by River Song
A dental adventure.
|My dentist is a knight. He wears metal gloves called gauntlets and a funny helmet called a helm that has a lid that closes over his face. He wears a shirt made of metal rings he calls chain mail and his shoes make a clunking sound when he walks because they’re metal too. His job is to fight the evil Bacter Ria in my mouth.
Bacter Ria are like skinny little men with spiked green Mohawks. Their noses are long and curl up and their arms and legs are long and thin like spaghetti. They have huge eyes that fill up half of their faces and look like shiny, black buttons. Their mouths are big, with long, pointy teeth and angry, yellow lips. The Bacter Ria also smell like really horrible morning breath and they spread their stink all over my mouth..
I fight the Bacter Ria too. But since I can’t shrink and jump inside my mouth, I can only fight them with a toothbrush. But that’s still fun too. My dentist’s name is Sir Cusped and my name is Andrew. I’m six and I just learned how to brush my teeth.
When I go to Sir Cusped for a check up, he tells me to open wide and then he counts my teeth like all the other dentists. But then, he does something no other dentist ever does. He pushes a special button on my chair and *ZIP*! He shrinks down so little I can’t see him any more and pops inside my open mouth, mirror and pick in hand. I have to be very still and keep my mouth open wide when he's in there.
There is a video screen in front of me that lights up as soon as Sir Cusped is in my mouth so I can see him as he defeats the Bacter Ria. I watch him land on my tongue and slide down into the valley behind my teeth. He pulls out a box of extra strong dental floss and attaches a grappling hook to it and throws it up to the top of one of my teeth. It catches, and he scrambles up the floss. On top of my tooth, he has to be very careful to stay hidden as he goes towards the sound of pick axes near the back of my mouth. He sneaks up on the Bacter Ria who are mining my enamel (the hard stuff that covers my teeth). The Bacter Ria like to eat enamel, which is why they live in people’s mouths.
Suddenly, Sir Cusped jumps down behind the mining Bacter Ria and yells. Usually, this frightens the Bacter Ria so they run away, but this time, they just keep mining! Sir Cusped is puzzled by this and thinks for a bit. He goes up to a miner and points his mirror at him. This makes him run away. Bacter Ria hate to see themselves in mirrors because they are so ugly. Sir Cusped points his mirror at all the miners he can find in my teeth and they all run screaming into their homes in Plaque City, which is at the base of my bottom row of teeth.
“Now I have them,” mutters Sir Cusped. He slides down my teeth and walks up to the sticky, yellow house in front of him. He knocks on the door with his pick, and the house crumbles into dust and disappears. The Bacter Ria inside looks scared and starts to run away, but Sir Cusped is too quick for him. He makes a lasso with some dental floss and lassos the Bacter Ria around the waist. The Bacter Ria kicks and screams, but Sir Cusped is too strong. He ties up the struggling Bacter Ria then goes to the next house and knocks it over with his pick.
He catches all the Bacter Ria in the same way, then jumps out of my mouth and grows back to his normal size.
“Here,” he says and picks up a noisily sucking little hose.. “Close your lips around this and we’ll get all those nasty Bacter Ria out of your mouth.” I close my lips around the tube and watch the video screen as all the Bacter Ria are sucked out of my mouth.
“Now,” says Sir Cusped, washing his hands, “those Bacter Ria won’t be gone for long, in fact, they’ll probably all sneak back in by tonight. They travel really quickly, especially when they travel in food. So I want you to keep them from mining in your teeth by brushing thoroughly every night and after every meal. And don’t forget to floss, or they’ll hide in the cracks between your teeth! Do we have a deal?”
“Yes!” I exclaim. I know I will do my best to keep the evil Bacter Ria from eating my enamel. Sir Cusped gives me a toothbrush, some toothpaste, some dental floss, and some stickers as I leave his office. I wave happily goodbye and as my mom drives me home, I think to myself,
“I want to be just like Sir Cusped when I grow up.”