Sharing A Common Destiny

After years of hurt and disappointment I am finally home.

          I find my feet leading me in an unexpected direction as I take time to gather my thoughts alone. My eyes never leave the sidewalk, but it feels like I know exactly where I am.



         Suddenly, I know where I am headed. My vision is blinded by the sun setting as I reach the iron gates. They creak as I push them slowly open. My heart realizes why I am here, but my mind isn't as clear. There's a crisp breeze which swirls a scent of freshly planted flowers around me. The essence of peace and quiet make me feel at home, while my thoughts are aflame with sound and emotion.



         There's a whisper in my ear as my heart beats faster. Someone whispers, "I'm over here," and I listen for the direction of the voice. Slowly I walk the path so many others have taken. I close my eyes and let the voice guide me. I take several twists and turns not once knowing exactly where I am, but knowing I never step off the path. The sound of gravel crunching under my shoes makes it obvious.



         As I walk, the voice gets louder, but not as often. I know I must be getting closer. Before I know it, I dull my pace, my thoughts rush, but my heart thumps slower.



         I open my eyes when I no longer hear the whispers. Peering down in front of me, I see several headstones sitting distant from others. My eyes scan the names and dates on the engravings. I know what it is I am looking for, dates in particular, but no specific name. Once again my heart begins to beat faster. The longer I search, the further up in my chest and throat it seems to climb.



         Standing off to the right of the path sat a small headstone sitting all alone. I read the inscription on the granite stone. "You found me," the voice comes back to me. It is such a peaceful yet heartbroken voice. The dates on the stone read born January 7th, 1955 and died June 25th, 1987 to suicide. Her name is Elizabeth Corran and the dedication reads, "loving daughter and mother." She is a stranger to me, but I feel we share a common destiny. Both of us a daughter and a mother, the same age, and a sense of being so alone, feeling the urge to end our own unhappy lives, the only way we know how.



         I step over and run my hand over the top of her headstone. I can feel warmth seep into my cold hand. My body feels so tired and worn down from years of heartache and loneliness. I had such an unhappy childhood with differences between my mother and I that went unresolved. A marriage that ended long ago with anger and pure hate, no family but my children who find life easier lived in the comfort of their father's home. Friends spread all over the world but none within reach. I've become distant to so many, but then they never really knew me at all.



         My heart feels such peace as I pull out my bottle of pills I had filled before coming here and swallow them hard without water. As I lay down beside her and close my eyes, I hear her voice again. "Now it's your time to rest in peace." I take one last breath and smile my first smile in years.