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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review by Whitney Marie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really liked this!! A fun and quirky view of vampires.
I didn't spot any grammatical errors, and the flow of the story was uninhibited!
Maybe the one suggestion I have is just that it might add more of a surprise if you removed the like "all vampires like herself", it seems kind of bulky and I think it might add to the punch of the piece if she doesn't say outright say she's a vampire until the Twilight reference. But that's purely my opinion, and I think it's more than enough as it is now.
Loved it!
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Review of The Job  Open in new Window.
Review by Whitney Marie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Since I have just entered a piece myself into a contest with a set amount of words, I know just how hard it is to construct a story with detail, imagery, and a clear purpose.
This is well constructed, and I like that you gave me, the reader, a clear image of the scene. That said, I think some of your diction could be more effective if it was more concise. For example, it might give you more leeway when it comes to stretching your word limit. For example changing "A green and yellow ooze" to "A yellow-green ooze" or "A chartreuse ooze" might help save some room for putting an 'it' after 'found' in the second sentence. Also I wasn't sure about the word 'shades' in the third paragraph.
I really got a sense for the character in just the one hundred word limit, which I thought was pretty impressive, and I thought it was a well crafted story, despite my critiques. Well done!
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