Also imitative exercise in Creative Writing, the author I tried to emulate, Lorrie Moore.
|Donâ€™t forget to look both ways (or anywhere but down) before you get in the tub.|
The third time is not as charming as the second is upon first impression.
Broken hearts are like buses. (Another will come along in fifteen minutes.)
â€śIs this venison?â€ť she coyly asks Dr. Lecter.
Honesty is the best fallacy.
â€śUnfortunately,â€ť Lucy says politely, â€śI canâ€™t dance with you tonight. I am the designated loner.â€ť
There are other fish in the sea. Let them take the bait.
Chance favorsâ€¦ the lucky bastards.
Awash in the rays of the setting sun, Willy thinks to himself, This sand really chafes! Walk on land? Ha! What was I thinking?!?
If it ainâ€™t broken, donâ€™t chance it by doing heavy impact aerobics.
The key to success is: Concentrate on something else.
The answers to lifeâ€™s questions are: Yes, Sort of, 3, Red, Of course not, and Read the ending first (not necessarily in that order).
Be who you are, just be quiet about it.
On a quest for somethingâ€¦ I forget what.
Thatâ€™s a nice neck brace.
I tried that before. Good luckâ€”and it was a pleasure knowing you.
If you get confused, just try counting sheep. No, wait.
Flattery will only get you so far. Then youâ€™ll have to try again.
A cat on a hot tin skillet.
Why the sidewalk contractors striked (a prequel to â€śWhere the Sidewalk Endsâ€ť).
Thereâ€™s no time! We must give him a megadose of viagra.
â€śToo much.â€ť She had already said too much.
â€śIn the substantia nigra of the midbrain,â€ť said the two-year-old boy.
Walking on broken grass.
You bounce off the metallic dishâ€”amazing, since you just flew several miles, and the target is only about two feet wide.
Pickled fish, she wrote on an index card.
â€śSorry Iâ€™m late,â€ť said the doctor, â€śYou now have 5 minutes left to live.â€ť
â€śHow odd,â€ť said the pickled fish.
Love is not in the air. It must be in the drinking water.
I wish that damn potato would stop looking at me.
Next, she grabs a kitchen knife, hesitates, drops it, then grabs a peeler.
â€śOnly once. Well, half of once.â€ť
â€śWho broke the vow? Come on, now. It didnâ€™t break by itself!â€ť
Feeling like he was all out of balance, Lincoln knew he would soon fall flat on his face.