The Puppet Master's (puppetmaster84) Reviews

Review Requests: ON
270 Public Reviews Given
280 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will say what I liked about your piece and if I have any suggestions for improvement. My reviews are usually short, sweet and to the point. I prefer to review short stories but will look at poetry if asked to.
I'm good at...
finding mistakes with grammar/punctuation. Also I can let you know if your plot is effective.
Favorite Genres
Religious, romance, sci-fi, fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
erotica,sports
Favorite Item Types
Statics - short stories
I will not review...
anything overly sexual or violent, anything anti-Christian
Public Reviews
1
1

Review of Peanut  

Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello I Heart My Sox,

I found your item on the newsfeed.

It's cute and well written. I take it it's a true story?

Aside from capitalizing "peanut" in the sentence, "Juni, where did peanut come from?" I see no errors.

I would recommend making it clearer who is speaking.

Good job with this, and thanks for sharing!

PM
2
2

Review of The Great Vermilion Beast  

Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Loewolf,

I found your story on the "Read & Review" tab.

It's a good start. It would work as the first chapter of something longer. Jason seems well developed.

Suggestions for improvement:

There are a few minor punctuation errors and the story is mostly told rather than shown. It seems to end right as the story is beginning.

It's a good story and would be even stronger with some editing.

Thanks for sharing!

PM
5
5

Review of Last boy born in Bushton  

Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Kare Enga,

I found your poem on the "Read & Review" tab.

I like how you used poetry to tell a story. like the phrase, "sparkling diamonds of snow".

Suggestions for improvement:

The last line is missing a period.

This is a good poem. Thanks for sharing.

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6
6

Review of The Archdeacon's Bottle of Gin  

Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Shirley,

I found your story on the "Read & Review" tab.

I like this. It's well written and clearly depicted.

Suggestions for improvement:

There is a fair amount of telling rather than showing. I would suggest giving the characters names to reveal their characters more.

It's still a great story. Thanks for sharing, and good job with this!

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7
7

Review of Spidey prays for her Mom  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello spidey,

I came across this item on the "Read & Review" tab.

I am sorry your family had to go through this but thank Heaven your mom and uncle turned out ok.

The piece is well-written and I see nothing to improve.

Thanks for sharing, and good job with this!

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9
9

Review of Construct Cup - 15th Birthday Edition  

Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Carly,

I found your poem on the "Read & Review" tab.

It's a good tribute. I figure the hosts liked it.

While it is soundly written, a couple of phrases seem a tad clichéd (such as "epic proportions". It still works, though.

Thanks for sharing!

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14
14

Review of The Beautiful and Ugly side of love  

Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lonewolf, Puppet Master here to review your item.

I found it on the "Read & Review" tab.

It's convincing and relatable.

As for edits:

It has a lot of run-on sentences. I would recommend breaking them up (no pun intended). Otherwise, it's good.

Thanks for sharing!

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15
15

Review of A Temporal Error  

Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Sam N. Yago, PM here to review your story.

I found it on the "Read & Review" tab.

It's well written. I like the diction.

You could make it a little clearer that it's a time traveler, but otherwise no suggestions for improvement.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

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16
16

Review of Grim  

Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Andrew W, Puppet Master here to review your story.

It's interesting and intriguing.

I do have a couple of suggestions:

The story is mostly told rather than shown. Instead of stating what James is experiencing, you could reveal it through his words and actions more.

Instead of "The figure nod" I would put, "The figure nodded".

I would also suggest putting James' thoughts in italics.

It's a good story. With a little polishing, it could be even better.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

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19
19

Review of You Play the Ghee-tar on the MTV  

Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Beholden,

This is a very powerful and interesting story. I like the similies and writing style.

You're missing a period at the end of the ninth paragraph but otherwise I saw no technical issues.

The idea of someone being driven to murder by a song is a little hard to believe but possible if the protagonist was unstable enough.

Good job, and thanks for sharing!

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23
23

Review of The Bartimaeus Seven  

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello W.D Wilcox, PM here to review your piece.

I found it on the "Read & Review" tab.

It's fascinating and well-written. The shifts in POV make it even more interesting. It also gives the piece a well-rounded feel.

I saw no grammatical errors.

Good job, and thanks for sharing!

PM