Also imitative exercise in Creative Writing, the author I tried to emulate, Lorrie Moore.
|Donâ€™t forget to look both ways (or anywhere but down) before you get in the tub.
The third time is not as charming as the second is upon first impression.
Broken hearts are like buses. (Another will come along in fifteen minutes.)
â€śIs this venison?â€ť she coyly asks Dr. Lecter.
Honesty is the best fallacy.
â€śUnfortunately,â€ť Lucy says politely, â€śI canâ€™t dance with you tonight. I am the designated loner.â€ť
There are other fish in the sea. Let them take the bait.
Chance favorsâ€¦ the lucky bastards.
Awash in the rays of the setting sun, Willy thinks to himself, This sand really chafes! Walk on land? Ha! What was I thinking?!?
If it ainâ€™t broken, donâ€™t chance it by doing heavy impact aerobics.
The key to success is: Concentrate on something else.
The answers to lifeâ€™s questions are: Yes, Sort of, 3, Red, Of course not, and Read the ending first (not necessarily in that order).
Be who you are, just be quiet about it.
On a quest for somethingâ€¦ I forget what.
Thatâ€™s a nice neck brace.
I tried that before. Good luckâ€”and it was a pleasure knowing you.
If you get confused, just try counting sheep. No, wait.
Flattery will only get you so far. Then youâ€™ll have to try again.
A cat on a hot tin skillet.
Why the sidewalk contractors striked (a prequel to â€śWhere the Sidewalk Endsâ€ť).
Thereâ€™s no time! We must give him a megadose of viagra.
â€śToo much.â€ť She had already said too much.
â€śIn the substantia nigra of the midbrain,â€ť said the two-year-old boy.
Walking on broken grass.
You bounce off the metallic dishâ€”amazing, since you just flew several miles, and the target is only about two feet wide.
Pickled fish, she wrote on an index card.
â€śSorry Iâ€™m late,â€ť said the doctor, â€śYou now have 5 minutes left to live.â€ť
â€śHow odd,â€ť said the pickled fish.
Love is not in the air. It must be in the drinking water.
I wish that damn potato would stop looking at me.
Next, she grabs a kitchen knife, hesitates, drops it, then grabs a peeler.
â€śOnly once. Well, half of once.â€ť
â€śWho broke the vow? Come on, now. It didnâ€™t break by itself!â€ť
Feeling like he was all out of balance, Lincoln knew he would soon fall flat on his face.