of the poem feels like a heartbeat, steady and comforting.
Your poetry is so evocative and clear in its mission that I found it stood entirely on its own! While your introduction was lovely, your verses are so strong and the signs you write about are so vivid that I think the reader feels your intent immediately through the rhymes alone. You have a gift for making the reader feel the strain and the hope without needing any outside context.
Thank you for being a lantern with your words that I read this Morning up here in the Northeast. This was a joy to read.
Hello B. Clell I have a bit of a problem here with your "I Bleed in Ink" . I had much trouble reading it. Try indigo for a color and try Baskerville for a font (trust me).
That being said, The poem follows a rhythmic, almost song-like structure with a recurring refrain. This suggests a mantra. You repeat these words to convince themselves to stay: "The end is near, but not today."
The poem is filled with abstract, dreamlike elements (astral skies, ghosts, ink trees), but it is anchored by the very real presence of the son. You might argue that the poem is about the burden and beauty of responsibility - how love can be both a weight (it bears it all) and a lifeline.
Very good, try following my opinion in edit, let me know I'll come back 👌
Hello TeeGateM This is a poignant and deeply resonant piece of character work "Sam’s Journal of Survival " . The low-level awareness described by you captures the exhausting reality of hypervigilance far more effectively than a more dramatic portrayal would.
The pacing is excellent. The short, clipped sentences at the beginning mirror the professional, composed exterior of the character, while the longer, more introspective paragraphs toward the end reflect the emotional weight of the therapy session.
unwritten, I really love the concept your poem "four lettered" . You use "four-letter words" to anchor each stage of the relationship - Hate, Hope, Like, Love - creates a strong rhythm. The transition from the "bouquet of knives" to the "stale, rotting" ending feels very authentic and raw.
You should consider the following however (in reference):
Changing "we forbidded" to "we forbade" (the past tense of forbid).
In the fourth stanza, "we stoked the flames of more" is the standard English phrasing for that metaphor.
Adding a few commas in the "no no fine okay" section might help the reader feel the "staccato" or panicked pace of that moment.
The word "yesternight" is very old-fashioned (archaic). If you desire a modern feel to match the lowercase "phone" style, you might consider "last night," though "yesternight" does have a certain poetic charm.
Your poem is a very raw, honest poem. You definitely have a talent for capturing that "stolen dream" feeling.
"Harvest Moon" is a thoughtful, evocative piece that balances the physical imagery of a night landscape with the internal landscape of human experience.
Choosing the title "Harvest Moon" is a bold move because of its strong cultural associations - most notably, Neil Young’s iconic song.
While Young’s song is a gentle, romantic folk ballad centered on a relationship, This poem feels more monumental and existential.
Elizjohn has successfully reclaimed the title, though, for his own purposes. However, because the song is so ubiquitous, a reader might initially expect a moon dance vibe. His poem quickly corrects this expectation by moving toward a more stoic, structural metaphor (the spine). It works, but be aware that the shadow of the song will always linger for many readers.
The opening stanza sets a vivid scene. The choice of mustard glow is particularly effective; it avoids the clichés of silver or white and gives the moon a thick, atmospheric texture that fits the harvest theme.
elizjohn has crafted a poem that feels both ancient and fresh. The transition from the moon as an object (lantern) to a structural necessity (spine) is a sophisticated poetic turn. It moves the reader from "looking at" the moon to "leaning on" it.
The "spine" metaphor is a brilliant way to describe the reliability of seasonal cycles.
"Iron Paper" is a striking piece of poetry. Created by cheshire "Iron Paper" successfully navigates the transition from abstract meditation to concrete action, offering a grounded take on the power of mindfulness and writing.
The poet has a keen sense of how to use contrast-specifically the juxtaposition of "turbulent seas" against "iron words." This creates a feeling of stability that is very resonant for the reader. The final line, "Thoughts on a paper of iron shape the heart" is a powerful aphorism that leaves a lasting impression.
Cheshire has a natural ability to take internal, psychological shifts and make them feel like physical transformations. It is a sophisticated way to describe the healing process.
"Alchemy" is a vibrant and sensory piece of writing. Ra M has managed to balance the high stakes of cosmic imagery with the grounded, tactile details of a physical encounter.⭐⭐
The poem is great as it uses different senses to describe a single feeling.
There is a musicality in it that create a sense of tension and release that mirror the subject matter.
It moves it away from generic romantic tropes and gives the speaker a distinct voice and background.
My favorite line is "as you turn my scars into stars / find galaxies beneath my skin.”
The poem lives up to its title by transforming the idea of past trauma into something beautiful.⭐⭐
Alchemy is a lush, unapologetic celebration of the body. It captures that rare moment where physical desire and emotional safety overlap. It doesn’t shy away from being spent or half-made, which gives it an authentic, human finish. 👍
This is a beautifully resonant piece of flash fiction, penned by Hareem . You’ve managed to capture a profound emotional shift in just a few hundred words with
The symbolism and imagery work well.
The pacing is very good.
By choosing not to read the letter the author moves away from cliché towards a more real message about self-reliance.
The prose avoids over explaining.
There is a deep maturity in this writing. Hareem highlighted a vital truth: Closure is something we give ourselves, not something we receive from others.
Well done
This is an awesome idea elizjohn! You truly are a trailblazer. I need to promote my book too. Books are hard to sell these days when folks like to share and there is electronic reading. I wish you the best of luck with 'The Bones In The Garden'
See you around,
Luna
"Timeless" is a lyrical exploration of romantic suspension, focusing on the desire to transcend the linear passage of time through emotional intimacy. Penned by elizjohn it is a beautiful piece of minimalist verse. Elizjohn2000 managed to capture a complex, metaphysical concept—the elasticity of time—and ground it in a deeply personal, human connection. The ending is particularly resonant and provides a satisfying emotional payoff.
"I Still Catch Glimpses" penned by elizjohn is a poignant and atmospheric piece. It successfully navigates the challenge of required word prompts by integrating the terms so naturally that they feel essential to the poem’s emotional arc rather than forced additions.
Elizjohn might take a look at a few areas. The phrase "reverberating through remembrance" is quite heavy on the "R" sounds. While it mimics an echo, it’s a bit of a tongue-twister compared to the fluid grace of the opening lines.
The poem uses colons and semicolons effectively, but the transition between "walls of my mind" and "The voice of you" feels a little abrupt. A small adjustment in punctuation or a line break could help the "echo" resonate more clearly.
This poem manages to take the theme of a "lost love" and make it feel relative to touch through the choice of vocabulary. The bolded words don't just sit on the page; they build a physical space - a hallway of mirrors and shadows - that the reader can inhabit.
"Solar rider" is a powerful piece of writing creatively penned by Anastasia Browne because it carries a sense of resiliance both cinematic and deeply personal. The transition from the external heat of the sun to the "fire inside" was done beautifully so to illustrate that true strength often comes from within when everything else is stripped away. It’s an incredibly encouraging anthem for anyone pushing through their own "furnace trail."
The poem primarily utilizes a driving, rhythmic meter that mimics the steady, relentless pace of a journey (Journry of the Solar Rider) it creates a galloping sensation and that's real cool. Anastasia is a wonderful poet.
Solar rider is a stirring tribute to the human spirit!
"Serpent lies..." is a powerful, evocative piece of writing that leans heavily into the traditions of Gnostic poetry and spiritual warfare. It feels less like a simple poem and more like a "battle hymn" for the soul.
Below is a review of your work Perhaps
~~~~~~~~~
"Serpent Lies..." is a visceral exploration of cosmic displacement. It captures the “existential homesickness" of the human condition, portraying the physical world (and specifically the moon) as a deceptive construct. The rhythmic repetition creates a ritualistic, incantatory ‘feel’ that pulls the reader into a state of defiance. And that's my overall impression.
From abstract to real the imagery is visceral. Nice!
The theme is consistent.
You might take a look at the word frequency. Is it the right word? A too modern term?
This poem is about empowerment, a cool choice in my opinion.
Starmic Suebear your poem "Brad's Fort" is a curious piece of dark fantasy that blends traditional medieval tropes like knights, gargoyles and castles with jarring, modern imagery as in basketball. It feels like a dreamscape.
I think you need to know something of your rhyming
The poem primarily follows an AABB for the couplet structure, though it is executed with varying degrees of precision.
In Stanza 1 you use a "slant" or near-rhyme castle/full, followed by a true rhyme, year/tear.
Stanza 2 uses a slant rhyme alive/thrive and a true rhyme songs/wrongs).
Stanza 3 Shifts to an ABCB or AABB hybrid. Room does not have a partner, but beat/sheet/neat creates a triple rhyme that accelerates the reading pace.
Stanza 4 Returns to true rhymes head/dead and fort/court.
The shift in Stanza 3 breaks the established pattern, which mirrors the shift in content toward more visceral, the gothic horror imagery blood-drinking.
Your poem does not adhere to a strict classical meter (like Iambic Pentameter). Instead, it uses a loose tetrameter or four beats per line, but the syllable count fluctuates significantly so I think to say, a sort of free form (my opinion).
The rhythm feels nursery rhyme-like but slightly off-kilter. This broken cadence contributes to the unsettling atmosphere of the poem. It reads like a folk chant or a legend that has been slightly distorted over time.
The poem establishes a world defined by a conflict between Brad's Fort and the Damyans.
I should make note on the inclusion of basketball in a setting with priests and knights is a deliberate anachronism. It forces the reader to question if this is a literal medieval setting or a metaphorical fort in a modern or surreal context.
Overall and a final opinion here from this review is that you have created a strange little poem but with some effort into the construction but you need to continue working on this poem.
BTW I could not write SiFi or Horror at all so Kudos to you Starmic Suebear
He has perfectly captured the psychological physics of motivation: when the task is so tiny, the mind puts down its resistance like a fussy toddler finally seeing the small, appealing toy instead of the overwhelming mountain of blocks. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I'm starting my novel tonight... I just need one sentence! (It will probably be, "The cat looked at the mouse and sighed.")
Thank you for the uplifting advice, Essayist! Stay blessed!
The prize structure is clearly detailed, separating the guaranteed prizes from the variable ones dependent on fees and donations.
The top three entries are guaranteed an Awardicon and a Merit Badge, with all associated costs covered by the contest sponsors directly, ensuring these specific awards are independent of the funds raised.
The core of the financial prizes and charitable contribution relies on the total collected entry fees and donations, which are divided as follows:
50% goes directly to the charity: RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group.
5% is allocated for guest judges on a pro rata basis.
45% is allocated for the top three entries as a cash prize pool.
The 45% prize pool is divided into ten equal shares** among the top three winners:
1st Place: 5 shares (50% of the 45% pool, or 22.5% of the total fees/donations).
2nd Place: 3 shares (30% of the 45% pool, or 13.5% of the total fees/donations).
3rd Place: 2 shares (20% of the 45% pool, or 9% of the total fees/donations).
A crucial point is the explicit statement that neither of the contest sponsors (1,328) nor (842), nor their associated groups, will accept or receive any portion of the entry fees or donations. This enhances the transparency and integrity of the contest's financial handling, ensuring the funds directly benefit the charity and the participants.
In summary, the structure is designed to heavily favor the charitable contribution (50%), while still offering attractive tiered cash prizes and guaranteed prestige awards for the top three performers.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 11:06pm on Feb 26, 2026 via server WEBX2.
un: 
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Community Feed
Puzzle Hub
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
