Murder mystery/ rough draft/ please comment constructively :)
GREY loved coming to the Das bar after work. The plain bartender always had a smile for him as she placed his draft beer in front of him. Her mud brown hair curled at the ends and bounced a little as she walked. He would nod his head and half listen to her recap the small important moments in her life. She was a grad student, trying to save some money up before she had to pay off her student loans. The lights in the place would bounce in her hazel irises as she talked; making him wonder if everything about her bounced. She would be a great fuck- bouncy.
“Mr. Grey, would you like another?” she piped.
“Huh,” he fixed his tie nervously and grumbled no. He forced a smile, “ No thank you.”
His cheeks were red but she didn’t notice, she never did. He pulled a wad of dollar bills out of his pocket and placed it down on the bar.
“Please, Mr. Grey,” she said, “ This is too much.” She put six of the eight dollar bills back into his clammy hands and skipped into the kitchen.
When she returned Mr. Grey was gone, but the six dollars remained. She sighed and stuffed them into her pocket. Just another normal day at the Das she thought.
He shivered as he walked into his apartment, the cold reminding him that he left his cheque for the heating bill on the kitchen counter again. There were three Coors on the lower shelf of his fridge and a bottle of Absolut in the freezer. He pulled the Absolut out and grabbed a Coors to wash it down with. He never really liked drinking but his father had drank, so it gave him a sense of masculinity as he took a long swig of the Vodka and cracked open a beer. The bouncy bartender still floated in the forefront of his memory as he turned the T.V. on. He sighed, and pulled out his notebook. His notes from the morning were smudged by coffee rings but he could make out the names of the three dead men that were found by a blonde woman and her son.
“I was yellin at my boy for poking around the neighbor’s yard when he started screamin. Now, I thought he was hollerin at me so I went to whack him one good when he pointed to the dumpster. So, yea that’s when I called you guys.” Her voice echoed in his memory.
“You got here mighty fast too, want a cup of coffee? I made it myself”
He smirked as he remembered how she winked at him. If he were a less attractive man he would've been surprised by how his presence stole the attention away from the three corpses sprawled on the pavement.