well said. It is absolutely true ambition without the balance of satisfaction leads to total isolation and dissolves joy peace and balance for everyone involved.
the tale is indeed a sad one. there are a few parts that left me confused. like the introduction of the main character. the build up to the final act seems to have been left behind with the reek of burned rubber. the transition between scenes was jarring. I like story but it was tough to follow. I am left with some questions. are there 2 Hausers or is Holt the first name of the principal. who publicly shamed him. I seldom say this, you may have edited this one a little to brutally. anyhow all this is just my opinion. keep on writing.
it is a funny story. If I remember boot camp right you don't get a choice. Oh and your nose and eyes water, so yes it is that bad, but you will survive snotty nose and watery eyes will pass... eventually. good job.
I liked it. the beginning was a little slow out of the gate. not alot to grab my attention. the story or back story in the middle was well placed. I noticed a couple of lines where she maybe could have told the story instead of you. good work well done in under a thousand words. just my opinion keep on writing.
the beginning description got my attention. for me the story turned into a long narrative. it held it's own until the end where it broke down into a guy finding out he had made a irreversible choice. He left his love and life behind and regrated it. A spark of hope redeems the tale at the end. Good job.
very well done. you start right in the beginning with some action. I don't yet know who olivia is but now I what to know. the greetings are very much like a family would be. You do a fine job of letting the characters tell the story. your character has her own life and feels real. the end has a sweet twist. good work in under a 1000 words.
nice work. this may be more of a manifesto than story, Lol I get the characters desire for change and the do it later thing has never worked for me either. the sampling of the local farm an garden produce is a great idea, thou it is technically stealing. great job. loved it.
ok job done with very few words. that said where is the hook? why should I be interested in this character? in this scene the fear your character has tells me he is afraid but his only action is to fail to open the door. I really like the idea and the end twist was great, but I needed to know more. just my opinion. keep on writing.
A good short story. Good job showing her problem so naturally. the school setting for the competition works well. you show the lengths her friends are willing to go to in helping her find her voice. Pun intended. the story ends well with happiness and friendship for all. good job keep writing.
great children's story. you could easily add to this and make it a longer piece. the shelter makes a great backdrop for a happy ending. keep on writing. good work.
great story. I must admit the beginning was a little slow getting started. I understand the long set up to get the invaders introduced. the middle by contrast may be busy. By that i mean lots going on and maybe needing some words for clarity. The end twist I absolutly love, both for it'sperscective shift to the irony of an indaving armada being destroyed. not perfect but nearly so.
good job. I like the suspense you set up with the stormy dark conditions. The twist of saving the school and the boys friends is a good conclusion to an ominous sounding warning. well done with few words. Not perfect, but close.
nice work. This piece seems to be the end of a harrowing adventure. the descriptions were just enough so I could fill in the rest. I enjoyed the read. Is there more to this story? if not, maybe there could be. Keep on writing
good work with so few words. there are parts where the narrative breaks into the smooth flow of the tale. not enough to ruin the story. A clear beginning middle and end. I love the end twist, a nice reference to the Shining was this piece for a scary story contest?
great story. starts with a simple declaration. narrative moves along steady each piece of information drawing the reader to continue. a fitting tribute to a hero archetype we could use more of in the real world. good work this one deserves all five stars, well done.
ok I love the perspective the story is told from. the problem is in the telling by that I mean the first person narrative makes the read seem like I'm being told the story not shown. when I realize I am slipping into telling mode. I fix it by reading the piece out loud. good story a good job for so few words. keep on writing.
good job. the loss of a loved one is intimate. because of that no words can touch the raw emotions of your loss your memories, and connections formed over a lifetime. although the words are sincere, they are after all grasping at hope for future beyond the immediate pain.
they are only words.
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