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Rated: E · Letter/Memo · Satire · #1189772
Stake & Garlic is running a contest. This is a vampires submission, kind of.
Dear Owners of Stake & Garlic:
         First let me commend you on your imaginative name for your forum. I have read many entries posted in this forum and am a great admirer of the works on Writing.com thereby putting to rest any notion that Vampires are unfeeling or illeterate.
         That being said let me get straight to the point (no pun intended). I am angry enough that if I had any, you’d make my blood boil and my pressure spike (again, no pun intended).
         For centuries I have put up with your kinds narrow-minded, uninformed ideas about my noble race. The movie industry and literature have depicted my kind as blood-sucking parasites. We resent the implication: we are not parasites, though we do suck blood. I have never witnessed more blatant acts of discrimination in my (very long, half) life.
         Bram Stoker painted us in a most unfavorable light which has been perpetuated in movies starting as early as 1896. Being portrayed by the likes of Bella Lugosi, that gaunt man Christopher Lee, among others is unflattering. It wasn’t so bad when Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt or even Adrian Paul were cast in roles as vampires but the likes of them are few and far between. We, the Vampire race, are a diverse people. We like many of the same things you humans like. I personally like surfing, though I do it by moonlight.
         I am demanding you cease and desist. As I was born within the confines of the United States (true it was considerably before the War of Independence and separation from England) and I believe that if I made my case in Washington at the Supreme Court I would prevail based on Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. 


                                       Jefferson Squire, Vampire of the First Order
                                       XXXX My Street
                                 Anytown, NY 11598
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