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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rainbowrequiem
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30 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I mainly look at the story/narrative as a whole, but I am a bit of a stickler for grammar. I will happily list everything I liked about what I read, but will rarely say I truly disliked something. I will also try and point you in some directions if I think any are good. I'm always going to honest.
I'm good at...
I'm good at finding mistakes and bouncing ideas. I'm quite literally certified in my state as a talented student writer (meaning I'm one of the top 50). This mainly comes from my technical writing, but it applies to my creative as well.
Favorite Genres
no true favorites, but I do love espionage.
Least Favorite Genres
overly-cheesy romance.
I will not review...
I won't review porn, simply enough. There is some poetry I have a hard time reviewing, especially if a meaning cannot be deciphered.
Public Reviews
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Review of Poets and Paupers  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your imagery here is beyond fantastic. You effortlessly switch from the perplexities of the cosmos to the dime-bag of a pauper, and from there explain that you are rich in ways not measurable thanks to the greats (I personally would've chosen a few different poets to discuss the greats [Byron for instance] but I understand that you probably chose the ones which have influenced you). I enjoyed this piece, and I can easily see how it won the contest you entered it in. Congrats on that, and keep writing!
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Review of Real  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I can see this being a good coffeehouse-style performance piece. You take the interesting approach of each stanza being its own line, and after realizing that I was able to pick up on the rhythm of the piece, and it flows well. You make good use of internal slant rhymes. This keeps the reader interested as it draws their attention subconsciously, making them pay further attention to what's being said. Like I said before, I think this would function better as a performance piece as opposed to being read like this. Poetry like this isn't really my style, but you have definite potential. In my opinion, I think its best for aspiring poets to color in the lines at first. Find a meter, find a scheme. From there, you can bend and shape it at your will. Some of the best modern poets know their classics. Keep writing, you have the ideas to and (from what I can tell), the natural ability to make it work. Poetry takes a lot of time.
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Review of Medusa's Lament  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I think you have an interesting premise here, and I am intensely curious as to how this will progress. I've seen stories where Medusa found love after she was found by a blind man/woman, but this is the first and more than likely only one I've encountered where the possible romantic can see. You have an almost fan fiction style approach and style to this piece (not a bad thing, just an observation. Short paragraphs, straightforward approach until you hit your main plot) and it makes me wonder further how you plan on continuing. Keep writing, I'll be checking in on this one.
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Review of Friend  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: E | (5.0)
Emotional pieces are always the hardest to review. The best way to look at a piece that comes from sadness is to become sad yourself, but this piece does it for you. You give good imagery, and give the reader solid depictions. Last September, one of my friends was murdered. It's a hard thing to get over and truth be told I'm not over it. Things just get easier after a while. You've got talent here, and your emotions didn't dilute it. When things do get easier, though, do try and come back and look at the piece again. You might surprise yourself or gain inspiration.
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Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: E | (4.0)
You put magic in this poem. I could feel the love you poured into every word and every syllable. I'm a Georgia native myself, and I actually have a poem I've published on here about my home state called "Song of Home" if you're interested. I thoroughly enjoyed this, and I hope to see more from you. Your rhythm and flow is excellent, and I only encountered one spelling mistake ("Fire flies" should be "fireflies"). Keep it up!
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Review of Shattered Pieces  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: E | (4.0)
This piece, for some reason or another, catches my interest. Even if it's broken, is the clay from the pottery useless? Even if what's broken cant be reforged, is there a future for it despite it no longer being whole? The poem has some nice internal flows, and I do enjoy poems about things as simple as this. It goes to show that there really is art and beauty in every small thing. The style reminds me of a Wallace Stevens work, now that I think about it. "I placed a jar in Tennessee, And round it was, upon a hill..."
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Review of kind to run away  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Quite a different tone from your last story. Here we have a premise for one possibly solid book. With the former you could make a vast trilogy, but ones like this serve better as singles in my opinion. You have a tendency to overuse commas, and it's actually a common issue with a lot of writers (including myself). Just because a comma can go there does not mean it should, and it's good to get into the practice of reading over a sentence grammatically after you write it. You have a comma splice in the sentence, "It was more of a hell than a dream world, but, ever since her mother died, it was her new home." There are a couple spelling mistakes dotting the place, and I feel as though you used the word "psychopathic" too much. I understand the tone you're going for, but it's a fairly well know saying (I believe thanks to Helter Skelter) that the insane don't realize they're insane. By saying it you're playing your hand too soon, when a bigger and more drastic affect could be had later. Let us get to know and try and understand Eleanor before sending her over the edge. I love true crime and I find stories like this and countless others beyond fascinating, so I think my advice is solid here. You have potential with this one. Also, the opening two paragraphs are absolutely lovely.
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Review of Saul Bites People  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting concept. I feel like you have a decent premise here, and can go the whole nine yards with it (American expression, as I believe you're from the U.K). I feel like you can even take this incredibly deep in the sense of enriching the world and the characters within it. I'm not going to tell you how to influence or make your story, obviously, but a good world is what makes good stories. If you've read anything of Tolkien's regarding Middle Earth or even the more modern examples of the Harry Potter series or the Six of Crows duology, you can see how the world is what really makes those stories so incredible. Grammatically, I only noticed a few errors. Some prepositions were a touch out of sort ("they were wet of blood" should be "wet with blood"). The only other major thing that really bothered me was the sentence, "They think of themselves more like predators which we are should not sugar code that." You're missing out on some punctuation and one misspelling. The most correct way I can see it is, "They think of themselves as predators, which we are. I should not sugarcoat that." Also expanding some on this chapter, adding some details here and there, can make the characters more cohesive and fluid. A great quote that a wonderful teacher told me was, "The more specific you are, the more universal you become". You have the potential for something great here, keep it up!
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Review of The Flight  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting piece. Short, but could go in a few interesting directions. I can see the obvious, that she fell in love with the man who was holding her and had saved her, but I also think that this could be seen as she had died and a force of the afterlife or even something liturgical had reached her. It was a cool read, and I like the fact that I don't know for sure the true meaning of the ending. I like your style, keep it up!
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Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Actually just kinda pissed myself laughing. This poem is almost as old as I am but the humor holds up remarkably well. Thank you for posting something as creative and fantastic as this, because this honestly just made my night in ways you can't imagine. Keep it up!
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Review of Oblivion  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: E | (3.0)
I'm immediately reminded of the band Breaking Benjamin and their typical style of lyrics. I think you'd greatly enjoy them if you don't already. You give good visuals in the opening lines and I feel they're your strongest. Free verse isn't my typical style, and I think this could be improved with some addition of either a meter or scheme (maybe both, dabble some) and maybe it deteriorating as the poem continues. Nice ideas here
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Review of Pen  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: E | (3.0)
I have a hard time reviewing poetry like this, but I found this one interesting. I don't know entirely what to make of it, but my initial impressions are that people use pens in different ways. The girl makes people happy, the boy uses it as a lifeline and a double-edged sword, and you used it to carry out and vent your frustration before losing it. It's an interesting idea discussing the people behind the method as opposed to the method itself. I like it.
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Review of We Need Some Funk  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: E | (4.5)
I absolutely loved this! Your meter and scheme is on point and the message here is absolutely wonderful. Love doesn't come from sitting idle, you have to make love a purpose and a goal. I think everyone could do with a message like this, and plus the read itself was fun too. You have an excellent style. No grammatical mistakes that I can see and nothing I can think to improve upon.
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Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: E | (3.0)
You bring up the interesting idea of forgetting people if you don't write them down. I don't know if you're a classically trained writer (I'd venture to guess most people aren't, and even I only partially am), but you may know that Shakespeare oftentimes rendered the women he wrote about immortal and unforgettable to not only him, but to the world. His big tagline in his sonnets was "in these immortal lines", quite literally meaning that they will live forever in his prose. You can observe this with him, Sir Philip Sidney (no recommended, he likes to whine about Stella) and even Poe (recommended wholly with Annabel Lee, Annie, Ligeia). Writing may be a good way to help you or someone else forget someone, but it makes it so that no one else can. Some interesting food for thought. I think I'll be keeping up with you work.
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Review of Soft Shadows  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Pretty good. You've got a couple clever rhymes and nice premise. This seems to draw inspiration from experience, so it's hard to really critique. Only grammatical thing I can say is lack of capital letters and punctuation, but that doesn't matter too much in an online format
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Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is, by far, the best story I've read so far on this site. You took a solid idea and transformed it into something beyond wonderful.

Grammar: Not much to gripe about. Some small mistakes dotted themselves, such as a missing comma (I think one extra as well somewhere). You also missed an important dialogue indentation during Rebecca being questioned.

Observations: You made a wonderful point of Lucifer appearing a short time before death, but I think it could be incredibly more potent if she appeared during the process of dying. When Erin was dying of her illness, if she told Rebecca she'd seen the black angel for that much longer or even said some things to her father about it you would have a vastly deeper story. Amazing piece!
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Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Interesting concept. My immediate thought run to McCarthy's "The Road" as well as the film "The Book of Eli". The beginning caught my attention due to the opening lines of MLK Jr's speech preceded by the apocalypse. With that alone you could make a master-craft of dystopia/post-apocalyptic. Not sure I understand the symbolism towards the end, but my first thoughts on that are liturgical. I think you have a good idea that needs some fleshing out. Keep it up.
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Review of Marzipan's Lament  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
This one is personal, and I can't help but like it. One mistake caught my eye in the last line of the third stanza, but other than that all seems well in order. The story is cohesive and I can relate in a few ways. Overall a pretty goo piece.
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Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: E | (3.5)
I typically only review short stories and essays, but this piece caught my interest. The concept isn't new, but you took a cool approach. I feel like if you expanded and showed a mirror image of the sights the narrator saw while on the pill, it would further the affect. Good poem.
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Review of Severance  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This has an interesting and rather unique concept that, I feel, could be taken in a few directions if you chose to expand it. My first thought is that, if he's able to see what occurs through a paranormal perspective, what about the idea of passing onto the next realm? The idea is that spirits longer until they find solace, so how would Trey do that? Just a thought, but this is creative. Keep it up.
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Review of Wishful Thinking  
Review by M. Gene McCoy
Rated: GC | (3.0)
I feel like there's an idea here you could maybe do something bigger with. If you've ever seen "It's A Wonderful Life", a direction like that could flesh out and enhance a story astronomically. Grammatically speaking, only one mistake I really noticed; you didn't use quotation marks around "What the hell". Him keeping his slur, as he was drunk, would also add to the immersion. I'd love to see if you take this concept anywhere farther.
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