An emotion i was without for my 38 years took hold and spit me out in a split second.
|It came over me without warning. Didn't even feel its evil creeping up on me. My heart started beating fast, my face felt flush and i gave into temptation.
I had to look at the cell phone display. Who was calling four times in the past 15 minutes? Should i wake him? Maybe its his boss changing his hours. It got the better of me when i saw the words I never thought i would see - another woman's name on the display. JEN. JEN. I kept spelling it over and over in my head. JEN. Who is Jen? It doesnt sound familiar. Then my hands got a little shaking when i saw my own finger pushing into the mailbox option to hear the message from JEN..JEN..who is this JEN?
As I put the cell phone to my ear and heard a raspy female voice saying "You said Saturday is okay just not Sunday" click. What kind of message was that? and who is this JEN? Okay..wait...let me think. Jen is the girl he put in a good word in for with a local business...and yeah she likes to sing in bands (which is a fancy of his - with him having his own band). Okay it makes sense to me.. put the phone down and walk away.
Two steps away i had to turn back just to see his phone book in the cell phone. Thinking to myself..what the hell are you doing? You have never done this in the 12 years you have been married to him..even when we were seperated last year while he was going through his manopause. As i am saying this to myself i see her name and number in his phone book.
It happened. It over came me - the green monster took over all of my rational thinking and being. I ran into the computer room - looked up my cell phone bills. Whew!!..nothing there..nothing with the 767 exchange...nothing close to JEN's number - what a relief. See? there you go ..just over-reacting. Stop it! Okay. (breath) Okay - he isnt a worm.
Wait a minute! Damn.. i am looking under my plan. Of course her number wouldnt be on my plan. Okay - face is getting flush again and the heart beat is in my ears at this point. I looked up his phone log.. okay - nope- nothing - um wait a minute....what is this? incoming at 11:30pm for 1 minute, outgoing for 15 minutes 11:34pm, incoming incoming incoming ...all 1 minute..2 minute calls... Wait..what the hell is this 35 minutes at 7:05pm. Thats the night he said he got delayed at work and showed up an hour late home. 11:35pm? what the hell is this - isnt this about the same date he started 'crashing' on the couch downstairs? and the nite of the party? damn - what time did he run out of the house with his phone..yeah 7:35pm - that was the call he had to go outside for..and said Joe whoever couldnt make it to our party...Joe? what the hell!! it was JEN..JEN..what a stupid spelling. JEN. stupid name... JEN JEN JEN...i just hear each letter echoing in my head...Jjjjjjj Eeeeeeee Nnnnnnn....STUPID STUPID STUPID NAME!!!!