|This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum "
Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.
On first reading I found the story good, but to me it didn't flow. Think I've figured it out.
My Favorite Elements:
Your mother's helpfulness. My mom would've done that and so would my wife.
Here's the fun part for me. First paragraph, I would change the first two sentences slightly to, I was making the bed. It was my habit.
After that you have a verb agreement problem. I would change everything to past tense. I'm surprised it bothered me as much as it did while I was reading it. Example: Immediately pulled the blanket right off. Giddy with power, I grabbed the pillow and flung it in the air. The are more so you'll have to look for them. Might have to make some adjustments after that to stay within the word count.
This is a great little story and I honestly thought to only dock you half a point. Hope your entry does well in the contest.
Keep on writing!
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