|Hi, CurlyFry. Just read your new input : Imprisoned By His Love (Chap. 1)
Before I begin, let me tell you - it's all entirely my opinion. Various readers have various tastes.
A few points I think should be revised -
1) Like, some grammatical errors, spacing errors, logical errors etc. They might not seem important at first - but when you begin with publishing, they eat up the chances.
2) Try giving the story a slow, yet intriguing depth. Like, in the 2nd paragraph, you can try adding a particular incident your character had with her friends that left a characteristic mark on her heart. It could be a conflict between Mathew and her. Or how, they actually became friends. Just to hook the reader. But be careful - don't get too wordy!
3) Try adding a brief yet funny conversation Layla had with her friends. That would gladden the reader, too.
Some points I really admire in your story -
1) The starting. As they say the starting is the backbone of a story and decides the entire whirl of the plot - yours is perfect.
2)The use of informal, yet interesting a tone.
3)Not getting into the kidnapping at once - making it a good suspense tale.
Remember : All writing is rewriting!
I look forward to reading your story more :D