Very inspiring! It's true that we can never truly know what another person is going through. Once we open our eyes to see circumstances from their point of view, whole new worlds open up to us.
I'm returning your auto-reward gift points - they are appreciated, but not necessary.
Very vivid for such a short story. The development of Dominica was quite good - I could identify with her as a real character. You developed both the scene and character well.
The following comments are simply my personal reaction to the story, so please accept it only as a reader's opinion (not as an editor's critique). My own writing has been reviewed in a similar fashion. At first, I took offense to the review, but after some thought I realized that my stories affect every reader differently. Some readers (like myself) will notice things that most readers don't see. It all depends on the reader's background.
Personally, I felt confused with the story's realism. I found myself going back to read certain parts a second time to verify what I had read - especially her age and the style of language spoken. I'm not an expert (or even close to being one), but the dialogue and description of Dominica seemed out of place once you identified Michelangelo as the artist. [Based upon my other reading of this time period, life expectancy was lower in those days and "thirty years" was nearly a full lifetime. "Still dark hair" sounded wrong for a woman that late in life.] There will always be somebody that reads your work and over-analyzes it. Don't ever change anything unless you feel that it should be changed! Just keep in mind that someone will always question the "reality" of whatever you write. (At least that's what I've found to be true.)
I truly enjoyed the imagery of the artist's studio.
BTW - I'm refunding your auto-reward since my wordy review was more of a personal response to your story.
Very short, but a good scene - this would be perfect for a longer story. You set the scene well. However, there was one sentence that needs to be changed:
Full lips appeared lightly stained, with a grayish-blue tint, which slowly turned up into a wicked grin.
By separating the sentence, it sounds like the "tint" turned up into a wicked grin.
A very entertaining poem. I noticed that you used no punctuation throughout the entire poem (except for one comma in the last stanza) - is there a reason for that?
The only place I stumbled while reading was "caper and jolly along".
Great story! It was so dark and gloomy. Then when it became clear that the sister was not physically real, the story took an uplifting turn. The ending was phenomenal.
I only noticed one correction to make: near the end, in the phrase "Tina took their daughters hand and guided it to touch the headstone", the word "daughter's" should have an apostrophe.
I really enjoyed this short poem. In three short verses, you instill an upbeat feeling which makes the reader want to go forth and inspire others. I have no suggestions for improving this, but would love to see a longer version. Keep up the excellent writing!
What a hilarious story! I truly enjoyed reading this (with a smile on my face the whole time). I could picture Lucy & Ricky & Fred & Ethel in those roles. (I guess that's showing my age, isn't it?)
The writing flowed easily throughout the story with just enough foreshadowing to keep the reader wanting to find out what happened next. Humor was injected at just the right points, not detracting from the tale. It was also well balanced for the sexes - how could I (as a man) take too much offense when the women were hiding a secret of their own?
The only thing I would possibly change is the use of the phrase "cacophonic barrier of shock", which slows the reading a bit in paragraph 14. That is the only stumbling place in the story.
Excellent work! I want to read more about Steve and Charlie.
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