Shouldn't I be feeling better?

written at 19 after a miscarriage of a much desired child

I'm supposed to be forgetting
Supposed to be feeling better.
Supposed to have this pain leave.
This pain that is always there.
I'm supposed to be getting used to this.
Used to all of this sorrow.
Used to the fact that, that for us,
There is no tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be the strong one.
I'm supposed to be sound.
I'm supposed to be the happy one
Waiting for you to come around.
I'm supposed to be holding you,
It's supposed to be you I see.
But my darling, never born child
That isn't meant to be.