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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1436896-Water-Everywhere--Star-Commander-Episode
by Geoff
Rated: 18+ · Script/Play · Comedy · #1436896
S1 E2 The crew needs Water! Let's go to the desert and waste it!
STAR COMMANDER - Water, Water Everywhere

Written by Geoff Cook


Please print out a copy of the quick character sketches, so you can follow along with who is talking.  Thank you!




                                                                                                         Printed on
                                                                                                         7/10/2008
Film Type: Animated Comedy Series                              SEASON:  1
Film Length: 20 minutes (until canceled)                    EPISODE: 2

Water Water Everywhere!


SCENE 1 – Fuzzywidget is talking to Star on the Video Relayer


FUZZYWIDGET:  Star, I need water!

STAR:  Why are you having trouble flushing that brown torpedo behind you?

FUZZYWIDGET:  No, I pushed this doosey out in a sonic toilet, it can handle a butt loaf like you wouldn’t believe.  No clogs, guaranteed.

STAR:  I’m sure I could clog it, just give me some cabbage and about an hour to digest.

FUZZYWIDGET:  Star, you’re so competitive, that’s why I keep you around.  You big screw-up.

STAR:  Why thank you sir. 

FUZZYWIDGET:  Anyway, I need water here on my personal vessel, I’m almost out!

STAR: So you’ve been flushing like an inexperienced fish doctor, huh?

FUZZYWIDGET:  This will be my personal drinking water.  Fill the ship’s tanks and keep all you need for yourself.  I will pay top dollar for the water.

STAR:  This should be easy. 

FUZZYWIDGET:  Star, I want bottled earth water.

STAR:  But professor, the earth is on the other side of the universe.  We’re over in the Gamma Quadrant and apparently it’s space Christmas, again.

FUZZYWIDGET:  The Earth has the best water I have ever found.  I must have Earth water.

STAR:  I expect double pay plus fuel.

FUZZYWIDGET:  You get half pay and I’ll lend you the credit card for gas, but I expect it right back.  I just can’t splurge on any old thing.  Fuzzywidget out!

STAR:  Ha Ha, I am a keen negotiator.  Henson 39, get me some coffee.

HENSON 39:  But sir, you hate coffee.  (He gets blasted)

STAR:  Wrong answer.  Henson 40, get me some coffee.

HENSON 40:  But you hate…  Uh, yes sir!  (He stops because he sees Henson 39.)

STAR:  That’s what I want to hear.  Ernie, chuck this out the airlock.  (Henson 39)

ERNIE:  Yuk.  Alright but then I get to go fire compacted trash into random crowds of people.

STAR:  He he he.  Fine, but I want a full report with a video presentation.  Oh, and leave some for me. (Brandi enters)

BRANDI:  He’s gonna blow stuff up isn’t he? 

STAR:  Yes.

ANGELA:  So, what’s the plan Commander?

STAR:  We fly to earth to negotiate for bottled water with the humans.

BRANDI:  Thank goodness, we are low on water and the cloner is almost out of juice.

HENSON 40:  You’re telling me! (Thirsty and drinking water)  Here’s your coffee sir.

STAR:  Mmmm.  This tastes terrible! (He spits it out, then spills it on a control panel that immediately catches on fire.  Then he goes to blast Henson 40)

ANGELA:  Don’t blast him, we’re almost out of Henson juice.  Why don’t we just go to one of the nearby water based planets and purify what we need from their natural water supply?

STAR:  Professor Fuzzywidget wants earth water and he’s willing to pay.  Ug, what on Earth?  I mean what is on Earth?  (He’s playing with a goofy toy, then throws it)

UG:  The earth seems to be filled with a wide variety of creatures.  Some are gentile, others hostile.  None seem to be as hostile or progressive as the humans though.  On this planet they seem to be the dominant species.

ANGELA:  That sounds all fine and good, but earth humans are obsessed with themselves.  Their lives are all about glamour and money.  If they came from an ordinary planet with several intelligent species like us…  (Pauses while Star interrupts)

STAR:  Speak for yourself  (interrupting)

ANGELA: they would have to compete to stay at the top of the food chain.  We’re going to Hyperspace. 

STAR:  Thank goodness, I need a new can of duster spray.  (He’s freezing and wasting water)

ANGELA:  Hyperspace, not Hyperspace mart. 

[ the ship emerges from hyperspace and flies toward a big cloudy galaxy]

ANGELA:  We’re in range.  Hyperspace sequence successfully completed. 

BRANDI:  Well I don’t know what you consider successful, we lost a large part of the upper starboard navigational fin.  (Brandi goes over to I-Doc’s Station)

ANGELA:  Sorry Brandi.  Speed mock 4 approaching the Milky way galaxy, containing the orbital home of the planet Earth.

BRANDI:  C’mon I-Doc.

I-Doc:  But I was in sleep mode.

BRANDI:  And I’m in I’m not going to put up with it mode.  (They leave

STAR:  Welcome to the milky way.  Too bad it’s not as tasty as it sounds.

UG:  Do you think that while we are on Earth, we could visit a human library?  I would love to read a book about magic and unicorns and fairies.

STAR:  You want a story about a fairy?  Ernie, tell him your life story.

ERNIE:  Why?  We’re not gonna die are we? (Ernie is walking in from blowing stuff up)

STAR:  I’m not quite sure yet.

ERNIE:  Here’s the documentation you requested, sir.  (Hands him a disk)

STAR:  Thank you, I will review it tonight if there is nothing good on Space Fox.


(I-Doc lifts the wooden fins back in place while Brandi uses him as a nail gun.)


ANGELA:  What part of this dirt pile are landing on?

STAR:  We’re landing in a small town in Colorado called East Westchester.  It’s in the middle of North Southborough County.  It’s very simple to find.

ANGELA:  OK, ready to enter the earth’s atmosphere. 

STAR:  Brandi, systems check.  (As she walks in.)

BRANDI:  Thanks for the break.

STAR:  Breaks over.

BRANDI:  All systems are at full power, except electrical, it appears that one of the control panels is on fire.

UG:  We’re about 200 pounds overweight sir, we will need to jettison some refuse to lower our weight.

STAR:  Forget it, we need that trash.  Ernie, we need to jettison some Hensons.

ERNIE:  Yes sir!  How many?

STAR:  I don’t know, how many Hensons make 200 pounds?  It must be like twelve.

ERNIE:  Cool!  (He runs off)

BRANDI:  OK, the fire’s out.

ANGELA:  Can we enter the Earth’s atmosphere Ug?

UG:  Yes, we have lost a lot of weight very quickly.

STAR:  I can always count on my crew.  You know, I couldn’t do what I do without each and every one of you.  (Blue faced Hensons are floating by)  Ha ha ha ha ha.



They Land

STAR:  Men to battle stations.  Women to the love quarters.  (Og is stealing things)

ERNIE:  Ok, I’ll shoot any living thing that gets near the ship.  (He pulls down a laser rifle joystick a large laser weapon comes out of the base of the ship, readies and aims)

STAR:  Excellent.  Henson, start cloning,  easy on the resources.  We’ll send Hensons out to see how hostile the environment is.

BRANDI:  Hey star, we should use my most recent invention, the Long Range Life Support Relayer Module.  It will give us feedback on the health and status of the Hensons.

STAR:  LRLRM,  a lur lurm?  Sounds terrible.  Reconfigure it to be short rang, we’ll call it the Short range Life support Utility Transmitter.  Or slut for short. 

BRANDI:  You want me to sabotage my life support transmitting device so you can call it a slut?  (Og puts the items he has stolen, jet packs and lifts onto carts and takes them away)

STAR:  Exactly, now put the sluts on the Hensons on their way out.

ANGELA:  Your names for things make no sense.  I’m going to sector 5 to prepare the ship to take on the additional fresh water.  Supposing, that you are able to get the water.

STAR:  While you’re back there, release those blasted Swamp ravens.  Those vile creatures don’t know when to shut up.

ANGELA:  Oh, there you go, just release an annoying creature from another planet here, without doing an environmental impact analysis.  You could destroy the ecosystem.

STAR:  Can we really?  That’s great, not printing that report will save us like 17 sheets of paper.

ANGELA:  Wow, what a conservationist.  I’ll go release unspeakable terror on the earth, enjoy your paper.

UG:  Sir, according to my calculations, if we fill the tanks with water, we will be approximately 50lbs overweight and cannot take off.

STAR:  Toss out 2 cases of paper immediately. 

ERNIE:  Yes sir!  (He throws them out the door as and hits a Henson)

HENSON 52:  Henson 52 reporting for duty.  Ow!

STAR:  Get up soldier!

BRANDI:  Here, put this on, so we know when you’re dead.

HENSON 52:  Yes Ma’am.  Hey, if I make it out of here alive, will you clone me a wife?

BRANDI:  Yeah, like that’ll happen, sure!

STAR:  That’s dedication soldier.  (Slaps an “I’m an idiot sticker on his back)

ERNIE:  Sir, there is a humanoid creature just outside the ship’s door, what do I do?

STAR:  Blast it!  We don’t want him getting Henson 54.

BRANDI:  His name is Henson 52.

ERNIE:  Got him!

STAR:  Good work Ernie.  Henson 54 is safe.

BRANDI:  Henson 52 is dead!

STAR:  What?  The creature must have killed him, before we could destroy it.  The next creature you see, you must destroy immediately with catlike reflexes.

ERNIE:  I’m sorry commander.  You know I really thought that I took out the monster in time.  I was watching my screen.  There was nothing in sight, then just as Henson 52 walked outside, I saw a red blip right by the ship.  I destroyed it immediately, I swear.  (He’s been looking away as 3 creatures fly around the ship and kill another larger blip)

STAR:  I know Ernie, don’t blame yourself.  I’m sure that Henson fifty whatever wasn’t careful and walked into an obvious deathtrap.  Hensons prepare to explore the ships vicinity.

HENSONS:  Yes sir  (There are 3 of them)

BRANDI:  Take one slut and pass em down.

ANGELA:  I have released the swamp ravens.

STAR:  Great I hate those things!  (They attack the windows)  aaagh!

ANGELA:  I must warn you, I saw them take out a full grown bear just outside the ship.

STAR:  So the bear must have killed Henson 52.  You see?  The swamp ravens have already improved the environment.  The bear presents a danger to all man kind.

ANGELA:  They are headed over toward an endangered species refuse.  Well that’s great.

STAR:  Crew, tomorrow will be a big day for all of you.  We will be searching for water in the middle of this dry, baron sand trap.

ANGELA:  We could have landed in Minnesota, you know land of ten thousand lakes.

STAR:  Anyway, We will need to rest well so we can wake up early and get a fresh start on everything.  I will need to find humans, negotiate an outrageous price for their crappy water and then skip out on the bill.  Angela, since you won’t be doing any flying, you will be given the biggest workload.  Now everyone to their cabins, except Ernie.  We’re gonna be up late blasting whatever is near the ship.  Angela, I expect to see you making a little pillow fort on my bed when I get in there.

ANGELA:  Make it yourself, I’ll be in my cabin, as far away from you as possible.


SCENE 2 – The next morning.  Sun is rising, coffee is brewing, Star is yawning.


STAR:  Crew, it’s 11 AM local time.  I am feeling feisty and itchy.  Time to wake up and prepare our search for water and the intense negotiations that will follow.  (Camera backs away, he is in his underwear and everyone else is up and active)

ANGELA:  Commander, the rest of us woke up 4 hours ago.  (Camera swoops from Angela to Ug, to Ernie, Brandi, Star.

UG:  I didn’t sleep.

ERNIE:  Brandi made the most beautiful waffles,  I felt bad eating them.

BRANDI:  The food synthesizer is the easiest device in the ship to operate.

STAR:  Time to get down to business.  Ug, what treachery will we have to endure in the immediate vicinity of the ship?  (Star pulls his pants up.)

UG:  It appears that there is no living creature within 100 yards of the ship.

STAR:  I need to know what lies in an even bigger radius.  What’s within a 300 foot radius of the ship?

UG:  Nothing.

ERNIE:  I see something.

UG:  He is right something approaches the ship.

STAR:  Blast it!  (Angela looks out the window)

ANGELA:  Wait don’t shoot, it’s Og!

STAR:  Fire at will boys.

ANGELA:  No!  He has water!

STAR:  Cease fire, we’ll kill him when he gets inside.

ANGELA:  Why do you always do that?

STAR: What?  (He shoots his alarm clock when it goes off)

ANGELA:  You destroy things first and ask questions later.

STAR:  I do not!  Now why won’t you work, you stupid clock?  (He shoots it again)

OG:  Hey commander,  I found a great place to steal water  when your negotiations fail. 

STAR:  I appreciate the backup plan.  Maybe I will spare you.

OG:  Whatever,  I’m hungry.  I’m gonna go dig around in the trash.  Hey put some pants on, what are some kind of animal?

ANGELA:  I need to find out where Og obtained that water, so we don’t blow the mission.

STAR:  Fine, you look for the stow away and I’ll go blow the mission.  I mean, get the water.  From now on we call it DiHydrogen Oxide, it sounds sexier. 

ANGELA:  It sounds idiotic.  (She is outside of the room)

STAR:  Crew, Angela is in charge, follow her orders.  I will have to go this mission alone.  Ug, where is my water detection unit.

UG:  Your stick is holding up the steering column. 

STAR:  Oh, there it is.  (Takes the stick out by Angela’s work station, the steering column falls down)


Star searches the desert and follows his stick for a while, ending up near a Culligan plant.

STAR:  Ahha!  I have found the Dihydrogen whatever, it must be in this rock.  (He is using a stick, there is a Culligan water building behind a rock.  He hits the rock with his stick.  Then he finds the building and goes inside.)  Hmm, maybe that bottling plant has a jackhammer or something.

STAR:  Water water everywhere, but not a fricking sink.

Sales guy:  What?  Can I help you?

STAR:  I’m dying of thirst.  I need help.

Sales guy:  Uh, I’ll get you a glass of water.

STAR:  No, a glass won’t do.  I need 5,000 gallons or I’ll die.

Sales guy:  What are you a fish?

STAR:  I have a rare disease that causes me to urinate uncontrollably and with enough flow to make a fire hose jealous.

Sales guy:  Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.  Um, so why aren’t your pants wet?

STAR:  Huh?  Oh, just a second.  Ahhh, there.  See I’m a very sick man.

Sales guy:  In deed.




Back at the ship.  Sector 5, the junk heap where Og lives.

ANGELA:  Og, where did you get that water?

OG:  I found it in a warehouse.

ANGELA:  So, you stole it?

OG:  yes.

ANGELA:  Well, I don’t condone stealing, but we have almost no money and Star’s probably going to fail in his “negotiations” with the humans. (Thinks star is stupid)

OG:  I know.

ANGELA:  Where is this warehouse?

OG:  It’s about a block away on the left.  The warehouse has the word douche bag spray painted on it.  What a waste of the water if you ask me.

ANGELA:  Thanks, Og.  Umm, take the rest of the day off.

OG:  I was planning to.

ANGELA: Crew to the command center for mission instructions.  (Cut to Control Center as Angela walks in)

UG:  Have you found water?

ANGELA:  Og says its about a block away.  I’m surprised your  scanners missed it.

UG:  Hmm, this must be it here.  So blue means water.  I better write that down.

ANGELA:  So you had it on your scanners the whole time?  Uggh!

BRANDI:  Where’s Star?

ANGELA:  I got rid of him.  He’s searching the desert for water with a stick.

BRANDI:  Oh, so this is going to be a successful mission?

ERNIE:  What are we doing ?

ANGELA:  We have found a water source in a nearby warehouse.  Our mission will require a small crew of us to go take bottled water from the warehouse while others stay behind to dump the water into the containment units.  Ug how many Hensons do we have?

UG:  Three.

ANGELA:  Three?  We had almost fifty yesterday!  The ship was filled.

UG:  Last night Star had a beer and…

ANGELA:  Oh, I don’t even want to hear about it.  Everyone get your weapons and all the towing equipment we can find.  We’ll need everyone to go get the water, we can just pour it into the tanks later.





SCENE 3 – Desert scene The crew is out in the abandoned city heading toward a building that has “douche bag” spray painted on the side.


BRANDI:  Angela, when I originally stocked the ship, it had hover dollies, hydraulic jacks and jet packs, where are all of our loading supplies?

ANGELA:  I don’t know they keep disappearing.  Every time I look, something’s missing.


SCENE 4 – Scene of Og selling parts of the ship and ending up with lots of Cash)


OG:  How much for this filter?

SHACK GUY:  This old thing?  Oh, maybe Fifty bucks, maybe.

OG:  What do you mean maybe?

SHACK GUY:  Well, you may have to do something for me like say…Put filter on your head and run around saying “I’m an idiot” or some such thing.

OG:  I will do no such thing.

SHACK GUY:  Then I will give you five dollars definitely.

OG:  I’ll settle for fifty maybe.  I’m an idiot I’m an idiot.

SHACK GUY:  No, you are a smooth negotiator.  Here’s twenty five cents.

OG:  You said fifty bucks.

SHACK GUY:  I used the qualifier maybe.

OG:  I want my filter back!

SHACK GUY:  It certainly costs Fifty bucks.

OG:  Maybe I kill you.

SHACK GUY:  Certainly not!  (Shack guy shuts the shack window, Og tries to break in, the shack falls apart, then the shack guy drives off in a motorcycle.)

OG:  Oh, crap.


SCENE 5 – The crew traverses the hot desert.


UG:  I am sorry to bother you Angela, but I am a frail creature and my pack is heavy.

ANGELA:  Well, that’s what we have the hensons for.  (They are carrying everything)

UG:  Oh, thank you Henson.  (He adds more junk to Henson’s huge pack.)

HENSON 53:  No problem.  (He falls over and pots and pans and junk fall out.)

HENSON 54:  Oh, no we need to help Henson!

HENSON 55:  Hey why do we need pots and pans and stuff?  (They try to help and give up)

ANGELA:  In case we need to set up base out here.

HENSON 55:  But We’re a block away.

BRANDI:  Well, to your benefit, I packed the parts necessary to build a new ship if our ship gets stolen.

ANGELA:  That Ain’t gonna happen.  (Show a shot of the steering mechanism with the club, it falls off)

HENSON54:  Our benefit, ok, but now that Henson 53 is dead…

BRANDI:  He’s dead!?!  Oh, no!  (He is buried under the pile of junk, dead)

HENSON 55:  I know, now you guys will have to…

BRANDI:  Oh, you poor Hensons.  Now you have to carry his stuff too.

ANGELA:  And don’t forget that corpse, bring it along too.  We don’t need that thing stinking the desert up and raising questions.

HENSON 54:  Won’t it just draw attention anyway?

ANGELA:  You’re not getting out of carrying the corpse.

UG:  Ok, this appears to be the location that Og described.  That warehouse has the earth word Douche bag on it.  (Camera shows scanner, then it is pulled away and the camera focuses on the word douche bag, which is spray painted on the wall)

ANGELA:  OK guys, we don’t know what to expect in there, so be ready for anything.  Guns ready, shoes on silent, Ug, go ahead and let it out now.

UG:  Thank you Angela… (Huge Burp with chunks of nasty stuff flying from his face)

BRANDI:  Yuk.  You guys stay here and set up the transporter and the forklift.

HENSON 54:  There’s a transporter and a forklift in here?  Why did we carry them?  We could have just driven them here.

BRANDI:  you know, if you complain any more about how much work you have to do, we will kill Henson 55.

HENSON 55:  What?  But I didn’t do anything!

BRANDI:  Oh, Henson 55, it’s nothing personal.  I just want to double his workload.


SCENE 6 – Inside the Warehouse where Scrawny Punk is getting off work, High School Punk is clocking in.


SCRAWNY PUNK:  Yeah, and so I was like “Brittany 3000’s so hot!”  and he was like “No She’s hotter than hot!”  and I was like, “she’s so hot, she causes sun spots!”

HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  I bought a lock of her hair on Galaxy bay.  It’s mint condition and mint flavor.

SCRAWNY PUNK:  I got something for you, dude.

HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  What? It’s not another “suppository” that turns out to be a hot tamale is it?

SCRAWNY PUNK:  No, Check it out.  If you work my shift on Thursday, I will give you one of my tickets to see Brittany 3000.

HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  Wow!  Brittany 3000 tickets!  But wait a minute, we don’t have a Thursday this week.

SCRAWNY PUNK:  You mean we’re closed on Thursday?

HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  No, I mean Thursday is gone.  You know ever since we started getting too close to the sun, we’ve been losing time.

SCRAWNY PUNK:  Yeah, I know.  So what?

HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  Well, we’ve lost another twenty four hours this month so this Thursday is gone.

SCRAWNY PUNK:  Oh, you know it’s just the liberal’s way of getting rid of Thursday because it’s the least likely day that anyone will commit a felony.

HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  Bastards.  They won’t be happy until we’re all in hell.  Anyway, I guess I get the ticket then, You would’ve shown up to work Thursday and it wouldn’t be here.

SCRAWNY PUNK: But I work on Friday and if there is no Thursday, I would just have to work the day after Wednesday anyway.

HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  Damn it give me the ticket!  Your weekend just got closer! (They squabble over the ticket, then in the background, a door that has a picture of Brittany 3000 on it is kicked open by Brandi.  Brandi looks just like Brittany 3000.)

BOTH PUNKS:  Brittany 3000!

BRANDI:  What?

ANGELA: Freeze, or I’ll plazmafy you.

SCRAWNY PUNK:  We aren’t gonna touch her,  we just want to get her autograph.

HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  Yeah, we’re big fans.  We want to go to your concert on Thursday.

BRANDI:  I thought there wasn’t going to be a Thursday this week.

SCRAWNY PUNK:  There isn’t.  It’s been Taken by the liberals.

BRANDI:  Damn liberals.

HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  Next Thursday is actually the next time that a Wednesday is not followed by a Friday, which Is… I don’t know.  I hate leap month.

SCRAWNY PUNK:  I’m not getting paid Five dollars an hour to do math.

HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  Duh, you wouldn’t work for Five dollars an hour if you could do math.

SCRAWNY PUNK:  Well, I gotta go!  My cab driver gets mad if he has to wait for his Fifty dollar tip.  Bye!

HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  Fifty dollars each way.  What a shameful rip off.  Well, don’t mind me, I’ll just be taking a short nap for the next eight hours.

ANGELA:  Alright crew, start loading the water onto the hover dolly and see if we can find a pallet to put onto the forklift.

BRANDI:  Oh, don’t worry about that, we packed one.

HENSON 54:  I noticed when I was putting the forklift together.


SCENE 7 – The crew dumps off a couple of loads of water then Star slinks back to the ship with stained pants and starts wasting it.


STAR:  Wow, look at all this water!  I’m so crazed with thirst, I could drink it all, or I could fill the ship’s tanks……no.


SCENE 8 – Water Wasting Montage


I’m a Maniac, Maniac on the ship!  Flash dance water bottle dumping on silhouette of Star on a chair.  Doing laundry, then throwing it in the mud.  Making mud, water balloons, and just dumping it out into the street. 

ANGELA:  My God!  What happened to you?  (Star is drenched and looks sleepy)

STAR:  Water, so good….had too much….must talk like idiot.

ANGELA:  Well, there’s nothing new then.  So, how did the negotiations go? 

STAR:  They went great. 

ANGELA:  You peed in your pants didn’t you? 

STAR:  Yes 

ANGELA:  Did you get any water?

STAR:  No.

BRANDI:  Well, we have the final load of water here, and after we add it to the tanks, we should be full.  What the hell?

UG:  Actually, we have about 400 gallons here and with the four thousand, seven hundred and twenty five gallons we already have, this should give us some excess.

BRANDI:  Why’s the floor wet?

STAR:  Because it is under the chair.

BRANDI:  Why’s the chair wet?

STAR:  It was under the water bottle.

BRANDI:  Why is there an empty water bottle with a string above the doorway?  (She thinks its kind of funny)

STAR:  Haven’t you ever seen the movie Flashd… oh never mind.  I haven’t thrown that bottle out with the rest.

BRANDI:  What rest?

HENSON 54:  Hey guys, I found all of the water bottles we brought back to the ship have been emptied.  Did someone fill the tanks already?

STAR:  Uh, well to be completely accurate, the water was already put to good use.  We’ll have to get more.  (Shows the ship next to pile of empty water bottles.)

Everyone:  WHAT!?!  (He gets thrown out into the pile of bottles.)

STAR:  Aaaaagh!  But I was thirsty and curious and probably mad from hyper hydration, can you blame me?

ANGELA:  Yes. (She throws a bottle and it hits him in the head) 

STAR:  Ow, Hey now that one was full.

ANGELA:  You’re right, what a waste.

STAR:  Hey I can make this all up to you.  I found a fountain outside of where the negotiations failed…

OG:  Told you.  (He’s stealing the empty bottles)

STAR:  I could steal the fountain and bring it here, we would have an endless supply of water, endlessly.

Everyone:  Yeah, star that’s a good idea.  (Sarcastic and not in sync)

BRANDI:  Nu uh, it’s stupid.  (They bump her) What?  Oh, yeah that’s a great idea!

STAR:  I just need to borrow that forklift to go steal it.

BRANDI:  Go ahead, I was going to leave that piece of junk here anyway.

HENSON 54:  But it took forever to put together!

HENSON 55:  Yeah, but we had so many parts left over, it makes me wonder if we did something wrong.

HENSON 54:  Oh, I’m sure it’s fine.  None of those parts looked important.  (Pile of vital parts like engine) 


SCENE 9 – When he leaves with the forklift, they fly away and get lake water with a hose.


OG: Where are we?

ANGELA: Minnesota, where we should have landed in the first place.

OG:  Cool, I wanna  see the twin cities and maybe bring some twins back with me.

(A hose comes from the ship into a lake and starts sucking up water)

ANGELA:  So Brandi, how long will this take?

Brand:  Done.

ANGELA:  Really? 

BRANDI:  Yeah, it went kind of quick like the lines are really clean or something.

HENSON:  Here are the new Hensons you ordered, Angela.

ANGELA:  Yuck!  What’s wrong with them?

HENSON:  I don’t know.

BRANDI:  I know what’s wrong.  The filter is missing.  Dang it, one of those costs like Three hundred dollars.

OG:  Three hundred dollars?  I only got like twenty-five… cents.

BRANDI:  YOU took it!

OG:  Yeah,  I’m sorry.

BRANDI:  Well I hope you learned your lesson.

OG:  Yep, never take the first offer.  (They fly off to Fuzzywidget’s place)

BRANDI:  I hope Fuzzywidget has a filter.

OG:  Yeah, me too.  I’d like a new motorcycle.

BRANDI:  Hey, where’s Star?

ANGELA:  We left him on Earth.

BRANDI:  We forgot Star.  (Nobody says anything)  What about Star?


SCENE 10 – Star is trying to figure out how to lift the fountain out of the ground.


STAR:  Why isn’t this thing working? (angry people behind him)

Water guy 1:  Hey, pee pants is back!

Sales guy:  Ahh, didn’t get enough water, huh?




(Run credits)

(high school punk wakes up.)


HIGH SCHOOL PUNK:  Oh no, did I sleep through Thursday?  The concert!


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