Scribbled down after a dream I had about the ones no longer in my life.
| "Between Dream and Awake"
Trapped in the wake of my own dreams
seemingly real, but, its only an illussion
so close to me again, yet, still so far away
and life is a dream for the dead
should this offer some sort of condolence?
peace of mind, or, just nothing at all?
I'm not sure, though, I'm never sure anymore anyway
the ones that went before me
cannot steady the unrest I feel now
for how long remains a blur to me.
Crying, sitting, talking, and seemingly oblivious
to me, to my presence, of all that I am
silence as I stand alone in front of the full-length mirror
of the darkened room I remained
observing the body of my dead, seemingly, in eternal rest
She sat up looking into the mirror, can she see? is she aware?
blinking rapidly, as though she were alive again
she looks at my mirror reflection speaking words that fall upon deaf-end ears
I feel compelled to move out of the doorway's light,
and further into the cold darkness of the room
Her gaze broken from the dusty mirror turns to me
she faces me, I stumble backwards
un-able to meet her empty-unempty gaze
I just stare into the darkness of the room
she seems to be alive again
Though I know other-wise
choking on un-spoken words, as,
everything comes crashing down around me
scrambling to pick up the shards and form them into shapes again
speaking familiar words that I cannot hear,
that I cannot remember
speaking only to me?!
words learned only to be forgotten, just, as quickly
leaving me confused, wondering, pondering....
she is dead, isn't she?
Or maybe I've just lost my mind?
am I insane? Am I really this far gone?
could the others hear this?
has death's touch insanity taken my minds place?
or maybe just denial?
And still my questions go un-answered
un-voiced for fear of judgement
she still remains speaking, still unheard words
a warning, or was it advice?
I know not, I have to leave this place.
Alone, outside the room, in a daze
I'm left to my own thoughts and insanities
those I know and love carry the coffin, closed,
into another place with her body entombed forever inside
grief replaces the darkened silences.
Everyone goes their separate ways
I'm alone fighting my own fears inside my head
in the room where the coffin resides
I brave a glance, thinking about the person it encases.
staring blankly into the dark only to re-focus on her coffin.
The silence is suffocating and over-whealming
but its all that I've got; my only company
thoughts still rage inside my head
rendering me numb, and, not comfortably either
contemplating all these things.
Still I stare at the coffin before me ( I can't look away)
that lays in shadows and I know, yes,
I know life is just a dream for the dead
I'll fight to remember her words to me tonight!
singing the sorrow, or, an unknown song?!
Will the words come 'round again?
and I'll be pinned again
caught between this dream-nightmare and being awake
everything is a blur
of thing's I'll never remember.
And a dream I won't soon forget,
leaving me forever haunted, unhappily so
echos of the past still marking me, but, for how long?
and nothing is right
between being trapped in a dream and awake
reality is just the matter of preception....