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191 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
very detailed reviews
I'm good at...
very detailed reviews - - addressing grammar, mechanics, figurative language & figures of speech, organization, punctuation, etc.
Favorite Genres
historical fiction - - flash fiction - - poetry - - adventure/action - - mystery - - non-fiction - - young adult fiction - - children's literature - - realistic fiction
Least Favorite Genres
(extremely graphic horror)
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of I Did It My Way  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after one of your posts. Therefore, I will be reviewing your entry. This is what brought me to your work today.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship and camaraderie, and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.



Dialogue - -
Strong - - moves the plot and character development forward


Character Development - -
Phrases like this told us so much about Joe:
         Joe looked around, expecting the enemy round every corner.
         Joe jumped out of his skin as Flora interrupted his dream. He checked the perimeter. Safe. For now.


Setting / Scenery - -
The setting got little attention in such a brief piece, but it was very clear. You developed their situations, their pasts, and their wait outside the shelter clearly.
In terms of the time period, references to Woodstock and the Gulf War set the stage.


Plot - -
Again, in such brief pieces, this can be hard to pull off. The rising action, descriptions, rising conflict, and resolution are clear . . . and tragic.


Mechanics/Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling/Etc. - -
Very strong - - a few missing commas, but some are likely optional


Figurative Language / Imagery - -

         Imagery - -
                   Sight / Visual - -
                             ...concentrated on rolling a cigarette from the dog-ends in her pocket. - - He pulled it away and into his coat. ... He pulled his collar up. - - Joe looked around, expecting the enemy round every corner.
                             - - Joe hunkered down in his overcoat and closed his eyes. - - Joe jumped out of his skin as Flora interrupted his dream. He checked the perimeter. Safe. For now. - - She pulled her jacket tight.
                             Joe could see she was turning a little blue. He sat beside her and put his coat around both of them.
                   Touch / Texture / Sensation - -
                             He pulled his collar up. - - Joe hunkered down in his overcoat... - - She pulled her jacket tight. Joe could see she was turning a little blue. He sat beside her and put his coat around both of them. - -
         Metaphor - -
                   ...had turned Flora into the creature in front of him. - -


Favorite passage(s) - - Great, effective word choice - -
"...watching a movie of her life behind those dead eyes..."
"I was really somethin', ya know." . . . "She was really somethin', ya know."
         This comes full circle so completely. This made for a very satisfying closure.


Final thoughts - -
This piece is very moving. In such a small number of words, you make your readers care about these two characters, and cause them/us/me to feel the loss of a life. The character development is particularly strong for the small quantity. Joe's experiences and eventual protection of Flora are moving. So well done.
* * This is a wonderful story! If it is for a contest, I wish you well! If not, I hope you find a platform to share it with many others!


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
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2
2
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

I entered this same contest, so I was curious about what direction you would be taking with this prompt and quite interested in your resulting final product.

In reviews, I feel it's important to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship/camaraderie and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.


*BurstG* *BurstR* - - Kudos - - *BurstR* *BurstG*
Nice use of imagery. Including several senses made your closing lines fit and make sense.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"... I wanted Christmas Eve to last / throughout the coming year."

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
         Alliteration - -
                   "the scent of cinnamon" - - "pumpkin pie."
         Imagery - -
                   Sight / Visual - -
                             I watched the Christmas tree lights glow, - -
                   Sound / Auditory - -
                             I listened for sleigh bells jingling, - -
                   Smell / Olfactory - -
                             while inhaling the scent of cinnamon / and freshly baked pumpkin pie. - - The house always smelled so nice, / with the aroma of spices everywhere

What a nice memory. At least I hope that this is biographical rather than fiction you created.


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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3
3
Review of Honing the Craft  
for entry "Week 6 Desolation
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and again I posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship/camaraderie and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.


*BurstY* - - Kudos - - *BurstY*
I especially enjoyed the personification from the outset of this piece. I, too, am in the Promptly Poetry Challenge and have pondered this image with all its possibilities, and your approach gripped me. So creative, meaningful, and well done!
Such an interesting transition/transformation and also an interesting take on the passage of time.....

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
*BurstY* and comfort and laughter / waited on the other side.
*BurstY* Now on the edge of humanity,

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
         Personification - -
                   The entire piece! *TrophyG* *Smile*
         Imagery - -
                   Sight / Visual - - I once swung open - my panes clear, - paint fresh, - panes crusted with dirt,
                   Touch / Texture / Sensation - - my hinges were pliable, -
         Metaphor - -
                   (I believe that one can interpret a variety of life lessons and metaphors within this thoughtful piece.)


A thoughtful and inventive piece. I enjoyed your unique piece and its depth.


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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4
4
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship/camaraderie and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.


*BurstP* - - Kudos - - *BurstP*
The title and first stanza reached out and grabbed me.This is obviously a timely piece, grabbed from the headlines. It just felt initially that you were going to have many thought-provoking things to share. Great lead-in! *ThumbsDown*
Stanza 2:
         very well-stated - a unique perspective that many have not considered

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
I especially liked your closing words:
         I am also stained by community, / hardship, determination, survival, / perseverance, and a need to be seen as me.


This is a very important component for all to consider:
         I am stained by your ... inaction.

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
Minimal - other than the imagery phrases such as these brought into my mind:
         the color of my skin - stories of violence - people that look like me - people that look like you - dominated -

         Not a major component in this piece, yet while figurative language is a favorite of mine, your piece is thought-provoking without a lot of it.
         Repetition - -
                   This can be such an important, influential component in poetry. (... thinking of Poe's 'The Bells', Whitman's 'O Captain, My Captain', Maya Angelou's 'Phenomenal Women', and lesser-known works
                             such as Terrie Brushette's 'Never Stop Being You'
                   Your repeated use of the phrase "I am stained... " is a key strength in this piece. *Star*
                   Also:
                             I am stained by poverty, / the poverty...
                             both by people that look like me / and by people who look like you.
                             I am stained by your fear, / fear of...


- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
none come to mind

This is a strong piece that is very appropriate and thought-provoking for all the turmoil our society is facing today. I hope that many more people read it and consider your points. This was an interesting prompt you are following, to take a perspective not your own. I'm glad I happened upon it. (Was it for a particular contest?)



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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5
5
Review of Pick Me  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Strawberry*I am a Strawberry Shortcake Power Raider, here to taste your fare for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group!*Delight*


WdC Superpower Strawberry Shortcake Review Raid


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a Strawberry Shortcake one-day "raid" of reviews of WdC pieces on the topics of "Food" and/or "Home and Garden". This is what brought me to view and review your writing.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.


*BurstB* - - Kudos - - *BurstB*
This piece has a very pleasing rhythm. The imagery, pace, rhyme, and rhythm combine to hook the reader and made it enjoyable for me.

*BurstR* - - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - - *BurstR*
*Strawberries* IMAGERY - -
Lines 5-8: The sight, the scent, / my eyes, my nose, / the touch of soft yellow / against my clothes.
         *Strawberries* Visual / Sight -
                   Line 9: I waltz very slowly - Line 14: slide down the green stem
         *Strawberries* Touch / Texture -
                   Lines 7 & 8: the touch of soft yellow / against my clothes. - Line 10: absorbing the sun, - Lines 11 & 12: my barefoot and coolness /
                   of meadow grass are one. - Line 14: slide down the green stem
*Strawberries* ALLITERATION - -
                   Line 5:The sight, the scent, - Line 15: plucking the prized flower - Line 18: buds blossoming still - Line 20: with your sweet spirit fill.
*Strawberries* METAPHOR - -
                   Line 17: A handful of sunshine -
*Strawberries* PERSONIFICATION - -
                   Lines 1 & 2: They wave and they dance / on a gentle breeze. - Lines 3 & 4: Delightful and bright / so eager to please. -

*QuestionY* - - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - - *QuestionY*
none

Enjoyable imagery! Well done!



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



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6
6
Review of The Book of Jeff  
for entry "My Weirdness
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2019" Activity, and again I posted one of my contest entries right after one of your posts. Son once again I will be reviewing your "I Write" blog entry. This is what brought me to your work today.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship and camaraderie, and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

I found this piece to be quite interesting and thought-provoking! Well done!



The Hook - -
I found my self only mildly interested in their prompt, and not being a D&D person, not hooked ... YET ... in paragraph 1.
It was in paragraph 2 that you got me! *BurstO* (More on that later.)
This is unusual because as writers we're usually told to hook them in the first paragraph or even the first line(s). Uniquely done well!
However, this would be different depending on the reader/audience. I know of many others who would have dug right in at the mention of tabletop gaming, Critical Role, other live-play podcasts, and webcasts, just not me. Having been a voice for the 'weirdos', an advocate for the 'misfit toys', the ones who felt they 'didn't fit', I had a little awareness, but at least secondhand familiarity and interest in those activities. My familiarity with how it made some of my students feel when criticized and the contrast to the zeal the felt while engaged, kept me reading and interested where you were going with this.
The flow and organization of this introduction, I can tell really works, especially given what I described above.

Spoiler alert:
It was at cataloguing and lists that I was all in ... jumping in!!

Mechanics/Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling/Etc. - -
No errors noticed.
Some sentences were a bit long, but there was not confusion created, and it truly fit the overall tone of the piece. I felt like we were almost having a conversation.

*BurstB* Favorite passage / Most effective passage(s) / Great, effective word choice: - - *BurstB* *Writing*
"...I don't know why I enjoy tracking all that stuff,
         but the accumulation of data and the availability of a database where I can check if and when I read something is information that I don't mind taking the time to collect,
                   and that's definitely something that most people tell me they think is weird,
                             because they can't imagine taking the time to maintain a spreadsheet or a database of information that nobody else is tracking or cares to track."

         OMG! We definitely have this in common!

         I do this! It was wonderful to hear from someone else who thinks/acts/organizes like this and what goes into it!
         I track so many things! My main problem or main downside though is that I don't always follow through. What good does it do me to have data from one period of time, but not many others for continuity, thoroughness, and or comparison? I've done writing-related hours in many categories with many color-codings but didn't keep up with it ... I have book lists from the past, but not up to date ... at the beginning and end of my teaching career, I keep detailed notes on where I taught, the level, activities, contact info ... I've been recording many categories of nutrition on the "Lose It!' app for over a year now & submit many lists to a nutritionist & have been trying to to multi-line graphs for my liquids (I was doing well for about 6 months, but I'm behind now.) ... etc. Those all are interesting to look back at.
         I was glad you mentioned others' views thinking it's time-consuming and that no one would ever want to look at or learn from the data. I have those conversations in my head all the time! I often find myself wishing there was an all-encompassing database to look at some comparison, trend, or question I am looking at and considering. Or I imagine if there was video footage of any and every moment (the AFL-CIO would flip...understandably), and we could go back to gather and record information we're lacking and/or needing. Wouldn't that be heaven?! If only...!
         I really did enjoy hearing someone else reflect on these lists and the data bases.

Room for Improvement - -
None noted

Content / Final thoughts - -
See "Favorite passage" above - - as I think I covered it all up there. (It fits, so I won't do the usual cut & paste!) *Cut*



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*

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7
7
Review of The Book of Jeff  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and I againposted one of my contest entries right after one of your posts. Therefore, I will be reviewing your entry. This is what brought me to your work today.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship and camaraderie, and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.



The hook - -
The prompt and your lead sentence definitely grabbed my attention. I have studied gerontology, dealt with many again family members, and now am dealing with many difficult issues with my 96-year-old mother-in-law and my parents in their 80s. This is a very ripe topic, and your touch of humor in your lead intrigued me.

Mechanics/Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling/Etc. - -
No problems with spelling noted
agreement: "Mostly, what it comes down to is the kinds of activities that I enjoy." 'Are' instead of "is"??
awkward wording switching between "I" and "you" - first-person/second-person:
         "If I were a more outdoorsy person or enjoyed physical activity, I could totally understand wanting the resilient body of a thirty-year old so you could run a marathon every year for sixty years, or so you can play pick-up
         basketball games every weekend with your friends forever."

Figurative Language / Imagery - -
Allusion - - nice example of literary allusion in paragraph 1

Final thoughts - -
This is an intriguing topic, and you address it with a combination of humor, options, and imagination. Your third paragraph takes an interesting turn and proposes some very inventive options. I found it as interesting as the preceding paragraphs.
Watching loved ones decline mentally can be so heart-breaking. There is such a loss of dignity, and it is so difficult to handle the loss of abilities and independence, especially for the individuals in my life/family who spent decades being intelligent, competent, thorough, and self-sufficient.
Very interesting!


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*

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8
8
Review of Monkey Business  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after one of your posts. Therefore, I will be reviewing your entry. This is what brought me to your work today.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship and camaraderie, and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.



The hook - -
The introductory statement is intriguing. (I had looked at that and considered entering that same contest, but didn't get it finished, so I was definitely curious about how you would approach it.)
The information from the TV report adds to the hook for me since it was very divergent from what I would have thought of and it lends itself to so many possibilities . . . urging the reader to read on!


Dialogue - -
- - moves the story along
- - definitely used to establish the hook, to move the rising action, and to present the funny twist/surprise at the end!


Plot - -
clear - - engaging rising action - - very humorous and unexpected closing! *Laugh*


Mechanics/Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling/Etc. - -

No problems in spelling noted

*Paragraph* 5 - - The dialogue in paragraph 5 reads as a run-on, but with dialogue there are many liberties one can take regarding grammar. I suggest either end punctuation between the two statements or at least a semi-colon perhaps.
         "It's a monkey, what harm can it do?" Julie reassured.

*Paragraph* 6 - - Another sentence, in the next paragraph also reads as a run-on:
         The monkey didn't understand social distances, he charged through the doors ahead of everyone.
There are 3 options in this case: (1) insert end punctuation and capitalize "He" - (2) insert a semi-colon between "distances" and "he" - or (3) add a comma after "distances" and add the conjunction of your choice ("so"?) before the word "he".

*Paragraph* 7 - - This paragraph has another situation in dialogue at its close that reads awkwardly ... again a matter of style and choice by the author. It also is missing some appropriate punctuation for dialogue.
         Grabbing the creature by the upper arm he said "Oy mate, you know the rules, only three of each item."
I suggest adding a comma after the word "arm" to set off the introductory clause from the "meat" of the sentence.
In dialogue, a comma should also be placed after the word "said".
Some suggestions for that closing statement: You could of course leave it as is since it's dialogue and an emotionally charged moment, but I'd suggest choosing from the 3 options I listed above or maybe connect in this way? ...the rules . . . only three...


Figurative Language / Imagery - -
Imagery - -
Sound/Hearing - -
         a knock on the window - The monkey followed, laughing and jumping excitedly. - Screams... -
Sight/Visual - -
         Big round eyes stared back - he moved the curtain- Tongue poked out, the monkey jumped off and on the window ledge. - Dressed in full PE - The monkey followed, laughing and jumping excitedly. - he took his place in the queue. -
         - he charged through the doors - re-emerged carrying a large bunch of bananas. - security guard was quick to act. - Grabbing the creature by the upper arm


Great, effective word choice:{ / Most effective passage(s) - -
For me, my favorite has to be your ending! It was so unexpected! I think many of your readers will be leaning another direction and possibly expecting different actions/reactions when the monkey exits with some produce.
Very funny! Well played! You're quite creative!


Room for Improvement - -
*Paragraph* 6 - -
I'm a big fan of the use of commas, even when optional, in order to make a piece more readable and to help the audience receive the message the writer is sending. This paragraph has an example:
         When Jamie reached the supermarket he took his place in the queue.
         This could read more clearly/effortlessly with a comma between the introductory clause and the meat of the sentence, between the words "supermarket" and "he".

I loved this piece of imagery, but the passive voice may have taken some of the air out of it: Screams were heard from within.
If you want to get rid of the "to be" verb, maybe . . . Screams filled the air ... Screams streamed from the doorway. ... Screams filled the building. ... Screams from within terrified the onlookers..... (??)

Word choice - - I'm actually undecided on this one:
"...re-emerged carrying a large bunch of bananas." - - Just emerged? "Re"? Not doing it for a second time?

Your use of imagery adds a lot to the story. These short flash fiction contests are challenging with their limited word counts, but perhaps try to add some other senses when appropriate to the scene and when the word count allows for it?
Other figurative language that can add sparks to a short piece like this (or any piece!) would be: alliteration, simile, metaphor, onomatopoeia, hyperbole, etc.


Final thoughts - -
Strong piece. I hope you do well in the contest.
Adding some sound imagery to the commonly present visual imagery is a helpful touch.
Fun title also!
*Sundae* Again, the ending is the cherry on top! *Cherries*



Keep writing!

Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*

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9
9
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship/camaraderie and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.



*BurstB* - - Kudos - - *BurstB*
I was drawn into your poem as soon as I saw the title. My family and I spent many cherished, memorable weeks on a houseboat at Lake Powell, and its beauty never fails to move me. I was instantly curious about what you would be expressing and to reminisce.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
Line 1: "placid" - - Lines 7 - 9: anchored for the night / just offshore / of red rock risers, - - Line 10: "monuments to a Mesolithic past." - - Lines 11 - 13: The silence spiritual, / simply breathing / was a prayer.

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
Imagery - -
         Visual/Sight -
                   Lines 1 & 2: The placid glass / of the lake's surface - - Line 3: splashed - - Line 4: when a line was dropped - - Lines 8 & 9: just offshore / of red rock risers, - -
         Sound/Hearing - Line 3: splashed - - Line 11: The silence spiritual, - - Line 12: simply breathing
Alliteration - - Line 5: find fish for a feast - - Line 9: of red rock risers, - - Line 10: monuments to a Mesolithic past. - - Lines 11 & 12: The silence spiritual, / simply breathing
Metaphor - - Line 1: The placid glass

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
I have no questions or suggestions for you. Well done

A lovely piece! I completely related and enjoyed the images. The mood and emotional impact were expressed in a beautiful way. It's so nice that you shared this with the world. Line 10 and the final 3 lines were quite powerful!
Nice use of figurative language!



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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10
10
Review of The Book of Jeff  
for entry "Splurt
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after one of your posts. Therefore, I will be reviewing your entry. This is what brought me to your work today.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship and camaraderie, and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.


I found it interesting to review a blog. With such a different genre than the typical poetry elements I find myself looking for or the typical fiction elements that I find myself often reviewing.
While I'd like to start one to increase traffic on my personal website, I've never been really sure that I had enough breadth/quantity to grow it consistently nor the expertise to gather a large following. (If you have any expertise in these areas, I'd greatly appreciate your input/advice.)

The hook - -
I found it interesting that you started with several other titles and characters that you did not choose. That actually drew me in. Those were thought-provoking options, and it made me more interested in what your actual choice(s) would be.
I was not familiar with those other choices you mentioned, except for Harry Potter, but you still made it interesting.
Similarly, I was not familiar with the title or character you chose, but you did give enough detail for me to follow your logic and the intrigue behind it.
Also, there was an entertaining sense of humor in the comments behind why you would not choose some of your other top options. *Laugh*

Mechanics/Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling/Etc. - -
no errors noted

Figurative Language / Imagery - -
not noted

Most effective passage(s) - -
I enjoyed the style as if you were conversing with the reader, how you inserted frequent asides and explanations throughout.

Final thoughts - -
effective, nice flow & nice style





Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
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11
11
Review of Too late  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and I just posted one of my entries right after one of your posts. Therefore, I will be reviewing your entry. This is what brought me to your work today.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship and camaraderie, and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.



*BurstG* Kudos *BurstG*
This piece is quite interesting and timely. It is also sad and tragic. Well done.
Nice use of a purposeful, intended sentence fragment - - "Then the phone call."
Strong, ominous closing: "The virus got there first."

Dialogue - - N/A

Character Development - -
Very well done especially with the limit the contest gave you on the words. I feel like all we needed was given and/or inferred. The reader's imagination can easily fill in what you did not spell out. I don't feel that any questions lingered in this category.

Scenery / Setting - -
Minimal - but none more needed - especially given the small word limitation for this contest

Plot - -
Very well done and clear, especially with the very limited word count for this contest.

Figurative Language / Imagery - -
N/A - - I usually am really drawn to figurative language, but a contest with such a small word limit makes it challenging to add such embellishments.

Most effective passage(s) / Great, effective word choice: - -
I like how this reads. it's like we're hearing her thoughts/plans: "Plane tickets booked and paid for, check. Accommodation for a night, just to give her time to get over jet lag, check. Bags packed and ready to go, check."

Room for Improvement - -
None related to content - - see Mechanics/Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling/Etc. section below

Mechanics/Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling/Etc. - -
- - "Tricia was determined to get there, sheโ€™d postponed for too long." - - reads as a run-on
         You could correct this with either a semi-colon in place of the comma or a conjunction after the comma.
- - hyphenate this into a single-word adjective: "eighty eighty year old" *Right* eighty-eight-year-old
- - Spelling: Accomodation *Right* Accommodation
- - Probably optional, but perhaps add a comma? - - Too busy; that was always her excuse. . . . . . And/Or maybe a single quote? - - 'Too busy'; that was always her excuse. . . . . .
         Some might put her thought/excuse in italics, but I think that might make it stand out more than you intended?...just a thought...

Final thoughts - -
Again, this is very timely, tragic, and moving. The last two sentences reach out and grab the reader . . . and linger in my mind.
I wouldn't suggest any changes other than a couple tiny things related to punctuation perhaps.

Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*

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12
12
Review of Entanglements  
In affiliation with Reviews with Honesty  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship/camaraderie and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.


- - Kudos - -
I truly enjoyed this piece. It is carefully crafted and carries deep meaning. I encourage you to share it far and wide. It creates a clear image which is relatable to your readers.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
The lattice of life has roped me in / Tied me up so that I do not even recognize myself / How do I unravel this web
I greatly enjoyed your use of personification:
Did my skin ever kiss the sun; / Feel the rain; / Skip over soft, fresh grass? / ... / Did love embrace me;
I liked how you wove in the title in line 8: when I was free of the entanglements.
..... and again in the last 4 lines:
But no one hears me. / No one acknowledges my pain / Because, they like me, / Are entangled too.

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
Alliteration - - line 2: The lattice of life...
Metaphor - - line 4: this web
Personification - - Did my skin ever kiss the sun - - (Did my skin ever)... Feel the rain - - (Did my skin ever)... Skip over soft, fresh grass? - - Did love embrace me
Imagery - -
         Sight - (lines 1 - 5)
         Sound -
                   Laughter ring out around me? - - I scream and yell.
         Touch/Tactile -
                    (Did my skin ever)... Feel the rain - - (Did my skin ever)... Skip over soft, fresh grass? - - Did I ever feel anything / Beyond this rage? - - Did love embrace me

Again, you've truly created a strong piece that demonstrates deep thought and deep meaning. I believe this will move your audience. Best of luck to you in that contest. (I had started a submission myself, but never got it to where I wanted it.) Again, well done!!

Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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13
13
Review of In the Garden  
In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2020" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship/camaraderie and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is quite interesting and thought-provoking! Beautifully portrayed. Well done.



- - Kudos - -
The imagery contained in this piece drew me in right away. Well done!
I especially liked how you incorporated many of the senses, even the sense of smell which is often omitted.


- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"the aroma of roses"
"Dawn's brush strokes paint"
intone


- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
Metaphor - -
         L1 - canvas; L6 - Dawn's brush strokes
Imagery - -
         Sight - L1, L7, L8,
         Sound - L5, L13
         Smell - L2,
         Touch/Tactile - L10,
Personification - - L3, L4, L6, L11,


- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
Line 4 - Add an apostrophe for the possessive form of " nightingale's "
No others changes . . . love what you created here!


Fun piece! You created a pleasing sensory experience!



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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14
14
Review of Down - Not Out!  
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
MHWA Group Sig 1


*Awarenessg**Awarenessg* May is Mental Health Awareness Month *Awarenessg**Awarenessg*


Hello! I am a member of a WdC group called the "Mental Health Writers Alliance". I am participating in one of our activities to review items in people's portfolios that are related to mental health. Your title caught my eye as I was looking through the pieces whose authors has requested reviews. That is what brought me to your writing.


*Heartg* Theme/Subject Matter:
Homelessness - Mental Health - Dark - Experience - Personal - Psychosis - Neurosis - Pain - Hope - Drug abuse - Alcohol abuse - Kindness
From the beginning (title), I liked how you put an optimistic twist to this . . . letting the reader know that hard times were ahead, but that the speaker was resilient and possibly stubborn, trudging ahead despite circumstances.


*Heartt* Originality/Creativity:
The structure you chose to address these topics is creative and unique. It helps it flow along (with the rhyming couplets) and builds empathy/sympathy as you go along. Good variety of examples and perspectives.


*Heartg* Emotion/Impact:
Near the conclusion of this piece, you speak directly to the reader and tell them you want them to stop and think. You succeeded in this. All the way through, you are opening eyes that might not otherwise understand.
I like how you bring up the little kind deed that makes such a difference. I've been discouraged by others from reaching out, and this is encouraging that little things really do make a difference.
A lot of blaming and insensitivity can be directed at the homeless and those who resort to substance abuse. I thought that you addressed that very effectively early in this piece and again as you concluded. Well done.
This piece packs a wallop emotionally!


*Heartt* My Favorite Parts:
"I didnโ€™t ask to get to this place, / The pain inside, now shown on my face."
"Just when you think you can not cope, / Something will happen that fills you with hope. / Not a miracle, just a simple deed, / Sometimes thatโ€™s all a human will need."
"But now I see, I understand, / The need to escape to some wonderland."
"I want you to stop, sit back and think. / Who are these people that do drugs and drink?"
"They were all people just like you and me, / Psychotic, neurotic, now do you see?"


*Heartg* My Suggestions:
I saw no issues with spelling, punctuation, rhyme scheme, etc.
Freestyle . . . the description fit - - There was a little lack of pattern in the meter, but your description at the bottom did not claim there would be.
Part of the powerfulness seems to come from the speaker's experience, but then you change voice (POV) from "I" to "you". Staying consistent with one of the other could increase the piece's impact.
Last stanze - - verb tense
         It caught my eye that you referred to who these people "were". In the previous line, you used "are" and this potentially implies that the problem or even
         their lives are not in the present. Keep it all in present tense could have some benefits . . . totally up to the author though of course!


*Heartt* Summary:
Keep writing!
This is such an important topic (actually, topics) to address. I simply suggest that you keep sharing your experiences, keep using writing as a tool to heal and better understand these experiences, and take advantage of your ability to get people to look at themselves in order to be better people, especially toward the underprivileged.
Again, the title was a strength and acted as a hook.



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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*Awarenessg**Awarenessg* May is Mental Health Awareness Month *Awarenessg**Awarenessg*
Do you have any mental health items in your port? Fill this out for a review:
 
SURVEY
Mental Health Review Form  (E)
National Mental Health Awareness Month hosted by MHWA. Would YOU like a review?
#2188408 by Charlie ~


Need support?? Join the "Under Construction: MHWA group: "Survey to Join MHWA

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15
15
for entry "I Need a New Roof
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2019" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

Getting the opportunity to review your submission interested me since we've crossed paths a number of times in WdC plus this is a contest I've entered on many occasions. I became curious how you'd approach one of their prompt words!


- - Kudos - -
- - I enjoy pieces that incorporate figurative language as you have here. Metaphors are a higher more sophisticated level, I believe, when it comes to figures of speech, and you incorporated some skillfully. Your imagery is also strong.
- - Nice use of a continued water imagery in the last line and a bit of hyperbole with the reference to the "ocean torrent" in the speaker's "indoor pool".
- - You successfully created a 'mind movie' in the mind of this reader and succeeded in making me feel badly for the narrator.


- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -

"Stormy, soggy day" - - "swiss cheese house" - - "Ocean torrent--indoor pool"


- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
ALLITERATION - -
         Line 1: So glad you started off with some figurative language in line one! . . . "Stormy, soggy..."
IMAGERY - -
         Line 1: I found your Line 1 to contain imagery that was both visual and tactile. I think the word choice
                    of "soggy" over other options such as "wet" or "damp" was strong and evoked more of a tactile response.
         Line 2: more visual imagery
         Line 3: Very creative use of the reference to "swiss cheese" - it strikes this reader as metaphorical and
                   creates a great/strong visual image!
         Line 4 also begins with a metaphorical feel. - - also a bit of hyperbole with the "ocean torrent"
                   reference ... it works well


- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
No issues with spelling, punctuation, etc.
I did wonder why the double dash between "torrent" and "indoor", but it had no negative effect on this very strong piece!


Again, well done! I feel a shiver of cold and damp even now as I read it again and wrap up this review. Nice job!


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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16
16
In affiliation with Reviews with Honesty  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2180275 Unavailable **


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "Reviewing with Honesty". I'm doing some reviewing today, while also perusing more posts in the Dew Drop Inn daily poetry for April, and have chosen this piece of yours.

When reviewing, I think it's important to begin by pointing out that none of us are infallible experts, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given with good intentions, with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.


- - Kudos - -
The first thing about this piece that really grabbed me was your effective and meaningful incorporation of metaphors. I am a huge fan of figurative language, and rarely find enough of it in my readings or reviewing. Many pieces will utilize imagery and perhaps some similes or alliteration, but it's on rare and memorable occasions when I get to enjoy metaphors. (Thank you!)

The juxtaposition of your metaphors with the contrasting setting is interesting, thoughtfully constructed, and well done.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"Enlightenment / is a nightingale"
"Courage is a dove"

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
METAPHOR - -
         "Enlightenment / is a nightingale"
         "Courage is a dove"
IMAGERY - -
         AUDITORY - -
                   "a nightingale singing" - "calling across bombed out ruins" - "proclaiming world peace" -
                   "The birds of faith sing" - "serenading humanity" - "with their songs of hope"
         SIGHT/VISUAL - -
                   "a nightingale singing" - "in the light of dawn" - "across bombed out ruins" -
IRONY - - proclaiming world peace across bombed out ruins - - nightingale singing at dawn          

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
No changes are coming to mind for me, and I saw no errors in spelling, etc.
Well done!


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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17
17
In affiliation with Reviews with Honesty  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2180275 Unavailable **


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "Reviewing with Honesty". I'm doing some reviewing today, while also perusing more of the posts in the Dew Drop Inn daily poetry for April, and have chosen this piece of yours.

I think it's important to being by pointing out that none of us are infallible experts, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given with good intentions, with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.


I found this poem to be quite interesting, thought-provoking, and enjoyable! I especially enjoyed your use of figurative language and figures of speech.


- - Kudos - -
Nice use of metaphors - see below
"Forgiveness" - By placing this as the only word set off alone in a one-word line, you place an interesting
         emphasis upon it. As a reader, it made me look back and see it as a primary portion, looking
         back on "yesterday's passions" and "carrying" away "the ashes of bitterness / into the past."
         Meaningful construction/placement!


- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"onto the avenues of memory." *Star*
"the city of my mind"
"carrying the ashes of bitterness / into the past." - connects the reader and your message back to the first
         two lines and "yesterday's passions"


- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY - -
         VISUAL - -
                   - - "The gray remains / of yesterday's passions" - interesting imagery evoking ashes
                   - - "fall like raindrops"
         TACTILE - -
                   - - "like a warm spring breeze"
SIMILE - -
         - - "fall like raindrops" - - effective image! Evokes tears
         - - "like a warm spring breeze,"
METAPHOR - -
         "onto the avenues of memory." - - Love this metaphor! At this line was when I knew I wanted to
                   complete a review for this piece. I'm a huge fan of figurative language, and don't seem
                   to see enough of it. Most pieces include imagery, perhaps a simile, and occasionally
                   alliteration, but I definitely don't see many metaphors. This was well-placed and
                   effectively created/constructed/employed. *Smile*
         "the city of my mind" - nice tie to the other metaphor - a city having avenues


- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
Truly, nothing comes to mind. I think you incorporate several meaningful word choices and placement choices. Well done!
Strong images create a meaningful piece with an important life lesson for the majority who have past passions and the need for forgiveness and moving on without bitterness.


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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18
18
for entry "quantum entanglement
In affiliation with Reviews with Honesty  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
** Image ID #2180275 Unavailable **


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "Reviewing with Honesty". I'm doing some reviewing today, while also catching up on my perusal of the postings in the Dew Drop Inn, and have chosen this piece of yours to review.

This piece is wonderful! It really drew me in! I could relate so much!

First, in response to your 'Author's Note', I am convinced that what you've created here truly works . . . at least it certainly did for this reader! (I'm not familiar with the idiom, "on the nose", . . . and looked it up . . . but I still can assure you that even if more concrete and perhaps less concrete that your other work or than you intended, it sure had meaning to me.

I also think it's important to begin by pointing out that none of us are infallible experts, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given with good intentions, with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.



- - Kudos - -
- - This piece is quite interesting and thought-provoking! Well done!
- - It sounds/felt to me like you were describing me and my partner. I know I am incredibly blessed to have found my soul mate while relatively young and without an super long drawn-out ordeal to arrive at that place. Your words reminded me of that.
- - Sometimes we joke about being 'happily co-dependent', and while that's a less-than-perfect descriptor, it warmed my heart and continually hooked me, drawing me in as your reader.
- - I appreciated your placement of lines, words, and punctuation. The way in which line 11 reached out farther and farther, as if reaching to meet and clasp, way emotive.

lines 1 - 4 - - nicely descriptive, hooks the reader and brings him/her along with you for the storytelling.
                             It's fun to imagine this interaction where these two individuals met

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
- - "--I've fallen into your orbit." - - Love this! *HeartV*
- - "where does "I" end and "you" begin" - - Love this one too, as so often my partner and I feel this way! *InLove*
- - "when your motion / affects me, and I am moved--" - - It's fun how this may first feel emotional and then you move into physical movements.
         I liked that flow and that sequencing.
- - "lean into your arm," - - I can feel this as I read
- - "brush your hair back," - - This is a wonderfully sensual line, expressing an intimate gesture...
- - "--our names fall together / from friends' lips." - - Yes!
                   You've described this so well! Yes, our friends too rattle off our names as one word: "Ruth & Renie", "Ruth 'n Rene", "R&R"
                   - - This is a wonderful, heart-warming way to express those around a couple sensing and acknowledging their oneness!
- - "interacting-- / intertwined"

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY - -
         VISUAL - - Stanza 1: the dropped pen image, the bright blue eyes
                             Stanza 2 - - "lean into your arm", "brush your hair back", "brushing, meeting, clasping"
         SOUND - - Stanza 1: the sound of the dropping pen came alive for me, the laugh
         TACTILE - - Stanza 2: "lean into your arm", "brush your hair back", "brushing, meeting, clasping"
ALLITERATION - -
         "bright blue" - "from friends' " - "interacting-- / intertwined" (assonance)

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
None!
Spelling, images, etc. were all correct/clear/appreciated


I know you just asked for a 'review' not a rating, but being someone who does not give many "5s", it's significant to me that this would definitely get a 5. Thought you deserved to know that!

Beautiful! I hope it is autobiographical! *HeartP*



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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19
19
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
** Image ID #2187651 Unavailable **


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a "SuperPower Review "raid" of reviews. Our focus is upon requested reviews and also on congratulating those who were highlighted in the recent 2018 Quill Award Nominations. Congrats on your inclusion and nomination!

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is quite interesting and thought-provoking! Having an ex-husband myself, your title served as a hook and piqued my interest. You have definitely wrapped a lot of meeting and emotion into these few words. Well done.



- - Kudos - -
Title = good hook
Line one also serves as a powerful hook.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"Hate slithered in as you slid out the door" - - This is an amazing line, so powerful, such a hook! I love the personification and the powerful words "slithered" and "slid"!
"you and the whore" - obviously has significance
"it whispered revenge..." - This is also an interesting use of words, creating an interesting example of personification and influence.
"with your cheating grin."

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY - -
         TACTILE - -
                   Line 4 - - "it whispered revenge until I was numb."
                   Line 5 - - "That cold autumn night"
PERSONIFICATION - -
         Line 1 - - "Hate slithered in as you slid out the door"
         Line 4 - - "it whispered revenge until I was numb."
SIMILE - -
         Line 2 - - "discarding our family like old gum."
         This is very creative and powerful! It's a comparison that I don't think I would have thought of and I find it very meaningful!

Stanza 3 - What a turn . . . well, not really a turn in terms of a change of attitude or direction, but it certainly becomes much more abstract and open to several different possible interpretations while the first two stanza as emotional, powerful, detailed, and easy to visualize. This adds to its impact, in my opinion.

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
I cannot imagine any changes unless you wanted to elaborate in the last stanza. It works in its own very unique way as is though. Wow, such a burden in these 12 years of betrayal . . . I hope a new path has presented itself and that the burden is lessening for you.



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites


One last note:
I rarely rate the pieces I review with a "5".
If this piece was requesting a rating in addition to the review, it would be a "5"!
Congrats!



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#1300305 by Maryann




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20
20
Review of ORCA VISIT  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #2187651 Unavailable **


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a Super-Power "Raid" of reviews. I came across your item in the "SuperPower Request for Reviews list.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is very interesting and image-filled piece! Part of why it caught my attention is because we will be taking our first cruise this summer, and hope to see whales in the Alaskan waters. Your images and expressions made me even more excited for the trip . . . and I hope we're as fortunate as you were!


- - Kudos - -
Great imagery! (see below)
Very nice and effective inclusion of the baby's relationship with and guidance from its female elders.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"Shooting up spray" - - "The sky was gloomy, / As dark clouds hung low." - - "We crossed murky waters," - - "Tasting the rain as we go." - - "He maneuvered with ease. / Close to the pod, / A group of three." - - "North for the Orca, / South for the boat." - - "Cameras still clicking, / As we made our way to port."

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY - -
         VISUAL - - Lines 1 & 2 -- Lines 5 & 6 -- Lines 9 -- Lines 13 & 14 -- Lines 15 & 16 -- Lines 18-20 -- Lines 23 & 24 --
                   Lines 25 & 26 -- Lines 27 & 28 -- Lines 29 & 30 -- Line 32
         TASTE - - Lines 7 & 8
         SOUND - - Line 31
Nice use of repetition in lines 4 & 12

- - Overall Comments / Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
I do love this piece. I like the images very much. Word choices, like "murky", add quite a bit to the scene and the emotion.
The images you created of the baby with its elders are beautiful. I also like the bifurcation in the last stanza, combined with the addition of sounds.
Nicely done!
About the only thing that struck me to perhaps revise would be to look at the verb tense. It seems inconsistent (mostly between present tense and past tense).
The rhyme scheme was pleasant, but not held to tightly in some stanzas as in others.


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2019" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

Before reviews, I always point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship/camaraderie and with the intent to help us all grow toward becoming the best writers we can be.


- - Hook - -
The first stanza definitely drew me in. It paints an interesting picture, and I liked your word choice and unique decisions for structure.
Your title had also interested me. I had the privilege of knowing both of my grandmothers, two great-grandmothers, and several other elderly relatives. I find that many of my WdC portfolio items are related to these amazing women and my memories of them. I quickly became curious about what your piece would share.
Another draw for me initially was the contest this was submitted to. I had first learned of this group and contest during the February contest. I had begun a piece, but it just didn't work for me, so I set it aside. Seeing your work reminded me that they've moved on to a new topic/prompt, and I was excited that you had gotten a piece completed and submitted when I had not.


- - General Comments - -
Stanza 1 - - Many wonderful, unique elements!
Stanza 2 - - Isn't it wonderful how some of those "down-to-earth" grandmas are list this?!
Stanza 3 - - From your description/wording, I can easily picture this happening. I'm sure it would drive other people crazy to go to all that effort and see her natural successes. (It's becoming less creative and unique than stanza 1 though.)
Stanza 4 - - *CheckGr*
Stanza 5 - - I like the structure here again!
Stanza 6 - - A wonderful image of his woman!
Stanza 7 - - *CheckG*


- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
- - all of stanza 1 *Smile*
- - "...she could grow any type of plant / in any type of soil"


- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
- - It's a little indirect, I suppose, but to me, stanzas 1 & 2 created mental images . . . probably based upon my grandmothers' gardens.
- - Stanza 2 also creates a mind movie from the visual imagery and action.
         - - (also in stanzas 5, 6, & 7)


- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
Stanza 5 - - I think this may read better if the last word was made plural.
Overall, the introductory stanza(s) was so creative and visual, but that seemed to fade. The piece got a bit more predictable from there, and the conclusion did not live up to those other stanzas.
For me, I'd recommend, should there be any reason or opportunity to revise this and share/submit it again, the addition of more figurative language. A few similes and metaphors could create many deeper levels that will engage your readers more. Also, even some alliteration could have emotional impacts and keep the piece as fun and heart-warming as the beginning. Another possibility to enhance your tribute to this woman could be imagery involving the other senses.
Just my view though . . . of course, do as you wish.


This piece encompasses wonderful memories of and tribute to your grandmother. I hope you keep getting to use these memories in your writing and that you can share them with many, many people.


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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22
22
Review of Leprechauns  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers". We are currently completing a St. Patrick's Day two-day "raid" of reviews, and this item in your portfolio fits one of the topics, "Irish".

I see that this is a pretty old piece in your portfolio, but I hope this review is of value to you anyway.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is fun and playful. It has the quirky trickster feel implied by the title.



- - Kudos - -
- - playful and fun
- - nice images and many examples of figurative language incorporated

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"There are wee little men about" - - This was a fun opening line. It served well to hook your reader.
"Just ask for a dance to last the night through."

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY _
         Visual/Sight - "There are wee little men about / The dance in the moonlight / And play tricks on travelers" - "They were top hats of felt / And waistcoats.../ with leather shoes..." - "They dance in a circle"
         Auditory/Sound - "Laughing with glee"
Alliteration - "tricks on travelers"
Simile - "Like the gingerbread man"

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
Perhaps add a comma after "caught" in Stanza 5


Fun piece! You made it playful as one would anticipate in a piece about leprechauns, and it held to your description about listening to "your mam".


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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23
23
Review of Irish Eyes  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a St. Patrick's Day two-day "raid" of reviews, and this item in your portfolio fits one of the topics, "Irish".

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is clearly heartfelt and meaningfully reminiscent. It is ripe with imagery that delivers your overall message to your readers. Well done.



- - Kudos - -
This is a moving piece. well done in that you conveyed that to someone who has never met your father (assuming this is biographical, not fictionalized).

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"Deep emerald pools"
"Fiery glints of rebellion / twinkle with mischief."
"I get lost in jade circles, / full of life and mystery."
"Deep emerald spheres"

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY - Visual - "Deep emerald pools / sparkle" - "Fiery glints" - "jade circles" - "Animated spheres dance"

Repetition - "Deep emerald pools . . . Deep emerald spheres"
Metaphor - "Fiery glints of rebellion"
Personification - "Animated spheres dance" - "Animated spheres dance with joy . . . overflow with fierce love" -

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
I can't really think of any. The spelling, capitalization, etc. are all accurate. The images are clear. Your feelings are communicated in a deeply felt way. May include other senses in your imagery? Still, the focus on visual imagery makes sense with the focus on eyes.

I'm sorry you've lost your loving father.


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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24
24
Review of March 17  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a St. Patrick's Day two-day "raid" of reviews, and this item in your portfolio fits one of the topics, "Irish".

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is quite interesting and thought-provoking! Having a chronic autoimmune disease myself, I wondered if this was biographical, observational of a loved one, or just very realistically portrayed. Well done.



- - Kudos - -
Your poem has a pleasant rhythm, meter, and tempo throughout which make it enjoyable and add to the tone/feeling it shares. The rhyme scheme is consistent throughout.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
Stanza 4 - This provides/introduces and interesting turn
Stanza 5 is equally interesting as it goes into more detail following the introduction and turn provided from stanza 4.
"For way beneath that charming face / A past they canโ€™t forget "
Stanza 7 - a new interesting, more upbeat swing/turn
"For I am just as proud you see / My roots are Irish stew"

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
Visual Imagery - - Stanza 1 + lines 5 & 6 - Line 12 - Stanza 4 - lines 17 & 18 - Line 26 - Line 28 -
Sound Imagery - - Line 11 -
Alliteration - - "down deep" - "beckons bright" -
Repetition - "year to year" -
Line 21 could serve as a metaphor - not sure if that was intentional or not
The last line also strikes me as metaphorical.

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
I really can't think of any. This is fun, humorous, light-hearted, and well done!


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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25
25
Review of Uniquely Irish  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a St. Patrick's Day two-day "raid" of reviews, and this item in your portfolio fits one of the topics, "Irish". This is what brought me to your writing.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is fun, and it exposed me to a poetry format I wasn't previously familiar with. It helped quite a bit, by the way, that you included a description of the format beneath the poem and the link to the contest. Good idea. Well done poetry!



- - Kudos - -
A fun, quirky sense of humor emits from this piece.
- - a clear and fun expression of the three components in the "Uniquely Irish" list

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
Stanza 1
Line 4
the last line

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
In such a short format, it's often hard to fit many in. Here is a little that could be inferred:
Line 1 - - sound imagery (vague reference) - also lines 5 & 6
Line 2 - - repetition

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
I can't really think of much; it is well done.
As a big fan of figurative language, I would always encourage looking for opportunities to incorporate some, but an item with only 9 lines and other requirements/constraints, this isn't always the highest priority.


Fun piece! If happy and playful were what you were aiming for, then this is definitely a success.



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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