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Rated: 18+ · Monologue · Satire · #1168812
Humorous look at serious events around the world.

This past five or six weeks of news has been bulging with interesting items to make
your days sunny and bright. Let's take a look at some of them.

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - The leaders of a village in the Indian state of Rajasthan ordered 150 men to dip their hands into boiling oil to prove their innocence after food was stolen from a local school, a newspaper reported Sunday.

**That's the bad news. The good news is they got off easy ... just think what they
would have suffered had they been in the USA.


NEW YORK - Neanderthals survived for thousands of years longer than scientists thought, with small lingering bands finding refuge in a massive cave near the southern tip of Spain, new research suggests.

**I have two words for this ... rap bands.


BANGKOK (Reuters) - The Thai armed forces seized power on Tuesday without firing a shot, dismissed Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra's government, revoked the constitution and promised a swift return to democracy after political reforms.

General Sonthi Boonyaratglin, overwhelmingly Buddhist Thailand's first Muslim army commander-in-chief, took the reins of power without a government title.

**Which reminds me of my dream to have a 1940 ford coup at least once in my life.


BOSTON (Reuters) - Graduate business students in the United States and Canada are more likely to cheat on their work than their counterparts in other academic fields, the author of a research paper said on Wednesday.

**Six figure incomes... how DO they get by?


LONDON (Reuters) - Stimulating a certain area of the brain can produce a creepy feeling that someone is watching you when no one is, scientists said Wednesday.
... findings may be a step toward understanding the mechanisms behind psychiatric
manifestations such as paranoia, persecution and alien control," said Olaf Blanke, of the Ecole Polytechnique Federale de Lausanne, in the journal Nature.

**Religion and tinfoil hat wearers...finally explained!


LAKE BUENA VISTA, Fla. - At Walt Disney World's Animal Kingdom, head veterinarian Mark Stetter demonstrates the 5-foot contraception tool for a procedure that he hopes will help control Africa's elephant population: vasectomies.

**Yes folks, elephants are breeding like rabbits.


And last but not least...

WASHINGTON - Revisiting one of physics' most embarrassing cases of scientific
misconduct, researchers from Russia and the United States announced Monday that they have created a new super-heavy element, atomic number 118.

**Since the element is super-heavy, I propose to name it TedKennedium. It'll make a great holiday gift.

Well, we went around the world with this one, and we're back safe and sound. Now it's time to get ready for Halloween.

Write on!!

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