I don't know where life is taking me, but I don't like it right now.
|So, I've never been so confused, afraid, upset, and just lost in my entire life.
I'm a sophomore in high school.
Before, everything in life just seemed to be coming together. I got my braces off, got my learner's and a cool car, and I came out of the closet as bi, and have the most amazing girlfriend ever, Jessica. She's a senior, and kind of the girl all the guys want, absolutely gorgeous, and all mine. I excelled in Forensics/Debate, softball, and show choir (my three main things). Life was just good.
But, now, not so much.
My parents don't know about Jessie. I think they know I'm bi, but they don't know that I've faced it yet..if that makes sense? But they have no idea that I've been dating a girl since September. Not that they would be mad, it's just..awkward? My mom's always asking me about guys, but the only guy that I've ever really liked (and still kind of do) is Britt, but he's gay and pretty much one of my best guy friends. Relationships are hard as it is, and to top it off, both Jessie and Britt are graduating this year. That's another thing that's so hard. Last year, I didn't have that many friends that were seniors, but this year it's really hitting me that I won't get to see these people for a really really long time. And my brother just got accepted to Tech this past week. Then I think about next year when even more of my friends will be leaving, and then the year after that when I'll probably be separated from my two best friends. We say things like, "oh we're going to college together," but let's face it, it probably won't happen. I don't want to lose the people close to me, but it's already happening. It's just scary.
Everything is happening so fast. I just want these times to last forever, but I can't, so I feel like I have to push everyone away because if I get too close, then it will hurt so much more.
This isn't anything interesting, it's just me not being able to deal with change. It's a hard and scary time, and I know that everyone has to go through it, but right now, I don't know how much more I can take. Honestly, sometimes I just wish that there was some way I didnt have to go through it or deal with it anymore...