What a lovely story ! I loved the flow of the story, and the beautiful phrases, so vivid and so clear to a reader. It maximises the emotions that a reader is supposed to have from the story.
However, in terms of description of the place/setting, I think there's still room for improvement. I think you should try to describe the setting more so that we can picture it in our minds. It'll help us understand the story a lot better and see the meaning behind it clearer. All in all, I love the story ! :D
Keep writing, you're doing awesome !
I personally like the flow of the poem but I think the plot has room for improvement. Perhaps you may consider extending the poem to explore deeper emotions that the narrator is feeling ? :D
I see that you're a newbie here and so am I (just joined moments ago in fact). I hope we both get great experiences out of this community. Hope to see you around here !
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