A nice cozy write.
Engaging the reader on a slow evening with nothing much to do.
The setting is after my heart. The pie has a what you so prettily address “French Silk Pie”.
It might be the texture or it must have suited the prompt.
I would like you to have knit one or more incidents with the prompt. So the focus stays with it.
The informal style of the flash fiction is attractive.
A nice romantic sonnet in honor of the poet's beloved.
Poet's hesitation to fall in love is shattered with one sweet look, word or gesture from the one that loved him.
"I try so hard not to fall in love
I was hurt one too many times"
Comparison with an angel above shows the poet's regard and worship of someone adorable.
It is the rhyme scheme ABAB CDCD EE, and the word choices that got my attention in this poem. The rhythm is perfect and the words used are fit the sentiments expressed like a glove.
The imagery is crystal clear to the reader's eye and mind.
This is an amazing tribute to your wife, your sojourner in life's journey.
The passages in between give your take on modern life, an empty shell without essence. In this wasteland where everything is subject to momentary pleasures, your surprise gift to your self comes in the guise of your future wife.
I do appreciate your views on the then life which I think are still relevant to what we are going through.
"In a world filled with plastic people
hiding behind their showplace homes,
their fancy cars,
and their sterile, white bread ways."
You must have seen the kind of things you described in images that reach out and speak loud. Adjective phrases like "plastic people," "showplace homes", and "white bread ways" impress on me.
Each description is significant.
However, the silver lining was when you find the right person to share your life with.
"the constant desire to remain
removed from the quickening pace
of a world gone mad."
A well written poem with appropriate digressions and description of life and the world around.
The chain of poems written in the traditional form of a cinquain is truly appealing. This form suited the subject you have here, namely, the elements.
You have aptly called them "natural treasures" in description. They are also sources of life without which we all die.
"Gives life to plants and men alike"
The fifth element is the space or sky according to the Indian way of understanding elements. This balancing of elements is found only on earth and on no other planet.
Each stanza gives a brief but true description of that particular element.
The syllabic count and the word choices are perfect.
this is surely a well shown drama. It is unique that the couple decided to kill one another for different reasons. But she was first in winning the race probably because justice is on her side. He betrayed her for another woman.
The anger of the woman and the husband's frustration at not able to get the knife into her are visibly present.
But the fun thing is that both are aware of their motives. Hence it became a race of some kind. It got the complexion of a duel.
I enjoyed it.
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations and have fun on the day.
This is a typically thoughtful piece. My reflections on it are for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations and have lovely day.
Although they say that life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel, I see by dint of your train of thought, it should be reversed.
I see self reflections, self examination and finally, a kind of wish for detachment out of disillusion of things of life.
Despite high thinking, we lead our routine lives because we are not prepared to give up. Right?
There is nothing more peaceful if we give up worldly trappings and lead the lives of the sages of yore. They realized this emptiness, monotony, endless cycles you feel and instead of sticking on they left to seek supreme bliss on their own.
All cannot do that. Frailty being our cardinal quality, some of us don't have that kind of detachment.
But it is creditworthy that you question the ordinariness, the low quality of life. Your reflections and rage are of great value.
A nice and meaningful poem which shows the way to feel happy in times of weariness.
"And a sad tired heart laughs with joy
at the wonder of God's creation.
To me this tribute to a red flower with a silky touch and pleasing fragrance represents nature's beauty, the kind of beauty that delights at any given time and whatever the season happens to be.
"...a bright red flower
on a drizzly winter day?"
You have used all the senses to create a nice free style poem with visual imagery.
He acted like the one born of forest. No amount of civilization could change his mentality or physical habits. He was happy to be back in his natural habitat, the forest.
So the civilizing mission failed and the English masters proved themselves, foolish.
The process-
There seems to be a method to this madness of civilizing innocent natives. This happened with several countries where colonization took place.
Education, religion, punishment and realization have taken place in the life of a Native born and bread in the bush.
I think it is a brilliant narration, wherein fragments meet to make splendid creation of a combination of facts and fiction.
Age eight is still innocent and a stage where one believes any kind of information. No wonder your "poppop" got away with that make-believe.
Travel is fun if you have a taste for it.
The keen eye of the boy is admirable. He noticed everything on the road including villages with produce from the farm, the roads that he traveled on.
The story shows the difference between travel of long ago and the present. Everything is done in a hurried way and the chance to observe the passing things, places and people and traveling is not as leisurely as then.
Hello there,
I find this flash fiction quite stirring my curiosity. The presence of spirits next door might have some history of its own. Some mysterious happenings during the Hitler regime or something equally ghastly and horrendous.
You have built up the tension in a convincing manner and the way the whole episode ran to a climax in the dark room.
The outstretched arms surely indicate something that the ghosts would like to convey perhaps.
However, one cannot be certain of safety in a room filled with dead people's spirits. The lodger is sensible enough to vacate it and escaped further agony.
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations.
Have a wonderful day!
A short but compact horror flash. You have the characters, the tale and a convincing twist to it. The eternal question whether ghosts exist or not hangs on.
Yet with certain proofs and feelings of being led by the invisible spirit of the dead dog persuade us to believe in it.
The midnight setting is well done with the girl feeling the dent in the bed and the way she is led out to the kitchen to get the gas leak plugged by the parents.
Hello Simonson,
This strikes me like a curious tale of mystery. My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations for being a member of WDC for another year. Have a wonderful Anniversary.
This brings back the age-old question whether there are ghostly or invisible presences in our lives.
There are always two sides to the answer. Some brush it aside as an insignificant nothing while others swear to their presence. Both provide proofs. So we are not sure which side is correct.
I come across this incident in the story that leaves me believing in the unseen presences. The proof is found in the book with a sentence about the dead person. Who wrote it is again unknown.
" Please, help my sister find me."
I am a little confused as to whose remains are they, the patient's or her sister's?
The story ends on a note justifiable logic.
"I am left wondering, what is shadow and what is real?"
The confusion and bewilderment of a soul that just left the physical body are visually brought to the reader. The author's imagination regarding the events that take place after life are conveyed in convincing terms. Once the breathing process is over, we imagine the person has traveled to unknown destinations.
Here we see Lowell observing each single person and their purpose. Yet, it is only with the metaphysical plane and not within this material world.
The separating lines between the dead and the living are drawn in quite a subtle fashion. This leaves the reader understand the sequences well.
"“Function complete,” the Curator said and stopped. It didn’t shut its eyes or even close its mouth. It just stopped, motionless, staring blankly at Lowell.'
Lowell is still at the mundane level, just as a soul that just left his body.
Hello Bill,
my review of this poets' poem is for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations for another year of creative activity at the WDC. Have a wonderful day.
This is a dramatic poem that takes me into the worlds of mythology created in Keats' Endymion. It also tells me of the love that ruled the hearts of Browning and Elizabeth Barrett Browning. The title justifies the content.
Imagery and metaphor-
imagery paints a quaint pictures of the goddess and the shepherd Endymion, evocative of the Elysium.
"Goddess of the moon--the same who loved
Endymion, now dreaming in his cave"
Lines like these prove that romance lives on despite age and era.
Moon beams on the book makes the poet wonder, in a tone of dry humor,
"Is there no printing press on Mount Olympus?-
The Moon was waiting for me to turn the page."
Perhaps, there isn't one.
Poetry of that kind, I mean the kind that Keats or Marlowe wrote, exists no more.
"And sank back into that symbol-woven world
Where poets dwell--or used to--and we who care"
This is the kind of poem that flows spontaneously right into my heart.
Hello there,
this appealing poem begins with an empty chair speaking of loss of someone dear.
Almost the whole house echoes with the absence of the person who was in and around not so long ago.
Certain harsh realities are difficult to digest. Although death is a stunning reality, we don’t want to believe it easily.
“The thought you might return to sit
and eat, it’s just a fable.”
Excellent rhyming, apt word choices and an appealing rhythm make the poem impressive.
Imagery is visual and it draws me into the context, effortlessly.
the blessings and benefits of rain find fine expression in this poem.
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations and have a great day.
Rain makes a welcome change to earth and all the living beings after a scorching summer.
Imagery is visual in effect. It shows the grass gleaming greener and the earth feeling happier.
‘’softly caressing the grasses…”
The rhythm follows the falling rain and the way it pleases the lonely flowers.
That's quite a sorry state you found yourself in. It is a rare case, where Cupid failed to find the target, especially on Valentine's day.
These couplets rhyme well evoking an evening of disappointment. The mistake could be by either party.
Some phrases are particularly eye-catching.
"danged old Cupid, sweet Evelong,derisive laughter,thorned plants(stems, aren't they?).
It is difficult to imagine a girl kicking you in the knees. It sounds humorous though.
Quite an appealing free verse.
I enjoyed the feeling of exhaling as shown in this poem.
Meditation does seem to help one breathe easy and free so as to make one feel the flow of breath and imagine the final moment.
The "Soul of the Spirit" is united with the Universal spirit via free exhaling.
Concentration on the breathing process has a delightful effect on the body, mind and soul as shown here.
"But the Spirit, ah, the Spirit
She lives forever"
It is an assuring verse for those who fear the last breath. Death is shown as a happy and liberating moment.
Hi Lou,
this is a cute puppy poem. Sounds like a ditty. Puppies are so engaging.
The one in the rhyme is like a small kid. Its actions are like those of a toddler.
Rhyming rolls away with ease. Keen observation of the puppy’s movements finds apt expression in the poem.
It is persuasive enough for me to go get a puppy of my own.
It flows well with a set rhyme scheme and visual imagery that appeals.
Hi,
Ha ha. I can see the moment of embarrassment you had. I agree it is a difficult matter to explain to kids especially if they are at an age of curiosity.
The mother can neither tell the truth nor can lie about reality. That’s a cleft stick situation indeed.
Indeed, why not leave the topic of a mother’s anatomy to a time when he needs to study it?
I appreciate his innocence and quick response to “I am going to put you back…..”
Poor kids are pushed to take a lot of uncalled for information.
A great lesson to over-assuming mothers told in an appealing style.
Most of the points made here are true to life. The traditional family structure is one of the most impending of the obstacles for a woman to rise beyond the four walls of her home. Her life revolves only around her immediate family. She has no ambitions or goals.
It is fortunate that you have supportive in laws. Marriage proved to be a blessing in your case contrary to what generally happens in India and other such traditionally rigid countries and cultures.
Congratulations on succeeding in achieving your goals while facing the challenges. It calls for a lot of courage and will power.
There is just a typo in the sentence,
" and had was extremely intelligent."
(and was extremely intelligent.)
Hello Ani,
I came upon this vignette on love and passion in your port. It was an impressive piece of prose.
The aphrodisiacal effect of love on the couple is shown expressly.
Love changes their lives as the two are driven to unite presently first, and thereon to a life time.
Language reflects the deep feelings with a spontaneous flow of sentences.
Edging on erotica, yet not so, it maintains its exposition of raw emotions.
Balanced and beautiful.
Hello Mia,
This prose poem exposing the lives of those who fall prey to evil due to circumstances, has appeal. Nobody can escape from harsh realities and unpalatable ways of life.
Yet, as you state, there comes a time, when these rough methods to live could be abandoned. With the help some serious soul-searching and the feeling of love and self examination, life can change for better.
The last three lines suggest a commendable means to be released from the torturous paths of life.
Hello there,
I appreciate the thoughts you have expressed regarding your stories. I think almost all the writers have experiences similar to your own. Nobody can write consistently forever, because creativity is not always waiting in the wings. Rather, it is vice-versa. We need to for it. Right?
“Sometimes a good writer, sometimes not…”
One of the cardinal principles of writing, as I heard is editing and rewriting. This seems a process that never ends. Turning out a new poem or a story everyday sounds tough, yet not impossible I suppose.
I enjoyed reading through your method of using your creativity.
Hello Jillian,
I found this traditional poem cited in the side lines. I was attracted by the description. I was not disappointed.
I like the idea of phoenix rising out of several things.
“An old house being repainted….”
We just got our house repainted and I appreciate the “hue”.
This poem consists of things practically observed as the imagery and the tone indicate.
Life teaches us earthy sense, can’t always be flying in the clouds. Yet, the romantic you makes itself felt.
Your message is as good as the rest of the poem.
The last line has a word “g9one”, which sounds odd.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.85 seconds at 8:06pm on May 17, 2024 via server web2.
| (4.0)
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "