|This is a review from the "Novel Review Group" and "Simply Positive Review Forum "
My apologies for not getting on this sooner. My summers are full as well. We live in a hunting camp in the bush and there are a lot of chores to get done besides working full time. One thing I will mention here at the beginning of this review. The previous three chapter review was requested. I, unfortunately, did it as a review of chapter three. The gift points did come through to me. I'm assuming they were returned to you. I'm sure you can confirm that easily enough.
Title: Threads in the Tapestry
Chapter Reviewed: Chapter Four Simene
User Name: jonjames
Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.
The scene opens with Merci in the aftermath of her latest event. We are introduced to Simene. Already part of her inner circle of friends he is pulled in even closer. The chapter goes through detailed backstory about Merci's original encounter with Inman Island. Merci is preparing for a trip to Ketchican, Alaska for an archeological dig with her boyfriend. Simene will be cat sitting Manny. We are introduced to the Franken phone an invention of Simene which will become more important later on. I have read all the available chapters at this point to get the context. That's part of the reason it has taken me this long to get going on further chapter reviews.
Only one criticism here. As the story develops there seems to be an air of doubt in Merci's mind at least that this is pointing to Inman Island. I haven't noted any reason for her to question the connection from the very beginning of the chapter. I don't think any hint of lingering doubt is helping you here.
Simene - He's a stock techno-geek character. Not saying that as an insult. That's just what he is. You dressed him up and fleshed him out very well. He is necessary to the story and fills his role well.
Manny - The cat has been advanced to an actual character. I like it.
Merci - This is your heroine. I mostly like the character but there are a couple things that nag at me. First, a question is she a wholly made up character or is she based on a real person or a composite of people? One thing I noticed is that I can find no real distinction between your writing as the author and hers as the main character. At times, this leads to the impression that she thinks like a man rather than a woman.
I also find it a little odd that, while on the one hand, she is very self-conscious about her white skin and makes every effort to conceal it, but is very quick to show a whole lot to Simene in the name of full disclosure. In my mind, it clashes. I think she could have shown her secret a lot less dramatically.
I didn't see anything but I really wasn't paying attention.
Echoing the point on Merci's writing. When you get inside your characters head they all seem to have the same voice as the author. This is an impression I'm not sure other readers will share. Have any of your other reviewers mentioned this at all?
Merci's home. Very well described. I don't see anything here to fault.
The writing and storyline to this point are excellent.
Line by line
" At times, he squirmed at bit, but never an indication of disbelief..."
There was another error I saw but can't find for the life of me now and I don't remember exactly what it was.
Keep on writing!
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