The beginning of this story is slow. I really did not feel into the story until after the third paragraph. The story did take a nice twist when the "blackmail" was to "hang out" and talk. I found that refreshing. Also, this story did not have to get into sexual details. It left somethings to the imagination which was nice as well.
Several sentences seemed to me to run together. For clarity and ease of reading for your audience, you may want to break these sentences up. They are:
"Well, there’s no school work to do because school’s over for me next week since we get out a few works earlier than the underclassmen but I at least use it to get some reading done."
"Or I try to anyway because it’s not long before I hear the sound of footsteps, muffled as they are on the carpet, approach the desk. “Here,” says the voice as I hear something placed on the counter."
I am not sure what is meant by "It's in the family business". Do you mean that that it is the family business to know the reasons everyone stays at the Donna? I think this could use clarity.
Other than adding clarity, I think this story is good.
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