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Rated: E · Critique · Contest · #1313827
A critique on my script Bodybag by Gordy Hoffman.
What did you like about this script?

The fact that this story was based on real events drew me into the
story right from the beginning. The callous indifference of the
people around Rudy, and the hope offered by Bethany for Rudy, made
for a solid opening, and created concern for what was going to
happen to the two of them, especially with Rudy's stated fear of
going to juvenile detention.

The dialog rang true for the characters and location, showing
attention to detail of the character backgrounds and professions,
like the "file 13" military reference and the curt and crisp
boxing dialog between Rudy and Bobby.

There was a clearly defined back story, and the important details
were revealed at appropriate places within the story, with the
most powerful reveal saved for the end of the story.

The main characters had distinct voices and made active choices in
pursuit of their goals, risking their lives for what was important
for them.

Interesting minor characters added depth and entertainment to the
story, like Ally's blunt talking style at just the right time for
Jude's investigation. There were good developments with these
supporting characters as well, like Office Mueller not being the
ally he was initially painted as, and FBI Agent Karen, who seemed
like she may be working against Wendy, but in the end wound up as
her strong ally.

A good distribution of subplots was adequately structured to help
keep interest throughout, like the romantic subplot between Wendy
and Jude, the FBI investigation of the Senator, and of course
Rudy's boxing.

The stakes rise nicely by the end so that Rudy as well as Wendy
and Jude have the most at stake. These action scenes were written
well, and they were woven together in a way that increased the
overall excitement and anticipation of how things were going to
turn out.

The final scenes in court, and the powerful final flashback,
provided a fitting ending to the story.

Gordy Hoffman won the Sundance Film Festival's Waldo Salt Award in 2002 and was the 2006 winner of the Domani Vision Award.
© Copyright 2007 D.R. Pedraza (chemdog210 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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