i particularly like the Chinese poetry style you introduced. here is a little poem i tried using that style...
though i tried following that style strictly, my pen/keyboard just couldn't and this is what i came up with.
any constructive comments are welcome...:)
How Greed is a very dangerous emotion - so watch and look out! It is an advice to be heeded by anyone bent on destroying the environment...
"Peaceful years, just growing older,
Wisdom gained in quiet gloaming."
These are my favourite lines from the poem. Although the writer talks about the forest trees - the hundred years heavy-stumped ones - it gives me the image of elder folks as well.
This piece gives me, as a reader, a whole experience of what the writer wanted to convey - beneath the gentle beginning of hopefulness, our surface emotion is always the painful ones that somehow emerges first. Most probably because it is one of the more distinct emotions that we remember and carry along into the future...
What I will remember...
"The ocean wells...
Emotions swell...
Out rolls a tear."
This is my favourite lines from the poem that I'll remember - it describes the passing of different emotions from how the poem started.
Some suggestions...
The only one I can think of is the way the writer spelled 'gray' and 'grey' alternately in the poem.
Well, this is just an offering of suggestion as a reader, it is entirely up to the writer as an artist to accept it as she so pleases...
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