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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tursk
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11 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Violinist  
Review by Tursk
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm in love with this piece! I love the setting/references of spring, the romanticizing of classical music, the play on words sprinkled through out. Sometimes the spelling out of ages feels flat to me, but you pulled it off really well with the use of the reference followed by the indulging romanticizing dream. Couple of end quotation's " missing but that is hardly noteworthy. What a beautiful bohemian love story!
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Review of Form  
Review by Tursk
Rated: E | (4.0)
I hope this is about foamy coffee... because you just made me want to make some. On goes the kettle. I liked the poem!
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Review of Lester's Love  
Review by Tursk
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi L. A. Grawitch,

I really loved stories with inanimate object that talk. It was a really great take on the prompt for the Dialogue 500 contest. My first impression was that it was an old classic car confessing his love to an owner as a last-ditch effort to stick around for a few more years... I liked the spin you gave it. My one thought was that the voice of the elderly dummy sounded a bit young to me. His platitudes (eg.yo,baby,girl,bogus) to me reflect a youthful voice. Not a problem generally, but with the prompt in mind...? I think your play on words was really fun. Thanks for introducing me to the word "manikin"... new one for me:) Keep it up!
Cheers - Tursk
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Review by Tursk
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Becca,

Thanks for sharing your children's story. Friendship is a really great subject that a lot of small children have challenges with. I really liked the idea of Charley wandering around the house trying to make friends with the things he meets. I would love to hear about what else he might have come across while wondering in his house and what reaction they had towards him.

When I read stories to my own children, I sometimes choose stories that have illustrations that help explain the story and give a little more detail as to what is going on. The really good stories often don't need really detailed illustrations because the words are so descriptive and fun. Try painting your words a little to bring out some of the fun in children's writing. Add some descriptive words. Tell us where the play date is happening. Show us what Charley and Stanley do together. Let the dialogue shine by using quotation marks (") and lots of spacing :)

There are some technical writing issues in this piece. (grammar,homophones,sentence structure) Please email me if you would like to try and work through some of this together - I'm sure I'll learn something too.

This really is a cute story that would be great for a really young audience. I hope there are more Charley and Stanley dragon/dinosaur? stories to come.

Cheers

Tursk
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