My Pill

My dearest Jordan, you are my anxiety pill

   My Dearest Jordan,

         No one can pull me out of my anxiety induced depression like you. I know I should be on the doctor's prescribed medication, but some days I feel like what's the point? That is, until I get around you. I seek you out when I feel alone, hell even when I'm happy I do, but when I'm lonely I know you are there, always.

         You are the upper that brings happiness to me. Just you saying hello brings back my forgotten smile. Your casual good joke makes me laugh. Just the sight of your name, the sound of your gentle voice, snaps me back to reality, my normal self.

         I don't know what I would ever do without having you and I hope that's something I never have to experience. I've tried so many times to let you go. To tell you to spread your wings and fly, but I keep pulling you back, wounding your ego I guess you could say, simply because I fear you will fly too far from me and never return.

         You know all of my secrets. All the good and bad and yet you still choose to love me for me. I found trust in you so easily. I found compassion in you that no one has shared with me before. As well you have shared things with me that no one else has been close enough to you to know. That shows how much trust and comfort there is between the two of us and no matter what ever happens, however many fights we've had, that trust has never been broken.

         I'm deeply in love with you and yeah, I know I shouldn't be, but I am and I can't change that or rather, I don't want to. You are the energy that keeps me from laying in bed all day. The caffeine that keeps me up till four each and every morning. The alcohol that makes me feel silly and the illegal drug that makes me feel higher than life itself. Once you leave I feel that drop in my high, to the point I want another dose. 

         You always know exactly what to say and when to say it. I wonder sometimes why you try so hard after all I've said and done to you. No one has ever been to me the way you have and that's what has kept me so strong after so much has gone so wrong lately. No matter how upset I may get with you, just the sound of you on the phone soothes me. No one makes me cry as much as you either, yet you can make me smile with a few simple words. Love songs I hear constantly remind me of you and I find myself playing them over and over, even though they are etched in my brain.

         When you're away too long, I stare at your picture, finding the comfort I need in your loving eyes, waiting for you to return. I look for you the moment I wake up and right before I go to bed. I pray to God to take care of you every night when I lay my head down. I lay curled up against the wall when I sleep, leaving enough room for you for when you finally arrive here to me.

         I've never been able to sleep while someone is touching any part of me, but it's what I dream of every night from you. To lay next to me, wrap me in your arms and drift off to sleep feeling safe, comfortable and loved.

         I keep myself sane with you, for you and because of you. You are my anxiety pill.

I love you and always, always will.

                                                                     Love always,
                                                                       your MidniteWhisperer