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Rated: ASR · Chapter · Fantasy · #1210537
The first chapter of my book- this is just a rough draft, was hoping for some help review
        He was mad.

        His day had soured at school, where he was known as Alex Klein. It just  declined at home. Mom was not home, dad was asleep, and grandma was busy and could not come to pick Alex up, so he had no access to any computer. He wanted to write, something he did to calm down. The bus had gotten home early, so there was at least another hour until any one else arrived and he could get on the computer.

        Eventually, mom got home. Alex had finished his homework by then, and was bored as could be. Bursting out the door, Alex yelled at his mother, “Why did you leave it off?”

        “You know you’re off today.” She said in response simply.

        The argument had begun, and ended quickly- badly. Apparently Alex had been “inappropriate” while being woken up. Which was true enough- but had his mom ever punished him for that before? Rarely, when she was in a bad mood. And, Alex could sort of understand- his dad had just been fired, and they might have to sell their house. However, should she take it out on him? No. But she had, and it served to do was make his day worse.

        And afterwards, Alex’s dad woke up from hearing all the yelling. He decided to make use of Alex, and told Alex to follow him. Doing so, Alex found himself in the basement, being asked to pick up a bag that had been sitting in the leaked water. He refused on the grounds that it as unsanitary, and told his dad to ask his mom to help him herself. His dad refused in turn, and Alex stormed off to tell his mom of his dad’s ridiculousness.

        “Well,” she replied to him once he had, “he can’t do it and I am busy.” Exasperated already, yet another argument broke out as Alex’s dad came in. Alex had conceded and gotten on latex gloves when he saw his dag carrying up the bag, breaking it on the ruined porch edge. Alex began to rant at his dad, spewing invective and calling him an “imbecile”. His dad simply ignored him, so he went to his mom to tell her how stupid his dad was.

        His dad came to the two of them talking just after they finished and Alex’s mom told him to apologize. And, Alex was sorry- sorry he had such a stupid father. At that, his dad whispered something about “jerk of a son” and Alex pushed him. He landed on his bad shoulder and slid, almost to the basement stairs.

        “That’s it- 911!” yelled his mom. Alex got in her way and said, scared, “Mom, no, please…” The pleading had begun. Eventually, Alex won, but he had to go to his grandma’s and stay there. His mom drove him to there, and left soon after. Alex went straight to the computer, and he wrote for over three straight hours.

        Then, having calmed down a bit, Alex got online. After getting on AOL, he also launched AIM, and saw the elongated, narrow box pop up in the upper right hand corner of the screen. He saw his girlfriend, Rayna, online. She IMed him just after he realized that. The conversation went as follows:

Rayna: Hello Alex.
Alex: Hey love.
Rayna: What’s up?
Alex: … A lot of shit.
Rayna: *kisses* What’s wrong, Alex?
Alex: *kisses back* … I hit my father.
Rayna: Oh… Oh.
Alex: … Yeah. It’s like- I loved it when I hit him, but then I got scared when mom told me she’d call 911. That was the overlying emotion. Then, I felt remorse, at having done it, when mom had calmed down and was talking to grandma.
Rayna: Wow… You enjoyed it?
Alex: Within the second it happened.
Rayna: Alex, I love you, is there any way I can help?
Alex: Heh, you help me everyday, just by talking to me.
Rayna: *blush*

        And, that was the extent of their meaningful conversation. However, soon after Rayna had logged off, Alex got another IM.

xb_Tefz_dx: Hail, Brigith.
Alex: Who is this?
xb_Tefz_dx: You don’t know me. My name is Tefzeen Halamien.
Alex: Hello, Tefzeen.
xb_Tefz_dx: Call me Tefz.
Alex: Ok, Tefz. How’re you today?
xb_Tefz_dx: Fine. You?
Alex: … Fine.
xb_Tefz_dx: Don’t lie to me, Alex Klein.
Alex: …
xb_Tefz_dx: Yes, I know your given name. Want your Romanian one? Vicenzu Emilian Vassiliu.
Alex: Who the hell are you?
xb_Tefz_dx: I will answer all your questions respectfully, so I will expect respect from you.
Alex: *nods* Fair enough.
xb_Tefz_dx: Now- where can you meet my disciple?
Alex: Meet your disciple?
xb_Tefz_dx: *nods*
Alex: Um… The Wheaton Mall, I suppose?
xb_Tefz_dx: No, no.. That’s too crowded.

        Here, Alex begun to have his doubts about this person. He wondered why he needed to meet in a private space. However, this person also intrigued him, so he continued to IM him.

Alex: Meet me at the corner of Dennis and Hayes.
xb_Tefz_dx: Tomorrow at 6 AM?
Alex: … Fine.

        And, xb_Tefz_dx logged off. Alex simply went to bed. The next morning, he woke up around 5. Sneaking downstairs, he ate breakfast and put on his heavy coat. He was off to figure out what that cryptic conversation was all about.

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