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159 Public Reviews Given
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very detailed reviews
I'm good at...
very detailed reviews - - addressing grammar, mechanics, figurative language & figures of speech, organization, punctuation, etc.
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historical fiction - - flash fiction - - poetry - - adventure/action - - mystery - - non-fiction - - young adult fiction - - children's literature - - realistic fiction
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Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Down - Not Out!  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Awarenessg**Awarenessg* May is Mental Health Awareness Month *Awarenessg**Awarenessg*


Hello! I am a member of a WdC group called the "Mental Health Writers Alliance". I am participating in one of our activities to review items in people's portfolios that are related to mental health. Your title caught my eye as I was looking through the pieces whose authors has requested reviews. That is what brought me to your writing.


*Heartg* Theme/Subject Matter:
Homelessness - Mental Health - Dark - Experience - Personal - Psychosis - Neurosis - Pain - Hope - Drug abuse - Alcohol abuse - Kindness
From the beginning (title), I liked how you put an optimistic twist to this . . . letting the reader know that hard times were ahead, but that the speaker was resilient and possibly stubborn, trudging ahead despite circumstances.


*Heartt* Originality/Creativity:
The structure you chose to address these topics is creative and unique. It helps it flow along (with the rhyming couplets) and builds empathy/sympathy as you go along. Good variety of examples and perspectives.


*Heartg* Emotion/Impact:
Near the conclusion of this piece, you speak directly to the reader and tell them you want them to stop and think. You succeeded in this. All the way through, you are opening eyes that might not otherwise understand.
I like how you bring up the little kind deed that makes such a difference. I've been discouraged by others from reaching out, and this is encouraging that little things really do make a difference.
A lot of blaming and insensitivity can be directed at the homeless and those who resort to substance abuse. I thought that you addressed that very effectively early in this piece and again as you concluded. Well done.
This piece packs a wallop emotionally!


*Heartt* My Favorite Parts:
"I didnโ€™t ask to get to this place, / The pain inside, now shown on my face."
"Just when you think you can not cope, / Something will happen that fills you with hope. / Not a miracle, just a simple deed, / Sometimes thatโ€™s all a human will need."
"But now I see, I understand, / The need to escape to some wonderland."
"I want you to stop, sit back and think. / Who are these people that do drugs and drink?"
"They were all people just like you and me, / Psychotic, neurotic, now do you see?"


*Heartg* My Suggestions:
I saw no issues with spelling, punctuation, rhyme scheme, etc.
Freestyle . . . the description fit - - There was a little lack of pattern in the meter, but your description at the bottom did not claim there would be.
Part of the powerfulness seems to come from the speaker's experience, but then you change voice (POV) from "I" to "you". Staying consistent with one of the other could increase the piece's impact.
Last stanze - - verb tense
         It caught my eye that you referred to who these people "were". In the previous line, you used "are" and this potentially implies that the problem or even
         their lives are not in the present. Keep it all in present tense could have some benefits . . . totally up to the author though of course!


*Heartt* Summary:
Keep writing!
This is such an important topic (actually, topics) to address. I simply suggest that you keep sharing your experiences, keep using writing as a tool to heal and better understand these experiences, and take advantage of your ability to get people to look at themselves in order to be better people, especially toward the underprivileged.
Again, the title was a strength and acted as a hook.



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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#2188408 by Charlieee ๐ŸŒˆ


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2
2
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: E | (5.0)
MHWA Group Sig 1


*Awarenessg**Awarenessg* May is Mental Health Awareness Month *Awarenessg**Awarenessg*


Hello! I am a member of a WdC group called the "Mental Health Writers Alliance". I am participating in one of our activities to review items in people's portfolios that are related to mental health. Your title caught my eye on the list of items that had been submitted with a request for a review. That is what brought me to your writing.


*Heartg* Theme/Subject Matter:
Living with Anxiety & Depression - Mental Health - Biographical - Health - Emotional
This piece was quite interesting to me. While my own struggles do not seem to be the same as yours, my partner's burden(s) seem very similar (so hopefully your writing helped me to be more understanding and sympathetic) and as a teacher of the highly gifted I have dealt with many who struggle with anxiety and depression.
- - Have you looked much into Dabroski's work on what he called "Over-Excitabilities"? This is a very interesting compilation of some of the components of sensitivity and resulting struggles in the gifted. I prefer to leave out the word "over" as translated from the original (Polish, I believe) and focus on the "Sensitivities" because it implies that one is wrong or "too much" one way or another. I find it more open-minded and less judgmental. This may not be a big "ah-ha" for you as it has been for me and many I've worked with, but as it came to mind, I thought I'd mention it.


*Heartt* Originality/Creativity:
You found a way to very creatively and effectively address this important topic.
First, I like how you centered the piece. Also, the bolded first and last lines were well thought out.
The way you organized this, it made me wonder if line 2 was going to be a good thing or a bad thing.....
Section 5 is SO powerful! This is when I first thought about the "Over-Excitabilities", and how some sense and feel things so much differently than others but should not be told that they are TOO sensitive, TOO picky, TOO intolerant, TOO anything! I do see how highly sensitive people do begin to not trust themselves and lose confidence. I live with one every day. You have described this marvelously.


*Heartg* Emotion/Impact:
Without a doubt, this piece carries an emotional impact. For me, the effective imagery added to this:
Line 3: strong tactile imagery with the chest pressure and then the pulse - - also sound imagery with the ringing in the ears
Line 4: again strong tactile imagery - - great job making this palpable to others and feeling the burden
Section 7 really brings the personification to life, but it's present throughout the entire piece.
As you conclude, I think that the optimistic note is highly significant, and I found I greatly appreciated how you emphasized coping skills and the two walking through life together.


*Heartt* My Favorite Parts:
"I am why you hurt harder and cry longer and you stopped trusting yourself. / Itโ€™s really me you shouldnโ€™t trust. I tilt your thinking and multiply your fears. I am why you lack confidence and faith / in your own abilities."
         - - a tremendous example of describing the impact of being highly sensitive, anxious, and/or depressed, and some of the resulting impacts/effects
"I'm not sure how I got here but now that I've arrived..." - -
         - - that's thought-provoking - - really doesn't matter how it got there, you point out, now that it's here . . . just work it out together . . . as unlikely
         and initially unwilling partners perhaps
'...we 'll figure it out together." - -
         - - This provides a unique and interestingly positive tone for the conclusion. Followed up by the repetition of line 1, you are instilling an interesting nod toward coping skills and successfully walking our own paths with the burdens we've been given


*Heartg* My Suggestions:
Line 3 - space after the comma
Section 5 - comma after longer
Section 6 - perhaps reconsider the semi-colon - a comma will do
also - - Keep writing! Keep sharing your insights, coping skills/mechanisms, and experiences with others!


*Heartt* Summary:
Thank you for sharing this very personal struggle so carefully and so honestly. By empolying many senses in your imagery, you assist your readers in feeling what you're feeling and understanding better. You have hit the nail on the head and helped me understand my partner better. I wish you well with this burden to carry.
Even though I wish you did not have to, I'm glad you're finding coping mechanisms (I'm just assuming because I'm sensing this from your words and your treatment of these subjects), and plowing ahead.
I believe that writing can be a great part of this.



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites


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*Awarenessg**Awarenessg* May is Mental Health Awareness Month *Awarenessg**Awarenessg*
Do you have any mental health items in your port? Fill this out for a review:
 
SURVEY
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National Mental Health Awareness Month hosted by MHWA. Would YOU like a review?
#2188408 by Charlieee ๐ŸŒˆ


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3
3
for entry "I Need a New Roof
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2019" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

Getting the opportunity to review your submission interested me since we've crossed paths a number of times in WdC plus this is a contest I've entered on many occasions. I became curious how you'd approach one of their prompt words!


- - Kudos - -
- - I enjoy pieces that incorporate figurative language as you have here. Metaphors are a higher more sophisticated level, I believe, when it comes to figures of speech, and you incorporated some skillfully. Your imagery is also strong.
- - Nice use of a continued water imagery in the last line and a bit of hyperbole with the reference to the "ocean torrent" in the speaker's "indoor pool".
- - You successfully created a 'mind movie' in the mind of this reader and succeeded in making me feel badly for the narrator.


- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -

"Stormy, soggy day" - - "swiss cheese house" - - "Ocean torrent--indoor pool"


- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
ALLITERATION - -
         Line 1: So glad you started off with some figurative language in line one! . . . "Stormy, soggy..."
IMAGERY - -
         Line 1: I found your Line 1 to contain imagery that was both visual and tactile. I think the word choice
                    of "soggy" over other options such as "wet" or "damp" was strong and evoked more of a tactile response.
         Line 2: more visual imagery
         Line 3: Very creative use of the reference to "swiss cheese" - it strikes this reader as metaphorical and
                   creates a great/strong visual image!
         Line 4 also begins with a metaphorical feel. - - also a bit of hyperbole with the "ocean torrent"
                   reference ... it works well


- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
No issues with spelling, punctuation, etc.
I did wonder why the double dash between "torrent" and "indoor", but it had no negative effect on this very strong piece!


Again, well done! I feel a shiver of cold and damp even now as I read it again and wrap up this review. Nice job!


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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4
4
In affiliation with Reviews with Honesty  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review with Honesty Image


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "Reviewing with Honesty". I'm doing some reviewing today, while also perusing more posts in the Dew Drop Inn daily poetry for April, and have chosen this piece of yours.

When reviewing, I think it's important to begin by pointing out that none of us are infallible experts, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given with good intentions, with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.


- - Kudos - -
The first thing about this piece that really grabbed me was your effective and meaningful incorporation of metaphors. I am a huge fan of figurative language, and rarely find enough of it in my readings or reviewing. Many pieces will utilize imagery and perhaps some similes or alliteration, but it's on rare and memorable occasions when I get to enjoy metaphors. (Thank you!)

The juxtaposition of your metaphors with the contrasting setting is interesting, thoughtfully constructed, and well done.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"Enlightenment / is a nightingale"
"Courage is a dove"

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
METAPHOR - -
         "Enlightenment / is a nightingale"
         "Courage is a dove"
IMAGERY - -
         AUDITORY - -
                   "a nightingale singing" - "calling across bombed out ruins" - "proclaiming world peace" -
                   "The birds of faith sing" - "serenading humanity" - "with their songs of hope"
         SIGHT/VISUAL - -
                   "a nightingale singing" - "in the light of dawn" - "across bombed out ruins" -
IRONY - - proclaiming world peace across bombed out ruins - - nightingale singing at dawn          

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
No changes are coming to mind for me, and I saw no errors in spelling, etc.
Well done!


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites


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5
5
In affiliation with Reviews with Honesty  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review with Honesty Image


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "Reviewing with Honesty". I'm doing some reviewing today, while also perusing more of the posts in the Dew Drop Inn daily poetry for April, and have chosen this piece of yours.

I think it's important to being by pointing out that none of us are infallible experts, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given with good intentions, with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.


I found this poem to be quite interesting, thought-provoking, and enjoyable! I especially enjoyed your use of figurative language and figures of speech.


- - Kudos - -
Nice use of metaphors - see below
"Forgiveness" - By placing this as the only word set off alone in a one-word line, you place an interesting
         emphasis upon it. As a reader, it made me look back and see it as a primary portion, looking
         back on "yesterday's passions" and "carrying" away "the ashes of bitterness / into the past."
         Meaningful construction/placement!


- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"onto the avenues of memory." *Star*
"the city of my mind"
"carrying the ashes of bitterness / into the past." - connects the reader and your message back to the first
         two lines and "yesterday's passions"


- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY - -
         VISUAL - -
                   - - "The gray remains / of yesterday's passions" - interesting imagery evoking ashes
                   - - "fall like raindrops"
         TACTILE - -
                   - - "like a warm spring breeze"
SIMILE - -
         - - "fall like raindrops" - - effective image! Evokes tears
         - - "like a warm spring breeze,"
METAPHOR - -
         "onto the avenues of memory." - - Love this metaphor! At this line was when I knew I wanted to
                   complete a review for this piece. I'm a huge fan of figurative language, and don't seem
                   to see enough of it. Most pieces include imagery, perhaps a simile, and occasionally
                   alliteration, but I definitely don't see many metaphors. This was well-placed and
                   effectively created/constructed/employed. *Smile*
         "the city of my mind" - nice tie to the other metaphor - a city having avenues


- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
Truly, nothing comes to mind. I think you incorporate several meaningful word choices and placement choices. Well done!
Strong images create a meaningful piece with an important life lesson for the majority who have past passions and the need for forgiveness and moving on without bitterness.


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites


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6
6
for entry "quantum entanglement
In affiliation with Reviews with Honesty  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Review with Honesty Image


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "Reviewing with Honesty". I'm doing some reviewing today, while also catching up on my perusal of the postings in the Dew Drop Inn, and have chosen this piece of yours to review.

This piece is wonderful! It really drew me in! I could relate so much!

First, in response to your 'Author's Note', I am convinced that what you've created here truly works . . . at least it certainly did for this reader! (I'm not familiar with the idiom, "on the nose", . . . and looked it up . . . but I still can assure you that even if more concrete and perhaps less concrete that your other work or than you intended, it sure had meaning to me.

I also think it's important to begin by pointing out that none of us are infallible experts, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given with good intentions, with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.



- - Kudos - -
- - This piece is quite interesting and thought-provoking! Well done!
- - It sounds/felt to me like you were describing me and my partner. I know I am incredibly blessed to have found my soul mate while relatively young and without an super long drawn-out ordeal to arrive at that place. Your words reminded me of that.
- - Sometimes we joke about being 'happily co-dependent', and while that's a less-than-perfect descriptor, it warmed my heart and continually hooked me, drawing me in as your reader.
- - I appreciated your placement of lines, words, and punctuation. The way in which line 11 reached out farther and farther, as if reaching to meet and clasp, way emotive.

lines 1 - 4 - - nicely descriptive, hooks the reader and brings him/her along with you for the storytelling.
                             It's fun to imagine this interaction where these two individuals met

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
- - "--I've fallen into your orbit." - - Love this! *HeartV*
- - "where does "I" end and "you" begin" - - Love this one too, as so often my partner and I feel this way! *InLove*
- - "when your motion / affects me, and I am moved--" - - It's fun how this may first feel emotional and then you move into physical movements.
         I liked that flow and that sequencing.
- - "lean into your arm," - - I can feel this as I read
- - "brush your hair back," - - This is a wonderfully sensual line, expressing an intimate gesture...
- - "--our names fall together / from friends' lips." - - Yes!
                   You've described this so well! Yes, our friends too rattle off our names as one word: "Ruth & Renie", "Ruth 'n Rene", "R&R"
                   - - This is a wonderful, heart-warming way to express those around a couple sensing and acknowledging their oneness!
- - "interacting-- / intertwined"

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY - -
         VISUAL - - Stanza 1: the dropped pen image, the bright blue eyes
                             Stanza 2 - - "lean into your arm", "brush your hair back", "brushing, meeting, clasping"
         SOUND - - Stanza 1: the sound of the dropping pen came alive for me, the laugh
         TACTILE - - Stanza 2: "lean into your arm", "brush your hair back", "brushing, meeting, clasping"
ALLITERATION - -
         "bright blue" - "from friends' " - "interacting-- / intertwined" (assonance)

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
None!
Spelling, images, etc. were all correct/clear/appreciated


I know you just asked for a 'review' not a rating, but being someone who does not give many "5s", it's significant to me that this would definitely get a 5. Thought you deserved to know that!

Beautiful! I hope it is autobiographical! *HeartP*



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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7
7
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Image for Raid


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a "SuperPower Review "raid" of reviews. Our focus is upon requested reviews and also on congratulating those who were highlighted in the recent 2018 Quill Award Nominations. Congrats on your inclusion and nomination!

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is quite interesting and thought-provoking! Having an ex-husband myself, your title served as a hook and piqued my interest. You have definitely wrapped a lot of meeting and emotion into these few words. Well done.



- - Kudos - -
Title = good hook
Line one also serves as a powerful hook.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"Hate slithered in as you slid out the door" - - This is an amazing line, so powerful, such a hook! I love the personification and the powerful words "slithered" and "slid"!
"you and the whore" - obviously has significance
"it whispered revenge..." - This is also an interesting use of words, creating an interesting example of personification and influence.
"with your cheating grin."

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY - -
         TACTILE - -
                   Line 4 - - "it whispered revenge until I was numb."
                   Line 5 - - "That cold autumn night"
PERSONIFICATION - -
         Line 1 - - "Hate slithered in as you slid out the door"
         Line 4 - - "it whispered revenge until I was numb."
SIMILE - -
         Line 2 - - "discarding our family like old gum."
         This is very creative and powerful! It's a comparison that I don't think I would have thought of and I find it very meaningful!

Stanza 3 - What a turn . . . well, not really a turn in terms of a change of attitude or direction, but it certainly becomes much more abstract and open to several different possible interpretations while the first two stanza as emotional, powerful, detailed, and easy to visualize. This adds to its impact, in my opinion.

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
I cannot imagine any changes unless you wanted to elaborate in the last stanza. It works in its own very unique way as is though. Wow, such a burden in these 12 years of betrayal . . . I hope a new path has presented itself and that the burden is lessening for you.



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites


One last note:
I rarely rate the pieces I review with a "5".
If this piece was requesting a rating in addition to the review, it would be a "5"!
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8
8
Review of ORCA VISIT  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a Super-Power "Raid" of reviews. I came across your item in the "SuperPower Request for Reviews list.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is very interesting and image-filled piece! Part of why it caught my attention is because we will be taking our first cruise this summer, and hope to see whales in the Alaskan waters. Your images and expressions made me even more excited for the trip . . . and I hope we're as fortunate as you were!


- - Kudos - -
Great imagery! (see below)
Very nice and effective inclusion of the baby's relationship with and guidance from its female elders.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"Shooting up spray" - - "The sky was gloomy, / As dark clouds hung low." - - "We crossed murky waters," - - "Tasting the rain as we go." - - "He maneuvered with ease. / Close to the pod, / A group of three." - - "North for the Orca, / South for the boat." - - "Cameras still clicking, / As we made our way to port."

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY - -
         VISUAL - - Lines 1 & 2 -- Lines 5 & 6 -- Lines 9 -- Lines 13 & 14 -- Lines 15 & 16 -- Lines 18-20 -- Lines 23 & 24 --
                   Lines 25 & 26 -- Lines 27 & 28 -- Lines 29 & 30 -- Line 32
         TASTE - - Lines 7 & 8
         SOUND - - Line 31
Nice use of repetition in lines 4 & 12

- - Overall Comments / Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
I do love this piece. I like the images very much. Word choices, like "murky", add quite a bit to the scene and the emotion.
The images you created of the baby with its elders are beautiful. I also like the bifurcation in the last stanza, combined with the addition of sounds.
Nicely done!
About the only thing that struck me to perhaps revise would be to look at the verb tense. It seems inconsistent (mostly between present tense and past tense).
The rhyme scheme was pleasant, but not held to tightly in some stanzas as in others.


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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#1300305 by Maryann






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9
9
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2019" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

Before reviews, I always point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship/camaraderie and with the intent to help us all grow toward becoming the best writers we can be.


- - Hook - -
The first stanza definitely drew me in. It paints an interesting picture, and I liked your word choice and unique decisions for structure.
Your title had also interested me. I had the privilege of knowing both of my grandmothers, two great-grandmothers, and several other elderly relatives. I find that many of my WdC portfolio items are related to these amazing women and my memories of them. I quickly became curious about what your piece would share.
Another draw for me initially was the contest this was submitted to. I had first learned of this group and contest during the February contest. I had begun a piece, but it just didn't work for me, so I set it aside. Seeing your work reminded me that they've moved on to a new topic/prompt, and I was excited that you had gotten a piece completed and submitted when I had not.


- - General Comments - -
Stanza 1 - - Many wonderful, unique elements!
Stanza 2 - - Isn't it wonderful how some of those "down-to-earth" grandmas are list this?!
Stanza 3 - - From your description/wording, I can easily picture this happening. I'm sure it would drive other people crazy to go to all that effort and see her natural successes. (It's becoming less creative and unique than stanza 1 though.)
Stanza 4 - - *CheckGr*
Stanza 5 - - I like the structure here again!
Stanza 6 - - A wonderful image of his woman!
Stanza 7 - - *CheckG*


- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
- - all of stanza 1 *Smile*
- - "...she could grow any type of plant / in any type of soil"


- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
- - It's a little indirect, I suppose, but to me, stanzas 1 & 2 created mental images . . . probably based upon my grandmothers' gardens.
- - Stanza 2 also creates a mind movie from the visual imagery and action.
         - - (also in stanzas 5, 6, & 7)


- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
Stanza 5 - - I think this may read better if the last word was made plural.
Overall, the introductory stanza(s) was so creative and visual, but that seemed to fade. The piece got a bit more predictable from there, and the conclusion did not live up to those other stanzas.
For me, I'd recommend, should there be any reason or opportunity to revise this and share/submit it again, the addition of more figurative language. A few similes and metaphors could create many deeper levels that will engage your readers more. Also, even some alliteration could have emotional impacts and keep the piece as fun and heart-warming as the beginning. Another possibility to enhance your tribute to this woman could be imagery involving the other senses.
Just my view though . . . of course, do as you wish.


This piece encompasses wonderful memories of and tribute to your grandmother. I hope you keep getting to use these memories in your writing and that you can share them with many, many people.


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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10
10
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers


Hello there!

I am part of a WdC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers". We are currently completing a St. Patrick's Day two-day "raid" of reviews, and this item in your portfolio fits one of the topics, "Irish".

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

To begin, I have a question. At the very end, this began to read as if it was a eulogy or some other type of statement made at a funeral or memorial service. If so, it would help the reader to know that at the beginning. If not, is it just the narrator's reflections and thoughts about this significant individual in his/her life?

This story describes a special grandfather and his yearning to visit the home of his ancestors, Ireland. I get the impression that the family cares about him a lot and that he's a loving and wonderful man. Incorporating his favorite song at the beginning and end is a very nice touch.


The hook - -
You take us right into details about the person who is the center of the story. This works well as a hook.

Character Development - -
The grandfather is clearly developed in that we learn how he related to the overall topic, the song, and his dreams/wishes. There is not a lot of detail about the others, but not much else is needed for the reader to follow the overall story.

Scenery / Setting - -
There really isn't a focus upon scenery/setting, except for where they are at the closing of the piece.
Did this contest have a word limit? If so, that is to be somewhat expected with the limited word count. (Those are good things to note, for example at the bottom of the page/piece, if they can add important info for the reader.)

Plot - -
In general, we get a clear picture of the grandfather's wishes, the reasons he never got to see his dream come to pass, the meaningful gathering they all plan and take part in, and his death plus the final gathering.
Still, it seems to be lacking in detail at some points. The piece includes many simple sentences and very limited details. Perhaps additional details in terms of "showing" rather than "telling" could make this more gripping for the reader.

Mechanics/Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling/Etc. - -
Good use of the semi-colon in *Paragraph* 1; I often see this used inaccurately.
see below - "Room for Improvement"
I tend to give very detailed reviews and suggestions, so if you are not interested in this part of a comprehensive review, please disregard that section. *Smile*

Figurative Language / Imagery - -
*Paragraph* 1 = contains some sound imagery
*Paragraph* 2 = contains some sight/visual imagery
*Paragraph* 3 = contains some sight/visual imagery and some sound imagery

Room for Improvement - -
This piece does a lot of "telling" rather than "showing", often referred to as sections that are "info dumps". Perhaps some dialogue in the situations where these events are taking place, rather than just telling us that they occurred, could bring more life to the piece.
*Paragraph* 1 - Sentence 1 - - For these song lyrics, there should be quotation marks, a couple commas, and punctuation to avoid a run-on sentence. These are great lyrics. They include simile and sound imagery, and can really draw your readers in.
                   No need for the last comma in this paragraph.
*Paragraph* 2 - Sentence 1 - - No need for the semi-colon in the first sentence; a comma would do the job.
                   Sentence 4 - - For "TV", it seems standard to either capitalize this or spell out the whole word.
                   Sentence 8 - - No need to capitalize "grandma" the way it is used here: "My Grandma got tired of them,..."
*Paragraph* 3 - Sentence 1 - - No need for the first comma. Again, for "TV", typically you'll either capitalize this or spell out the whole word.
                   Sentence 2 - - reads awkwardly - reword?
                   Sentence 3 - - reads awkwardly - perhaps rearrange commas?
                   last sentence - - reads awkwardly - reword?
*Paragraph* 4 - Sentence 3 - - To combine to complete thoughts into a compound sentence, use the conjunction as you have done, but also add a comma before the word, "and".
                   last sentence - - reads awkwardly - "got him cremated" - this can be reworded in a variety of other ways to read more clearly/smoothly

Possible clarification to increase interest/relatability?
- - "Unfortunately, he was too old to travel."
                   - Perhaps describe whether he struggled with walking, breathing, his bowels, etc., so the reader can understand this. Being almost 60 myself and retired, it doesn't seem realistic to just say "age" keeps one from traveling. (My parents in their 80s just returned from another trip to Thailand and Taiwan, for example.) "He had problems walking...", but many seniors travel using wheelchairs or motorized carts, riding in buses or riverboats (even trains) so they don't have to walk much or drive themselves, any more detail here would make this both more interesting and more relatable.
- - "As he got older, he had a difficult time even watching TV,..."
                   - Again, explaining this further would assist the reader's comprehension and get them more interested in your story. Many people, even in nursing homes, spend a large part of their days watching TV, so it's hard to imagine why/how someone would have difficulty with this task/activity. You mention that he would sit and listen to them, so was his hearing OK, but his eyesight was failing? With today's technology, could a larger screen TV or even a laptop with a magnifier screen be good modifications to keep his quality of life up?
- - "He never went there, for he never had the money to go, when growing up."
                   - You've explained why he did not or could not travel there as a boy or near the end of his life, but what about all those years when he was working, all of his adult years?
- - "We talked about all the great times we had with him."
                   - Add some examples? This would help your readers to know these characters better and thus care more about their feelings and what happens to them.

Final thoughts - -
This is a very heartfelt piece with a lot of potential.
I would recommend that you try to move away from successive simple sentences and add description including imagery, similes, etc.

Actually, there are some "Show vs. Tell" classes in WdC that I took recently. I thought they were quite interesting. You might want to look into these. If you're interested, let me know . . . since you're new to WdC, I would gladly pay the GPs for you to enroll. Just keep me posted.

Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*

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11
11
Review of Leprechauns  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers". We are currently completing a St. Patrick's Day two-day "raid" of reviews, and this item in your portfolio fits one of the topics, "Irish".

I see that this is a pretty old piece in your portfolio, but I hope this review is of value to you anyway.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is fun and playful. It has the quirky trickster feel implied by the title.



- - Kudos - -
- - playful and fun
- - nice images and many examples of figurative language incorporated

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"There are wee little men about" - - This was a fun opening line. It served well to hook your reader.
"Just ask for a dance to last the night through."

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY _
         Visual/Sight - "There are wee little men about / The dance in the moonlight / And play tricks on travelers" - "They were top hats of felt / And waistcoats.../ with leather shoes..." - "They dance in a circle"
         Auditory/Sound - "Laughing with glee"
Alliteration - "tricks on travelers"
Simile - "Like the gingerbread man"

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
Perhaps add a comma after "caught" in Stanza 5


Fun piece! You made it playful as one would anticipate in a piece about leprechauns, and it held to your description about listening to "your mam".


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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12
12
Review of Irish Eyes  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a St. Patrick's Day two-day "raid" of reviews, and this item in your portfolio fits one of the topics, "Irish".

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is clearly heartfelt and meaningfully reminiscent. It is ripe with imagery that delivers your overall message to your readers. Well done.



- - Kudos - -
This is a moving piece. well done in that you conveyed that to someone who has never met your father (assuming this is biographical, not fictionalized).

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"Deep emerald pools"
"Fiery glints of rebellion / twinkle with mischief."
"I get lost in jade circles, / full of life and mystery."
"Deep emerald spheres"

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY - Visual - "Deep emerald pools / sparkle" - "Fiery glints" - "jade circles" - "Animated spheres dance"

Repetition - "Deep emerald pools . . . Deep emerald spheres"
Metaphor - "Fiery glints of rebellion"
Personification - "Animated spheres dance" - "Animated spheres dance with joy . . . overflow with fierce love" -

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
I can't really think of any. The spelling, capitalization, etc. are all accurate. The images are clear. Your feelings are communicated in a deeply felt way. May include other senses in your imagery? Still, the focus on visual imagery makes sense with the focus on eyes.

I'm sorry you've lost your loving father.


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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13
13
Review of MARCH 17  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a St. Patrick's Day two-day "raid" of reviews, and this item in your portfolio fits one of the topics, "Irish".

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is quite interesting and thought-provoking! Having a chronic autoimmune disease myself, I wondered if this was biographical, observational of a loved one, or just very realistically portrayed. Well done.



- - Kudos - -
Your poem has a pleasant rhythm, meter, and tempo throughout which make it enjoyable and add to the tone/feeling it shares. The rhyme scheme is consistent throughout.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
Stanza 4 - This provides/introduces and interesting turn
Stanza 5 is equally interesting as it goes into more detail following the introduction and turn provided from stanza 4.
"For way beneath that charming face / A past they canโ€™t forget "
Stanza 7 - a new interesting, more upbeat swing/turn
"For I am just as proud you see / My roots are Irish stew"

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
Visual Imagery - - Stanza 1 + lines 5 & 6 - Line 12 - Stanza 4 - lines 17 & 18 - Line 26 - Line 28 -
Sound Imagery - - Line 11 -
Alliteration - - "down deep" - "beckons bright" -
Repetition - "year to year" -
Line 21 could serve as a metaphor - not sure if that was intentional or not
The last line also strikes me as metaphorical.

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
I really can't think of any. This is fun, humorous, light-hearted, and well done!


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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14
14
Review of Uniquely Irish  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers


Hello there!

I am part of a WDC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a St. Patrick's Day two-day "raid" of reviews, and this item in your portfolio fits one of the topics, "Irish". This is what brought me to your writing.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is fun, and it exposed me to a poetry format I wasn't previously familiar with. It helped quite a bit, by the way, that you included a description of the format beneath the poem and the link to the contest. Good idea. Well done poetry!



- - Kudos - -
A fun, quirky sense of humor emits from this piece.
- - a clear and fun expression of the three components in the "Uniquely Irish" list

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
Stanza 1
Line 4
the last line

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
In such a short format, it's often hard to fit many in. Here is a little that could be inferred:
Line 1 - - sound imagery (vague reference) - also lines 5 & 6
Line 2 - - repetition

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
I can't really think of much; it is well done.
As a big fan of figurative language, I would always encourage looking for opportunities to incorporate some, but an item with only 9 lines and other requirements/constraints, this isn't always the highest priority.


Fun piece! If happy and playful were what you were aiming for, then this is definitely a success.



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
RRodgersWrites

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15
15
Review of Marginal Light  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2019" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship/camaraderie and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is quite interesting and thought-provoking! It is ripe with metaphor, and is surprisingly deep for such a short piece. I found that as I pondered this depth, I needed to read it again and again. Well done.


- - Kudos - -
You definitely paint a picture with this piece and create a mood to share with your reader. I also like the incorporation of a variety of figures of speech (see below).
Your opening line made me quite curious, but the second line did even more so, taking a figurative angle rather than a literal one.


- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"On the edge of a precipice"
"...between winter and spring
"light's beacon came inviting / the ship to come home"
"It should have been bright, / this marginal light"
"cast in a haze of forgiveness"
"when lies rule the day"
"faith flickers"
"revealing"


- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
Imagery - -
         Visual - - "On the edge of a precipice" - "light's beacon came inviting" -
                   "this marginal light / cast in a haze... / to the sea, to the shore" - "On the water..." -
                   "See clear to the morning / when the beacon is fading" - ("faith flickers")
Personification - - "light's beacon came inviting" - "cast in a haze of forgiveness" - -
Repetition - - "to the sea, to the shore
Alliteration - - "to the sea, to the shore" - "faith flickers" (preceded by "fading" and "facing")
Metaphor - - "marginal light" - "a precipice / between winter and spring" - "the ship" - "a haze of forgiveness" - "truth is a constant" -
                   "past's compass is useless"


- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
- - no errors in spelling, capitalization, grammar, etc. (Thank you!)
- - none come to mind actually . . . perhaps some imagery for the other senses?


Again, the depth of this piece is impressive. Well done!


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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16
16
Review of Lady Slippers  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2019" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship/camaraderie and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.



- - Kudos - -
Your initial line has a great sound, rhythm, and rhyme to it. This drew me in.
Another thing that drew me in was your choice of contest and its format. I entered this one also, and hadn't heard of the 'Lady Slippers' format before. I was curious to see how you dealt with this unique format.


- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"Birds sing and call for spring"
"Colour flits along and sits"
"Like cats on welcome mats"


- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
Simile - -
"Like cats on welcome mats" - This has a very pleasing sound and rhythm to it, plus I always enjoy the inclusion of a good simile or other figurative language! Knowing the 'attitude' of cats', this is a fun choice for this comparative statement.
Imagery - -
Sound/Auditory:
"Birds sing and call for spring"
"Like cats on welcome mats" - - as stated above, this is a very fun, effective image!


Well done. I especially liked the first stanza.


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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17
17
for entry "A Gift of Freedom
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2019" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after one of your posts. Therefore, I will be reviewing your entry. This is what brought me to your work today.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship and camaraderie, and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is quite interesting and thought-provoking! You succeed in drawing us in to the plot, setting, and conflict right away, and also causing us to care about these characters. Well done.



The hook - -
Both your title and your opening lines drew me in.


Dialogue - -
Well done
move the plot forward effectively


Character Development - -
- - minimal, but you tell us all we need to know about these characters in the piece with a small word limitation


Scenery / Setting - -
- - minimal, but again you tell us all we need to know for the story to be meaningful and succeed: German hospital - countryside . . . the references to "Doctors Without Borders in Afghanistan" clearly tells us the time period for the setting


Plot - -
Well done
clear beginning, middle, and end
rising action and great resolution


Mechanics/Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling/Etc. - -
Well done - thank you!
         (I oftentimes spend so much time in this category in a review, and never know if the writer is open to that type of input. You skills and knowledge here are evident.)
- - See minor point below under "Room for Improvement"


Figurative Language / Imagery - -
- - not frequently used in this piece
Imagery - -
Sight/Visual - -
"large, dour-looking" - "an old woman" - "the brilliant clouds" - - "...two crystal figurines โ€“ one of a polar bear, the other a penguin..." - "Sparkling in the morning rays" - "they were mesmerizing" - "They're beautiful," - "their fiery light" - "high above the countryside" - "A flash caught his eye" - "Two crystal shapes gleamed on the window sill"
Tactile/Touch - -
"He could sense the air currents as he soared among the brilliant clouds." - "feeling himself drawn into their fiery light" - "He felt a jolt of adrenaline" - "began to plummet to the ground"
Sound/Auditory - -
first, your use of colloquial language (see comments below!)
"she replied in a soft but commanding voice"


Most effective passage(s) / Great, effective word choice - -
"Mostly Disabled"
"dour-looking"
I also like your use of colloquial language, or rather, spellings that exemplified the nurse's accent. I've seen this discouraged by some sources, but personally, I enjoy it and think it adds to a piece's accuracy. (If you too are a fan of colloquial language, consider the YA HF novel, "Across Five Aprils" by Irene Hunt!)
"He could sense the air currents as he soared among the brilliant clouds."
"Time had no meaning but awareness slowly crept back into his mind."
"A flash caught his eye. Two crystal shapes gleamed on the window sill. Bob felt a surge of irrational hope - and smiled."

Room for Improvement - -
Overall, it's great. These are only minor suggestions.
When you have a compound sentence, setting the two complete thoughts off from each other with a comma between the two and the conjunction can make it read more smoothly/clearly.
warning - I'm a big comma fan . . .
Also, when there are adverb clauses, introductory phrases, etc., setting them off with commas also guides the reader.

I'm impressed with your brevity. I struggle with my writings tending to be longer than the word limit and too wordy. Therefore, I was intrigued by the way in which you created such a complete story in just 326 words!
Despite this, if you were going to revise this in any way, given the 174 words still allowed for this particular challenge, some more figurative language, figures of speech, and/or imagery could fit in.


Final thoughts - -
Again, I want to note that I'm impressed with your brevity. You accomplish a lot with economy. A very interesting aspect of the story is the idea of projecting into the future the reader is left with. I wonder what all the imaginings of your readers will be when they read that last paragraph. That's a great thing to accomplish as a writer. Again, well done! *Smile*



Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
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18
18
Review of One Mere Day  
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
For the reviewing section of the Newbies + Poetry Group
(Newbies + Poetry Review Group image link)


Hello there!

         As a member of the Newbies+ Poetry Group, the Newbies+ Poetry Review Group, and the Newbies+ Group Open House Challenge, I'm taking some time to complete some reviews today. I found this piece of yours listed among those requesting reviews. This is what brought me to your work. In my first year in WdC, I found that the "Newbies" groups provided a great amount of support, networking, and resources, so I enjoy coming back to them and paying it forward by encouraging others in their first year in WdC and others in these groups.

         I always like to include this information/perspective. I am not a professional; my suggestions are just that, suggestions. After considering anyone's input, do what you feel is right for your writing! Any suggestion I make is done with love and a desire to simply help others to become the best writers they can be.

         My reviews tend to be quite detailed. If some of this is not useful to you or not of interest to you, please just disregard those particular categories.


Introductory Lines/Stanza -- Hook:
Wow! Kudos!
I greatly enjoy concrete poetry, and just a glance at your piece drew me in!
I've found it to be quite difficult to type out and format concrete/shape poetry in the WdC format (as opposed to by hand, Word, etc.), so when someone pulls it off as you have here, I find it worthy of a big pat on the back! I have no doubt you had to put a lot into the line and word placement.

Rhythm / Format / Rhyme Scheme / Meter / Poetic Traits - -
Rhythm/Rhyme/Meter: N/A
Format - I think the section above covers it! *ThumbsDown*

Imagery / Figurative Language / Etc. - -
Imagery - -
         Visual -
                   I'm not sure if the first 2 lines were intended as visual imagery, but the do work that way. I love the image of the butterfly unwinding and perhaps even intentionally wasting time!
                   Lines 3 - 4: "...when you were a caterpillar..."
                   Lines 6 - 7: (Again, may have been unintentional, but for this reader, it worked!) "Such beauty to the world you give."
                   Lines 7 - 8: "...you flitter about to dance, play."
Alliteration - - Lines 3-4: "...when you were..."

Examples of Favorite Phrases and Word Choice - -
"One Mere Day"
"I understand your refusal to waste minutes and unwind."
"Such beauty to the world you give."
"...you flitter about to dance, play."

Resolution - -
This piece incorporated so much figurative language prior to this last line/statement, that it was almost overshadowed by them. Still, with your title and the emphasized body of the insect, this point/statement truly is important and has an impact.

Room for improvement - -
I really can't think of any. Perhaps a space before "I read"??

Thank you for sharing this piece. There are so many things about it to like and enjoy! Well done!

Ruth Rodgers
๐ŸŽผ RRodgersWrites ๐ŸŽถ


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19
19
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
For the reviewing section of the Newbies + Poetry Group


Hello there!

         As a member of the Newbies+ Poetry Group, the Newbies+ Poetry Review Group, and the Newbies+ Group Open House Challenge, I'm taking some time to complete some reviews today. I found this piece of yours listed among those requesting reviews. This is what brought me to your work. In my first year in WdC, I found that the "Newbies" groups provided a great amount of support, networking, and resources, so I enjoy coming back to them and paying it forward by encouraging others in their first year in WdC and others in these groups.

         I always like to include this information/perspective. I am not a professional; my suggestions are just that, suggestions. After considering anyone's input, do what you feel is right for your writing! Any suggestion I make is done with love and a desire to simply help others to become the best writers they can be.

         My reviews tend to be quite detailed. If some of this is not useful to you or not of interest to you, please just disregard those particular categories.


Introductory Lines/Stanza -- Hook:
Your title then the rhythm and rhyme of your initial lines drew me in.

Rhythm / Format / Rhyme Scheme / Meter / Poetic Traits - -
While overall the piece appears to be Free Verse, I particularly enjoyed the examples of internal rhyme and the rhythm of the first stanza.

Imagery / Figurative Language / Etc. - -
Alliteration - -
         Line 1, 2, 4, 6, 11, 13,
Internal Rhyme - -
         Line 1 - This wonderfully stressed the meter of this piece, and definitely added to the 'hook' for this particular reader.
         Line 10 -
Repetition - -
         Line 6, 12, 20
Imagery - -
         Visual - You incorporated visual imagery in many instances:
                             L3 "pillars of rubble" - L7 "white cliffs" - L8 "Moon-bats...their upside-down perches - L9 "dark side of the moon - L12 "beast...dance the night away" - L13 "...caper 'cross the Moon" - L14 "places of deep shadow" - L16 "whitescape of the Moon" - L17 "...beasts tire" - L18 "bats fly off" - L20 "dances the night away"
         Auditory - Line 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10, 11, 15, 19

Examples of Favorite Phrases and Word Choice - -
"The Man in the Moon hears a nice tune"
"A song spun by the moon-cicadas"
"The music does jumble pillars of rubble"
"...the sweet sultry song"
"He calls the Moon-bats from their upside down perches"
"They yammer and clamor"
"...they caper 'cross the Moon"
"Bring life..."
"Bats fly off to be hung in the dust of the Moon"
+ the closing

Resolution - -
Well done! After all of the other components and details of the story, including a previous reference to dancing the night away, the closing in a way makes the poem linger on as he dances away in the reader's mind!

Room for improvement - -
Line 8 - I believe that "upside-down", the way you've used it, should be hyphenated.

Thank you for sharing this piece.
This is a fun and creative piece. I especially enjoy the figurative language you incorporated.
Well done!

Ruth Rodgers
๐ŸŽผ RRodgersWrites ๐ŸŽถ


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20
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Review of Many-Eyed  
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
For the reviewing section of the Newbies + Poetry Group


Hello there!

         As a member of the Newbies+ Poetry Group, the Newbies+ Poetry Review Group, and the Newbies+ Group Open House Challenge, I'm taking some time to complete some reviews today. I found this piece of yours listed among those requesting reviews. This is what brought me to your work. In my first year in WdC, I found that the "Newbies" groups provided a great amount of support, networking, and resources, so I enjoy coming back to them and paying it forward by encouraging others in their first year in WdC and others in these groups.

         I always like to include this information/perspective. I am not a professional; my suggestions are just that, suggestions. After considering anyone's input, do what you feel is right for your writing! Any suggestion I make is done with love and a desire to simply help others to become the best writers they can be.

         My reviews tend to be quite detailed. If some of this is not useful to you or not of interest to you, please just disregard those particular categories.


Introductory Lines/Stanza -- Hook:
Your introductory information, your title, and the initial lines all drew me in.

Rhythm / Format / Rhyme Scheme / Meter / Poetic Traits - -
While the initial stanza appeared to have a patterned rhythm and meter, I hope I'm assuming correctly that this is a Free Verse format.

Imagery / Figurative Language / Etc. - -
Imagery - -
         Visual - - several visual images painted in the first stanza (also stanza 2, 3, & 4)
         Auditory - - the end of stanza 2 makes reference to this sense
Oxymoron - - "...invisible tears..."
Personification - - many examples, well done
                   "Looking at cars...", "These Eyes that spy have stories to tell"

Examples of Favorite Phrases and Word Choice - -
"Hanging off tree limbs / Dangling in the road / Pasted onto stoplights / Looking at cars go, go, go"
"Though you want to look away / There's no way you can"
         I believe that your audience will definitely be able to relate to this line. Well done.
"These Eyes that spy have stories to tell / So you must listen, look at them"
         The capitalization of "Eyes" here holds interesting significance. Well done.
"And now hang with little eye-nooses threaded through / Not unlike their former hosts' bodies strung up"
"Above the muck" - - great imagery and word choice
"Tarry not!"
"...you may just find / A familiar eye or two / They'll keep an eye on you!"

Resolution - -
Very strong! I often delete this category when reviewing poetry, but you worked into that fourth stanza in a very meaningful way, and changed the tone even more with that important lone line, "They'll keep an eye on you!"


Thank you for sharing this piece.
It's quiet original and vivid. I don't know that I've often listed the bulk of the piece among my favorite phrases and word choice, so to me this indicates how well done this is. Interesting!
Well done!

Ruth Rodgers
๐ŸŽผ RRodgersWrites ๐ŸŽถ


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21
21
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there!

After discovering today that I goofed and did not post a creation for your "Once Upon a Contest" contest, I sent you and email then a review request . . . then I browsed your portfolio and decided to review this piece. This is what brought me to your writing.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This entire piece includes strong use of imagery (one of my favorite literary aspects)! I found that quite interesting, thought-provoking, and visual!



- - Kudos - -
Great imagery! You truly paint a picture and create a mind movie here. You make your reader care about this individuals.
I like how you blended your observations with ponderings about what the boy might be thinking or wishing for. Creative!

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"His wet cheeks of fear and white wishes"
"A sip and another by the drainage for lunch"
"Curving like in his unknown mother's womb"
"And give him self warmth to imaginations / I bet he wished for a miraculous blanket"

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
Imagery - -
         Lines 1, 2, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14,
Alliteration - -
         Line 5, 17, 20

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
Line 8 - "an" is a typo?
Line 13 - add an apostrophe to "mother's"
Line 15 - "himself" as one word?
Line 18 - Hyphenate the adjective of four combined words? "twenty-year-old-like clothes" - - Maybe there's another term you'll like better here though.
awkward wording? (or may be purposeful . . . or I could be missing something through my own shortcomings . . . totally your prerogative, so it's totally up to you!) - - Line 3? Line 6? Lines 7-8? Line 20?
Due to your descriptive approach, perhaps a simile here or there would prove meaningful . . . but I'm partial to all figurative language, so again, totally your prerogative!

Thought-provoking and heartfelt piece!

Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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22
22
Review of Be good to you  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again!

I chose the first item in your Portfolio to get my reviews of your work started.

I always like to start my reviews with something like this:
Keep in mind, I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. At the end of the day, do what you feel is right for your writing! Any suggestion I make is done with love and a desire to simply help you become the best writer you can be.


Introductory Lines/Stanza -- Hook:
To be honest, your comments in your review of my work created interest initially. Then, as I browsed through your portfolio, they all looked interesting. (More reviews to come!)
Your title draws me in.
The rhythm and rhyme of the first line is incredibly engaging!

Rhythm / Format / Rhyme Scheme / Meter / Poetic Traits - -
I enjoyed the rhythm and rhyme of this piece. If seemed to have about 4 metric beats per line which moved along musically.
rhyme scheme = ABBACCDEAEFGF - You made your own unique pattern and it worked.

Imagery / Figurative Language / Etc. - -
Repetition - - "Be" - This works well!
Imagery - - For me, the first line created a picture in my mind of this little elf, a big metaphorical even. This had a great impact for your overall message!
         Line 6 (taste)
         Lines 7 & 8 (a bit tactile)
         Lines 9 & 11 (auditory)
Alliteration - - Line 11
I am a HUGE fan of figurative language. I loved the examples of figures of speech I found in this piece, but I always long for more since I cherish the effect. This is however totally up to the poet, totally your prerogative, not mine.

Examples of Favorite Phrases and Word Choice - -
"Be an elf to yourself."

Resolution - -
To me, the last line was a little bit anticlimactic. While it may have been very purposeful on your part to be a bit simplistic here, I found the poem in its entirety to be much deeper than this line. Again, though, this is totally up to your prerogative as the poet.

Room for improvement - -
Title = I just wondered why you didn't capitalize "Good" and "You". I'm a bit of a technician, so my eye expected this, but in poetry (as in many other forms of creative writing), this could be purposeful and up to the writer.
Last line = (see comments above)
Punctuation = Consistent end punctuation
         However, my eye (and ears) felt like there could be commas between the following words:
                   hungry, choose - - sleepy, relax - - tired, rest
Ever considered playing with the font style, the font color, the line spacing, etc.? That could just be part of the way I roll, but sometimes these work as additional ways to speak to our readers. Sometimes I've been guilty of overusing these (and emoticons), and have gone back to scale them back, but I wondered what you'd envision for fonts, colors, etc.

Thank you for posting and sharing this piece.
This obviously comes from the heart, and I believe it will touch your readers deeply.
Well done!

The overall message resounds with me, because my dearest friend has an incredibly small self-image and it very at-risk as a result. Also, several of the former students I have kept in touch with over the years struggle with anxiety, acceptance, and even suicidal thoughts/attempts. Your message is one that needs to be spread far and wide, even shouted from the mountaintops! Again, thanks for sharing! *Smile*

Keep writing!

Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*

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23
23
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello!

To begin, please keep in mind, I am not a professional, so my suggestions are just that, suggestions. At the end of the day, do what you feel is right for your writing! Any suggestion I make is done with love and a desire to simply help you become the best writer you can be.

I am a member of WdC's Newbies+ Poetry Review Group and WdC's Super Power Reviewers Group. Your work is accessible in WdC through looking for members in their first year to read and review. This is what brought me to your writing.


Comments:
Rating: I haven't totally mastered the rating scale in WdC and all of its implications/details, but I think that with the use of the word "hell" this probably should not have an "E" rating.

Imagery / Figurative Language / Etc. - -
I didn't really notice these elements in this work, but they are not required. I am personally partial to figurative language, and love the effects on pieces of writing. While this is not poetry, a little bit of alliteration, simile, etc. here or there can add some real enjoyment for many of your readers.

Resolution - -
- - nice satisfying resolution
- - nice hopeful note after describing all you went through

Room for improvement - -
The list below refers mostly to the organization of the thoughts behind your writing. With revision to the spelling, word choice, consistent verb tense, etc., it is more likely that the reader will relate to your work and will grasp your main point(s). Feel free to skip over this list if you'd rather. Some appreciate this kind of detail in reviews and others don't. I don't ever mean to offend when I go into this much detail. Again, my intent is that these errors not distract and that others can ponder and learn from your messages and writings.
Sentence #1 - capitalize the word "Day"
                   awkward wording - (It "was"? ... "most unlucky" or "the unluckiest"
Sentence #2 - add a comma after "morning"
Sentence #3 - add a comma after "morning"
                   This is a run-on sentence. If you rework this to use it for other purposes, you may want to divide this up into a few separate complete statements.
                   "rushed" - "friends"
                   For the internal dialogue at the end of this first paragraph, set it off with a comma and capitalize "Wow". Rather than quotation marks, feel free to use italics to signal to your reader that these are the MC's thoughts
Sentence #4 - I "am"? - "guys" - add a comma after "school" - This again is a run-on sentence. You can divide the complete thoughts up with periods, semicolons, or the combination of conjunctions with commas, whichever you like best as the author.
Sentence #5 - add a comma after "class" - verb tense is inconsistent: "had" - add a comma after "sticker"
Sentence #6 - capitalize the word "Day" - again a run-on (see suggestions/options above) - "makes"
Sentence #7 - verb tense: "finished" - heart stickers? - again a run-on (see suggestions/options above) - reword: "...did I done wrong..." - reword: "...good guy like me have the toughest life..." - add a comma before "and"


Thank you for sharing this piece. You went through a lot this past Valentines Day, and I hope that writing about it helped you to process it.
This obviously comes from the heart, and it touches similar experiences/memories/places for your readers also.
I hope my suggestions made sense and are useful. Feel free to keep in touch.

Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers


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24
24
for entry "Winter
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Heart and Mind Raid


Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2019" Activity, and I just posted my last entry right after yours. That is what brought me to your work.

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.


This entire piece includes strong imagery. I found that quite interesting, relatable, and . . . chilling!!

- - Kudos - -
Strong imagery! Very relatable!
Good job with the contest's format, but I did include some suggests below based on my limited understanding of Than Bauk.
NO spelling errors, grammatical errors, etc. ... a relief!

Winter blows in
Such sin, so cold
Kin hide frozen
Wrap toes-in warmth
Chosen the fleece.
Winds cease to thrill
Peace has a chill.

- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"Wrap toes in warmth"
"sin" - I wonder if this might even play a metaphorical role as used here ... interesting!

- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
Strong imagery - - I can feel a chill even as I read the first two lines. *Snow2*
This tactile sensory imagery continues in lines 3, 4, 5, 6, & 7! *Snow5*

- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
"...toes-in..." - Was this spelled this way to better conform to the rhyming matches of "frozen" and "chosen"? That was my assumption.
no others - - Just a note below about the format/style assigned for the contest - - Not a factor in my review

About the format - - (for the contest, not the review)
My understanding of Than Bauk is that the rhyming syllable works back through each line, then if the piece is longer, a second rhyming syllable picks up at the end of line 3, like this:
O. O. O. a
O. O. a. O
O. a. O. b
O. O. b. O
O. b. O. c
O. O. c. O
O. c. O. d. etc.
So in your work, it looks to me like "in" will be your first rhyming sound and should be the third syllable in line two ... where you have it as the second. In line 3, you have "kin" as the first syllable, but the info I found on Than Bauk doesn't show the rhyming sound beginning any lines.
Similarly, the second sound (from "frozen") moves from the 4th position in line 3 to the 3rd position in line 4, but then jumps to the 1st syllable in line 5 instead of the 2nd.
Of course there could be many forms, and I might not have all the right info. This just impacts your chances in the contest, so it doesn't play into your review. I wish you the best in the contest, and some let you edit after posting. Best of luck!


Strong piece! You made weather, wind, and winter very real sensory experiences. I'm sitting here right now with a blanket and a heating pad. I might need to turn it up now! *Laugh*

Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*
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25
25
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group FEBRUARY WDC REVIEW RAID *Star* *Star*


Heart and Mind Raid


Hello there!

I am part of a WdC group called "WdC Super Power Reviewers", and we are currently completing a Valentine's Day one-day "raid" of reviews on one of your topics, "Health".

I always like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in love and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece is quite interesting and thought-provoking! Overall, you seem to initially be promoting exercise and sweating to fend off the virus, and then additional suggestions related to nutrition. The idea that "we are what we eat" makes a lot of sense, and you've presented it well.


The hook - -
I was drawn in first by your title. I have written a bit on AIDS and lost a friend to the disease years ago. It's a tragedy I'm glad to see others writing about.

Mechanics/Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling/Etc. - -
I did create a more detailed list and will post it at the very bottom of this review. If you're interested, I hope the list helps. There are definitely some things in this category that could be cleaned up, but I've found that some in WdC are not interested in this and even take offense. I do not want to offend you in any way. Feel free to ignore this list if you'd rather.

Figurative Language / Imagery - -
Alliteration: Sentence 2, P2Sent4, P3Sent2, P3Sent3, P3Sent7, P3Sent10, P3Sent11,

Most effective/favorite passage(s) - -
*Paragraph* 3 - Sentence 2 - This reminded me of the studies done on laughter & endorphins. They had patients watch comedies and laugh a lot, while their control groups watched dramas or other genres, and indeed the laughter group fared better!
"black death to our cells"
"...you're not stupid; you were lied to."
"Green is the color of healing and life..."

Room for Improvement - -
- - Title - - Perhaps the title could reflect the article as a whole, beyond the initial advice/suggestions.
- - Mechanics/Punctuation/Spelling/Etc:
                   (see below) Many could detract from your message, keeping others from getting your point and then agreeing with it.
- - More figurative language could help drive the point home and interest your readers. Consider personification, imagery, simile, metaphors, etc.

Final thoughts - -
I think you have so good thoughts here. I hope that many others read your work. I think, however, that your point will be better received if you add some detail, examples, figures of speech, and/or touching up some of the mechanics/punctuation/etc I listed below. I think this piece will be more persuasive if those aspects don't distract the reader from your message. When things like parallel structure are present to ease the reader's comprehension, then your point gets through to more people without distraction. I wish you well on encouraging others to treat their bodies well and put good, natural things in, especially if they are fighting some sort of disease or infection. I have an autoimmune disease, so I often have to think about these things and work on this. You provided many good reminders. (I need to do less sugar, just as you mentioned.)


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers *Fleurdelis* *Quill*
*PawPrints* *Music2* *BookStack3* *Trees* *MountainsB* *Trainbr* *Piano* *PawPrints*

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Additional Mechanics/Punctuation/Spelling Comments:

Sentence 1 - capitalize AIDS - perhaps reword for clarity
Sentence 2 - set off the appositive in commas (...Johnson, a Bull's basketball player,...)
                   (Did he play for the Lakers at the time or is my memory fading?)
Sentence 3 lacks parallel structure in terms of singulars and plurals - - either change the intro to "When one is sick..." or something else singular OR you could make the second half of the statement full of plurals ("bodies form high temperatures ... they are trying ... they have")
Sentence 3 reads as a run-on. You could change the comma b/n temperature & its to a semi-colon, or put a period there, or add a comma and conjunction before "its".
         spelling - "sense"
         awkward wording: "about doing this"
         confusing: comma between body and sweat
*Paragraph* 2 - -
Sentence 1 - add a comma b/n it & you're
         This sentence reads as a run-on. You can change the comma to a semi-colon or put a period there, or add a comma and conjunction before "you were".
Sentence 2 - reads awkwardly - I get your message, but rewording could make it a stronger statement for an audience who doesn't already agree with you as I do.
Sentence 3 - reads a bit awkwardly - maybe reconsider the word "all" as you're reworking it
Sentence 4 is a fragment
*Paragraph* 3 - -
Sentence 1 - no comma needed b/n black and death - no apostrophe needed in cells (plural rather than possessive) - change self to "itself" ??
Sentence 2 - This reminded me of the studies done on laughter. They had patients watch comedies and laugh a lot, while their control groups watched dramas or other genres, and indeed the laughter group fared better! - - Careful here though, because some might take offense if they think there is an insinuation that pure will or positive thinking can cure them or that those they lost just didn't try hard enough mentally.
Sentence 3 - become?
Sentence 5 - "It's" is singular and "parasites" is plural. You'll want to make these two match/parallel. - No need for an apostrophe in "parasites" since it's not possessive, just plural. - Add a comma after parasites. - separate "foods" "drinks" with a comma or conjunction, etc.
Sentence 6 - add a comma b/n this & they'll
Sentence 7 - spelling: "eating" - add a comma after greens -
Sentence 10 - our 'bodies'? plural? "become" - into "them" instead of "it"
Sentence 11 - We is plural, so make "bodies" plural also.
Sentence 12 - (same as above) We is plural, so make "bodies" plural also. - Add a comma after "bodies". - It should be changed to "they" to keep parallel structure with the plural "bodies". - "become"


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