|Philosophical Analysis ----
"A poem about the redundancy of everyday life"
This intro line engaged me to start reading your poem.
The philosophical direction compelled me to its finish.
Along the way, its focus seemed less on "redundancy" than on irrelevance. Were some things left un-revealed?
And would swimming lessons have made all the difference for one who had already "jumped in" "and learned to swim"? No kind of lessons will ever make you failure proof. What happens in our failures is never the problem - it's only the past. It's what decide that it means for/about us going forward - that's where things get sticky.
At the end, to to whose argument do you concede your life as being "lived in vain"? I need to hear more from that accuser's voice - the rest of the poem is too one-sided. I need to hear each side of this argument, before you just go and outright concede.
By itself, the 2nd stanza is a very profound poem, and it totally can stand alone.
For flow, I would only drop the "A" in the third line to give => Cheap change in self it had once been.
When I read your next line "But now it's lost deep in my drain" - my mind heard=> But now I'm lost deep in my pain
You may not have intended this, but it certainly appeared most potently anyway, and the cord of empathy it evoked was as strongly moving as any line of poetry I ever read!
As for the rest of the poem, it needs work. My rating is a point higher than it would have been, because of the truly outstanding second stanza.
The swim analogy is rather overworked, and the third stanza's (3) lines ending in "to swim" tire me out. You can do better I'm sure.
The beautiful flow of the 2nd stanza gets lost in many of the later lines as the poem continues. Read them out loud and you will hear these lines that need to be reworked /shortened,
After the 2nd stanza I think all the rest of the poem could be condensed into just two or three more stanzas, if they matched the caliber 2nd stanza. I know you can accomplish this.
I do not normally devote this much effort to a review, and that I did is a testament to how much I see this poem as a real gem taking shape.
All the Best!