Why I Am Who I Am (Chapter 2)

The day I told my parents what my best friend's dad did to me.

Chapter 2 Why I Am Who I Am

         Along with the molesting of myself and sister by my best friend's father, my mother's reaction to it is a big part of who I am today and why.

         Me and my sister never discussed what happened to us. She would have been okay just pretending it never happened. I, on the other hand, could not. I noticed changes in my attitude towards other people immediately and I didn't like who I was becoming. I needed to tell someone and at the time I figured my parents where the one's who would understand the most and I knew they would help any way they could.

         It took me about two or three months to tell my parents about that day I lost my childhood. My father had noticed changes in both me and my sister, but he was not the type of father who intruded on us and our doings. He knew we understood that he was never judgememtal of us and knew when we were ready we would go to him and we could tell him anything without fear.

         That day my dad became the man I admired most. My mother became a person I lost trust and respect for. Imagine an eight year old with a poor relationship with the person she spent the most time with her whole life. A person I could never go to and discuss anything with ever again.

         I hadn't planned on telling my parent's the day I finally did. I had told myself I was going to wait for the right moment, the right time. It didn't work out that way at all. I couldn't have picked the worst day, especially for my dad. It was a Saturday and we had all been sitting around the table playing a family game together when my dad got a phone call. Now I don't know anything about military ranks or anything like that, but I knew my dad was in charge of a lot of young soldiers. He told us he had to leave, one of his soldiers had been arrested for battery and since he was a soldier, the military was always in charge of punishments. This soldier had been arrested off post and my dad had to go to the police station and get him transfered to the military police. My dad personally knew this soldier and he said before he left that it was all a bunch of lies. He knew the soldier wouldn't hurt his wife.

         By the time he got back, we had stopped playing and me and my sister were in our own rooms. As soon as he came through the door, I went out to greet him. I knew he would tell my mom what happened and I was curious as to if he was able to do anything. Long story short, the soldier was having problems with his soon to be ex- wife. She filled charges against him for abuse. It ended up being a lie. My dad was able to vouch for the soldier as this was not the first time she had done something like this. They ended up releasing the soldier instead of sending him over to the military police. It just made my dad angry because of the problems the soldier's wife kept causing and leading my dad to always being the one to have to take care of it.

         I told my dad I was proud of him for doing it. He was a good friend and boss to his soldiers. I began crying and that's when it all poured out. I told them everything. My dad sat there, mouth open and you could see he was angry. His face turned red and he blinked his eyes what seemed like a million times. My sister had stayed in her room. She wanted no part of the conversation. My dad ended up calling her out. I remember the look she shot me when she came out. If her eyes could change color, I'm sure they would have turned red. My dad asked her if all of this was true and before she answered him, she gave me another  look. I knew what it meant. It wasn't the first time I had seen it. She wanted to kill me. Then she told my dad yes it was true. She hung her head, not looking at my parent's and walked back to her room, shooving me on the way. My dad told me to go back to my room, that we would talk about it more later, he needed to calm down.

         I looked at my mom sitting there. She never said anything. I figured  she was in shock, but when I saw her face, I realized otherwise. She was rolling her eyes and almost laughing. I couldn't believe it, but she still said nothing. I went to my room and stayed there. I curled up on my bed and cried.

         Next thing I knew my dad was leaving. He didn't say anything,  just slammed the door and was gone. Shortly after, my mom told my sister to go into my room, she needed to talk to both of us. It was the first time I ever feared my mother's eyes. She just stood there staring at us for the longest time. Me and my sister both looked at each other then back at my mom. Still nothing, just the cold hard stare.

         Finally she stepped closer to us, she uncrossed her arms and before she spoke, her pointer finger shot out at us. She shook it at both me and my sister, first me then her. Then the words came out. She was full of hate and anger, not concern or caring or compassion, like we had hoped. No, it was pure rage spewing from her lips.

         "How in the hell could you stand there and tell me and your dad such lies?" she screamed. She didn't wait for a reply. "I can't believe you two would do something like this to my friend's family! I hope you're happy!  Your father just left with his shot gun. I know where he is going, do you? Do you know what you have done? If your dad goes through with this, he's going to end up going to jail, and for what reason? Tell me!" she screamed at us. "For a lie, that's what!" she yelled. "I hope you're truely happy, both of you. You've managed to tear apart not one but two families with your attention seeking behavior today. You realize you will never be able to go over to your friend's house agian and neither will I. My friend is going to hate me because of you two. She was the only person I could talk to, now I have no one. You two are going to be having a very hard time at life now," she said walking out of my room and slamming the door.

         When my dad came home it was real late at night. I knew he probably stopped off at a bar or something before coming home. My parents thought I was asleep, but still whispered to each other. The first thing my mother said as he came through the door was, "it was all a lie! You can't seriously believe something like that happened. I was right down the street for God's sake! They just wanted attention is all. Please tell me you didn't do anything stupid! It was all a bunch of lies!" Then there was silence. I heard my dad go into his room and put his gun away, then he went back out to my mom. I heard him ask if we were sleeping. She had told him yes, even though she never checked to see if we were. I'm sure my sister probably was, but not me. How could I sleep after what my mother had said to us? To know my own mom didn't believe anything I said. To know she only cared about her friend. I was also worried about what my dad had done and the consequences he might have to face. I might loose my dad, the only person who believed me. The only person who cared enough to do something and now I might loose him. I was crushed. I was literally crying the whole night. I knew my mom could hear me, but she offered no comfort, no compassion.

         I listened as my dad explained to my mom what happened. Never once did he raise his voice to her while she denied anything actually happened. It's like he was ignoring her words completely. He told her about going over to her friend's house. None of them had ever met my dad, so when he showed up, my friend's dad didn't know who he was. My dad told mom how scared the guy was when he pulled out the shot gun and told him why he was there. He said he had thought twice about telling him why he was there, but he wanted him to know. Then I heard my mom scream. I knew he had told her he went over there and shot him. I listened carefully to hear the rest. He said he aimed for his privates, but moved down just a little. He didn't want to kill the guy. He wanted to give him pain he would always remember just like he had done to us girls. I smiled to myself when he said that. Then he explained that when the police and ambulance arrived, the guy was smart enough to say it was an accident. They asked a few questions and that was that. He came home and there was no chance he was going to get in trouble. Once he said that, I was able to breath again.

         My mom was mad as hell and she didn't have a problem telling my dad either. Yes, she was glad he wasn't going to end up in jail, but she knew that night she had lost her best friend. She would never be able to face her even if her husband didn't tell her what happened. All my mom kept saying was, "all this because of a lie two brats thought would be funny!"

         That night I lost trust in my mom and it is something I am never able to give back to her. Fifteen years later and a million more fights between us and she never admitted this happened to me or my sister. I honestly think she put it so far back in her mind, she probably doesn't even remember it and with her, it's not something I want to drudge up again. She had put me through enough painful memeories to fill another book. I could never offer her my forgiveness, ever!

         She was right, she lost her best friend that night. They never spoke again. I was sorry about that, but not sorry enough to have never told my dad, my hero.