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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/redridinghoo
Review Requests: ON
48 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is good, so far, Crystal *Smile* I watch more sci-fi/fantasy than read but it held my attention *Smile*

I'd polish it up a bit.

A couple things: tighten up here and there.

Example: A brief flash of light a few feet further down the alley startled him and he peered into the darkness.

"flash" infers brief so you could get rid of that and "further" probably isn't necessary here either.

Other than that: I was entertained with this piece and I am seriously considering going to read the rest (which is saying something because I rarely have time to read longer pieces *Smile*

Write on!
2
2
Review of Item Statistics  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This item is clear, concise and even more important - it is highly informative!

I really enjoyed your clever hook in the opening paragraph:

If knowledge is power, then your Extended Item Statistics are the nuclear reactors of your portfolio.

Even though it is filled to the brim with information, none of it gets lost in the shuffle because of the clear and concise formatting.

I saw no grammatic or punctuation errors.

Even though it is a work in progress (per As we receive more questions regarding the Extended Statistics, we will add and answer them here) it answered all my questions and more concerning extended statistics.

Excellent work!
3
3
Review of Name Inspiration  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Beautiful imagery *Smile*

Errors & Solutions: Coudn't find a single one *Smile* I'd suggest a bit of tightening but that's it. *Smile*


What I liked/disliked:

Loved this:

against a fading amber sky
fluttering together the branches entwine.


Overall Comments: The picture you paint is lovely. A summer day (in FL it rains practically every day) for us all to enjoy *Smile*

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4
4
Review of Your Creation  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Powerful lyrics!

Errors & Solutions: I really didn't see any. I do suggest that you put the phrases that are in parenthasis in italics (or bold, whatever the effect that you are going for here) to set them apart from the rest of the piece.


What I liked/disliked: I love the phrasing in parenthasis. It played like background whispers in my head *Smile*


Overall Comments: You might want to tighten up the wording and rhythym in this piece. Just to polish it up *Smile* I noticed it in only a couple places *Smile*

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5
5
Rated: E | (3.5)
Some good ideas you've passed along here. *Smile*

Errors & Solutions: This: your * Should be: you're

Zip through for spelling errors (and missing commas, that a spell check would miss. *Smile* Here are a few examples.

This: to do it
Should be: to do is

This: It's facinating
Should be: It's fascinating,


What I liked/disliked: The formatting was okay (check through for text being wrapped some times and not others), but since the SM has created some great emoticons you might want to update this piece, and take advantage of some bullet points (or whatever) instead of the dashes. *Smile*

In this section: "If you like other people's ideas for stories" it sounds reeeeealy close to copying someone else's work (and you want to be careful giving someone - especially if they are young and inexperienced in the writing arena - this advice). Maybe suggest: If you like an idea already out there, give it a new twist! Most things aren't original ideas, only the old recreated with new settings/ideas/twists/characters etc. *Smile*


Overall Comments: You might want to mention to check the thrift stores for baby name books, to save money. I just bought a great one (AND I already have some!) that lists names through the ages. Nice job, Bernie *Smile*

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6
6
Rated: E | (4.5)
This story really touched me. Is this based on a real myth (if that can be said of myths, lol)? A note on that would be interesting. Given your pen name, I'm guessing it is based on that. Either way, it was wonderful *Smile*

Errors & Solutions: In the title, I believe it is proper to have each word capped (but I forget to do that all the time, too *Smile*)

I think you mean "drying" here: were dying up
I believe you should add "to" here: return the earth
I think "to" is needed here: to get the park


What I liked/disliked: All the characters were fleshed out except for him. He seemed flat, but it didn't detract too much from the overall piece. The storm had GREAT personality. *Smile*


Overall Comments: You might want to go over this piece and look for needed commas (found a couple missing) and places to tighten it, but otherwise, this was great! It gave me tingles *Smile*

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7
7
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow, what a powerful message!

Errors & Solutions: I believe you need a comma after "Sweetheart", since it is a name he is calling - in this line: Sweetheart open


What I liked/disliked: I liked how you made "the monster" and the girl into two distict characters.


Overall Comments: Good piece of flash fiction and a message, to boot! Well done *Smile*

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8
8
Review of Never Love A Poet  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem hits home (since I consider myself a poetess *Smile*). Maybe that's why my marriage is so difficult. LOL

Errors & Solutions: Only thing I could see: you have every line capped except the final one.


What I liked/disliked: I loved the omnipresence of the moon.


Overall Comments: I would have liked to have seen more metaphoric imagery (I'm big on that, lol) but it is difficult with short pieces. *Smile*

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9
9
Review of Bad Kisser  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice opener, it drew me into the rest of the poem. *Smile*

Errors & Solutions: The begining of each sentence is capped except the last line of stanza #1 and #2. Was this on purpose? With poetry it's hard to tell, lol, but since the end's of the rest of the stanzas were capped I figured it was just an oversight. *Smile*

You don't really need "in" here: forged in a moment


What I liked/disliked: I LOVED this line, it brought the poem to life -
"You moved the hair back from my face,
To expose my mouth to your fingers' trace."


Overall Comments: The rhythym was, generally even and flowing and the rhyme didn't feel forced. Overall, a job well done! *Smile*

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10
10
Rated: E | (4.0)
Bravo! It is wonderful to see someone supporting another in unfair circumstances. Especially when it seems so many in the organization are against him.

Errors & Solutions:

"to" isn't needed here: life to raising

Maybe mention some of the "petty guidelines" he didn't follow that are in the public record. That way, we can fully understand the unfairness and stand with you, albeit in spirit, in his defense. *Smile*


What I liked/disliked:

I think this: dedicated 10 years - a decade -
Would have more impact as this: dedicated a decade

I loved the intense emotion that showed in every paragraph. *Smile*


Overall Comments: You might want to go through (and this may not be something you care to do, since this is a letter I believe has been sent already, but I wanted to offer the suggestion) and tighten up here and there. EX: And now, without CAN READ: Now, without

This was well said and I hope they rectified the situation with Isaac. *Smile*

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11
11
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I love the challenge of flash and micro fiction *Smile*


Errors & Solutions: Your link is invalid. *Smile*


What I liked/disliked: I didn't see much of her character, but you did well with him (in such short fiction).


Overall Comments: I liked the plot you created and you should be proud of this item. It shows the talent you have to write tight! *Smile*

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12
12
Review of Resignation  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Too funny!


Errors & Solutions: Didn't find a single one. Maybe one or two sentences lacking commas, but that's it. Nothing major.


What I liked/disliked: Loved this (in fact, it started the giggle ball rolling): Perhaps you should invest in a brassiere to hike the girls up a bit.


Overall Comments: A great piece of comedy *Smile* Did it win that particular Writers' Cramp?

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13
13
Review of Fishing for peace  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I've read three things in a row, in your port today, and I think this gives me the best picture of you. Not the kind and caring angel or the silliness that you infect in others, like a mutant cold. Yes, you are all these things, but there's more. You are more real, now. You have a past and pain, like the rest of us. Does that make any sense whatsoever? LOL

Errors & Solutions: I couldn't find any. I was mesmerized by the depth of feeling bubbling up through the words.


What I liked/disliked: I liked this glimpse into your private thoughts. I got flashes of the movie "A River Runs Through It." Must be the fly fishing references *Laugh*


Overall Comments: I wish I was at the convention with you now. I want to give you a big bear hug. You can have a rain check. I give good ones. Maybe next year? *Smile*

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14
14
Review of The 300 Game  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
LOL, entertaining piece!

Errors & Solutions: Commas. Check over your item. It needs commas in several places. (I still miss some in mine, lol)

This: decided to go the pro * Should be: decided to go to the pro

I'd mention what song to add dimension to this line: whistling an upbeat song

This: stores name * Should be: store's name

Zip through for a spell and grammar check *Smile*


What I liked/disliked: Loved this part: He envisioned being kissed by the beautiful blonde at the bowling alley... Oops that's another story altogether.


Overall Comments: I'd tighten up this piece.

EX: Up ahead on the left he can see the huge bowling pin hanging up with the stores name on it. It reads "Peter's Pro Shop".

CAN BECOME: Ahead on the left, he can see the huge bowling pin hanging next to "Peter's Pro Shop" in glowing neon.

With some editing this could become a wonder story!

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15
15
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Excellent title and description. They made me click, and I wanted to go to something else *Smile*


Errors & Solutions: I'd double space between paragraphs for better readability.

Run into what? They wouldn't care if they would run into while I was mopping the hall way.

Check for lack of commas in this piece, too.

I believe this: of there **Should be: of their (Check for more spelling errors, also. Pay special attention to ones that would slip through a "Spell Check's" cracks.)

This: wants to left alone
Should be: wants to be left alone


What I liked/disliked: Loved the addition of the "Golden Broom" award *snicker* I've always enjoyed you comedic flair *Smile*


Overall Comments: Look for ways to tighten your story. Get rid of "then's", "that's", "just's" and more that are not needed to make the sentence understood. (I'm a big "just" and "only" adder inner, LOL)

Loved this part: he stepped into the sea of fresh wax

And this part really fleshed out the character: He was as graceful at getting up like a fly who has fallen on its wings.


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16
16
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Great hook. I was pulled in and ready to read more.

Errors & Solutions:

This: line Crenshaw’s
Should be: line of Crenshaw’s

Check it over for comma usage.

Ex. like Mark Martin but my aunt.
I think should be: like Mark Martin, but my aunt


What I liked/disliked:

This made me LOL: When my Aunt Fred (no the Fred is not short for anything but lets just say that she is no longer trapped in the wrong body anymore)


Overall Comments: I love the comedy of this piece. The ending made me want to know what the rest of the family does for a living!

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17
17
Review of Useful Software  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Unratable.)
Good list, I'm looking forward to any updates (as time allows, of course *Smile*)


Errors & Solutions: I'd also mention that some spyware programs (aka parasites) are even more dangerous than annoying. They will try to steal your personal information. (ie. credit card numbers, bank accounts, passwords, etc.)

I'd also mention what FTP stands for. Just for the education it would serve. File Transfer Protocol, I think, but I'm no expert. (Self taught *Bigsmile*)

I'd try to eliminate one of the "FTP" in this sentence: The following FTP is an excellent FTP program


What I liked/disliked: I liked it all. Nothing to add from the above suggestions.


Overall Comments: This is a functional item that any new computer user would find useful. Wish I'd had it when I got my computer 3 years ago! Learned the hard way, lol.

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18
18
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I really felt like I got to know this wonderful man. *Smile*

Errors & Solutions: I think this should be capatalized: kools.

I believe this: styrophone, should be: styrofoam.

This: at the dinner - might read better as: at dinner.

I'd cut the "so" out of this: was so extremely excited

What I liked/disliked: Loved this line: With 20 rows and 10 columns, he could still point to a specific CD in an instant... he was like a walking Excel sheet.

Overall Comments: You've brought a man I never met, into a full three dimensional person. I lost my grandfather in '92 and my grandmother (with whom I was very close) in 2001. (((BIG HUGS)))

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19
19
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is as good now as it was when I read it in the newsletter.

Errors & Solutions: Okay, I hate not being able to give any suggestions. In fact, I almost chose not to review this for that very reason. However, I didn't want to miss an opportunity to post this in the public review forum, so that others (who didn't see it in the newsletter) could benefit from it.

What I liked/disliked: I liked it all. From the format to the content to the links and closer. My favorite was the mention of not just grammar but content to be added to a functional review.

Overall Comments: I've been lax in my reviewing, of late. I've been newly inspired by the convention pirates contest and this piece. Thanks!

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20
20
Rated: E | (4.5)
Since I am a military spouse, this item hit home.

Errors & Solutions: The only thing I can add is BABY WIPES! I know it sounds strange, but if a shower isn't an option those are the next best thing, according to my hubby. *Laugh*

What I liked/disliked: I love seeing people support those who put their lives on the line for the rest of us. I know for a fact they appreciate it. Thank you!

Overall Comments: Once again I am impressed by the kindness and generosity of both you and the SM. *Delight*

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21
21
Review of Assassin  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great job, just needs a bit of tightening to be wonderful. Loved the twist at the end! Well deserving of the awardicon. You should be very proud of this piece.
22
22
Rated: E | (3.5)
This has some good potential!

Would you be interested in joining our group? "The Children's Writer Group

We'd love to have you!

My suggestions for your story (take or leave them *Smile*:

This: He was very sad.

TO this: This made him very sad.

This: He traveled hither and yon.

TO: I'd expand this and give him an adventure hither and yon. Who else did he talk to and what else did he find? Why wouldn't it work? Then have him end up with the moon. Have fun with it! :)

This: The boy had a stuffed animal, a dog dressed in a wizard outfit. He called it Wiz.

TO this: I'd edit this out and start with the dog hearing his cries. You can add who and what he is and how he is dressed through out the story. (EX. I'd begin with WHO he is in this paragraph. Maybe: His favorite stuffed animal, Wiz, heard the boy crying night after night...)


Good opener, you draw the reader to wonder what happens next with the first line. I can't wait to see how you expand on this (if you choose to, that is) :) Let me know if you ever do!

Write on!
23
23
Rated: E | (4.5)

Great imagery and metaphor here! Jobe well done :) The only suggestion I have is about the flow. It seems a bit off for me, otherwise an excellent piece! :)


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